3 Tips for More Intimate Lovemaking

Sex according to God’s design includes great physical pleasure, but also involves your emotions and your soul. You connect deeply and intimately with your spouse as you share something unique to your relationship: the sexual joining of your bodies that represents and nurtures your covenant love.

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In my last post, I addressed about how sex can be a spiritual experience.

But perhaps you and your beloved aren’t feeling that deep connection. Here are three quick tips for more intimate lovemaking in your marriage:

1. Explore how you like to be touched.

Your body did not come with an instruction manual on your wedding night. Your mate also does not have an innate sense of where and how you like to be touched.

While we can make some generalizations about what husbands and wives enjoy, there is plenty of variation. I think this is a gift from God—our unique differences—because it ensures that we must connect specifically and intentionally to our own spouse to have the best physical intimacy.

Take time to learn one another’s bodies. Let your beloved explore your body, and respond to what feels good. Help your spouse to grow in their knowledge of your naked beauty, so that maybe one day they could write that instruction manual! Such intimate knowledge of one another becomes a special, private connection that God has blessed you with.

2. Communicate.

It’s easy to get caught up in oohs and aahs—assuming you make noise at all in the bedroom. It can feel more awkward to converse during sex.

However, communicating can increase your sense of closeness as you say your spouse’s name, let her know that you desire her or that he arouses you, compliment her body or his potency.

Scriptures says our words should build others up:

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Ephesians 4:29 (ESV)

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Take that general biblical principle into the bedroom and build your spouse up during sexual encounters.

Of course, there may be some moments when your pleasure is so intense that you can barely put two words together. If that’s the case, good for you. I’m pretty sure your spouse will receive the message.

3. Stretch out the experience.

Allow plenty of opportunity for you both to explore, touch, and stimulate one another. If you have the time, take the time. You can stretch out your lovemaking by getting close to the peak and then slowing the action down for a bit, returning to teasing and stroking to let the pleasure wave subside a little before climbing back up.

Lovemaking is not merely about the exciting climax that you hope to reach, but the connection you two build as you engage one another physically and become one. Take pleasure not merely in the act of intercourse, but the variety of sensations you can experience together when you take your time and revel in one another’s bodies. After all, God knit you together Himself (Psalm 139:13), and there is much for your lover to delight in (Song of Songs 7:6).

Not every sexual encounter must feel like the heavens opened and angels trumpeted. Indeed, I’m a big believer in what I’ve termed “maintenance sex” and the “quickie.” But our marriages benefit from interspersing those pleasurable moments with richer, deeper sexual intimacy. Give these tips a try and enjoy the gift of sexuality from our benevolent Father.

4 thoughts on “3 Tips for More Intimate Lovemaking”

  1. I think a lot of the teaching on sex that young people get does not prepare them for marriage very well. When you wrote to tell your spouse how you like to be touched I couldn’t help but think back to when my wife and I were first married. She couldn’t tell me how she like to be touched because she didn’t know how she liked to be touched. She had never been allowed to figure out her own body. But after some frustration on both our parts we both figured it out.

    1. We’ve talked about that very thing on our Sex Chat for Christian Wives podcast–that some wives don’t even know what they want, so they have to explore for a bit and their husbands have to be a bit patient as they figure it out. Glad y’all did! Blessings.

  2. I found your blog a couple months ago. It has been life changing for me. Hubby and I were spending more and more time on our crazy cycle. It’s amazing how quickly negativity creeps in, and perpetuates more negativity. The post the opened the door for me to really shift my attitude toward sex was the one about oral sex. After that, I was hooked and have been embracing a sex-positive attitude. My husband is an amazing man. Now, I am using my brain (with God’s help) to really show him how much I love him. Thank you for what you do. I also love reading how you respond to all the comments. Lots of wisdom. God bless!

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