Tag Archives: foreplay in marriage

Newsflash, Hubbies! She Loves Foreplay.

I aim my blog primarily at wives. But this post is for the hubbies. Still, I’m hoping you wives will read along and let me know if you agree.

Guys, maybe you think that headline is not a newsflash. You already knew that about women. But have you really thought it through lately? How much focusing on the foreplay itself matters to your wife?

We wives are not stupid. We know you really like the main event. And since many men are goal-oriented by nature, it’s no surprise that plenty of husbands view foreplay as a means to an end. They see foreplay like the pre-game festivities before the kickoff and all that scoring happens.

Newsflash, Hubbies! She Loves Foreplay.

Even if the husband is incredibly wonderful at foreplay, like the Foreplay King, a wife can often sense when her husband is showing affection or pleasuring her so that he can move onto the good stuff.

But here’s the thing: To us, foreplay is the good stuff.

Not that sex isn’t good stuff too. But affection, flirting, foreplay, and sex are jumbled up together in one big, beautiful, ribbon-wrapped package. They all communicate desire and intimacy.

It’s why the one tip I’ve given husbands over and over is to slow down. Let her enjoy the full experience. And hey, you should enjoy the full experience too.

Frankly, I think we understood this better long before we were married. Can you remember back to the days when just touching a breast sounded like a dream come true? When you couldn’t wait to “cop a feel” or see her in her underwear? How about the wonder of the first time she touched you down there? In a way, those lead-up events were the event. Your nerves certainly felt some delicious tingles and satisfaction with those experiences.

Why is it we often get further into marriage and stop appreciating those moments? Have you neglected to spend the time you should on simply savoring one another’s bodies?

Maybe you need a few reminders or tips on what kind of foreplay you wife would love. Here are some ideas:

Speaking softly and longingly. Are words foreplay? I think they can be. Move close and whisper expressions of love and desire. Tell her she’s beautiful, how much she means to you, and how much you long to be “one flesh” with her. You can be as serious or as playful as you want, but express your sexual longing through sensual words.

Make out. Yes, like teenagers on the living room couch. When’s the last time you smooched just for the sake of smooching? Kiss her lips, sure, but kiss her neck, behind her ears, down her shoulders — anywhere that she likes.

Undress her slowly. Take your sweet time unbuttoning her shirt, sliding her dress off her body, inching her panties down her legs. Draw out this unveiling and make an effort to closely eye and appreciate every inch of your wife’s beautiful form. We know when you’re looking at us like you’ve ravenous wolves or art connoisseurs, so aim for the latter, please.

Touch her whole body, not just the goodies. I will contend until the day I die that one of the sexiest things about my husband is his manly hands. His touch is like no other to me. I suspect your wife appreciates your touch too, when it’s applied in a loving way. Stroke her body slowly and gently — her arms, legs, back, torso. Just make sure you spend time on other places before you move to the goodies, like her breasts and down below. Since her curves are different from yours and her skin is softer, you might find that you really enjoy this extended touching time too.

Pleasure her to orgasm. What foreplay your wife responds to is something you’ll need to figure out. Her breasts might be a major erogenous zone. Or she might love you giving her manual play with your hands and fingers. Perhaps she wants you to give her oral sex. Find out what she likes and then go to town. Downtown, that is. Stimulate her all the way to orgasm. This might take some time, and it might not even happen this time. But if you make unbelievable pleasure for her your goal, it should feel good to her regardless.

You don’t have to do all of these every time. But think about how you can really focus on foreplay and what that would mean to your wife. Wouldn’t that convey that you value her body and her pleasure? Not just what she can provide you and your climax?

Of course, I hope your wife comes through the bedroom door with the same attitude. Attending to each other’s needs and desires makes for a better sexual encounter for both of you.

Freshen Up Your Foreplay

My husband and I took swing dance classes once. It took us a while to get the basic steps down, leaving little opportunity to add much else to our repertoire. So while we can swing dance a bit, it’s mostly a 1-2-3-4 count in our heads and not a lot of flare. Although we enjoy getting out on the dance floor, it would be fun to freshen up our footwork.

Do you feel that way about sexual foreplay in your marriage? Like you’ve got your moves down, but you revisit the same 1-2-3-4 steps again and again? How can you freshen up your foreplay?

Playful couple in bed

Get Romantic. Add some romance to your repertoire. What sexual moves convey l’amour?

  • Turn on music and dance, a slow dance that arouses your senses and melds your bodies.
  • Give each other body massages or a sensual massage of your private areas. Find a massage lotion or oil you like, especially one with aromatherapy elements.
  • Take a bubble bath together. Spend time in one another’s arms soaking in the tub or soap one another up.
  • Introduce food into your sexual play, with anything from feeding one another strawberries, to teasing with whipped cream, to licking off edible body paint.
  • Light candles and set the mood for a beautiful night of lovemaking.
  • Wear something romantic, like a peignoir set (that’s the silky nightgown with matching robe), and dab on a little perfume.

Get Creative. Where haven’t you had sex that you’d like to? What positions haven’t you tried? What activities have piqued your interest that you’d like to give a go?

  • Get away from the bed for a bit. Head to the privacy of your garage and “make out” in your car’s back seat or your truck’s bed; pitch a tent in the back yard and get some lovin’ under the stars; or huddle in your closet for a hot-and-bothered session of sex.
  • Pull a chair into your bedroom and use it try to out a different sexual position — like he sits-you-straddle — or to facilitate a different angle for oral sex.
  • Grab some props. Gather a few items with texture or temperature — like a feather, heat packs, sensory massage balls, a silk scarf, an ice cube or chilled hard-boiled egg — and take turns exploring the sensations as you touch each other’s bodies with the item(s).
  • Go blindfolded. Grab bandannas and blindfold yourselves, then feel your way through the foreplay. Let your hands do the talking.

Get Playful. Don’t forget that foreplay can be a playful, even humorous, experience. Welcome mutual laughter into your marriage bed.

  • Grab a board game and figure out how to make it part of your foreplay. You can play anything from Battleship (sunk ships earn sexual goodies), to Twister (right on red, bodies entangled), to the tried-and-true Strip Poker. There are also many board games for couples focused on sex, including one of my favorites, Bliss(Note: If there’s an activity in a game you’re not comfortable with, have the caveat you’ll skip that one and try another card/roll/etc.)
  • Introduce word play into your flirtation and advances. Can you come up with puns or phrases that make you both smile and look forward to lovemaking?
  • Tickle each other. Yes, tickle. Not the way your big brother did when you were little and you cried “uncle” so he’d stop. But find those places on one another’s bodies that make you smile and giggle just a bit, and then play with them.
  • Grab a Nerf gun. It’s a good motto for life really: If all else fails, grab a Nerf gun and see how that can improve your mood. Actually. load that baby up with water and squirt away at each other.

Get Spiritual. Have you ever brought God into the bedroom in a big way? How about reminding yourselves how spiritual the sexual experience is?

  • Pull out Song of Solomon and read through together (it can be quite titillating).
  • Pray over one another’s bodies; start with the head, then extremities, torso, and finally the pleasure spots – exploring each place sensually, praying over each God-given body part, and then pleasuring that spot thoroughly before moving on.

Think out-of-the-box and come up with your own ideas to freshen your foreplay. Now what fabulous ideas can you share?

And you can find more ideas from me in Sex Savvy: A Lovemaking Guide for Christian Wives.

Sex Savvy book coverHow’s your sex savvy?

Do you want to be a hottie in the bedroom without sacrificing holiness? Would you like someone to share real-life tips on making the most of God’s gift of sexual intimacy in marriage?

J. Parker of Hot, Holy & Humorous gives candid advice for wives on everything from kissing to oral sex to orgasm to sexual positions — all from a Christian perspective.

Whether you’re a new bride finding her way around that king-sized mattress or an experienced wife who wants that mattress to sing, this book can boost your sex savvy and improve your marital intimacy.

Purchase ebook:

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