Tag Archives: Valentine’s Day gifts for your spouse

How to Make Your Valentine Gift Meaningful

blog post title + illustration of envelope with hearts come out

If I didn’t know better, I’d think the first line of Charles Dickens’s A Tale of Two Cities was actually about couples and Valentine’s Day: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…”

Yep, St. Valentine’s Day is less than a month away — the holiday that some spouses anticipate with excitement, and others dread with exasperation.

Regardless of how you approach it, I suspect you come with your own set of expectations. Maybe they are high expectations that cannot possibly be fulfilled, and maybe they are low expectations that your frustration turns into a self-fulfilled prophecy. But most of us fall somewhere in between.

I’ve written about Valentine’s Day so many times that I wondered what I could possibly say to make this holiday better for married couples. But when I asked members of my Facebook community what I should cover, a lot of answers boiled down to wanting something really meaningful.

So how can you give a meaningful gift to your spouse? What will make this the Valentine’s Day s/he will always remember?

1. Plan.

You might have wondered why I’m writing this post nearly a month before Valentine’s Day. But you may need time to brainstorm ideas, line up a babysitter (and perhaps a back-up babysitter), make a reservation, and/or purchase or make any necessary supplies.

Almost every gift I can think of that a friend happily told me about her husband getting her involved planning on his part. For example, a getaway weekend he had to book ahead of time, bidding on eBay for a treasured item from her childhood, breakfast in bed made by hubby and the children, the love letter he wrote.

As Benjamin Franklin purportedly said, “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” Instead, plan ahead.

2. Prioritize.

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a hundred times: I don’t care if this holiday means absolutely nothing to you or you think it’s supremely stupid — if it’s important to your spouse, you need to make something happen. Because that’s love, people. “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves” (Romans 12:10).

That also means that you must prioritize your time. Clear your calendar to make time with your spouse. You can’t fully connect with your spouse if you can’t disconnect from the other stuff pulling you apart.

You can't fully connect with your spouse if you can't disconnect from the other stuff pulling you apart. Click To Tweet

If you can’t celebrate on Valentine’s Day, pick another day around the same time. But figure out when you can carve out time to be together and then make that happen.

3. Pursue.

One reader commented that she wanted “almost like a ‘take me back to our honeymoon days’ kind of post. I feel so overwhelmed with responsibility in life I sometimes forget the exciting and fun side of things.” I know she’s not alone.

Remember when you were falling in love? When you first held hands or felt that flicker of this could be the one? Remember how excited you were just to be together?

Scientifically speaking, those fluttery feelings involved some brain chemicals that aren’t at the same levels now after being so familiar with one another. But the beauty of our brains is that we can renew those feelings by introducing special moments and pairing them with our spouse. Essentially, you need the attitude that you’re still pursuing your spouse.

Romantic pursuit can be passionate or playful. It can make you burst out in laughter, weep with deep emotion, or simply savor the moments. It can be grand gestures or cozy comfort. It’s whatever romance means to you and your beloved.

But regardless of what form it takes, pursuing your spouse doesn’t simply mark off the box of “I’m married to you” or “I thought of you.” It wholeheartedly communicates “I love you, I want you, and I’d do it all over again.” You’ll know it’s more meaningful when your gift conveys that message.

4. Personalize.

If my husband paid attention to all the statements that women love getting flowers, he’d miss the mark. It’s not that I don’t like getting flowers — which is nice — but it’s not all that meaningful to me. Other gifts have meant far more to me, like when my husband saw me admire a piece of art in a store and it showed up as my gift at the next holiday. He paid attention to what I really like.

Likewise, you have to personalize your gift to your spouse. I’ve given a lot of gift ideas in the past, but you have to look at such lists with knowledge of the person you’re married to:

13 Sexy Valentine’s Gifts from Your Grocery Store
7 Sexy Valentine’s Gifts You Can Make
“Go Big” Valentine’s Gifts for Your Spouse
8 Cool Valentine’s Gifts for Your Hot Hubby
8 Sweet Valentine’s Gifts for Your Spicy Wife

Think about previous gifts or experiences your spouse has had. When did you see your spouse light up? What fond memory have they recounted many times over? What interests, talents, and dreams does your spouse have? How can your gift honor the person they are?

Those are my four tips for giving a meaningful gift: Plan, Prioritize, Pursue, and Personalize.

I can’t leave without mentioning that sex should be very meaningful in your marriage. And right now both of my books, Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage and Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design, have sales right now on the ebook. Only $2.99! This is a great time to get one or both and get ideas for improving the sex in your marriage, and making sure your Valentine’s Day is meaningfully intimate as well.

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What I Really Want for Valentine’s Day (Maybe You Do Too)

I’ve mentioned more than once on my blog that I’m not super-big on Valentine’s Day. Maybe it was ruined for me the year a high school boyfriend gave me a dozen roses in a thick glass vase, and two weeks later they all died on the same day. It was such a letdown, especially when I found out how much they cost and that I could have had a long-lasting outfit or a great pair of shoes for that kind of money.

Call me too practical.

But I don’t think I’m unromantic. I enjoy romance! It just doesn’t always look like what other people’s romance looks like. Which makes me think we should extend our definition of romance in our marriages and for Valentine’s.

So what do I really want for Valentine’s Day? And are any of my ideas what you might want from your spouse?

What I Really Want for Valentine's Day (Maybe You Do Too)

A lingering kiss. I’m talking about that long, soft-lipped kiss that says your spouse’s lips are the only ones you ever want to touch. The type of kiss that feels sweet and passionate all at once. The sort of kiss a fairy tale prince or warrior would plant on his beloved when they finally escape certain peril and find one another.

A hand-picked bunch of flowers. Here in Texas, you’d better make sure you don’t pick any bluebonnets, because picking the state flower on public land is a crime. But there are plenty of places where you could likely yank a few naturally growing flowers from the ground or clip some from a bush and bring them home to your honey. Me? I have a weakness for daisies, which always strike me as a cheerful flower.

A slow dance in our bedroom. I love being held in my husband’s arms and swaying in tandem. We don’t need great dance moves or perfect rhythm or even music playing. Sometimes he just takes me in his arms and sings (off-key) while we dance and I swoon.

A sexy greeting card. There are some very clever greeting cards out there for spouses to exchange, and quite a few of them are flirty, suggestive, or even seductive. I like the idea of my husband picking out the perfect card to say “I want you always…starting right here and now.”

A sightseeing excursion. We’ve done dinner and/or a movie plenty. But my best memories with my husband are when we’ve traveled or gone to museums or visited local attractions. We walk hand-in-hand, see interesting sights, and enjoy great discussions. We spend quality time together. And we don’t do it often enough.

A handwritten letter or poem. My favorite gift ever from my husband is a poem he wrote for my birthday one year. Poetically speaking, it’s bad. But in terms of my intimacy with him, it’s beautiful and unforgettable. He stepped way out of his comfort zone to write something for me he knew I’d like. And if he wants to do something like that every decade or so, that would be just fine with me.

A day in bed. Yes, an entire day that we spend in bed together. We could hole ourselves up in our bedroom and do everything from the cushy, cozy spot of our mattress: Watch TV or movies, eat snacks and meals, read books, have conversations, take an afternoon nap, and — oh yeah — get physically intimate. Maybe more than once.

Are any of these are your wish list? What other ideas would you love for your spouse to gift you with this Valentine’s Day?

And here are some other ideas from previous posts:

What to Get Your Husband for V-Day
13 Sexy Valentine’s Gifts from Your Grocery Store
7 Sexy Valentine’s Gifts You Can Make
“Go Big” Valentine’s Gifts for Your Spouse
8 Cool Valentine’s Gifts for Your Hot Hubby
8 Sweet Valentine’s Gifts for Your Spicy Wife
Valentine’s Day for the Rest of Us

“Go Big” Valentine’s Gifts for Your Spouse

Well, it’s almost Valentine’s Day. Thus, it’s the season to celebrate our romantic love, consider the depth of our commitment to our spouse . . . and then scratch our heads and wonder what on earth to get this year that communicates how we feel. Would flowers do it? A box of chocolate? A night of passionate sex?

You can access past posts from me with specific gift ideas, as well as taking a look at Christmas stocking stuffer ideas that might work for Valentine’s, but I thought I’d share some of the best “Go Big” gifts I’ve personally heard about: Big-impact ideas people I know have successfully carried out. Maybe the rest of us (especially non-romantic types) can learn a thing or two.

Woman holding large red heart + blog post title

The Getaway Weekend.

“Come, my beloved, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages” (Song of Songs 7:11).

Getting away from your daily demands and household stresses can be a lovely gift for your marriage. Having an entire date weekend can provide the opportunity to enjoy one another’s companionship and remind yourselves exactly why you two fell in love. (Hint: It wasn’t because he kills the spiders. The Orkin man does that too.)

Think about whether your spouse is one who likes surprises or wants time to prepare, and plan your weekend accordingly. You could scoop up your spouse, hand them already-packed luggage or give them a short time to pack, and then sweep them off to a surprise destination. Or you could have several possibilities picked out from which he can choose, or gift them with a certificate for a getaway weekend.

Make sure you also consider what kind of weekend you and your spouse would enjoy. You may think staying in a cute cottage inn near quaint shopping venues is marvelous, but if your guy is partial to hunting, fishing, and the Great Outdoors, only one of you will be happy. Plan a weekend that meets your mutual interests, or even leans in favor of your spouse’s desires. In fact, bless them with a generous offer to attend an event you wouldn’t prefer, but you’re willing to do to spend time with your spouse and give them greater joy.

The Vow Renewal.

“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame” (Song of Songs 8:6).

About 90% of wives I’ve polled said they would do their wedding differently if given a second chance. (Most would do something simpler, less costly, more intimate.) A few couples have done exactly that: Taken a second chance to say their wedding vows through a renewal ceremony. This can be a formal event or a casual experience. In fact, at one marriage retreat I attended, the speaker led all the couples through reciting their marriage vows again.

You can book a location and a minister and invite friends; make it a small ceremony with just you, your beloved, and an officiant; or merely create a romantic setting and repeat your vows in private. If your spouse would rather be part of the planning, provide a gift certificate for the renewal ceremony of her choice.

Also consider this opportunity to promise specific things you’ve learned you should work on, such as “I promise to kiss you every morning and hold you close every night” or “I promise to pray for you daily.” Tailor the vows to your particular marriage and recommit to however-many more years of pursuing marital bliss.

The Childhood Memory.

“And he said: ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven’ ” (Matthew 18:3).

One of the things you signed up for when you said “I Do” is hearing your spouse’s stories. Sometimes they even tell the same story from their childhood two, three, or fifty times. Hopefully some of those stories are wistful ones that reach back to a simpler time of childhood when fresh wonder and deep laughter came easily. Now how about a gift that lets your husband (or wife) know you listened and you value their good memories?

I know one husband who gifted a vintage board game his wife used to love playing as a child, and another wife who (rather competitively) bid to get a toy her husband had once owned and regretted giving away. Another couple took a trip to the wife’s childhood home and let her soak in the memories as they toured her old stomping grounds and she related even more detailed recollections.

What happy events does your spouse talk about from childhood? What possessions did they treasure, or what objects or experiences did they long to have? What created a sense of wonder and joy in their youth, and what gift could represent that? Perhaps you can give a childhood memory.

The Love Letter.

“Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24).

I’m partial to the written word. (Can you tell?) One of the couples I know who experienced a love letter as a gift was this one right here — me and my husband. Spock (logical hubby’s nickname) stepped way outside his comfort zone and wrote me a love poem one year. It remains my favorite gift from him, because of how heartfelt and meaningful it was.

The poetry wasn’t good, so don’t worry about your writing skills. Simply express your heart on the page. (By the way, I cover How to Write a Love Letter more in Sex Savvy.) Or if the page isn’t your thing, make a video love letter, serenade your beloved with a song, or put together a slide show expressing your beautiful memories and/or future dreams. However you wish to deliver your message is fine; simply make the effort to be personal and passionate with the love letter.

The Sensual Body Experience.

“How beautiful you are and how pleasing, my love, with your delights!” (Song of Songs 7:6)

How awesome would it be to come home to a candlelight dinner, or a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, or rose petals on the bed? How nice would it be for your spouse to delay their own gratification to spend additional time plunging you into a feast of sensations through deep massage or a foamy bubble bath or feeding one another delicious fruits or chocolates? How about an extra-long, head-to-toe lovemaking session that focuses on exploring and arousing one another’s bodies as much as possible? Anyone like these ideas?

I’ve only heard hints from couples I know about this gift of the sensuous body experience, because we really don’t need to be sharing details. But I know some have gone to great lengths to prepare the atmosphere and create a romantic setting for their intimate time together.

What would bless your spouse in this regard? What activities stimulate their five senses and demonstrate your higher-and-deeper love? Remember to make this a gift for both of you. You can create not only a beautiful, intimate experience, but a memory that will bring smiles to both of you for years to come.

These are some of the best “go big” marriage gifts I personally heard about, but there are many more. What ideas do you have for Valentine’s Day or any other gift time in marriage?

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Of course, you can add a marital intimacy book to your gift package! Like this one…Intimacy Revealed Cover

What does the Bible say about sexual intimacy?

Quite a lot actually. From marriage-specific scriptures to biblical principles, Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage guides Christian wives through weekly devotions that shed light on God’s gift of marital sex.

Each week includes a Bible passage, application, questions, and a prayer. These short devotions will deepen your understanding of God’s design of sexuality and encourage you toward a holier, happier, and hotter marriage.

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