Oral Sex: Better to Give and Receive, Part Deux

Quick note: One very clinical illustration below may still make this post unsafe for viewing at your workplace. Just wanted to give fair warning.

In my last post, I introduced the topic of cunnilingus — that is, oral sex performed on a woman. I discussed whether this practice is okay with God and why a married couple might want to engage in it. Today I’m covering the more practical side: If you do have oral sex, how can a wifeΒ make it feel as good as possible?

Meanwhile, at this point, I think I need to get the t-shirt. What do you think?

Oh no, you didn't! t-shirt
from Spreadshirt.com

What do you need to do to enjoy receiving oral sex? Just “lie back and think of tinglin’? Sort of. Yes. What I mean is that you need to relax. A wife who has never engaged in or been unable to enjoy receiving oral sex may tense when her husband starts to “go down” on her. We have all kinds of thoughts: Do I want his mouth on my girly parts? Is this clean? What do I smell like down there? What do I look like down there? Eyes up here, buddy; don’t look at my thunder thighs! Does this make me a slut? What does God think of this? What do I think of this?

If those are the wife’s thoughts (and many more because our brains are like tidal waves much of the time), here is what the husband is thinking: Sex. Wife. Vulva. Sweet. Love.

If only we could live in a guy brain for a minute or two, we could relax too.

Much like I suggested in my post about how to orgasm (If Only I Could O), you have to shut off the distractions, train yourself to open up to the sensations your body is feeling, and go with the flow. Let your husband turn you on. When you open your body up to him and to sexual pleasure, you are beautiful and sexy to him.

How can you help it go well? Learn your body. Know your anatomy and where it is likely to feel good. Below is a diagram of a woman’s genitals for your information. (Believe me when I say that I look for the most clinical diagram I can find to avoid any visual titillation here.) The most pleasurable part of a woman’s anatomy is the clitoris, a knobby bit of flesh at the top of the genitalia. Doctors and researchers report that this area must be stimulated directly or indirectly for a woman to orgasm. But the labia minora are also quite sensitive to touch.

Female genitals illustration

pic from American Academy of Pediatrics

As you think about what feels good, give directions. Not as in, “a little to the left, buddy. No, not there! Ouch. Can’t you do anything right? The left, the left!” Gently let your husband know what feels good. You can moan, groan, whisper, ooh, aah, talk, gyrate, purr, or even roar — whatever suits your fancy. You can adjust his head so that his lips and tongue contact you in a delightful place. You can use your hand to open up your vaginal lips and give him more direct access. Some wives (and husbands) swear by shaving or waxing that area to increase sensation and arousal (see Trimming the Hedges); some wives are not comfortable with that. Also, you might want to take a bath or shower beforehand to make sure everything is clean down there and smells nice.

You may wish to talk to your husband ahead of time. Let him know he needs to go slow. It does not feel good to most wives to have hubby go down and start brashly licking or sucking the clitoris. We need time to build up. He can begin by kissing your lips, your body, your thighs, and then move to the genital area. The lips and tongue should be used to tease for a while before pressure is increased. After a while of slow stimulation, you may want him to increase the speed and/or pressure of his mouth’s action against your skin.

Will you climax? Maybe. Cunnilingus is one of the easier ways for a woman to experience an orgasm — because the focus is on her and the clitoris can receive direct stimulation. Whether you climax or not, oral sex is likely to feel good to most wives who wish to have the experience.

Some couples use oral sex as foreplay. In fact, when a wife approaches climax, she may feel a strong desire for penetration. You can allow climax to occur during oral stimulation from your husband or move to intercourse and perhaps experience an orgasm after entry. For women, there are no guarantees for having an orgasm during sexual encounters. In fact, that’s not the purpose of marital intimacy. It is about closeness and pleasure. The paradox is that if you focus on your relationship and pleasurable sensations, you are more likely to have that orgasm.

Now I know I will get comments to this post! I want to say how tickled I was at the tone of the comments for my “blow job” post. Those who commented were respectful, frank, helpful, encouraging, and not inappropriately graphic. So what do you have to say on this subject? What do you like or dislike about oral sex? Have you tried cunnilingus in your marriage? And husbands, please share what you enjoy about the experience.

64 thoughts on “Oral Sex: Better to Give and Receive, Part Deux

  1. Tosh

    J, I thank God for you and for the gift he has given you to communicate so well and candidly on matters that many people struggle with.

    I thoroughly enjoy your writing and I learn a lot (this is a husband). Initially I’d send the blog links with my wife as I thought she’d share my enthusiasm until one day she put it bluntly to me; she felt like I was pressuring her and indirectly telling her she wasn’t good enough in the bedroom. That crushed me as it was never the intention and I’ve been thinking and praying about how she can still benefit from the immense wisdom that comes thro this blog.

    This series on oral sex has been awesome. My wife doesn’t mind giving it (though occasionally) but she really doesn’t like receiving. For the most part I think it has to do with the hundreds of thoughts as you’ve described at the beginning of this article. Yet the few times I got to do this for her (many years ago) I so totally loved it. After reading this, I’ve purposed to gradually re-introduce the topic, discuss it with her and maybe she may give it another shot. Be blessed!

    1. J

      Thanks, Tosh, for the compliment and encouragement. Now I’m thinking I should write a post titled, “You ARE good enough in the bedroom. Now get to it!” What do you think? πŸ˜‰

      My advice to husbands is usually to discuss your sex life outside the bedroom and make sure you spend plenty of time communicating with your wife in the way she wants first. You hardly want to start date night with, “So I was thinking we could try this new position?” Seriously, Prince Charming would not approach it that way.

      Many wives in fact need a lot of reassurance that you adore who they are and your desire for sex is not to get her to live up to an unrealistic ideal but you want to express your deep love through deep physical intimacy. Take your time. Pray about it. Be patient and loving. But do talk about it.

      Best wishes!

    2. Anonymous

      Please do consider doing something with a post like that if you haven’t already. I know my wife would say the same thing. She wouldn’t look upon it as educational, mildly entertaing or inspirational. Inadequate would be her first response and she would shut down and be mad at me for sending a link or cut and pasting into an email or printing out. I’m sure it is deeper than just sex, but it is a limiting attitude in so many areas. Some people just aren’t that curious or feel things are just fine, “The sex is great for me.” Yeah, cheeseburgers are tasty, but I do like to eat other things and some of them better than cheesebrugers. Dave 2

  2. Anonymous

    My husband loves to give me oral sex. I generally have all those thoughts going through my head that you mentioned above. But- he told me he truly likes to do it & I enjoy it all my insecurities aside, and so I just believe him when he says he enjoys it as much as I do- well, maybe not *quite* as much as I do. πŸ™‚
    Sometimes the lubrication that results from it makes the rest of it all the more pleasurable when dryness is an issue.

    1. J

      I agree that sitting around and evaluating this a lot would make plenty of people wonder why this is even appealing. (Thus, my ice cream cone example.) Thanks!

  3. Leisel

    I love giving and receiving oral sex. However my husband is a bit hesitant to give it – he apparently has a “gag reflex” that kicks into play. It is very disappointing to me as I enjoy it so much. Are there any tips on making it a bit more enjoyable to him (cleaning and shaving aside – check and check)? It is disappointing and in spite of my talking to him about it, it’s a no-go.

    1. J

      I don’t want to respond prematurely. I’ll reply to this question soon (perhaps tomorrow)! Thanks, Leisel.

    2. J

      You might want to ask what’s triggering the gag reflex. If it’s taste, check my comment below about smell/taste. If your husband simply has an overactive gag reflex, he can resist it by breathing through his nose, humming (although I guess that might feel weird mid-cunnilingus), or using a throat-numbing spray before engaging. (I checked to make sure you could find such a spray from a Christian retailer. Indeed, a product called Comfortably Numb is available from ThePureBed.com and likely others.)

      Also, you may want to incorporate oral sex rather than make it the main event. That is, perhaps he can stimulate you with his mouth some and then let his fingers do the walking. Remember that the goal is closeness as much as pleasure, so try to find a win-win.

      Best wishes! I hope this helps.

    3. Anonymous

      You mentioned “humming” above in your reply in response to a gag reflex but it’s awesome when he hums on you while giving oral. Feels like a warm, soft vibrator.

    4. J

      Okay, the quirky side of me wants to ask: “What’s he humming? Beethoven? Led Zeppelin? Ol’ Blue Eyes Sinatra? What’s appropriate to hum while you’re doing that???”

      Don’t answer. It’s rhetoric…I think.

  4. Do Not Disturb Blog

    It took many years for me to silence all those thoughts in my head and relax enough to experience what my husband wanted to give me as a gift and an expression of his love and affection. Funny things is, by that time I was so secure in my relationship with him that I never once doubted when he told me he wanted to pleasure me in this way.

    Megan

    1. J

      This seems to be a recurring theme, Megan: Most wives instinctively resist that level of sexual vulnerability unless we also have relational security. Great point!

  5. Anonymous

    [The following comment has been edited slightly.]
    In the beginning, when I would asked to do cunnilingus, my wife would say things like, I have to shower, It smells down there, there is to much hair etc. After a while she began to understand that all those things were important to her and not to me. I loved her so much I wanted her, because I didn’t smell anything wrong with how she smelled, I just loved how she smelled and tasted. Nowadays (married 21 years) she isn’t embarrassed to ask for cunnilingus and if I want to do it I will just say it in advance so she can decide what to do, shower and clean or not. She has to be at ease with the situation so she can enjoy to the fullest. She may have 3 to 4 orgasms, before she stops me, because after 3 to 4 times of coming her whole body gets oversensitive and I can just touch her any part of her body to send her on a full body orgasm. [One sentence removed here.] I love to [do this to] my wife and see the pleasure and excitement I give her. This makes me feel loved to see her so vulnerable and open to receive my gift to her.

    1. J

      I ADORE that last sentence: “This makes me feel loved to see her so vulnerable and open to receive my gift to her.” It IS so vulnerable for wives, and it is a gift to make the other person the focus of sexual pleasure. Beautifully put. Congrats on 21 years!

    2. Anonymous

      When I become that sensitive I push through & allow my hubby to continue because it has given me orgasms that are like thunder in my loins lol. He can give me 12-15 orgasm if I allow him. We have literally enjoyed oral all night. What a great gift between a couple.

  6. Anonymous

    Giving my wife “oral pleasures” is a huge turn on – for me too. It is the easiest, nearly no-fail way for her to orgasm. The smell and taste of her juices, the sight of her fleshy girl parts, the incredibly smooth and slick feel of her lubricated labia, and the sounds of her reaching orgasm and moaning . . . I think that covers all 5 senses. Sometimes it gets to the point where I can’t hold myself back and end up climaxing myself. For women concerned about how they smell down there, I would think nobody wants to be foul-smelling, but I actually prefer that my wife not shower immediately before. I want her vulva to have that nice musky womanly scent.

  7. Jen

    I’m pretty good at giving oral sex – my husband calls me a “natural”, although what really happened was that I had no idea what to do the first time so I researched researched researched! πŸ™‚ And I do shave everything off down there – it feels sexier, to us anyway, and he likes to be able to see everything. As for receiving….it’s hard for me to be that vulnerable! It’s hard for me to relax and just enjoy it. It would probably be a wonderful thing, though, to finally allow myself to be that vulnerable with him.

    1. J

      A “natural,” huh? LOL. That word “vulnerable” appears again! We wives do feel so open in that moment. It can be hard to get totally comfortable with it. Thanks for sharing, Jen.

    2. Jenny

      So we finally engaged in this last night…..actually, his idea. And it was amazing. Oh my gosh. It was strange at first because of the whole vulnerability thing, but he really enjoyed doing that for me and said it smelled good and tasted sweet…..after awhile I relaxed and found it to be extremely enjoyable. And then, wow, the sex (vaginal intercourse) after that! It was wave after wave of orgasm! Actually he’s having his guy time right now, but I’m so turned on thinking about it that I’m considering interrupting him to drag him in here.

      I can’t believe it took ten years to realize how incredible that is….

  8. Wife

    I really enjoy your blog; so many great reads on here!! Glad I found you through love, honour, and vacuum. πŸ™‚

    And this subject…it’s like I’m looking wistfully through a front shop window, wishing I could enjoy this. The feeling and intimacy is amazing! Unfortunately, our first time trying this out (being very newly wed), my husband actually made a comment about the smell of my sex. He was formerly addicted to pornography in a very serious way (praise God for His amazing grace to give my husband victory over it now), but he had such an expectation of what the experience “should” be. (Expexting it to smell unlike a woman aroused? He also performed it as I imagine it looks in porno….more for show, not the woman’s…the WIFE’S enjoyment. Not ice cream cone in the least.)

    Anyway, how on earth do you come back from that? It’s been a few years now. But on top of all those questions you mentioned above, I also have running through my mind that memory, yikes.

    1. J

      Oh my goodness, I love Sheila at To Love, Honor and Vacuum. Isn’t she great?!!

      I posted a comment below about smell that might help. As far as his prior performance, I suggest you talk about it away from the bedroom. Tell him that you’re interested in trying it again, but you want to talk about what feels good before he starts. You might even suggest having a single-syllable code word (“fruit,” “heart,” whatever) that you can use in the middle of cunnilingus if it is uncomfortable in some way. Then he can stop, regroup, and try again. Stress that this will be a learning experience for both of you and that you don’t want it to be about “getting it right” but about discovering one another. Sex in marriage is definitely a learning experience, and it can be so much better in this context because we can take the time to communicate, learn one another’s bodies, study our partner’s likes and dislikes, and adapt and grow together.

      By the way, if future experiences are much better, you’ll find that they’ll quickly crowd out that original memory. Maybe at some point, you and the hubs will even laugh about it. Blessings!

  9. kris

    I am one of the lucky ones, my husband LOVES to do this, I almost wanted to be anonymous to add my comment, but I’ll put it out there….he says he loves the way I taste and smell, so it’s enjoyable for all. Do not worry about all of that, just make sure you’re clean and relax and enjoy!! (keeping the area bare helps too. I was a bit reluctant to do that, but did as a birthday surprise for him one year and I’ve never gone back! πŸ™‚ ) I need one of those shirts too! You did a great post on the subject as usual J!

    1. J

      I’m wondering if I should have the t-shirt company as an affiliate link! I might get a nice kick-back from pushing their tee. πŸ˜‰ Thanks for sharing, Kris.

    2. Jenny

      Kris, I was the same way – a bit reluctant at first to shave EVERYTHING off, because I thought that was just something he got from porn. I also did it as a birthday surprise! It feels amazing, and it only takes a second to do in the shower every day.

  10. J

    Since smell keeps coming up, I thought I’d add a little more here. The female lubricant is slightly acidic and can be made more pungent with the consumption of meat, fish, dairy, alcohol, and tobacco. Certain spices and fruits make it taste sweeter — such as ginger, cinnamon, banana, and especially pineapple.

    If, however, the smell and taste are offensive, a wife should check with her doctor. A vaginal bacterial infection can cause a strong odor.

    While I don’t generally recommend reading Glamour magazine, the following article was helpful in my research: http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2010/05/whats-up-with-smells-and-taste.html.

    1. Jenny

      That’s neat, I didn’t know that certain things can make it taste sweeter! Do strawberries? I love strawberries. I love pineapples and bananas too, though. I’ve read that cinnamon is really good for you, so maybe I should add more of that to my diet.

      Thanks for sharing that!

  11. Salina

    First off, I love that shirt! Secondly, I love giving and receiving when it comes to oral sex. It’s a feeling like no other and my hubby knowing he can give me that turns him on even more, it’s a twofer! I really feel it brings us closer in sex. For any woman hesitant about it, I say do not be and if you are worried about smell or anything, like others said, just make sure you’re clean. Taking a bath (together) is a great way to do that! Just remember to relax and enjoy the amazingness! =o)

    1. J

      Ha! I’m starting to wonder if I’ll eventually spot a blog reader in the grocery store just because she’s wearing the “Oh No, You Didn’t!” t-shirt. Wouldn’t that be great?! LOL.

      Thanks for the advice for hesitant wives. Taking a bath (or shower) together is definitely a nice idea.

  12. Anonymous

    I love giving my wife oral. I would agree with Kris’ husband that the taste and smell makes it more enjoyable. The best part is knowing that my wife is enjoying herself.

    1. J

      Many times, we wives don’t recognize how important it is to husbands that we wives are experiencing intense pleasure through sex. I love your comment that it’s the best part. Blessings!

  13. Anonymous

    wow the subject is runing hot around here!!! But the truth is that there’s nothing that can activate so many parts of the brain as an orgasm. Now going “down there” is something more pleasurable then just sex at least for a guy. Because I enjoy doing it to my wife as she is very satisfied sexually…..seeing her like that turns me on!!!! Make no mistakes God knew what He was doing when He created forplay, husband persuiting wifes, and sex. There is no mistake when God made the Vagina people. The Vagina have its own smell that naturally should excite a husband. If you wife is over weight it might be a bit different; it might require often cleaning before forplay. Talked out with your wife and creat a atmosfere of relaxing intimacy. Don’t forget we mens most of the times need a place they need a reason for a great sex. Great site, awsome participation, hope everybody is growing with everyone experiences.

    1. J

      Thanks for sharing the husband perspective! I knew this was true somewhat, but I’m still surprised by how much husbands adore seeing their wives in ecstacy.

      I do have to say that I can’t imagine what weight has to do with smell. In all of my research, I NEVER saw anything about that. I’d hate to give wives who already struggle with body image the sense that they might smell bad. I doubt that. But most wives seem to prefer cleaning beforehand anyway.

    2. Anonymous

      I think you are absolutely right….. What I meant was leaning more on a common sense of perspiration perspective not on body image; I would never intentionally hurt anyone on my comment. My wife is over weight but I am not. Thank you for your feminine opinion side and correction

    3. J

      Thanks for clarifying that! I so appreciate it. Frankly, the husbands I talk to don’t seem to mind if their wives are carrying a few extra pounds; they still think their wives are hot and want to have sex with them.

      (P.S. Of course I advocate a woman taking care of her body and pursuing health. In fact, many wives report having better sex when they exercise regularly. Okay, now I’m digressing…)

  14. Qtpies7

    Wonderful article! I am a Christian wife who sells Pure Romance and I have been making it my mission to help women accept their beauty and sexuality in the bedroom! God made us to be perfectly compatible in this area! We just have to get past our brains to enjoy it. I am surprised that no one brought up Song of Solomon. It is quite sexy and it speaks of oral in a round about way, but with words of floral and fruits, meaning the men LOVE our bodies, looks, smell and taste! We are made for them!
    I struggled for a long, long time, but I have discovered that receiving oral is extremely important for my husband’s feelings. He WANTS to do it. He enjoys every bit of it, from taste and smell to the sight of me enjoying it. I had to get over my insecurities and give him that gift. (he thinks he is giving ME a gift, but it works both ways, lol)
    I also have discovered through working with women, that men who have the love language of words of affirmation are extremely fulfilled when we let go and make some noise! It doesn’t need to be “words” because even moans are affirming to a man. πŸ™‚

    1. J

      I did mention Song of Solomon in the first post on this subject. But yes, it’s a great resource, and I believe (as many do) that there are references to specific sexual acts. I think it is true that for wives, making ourselves so vulnerable is a gift to our husbands. And then our husbands gift us back with pleasure. What a lovely way to think of it.

  15. Jasanna

    Thanks so much for writing this. πŸ™‚ I’m now a devoted follower! My husband hadn’t ever done cunnilingus, but we experimented yesterday. LOL. It definitely helps when I do certain things like trimming the hedges and using feminine cleansing cloths before. Every guy is probably a bit different. πŸ™‚ But we successfully had quite an enjoyable and close time together. It was hard for us to know what was “right” too before the Lord, because Christians just don’t openly talk about this stuff!! But I totally agree with your reasoning and love the post about the gospel in the bedroom! πŸ™‚ It was very tough for me to get relaxed though and not feel like saying “are you sure you’re ok doing this?” Hard for me to just enjoy and praise God for what he’s created. Something I have to work on. πŸ™‚

    1. J

      Thanks, Jasanna. One of the best things about God’s plan for sexuality in marriage is that we have time to discover and explore one another. We don’t have to make it an A+ plus experience the first time (or the 2nd or 44th); we can take our time and learn what makes us feel good, loved, and connected. Enjoy!

  16. thop

    Great article….one thing I have noticed with my body is that I have a more bitter taste right before I start my menstrual cycle. After my cycle is over, it is a sweeter taste. I realized this when we were making love and I just couldn’t get aroused with regular penetration, so, I switched to oral on him. It was a real turn on for the both of us to go from being inside of me to having my mouth on him with some of my natural lube already there. So it became more part of our normal and I started to notice the pattern. So, some variation in taste may have to do with natural hormonal flucuations, at least in my opinion. πŸ™‚

  17. Wren

    Wife here. My hubby and I love giving and receiving oral! I’ve read this whole series and loved it even though we are well versed in this topic. I’ve noticed for myself that being “upside down” has a different sensation and gets me to climax faster. Also, you can help your hubby know what you want my moving you body in the direction you want. Slightly pushing up against his face or scooting to the left or right. Keeps the mood going without saying exactly what you want. Also Pure Romance has some flavored creamy lubes that are dee-lish for the hormonal change tastes. Not sure if anyone mentioned this or not but if it’s your first time doing this you may get super wet so putting a washcloth under you may help so as not to get soaking wet sheets. Especially if it’s right before bedtime.

    Thats all I got. LOVE you blog!! Thanks for all your posts.

  18. Dave

    I cannot express how much pleasure it gives me to go down on my wife but I havent had a chance to do so in about 4 years or more. So I recently asked her why she never wants me to go down on her anymore and she said she’s afraid of thrush. I also remembered a doctor friend mentioning that the mouth bacteria and vaginal bacteria are very different and can result in unexpected reactions on some women. Is this a common thing? Is there a way around it? I would be so thrilled if I can find a way to give oral to my sweetheart and yet know that she’s not at risk of a thrush infection. God bless you J for your ministry into the most intimate part of our lives.

    1. J

      Curious. I did a little research. Thrush is a yeast infection that can develop in the mouth and throat and on the tongue. While it can be spread through oral sex, it doesn’t appear to be all that common. You might take a look at this article about the differences between mouth and vaginal bacteria: http://std.about.com/od/prevention/f/Is-There-A-Relationship-Between-Yeast-Infections-Thrush-And-Oral-Sex.htm

      If your wife has recurrent yeast infections, there may indeed be cause for concern. If not, you may be able to reassure her through good oral hygiene, especially right before cunnilingus. If she does get infected, thrush can be treated with anti-fungal medication.

      Good luck, Dave.

  19. Anonymous

    I adore blessing my wife with a back rub,then a foot rub that slowly moves to kissing upward her legs, then moving into a leisurely paced OS plateau, being careful not to move too quickly to climax, using my caressing hands on breasts or genitals, and even a vibrator which either one of us operate. When she holds my head while I’m pleasuring her I know she’s ready for fireworks. I love being that close to her huge shudder and hearing her say, “that was the best”.

  20. Anonymous

    I am a newlywed, and my hubby convinced me to let him try oral on me. Neither of us care much for orally pleasing him, but we both love it when he does to me. On the subject of cleaning down there, ladies: I was surprised no one mentioned letting the hubby clean for you. Then he can control how much smell there is just to his liking. ;). Thanks for a very helpful blog, J!

  21. Anonymous

    Some nights my hubs will lick me and have given me up to 12 orgasm. Normally after a couple of O’s I wiill squirt (I don’t know a better way to say that) & black out a little anyone else encounter this.

    1. J

      Yes, I’ve read about women “blacking out” with extreme or multiple orgasm. It doesn’t seem to pose a problem; it’s just a weird experience some wives have.

    2. desiringdiscipline

      In my 20s, I had such forceful orgasms that I did “squirt.” A very caring lover made me feel OK about this by delighting in it… since internet, I’ve learned many women do have this intensity due to stimulation of the “G Spot” and something called the “skeen’s gland” that gives off a type of ejaculate. However it can feel strange and you worry it’s urine (it’s not), and you need to feel your lover “gets” that. It can happen with both oral or manual stimulation.

      Sigh…my hubby will not do oral (even tho he receives it willingly and lovingly from me), claiming a very sensitive sense of taste… and I’ve never had squirting orgasms with him (I’m sure he’d freak). Lucky you! It is one of the most intense and intimate experiences in the world. I love my husband, but it makes me sad that I can’t have that intensity with him. I’m not totally giving up and am gathering up the nerve to find flavors to help that out (BTW, I have “tasted” me and I’m not getting what his issue is… this man eats just about anything, so I truly believe it’s more mental for him). I just know that it will take me a while to relax and not worry it’s an unpleasant chore for him. Wow, God bless you husbands who love it. I’ve had to fantacize about it for 20 years.

    3. J

      It’s my understanding that certain foods can effect the taste, desiring. You might do some research on that.

    1. J

      For those reading this who don’t know what a “rim job” is, a rim job, or anilingus, is anal-oral contact, where one partner uses their mouth or tongue on the other’s anus. I’m rather reluctant about anal contact as part of the sexual arena. I know some other Christian authors (e.g., Lorraine Pintus and Linda Dillow) have said anal contact is allowable because the Bible does not specifically forbid it. Others, like Joe Beam, believe that anal sex in particular is harmful and thus off the okay list. I don’t personally buy the “not forbidden so allowed” argument because a lot of things aren’t specifically forbidden in scripture but they are discernible through Biblical principles and common sense. Moving on…

      Since not causing harm to your mate is one of the caveats of a quality sex life, the anus can be rather problematic. It is not a basically clean area like the urinary and vaginal openings. It is bacteria-ridden by nature and would need to be incredibly clean. Also, if gynecologists warn women about wiping from back to front after defecating, then going from anal to vaginal contact would obviously be a concern for infection.

      Anal contact in sex seems to be increasing in popularity, or at least curiosity. My advice is to be careful. You need to consider your desire to engage in this activity and the precautions you would need to take. I can’t say it’s flat-out wrong, but I admit to being perplexed about why people want to involve the anus in sexual activity. “Spicing it up” isn’t a good reason because there are plenty of other things you can do to spice it up. So there is obviously something else going on.

      I don’t know if that helps.

    2. Anonymous

      My husband occasionally gives me a rimjob & it feels great but it’s one of those things that won’t work for most couples.

  22. M

    Soooo weird question…have you ever heard of hubby having an adverse reaction when giving oral? Mine has reported tongue itching/swelling about 24 hrs after going down several times now. So far that’s the only thing we can find in common to this strange symptom…we don’t do it a terrible lot because I mostly am indifferent so it’s whether he’s in the mood to give it, so I’m not sure exactly how many times we’ve had this happen but at least three I think. Does this mean I have something I need to address? Is it a symptom of yeast? He doesn’t seem to develop thrush or anything, but has that temporary problem for about a day. I am afraid to google and don’t quite know how to go about looking for that kind of information anyway haha!

    1. J Post author

      Well, M, my search history is already a strange mess that might require some explaining (“I write a Christian sex blog!”) if someone stumbled upon it. So I did some research myself. First of all, I am NOT a doctor or other medical professional. To know what’s going on, that’s your best bet: Ask your doctor. It may feel very embarrassing to us, but doctors see and hear all kinds of stuff so I doubt you’re going to shock him in anyway. Second, the symptoms you described don’t seem consistent with an STD or yeast infection; perhaps another infection of some kind. It could also be an allergy. If you don’t now, perhaps you can clean that area thoroughly before your husband engages. You can make that part of your prepping-for-sex routine: a bubble bath or shower. But once again, I do encourage you ask your doctor and get tested, just in case you’re toting around an infection of some kind, such as yeast.

      And by the way, that is hardly the weirdest question I’ve gotten. πŸ˜‰ Blessings!

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