Like many of you, I’ve heard, seen, and read multiple articles about the alleged rape at Cornell University. In case you haven’t followed this story, the short version is that an inebriated woman attended a fraternity party, engaged with several men also under the influence, and ended up engaging in sexual encounters with several fraternity members—very likely without her full consent.
When the story was fresh, I considered hopping in with my perspective but thought better of it. I really don’t know all the facts of this case, the persons involved, or the legal parameters (consent is defined differently depending on jurisdiction). I defer to the authorities to decide whether rape occurred.
But after letting the issue settle for a bit, I decided that I can speak about this incident as an example of three problematic issues in our culture. So let’s look at those and how they impact our view of sexuality by God’s design.
Sex Isn’t Just Transactional
When I read the story of “Jane Doe,” my heart ached. She showed up at a frat party, agreed to a threesome, and later texted that “honestly i really like being w u and matt…. I don’t think we should feel any shame for the part. our body our choice.” Soon after, she realized that it wasn’t all her choice. She’d been far too intoxicated to agree to what happened.
Meanwhile, the frat boys shared texts that night with such stomach-churning messages as:
- Free p*$$y
- Like you can walk in and whip it out
- Shop still open?
We likely recoil from these messages, but let’s ask ourselves: How have we treated sex like a transaction?
Because that’s what everyone in this awful story seemed to have done. Jane Doe originally thought that sex was a feel-good interaction that only required consent, and the fraternity guys looked at her as an opportunity to have a good time. Did anyone consider sexual intimacy to be a more emotional—perhaps even spiritual—experience? It doesn’t seem like it.
Look, I’m not blaming the victim here! Simply imagine the Cornell scenario where everyone involved accepted that sex was a deeply spiritual and/or emotional experience. What would have happened? Certainly not the horrific event that occurred!
Our culture has failed both women and men by insisting that anything goes, as long as participants consent. We’ve minimized the intensity of physical intimacy by making sex seem transactional. She gets what she wants, he gets what he wants, and everyone leaves happy, right? No, not right.
We were made in God’s image (Genesis 1:27), and our bodies should be treated with honor (1 Corinthians 6:19‑20). While there is give-and-take in a healthy marital relationship, sex was never meant to be transactional (see The Bad Plan of Bartering for Sex).
Our current culture promotes the idea that sex is about self-expression and pleasure, and in doing so, robs us of both. People end up pursuing selfishness and personal pleasure to the detriment of others.
Our current culture promotes the idea that sex is about self-expression and pleasure, and in doing so, robs us of both.
Few of us are likely to find ourselves in the circumstance of the Cornell students. Rather, let’s ask ourselves where we’ve fallen short of honoring our spouse. Where have we considered sex to be transactional rather than relational?
Take All Accusations Seriously
You may have heard of the hashtags #BelieveWomen or #BelieveAllWomen. I appreciate the goal, but I differ somewhat on the message. Mine would be #TakeAccusationsSeriously.
Men are not inherently worse than women, and I don’t put it past some women to, well, lie. I can conceive of instances where accusing a man of sexual harassment or assault would benefit a woman. At the same time, men perpetuate far more sexual crimes than women and we have looong history of ignoring women’s accurate reports of sexual harassment and assault. What’s the answer? Take all accusations seriously.
By the way, plenty of allegations not taken seriously involve a male accusing a man or woman of harassment or assault. We must take those seriously too!
Don’t assume that because you know Mr. X and he seems okay that he is not capable of horrific sexual violations. That’s how Jeffrey Epstein and Larry Nassar got away with their crimes. Pastors also get away with sexual abuse when we don’t take accusers’ reports seriously! One book I recommend on this topic is The Devil Inside: How My Minister Father Molested Kids In Our Home And Church For Decades And How I Finally Stopped Him by Jimmy Hinton.
But not every allegation is 100% true. That’s why we should take each seriously and investigate! Most research finds that 2–10% of rape allegations are false (though that’s arguable). That’s not a high number—which confirms take all allegations seriously, but if you’re one of the 2–10 men falsely accused of rape, that’s a big deal.
Not a single rapist should get away with his crime! But we need to investigate allegations to ensure that we’re not assuming guilt where it doesn’t exist.
As I write this, I think about readers who’ve experienced sexual assault. Maybe you struggle to call what you experienced rape. Maybe you’ve never told anyone about it, or you told someone and your allegation wasn’t taken seriously. It should have been. You should have received full-throttle support and had your story valued and confirmed! You should have received compassion and justice!
But a few readers have been erroneously accused of misconduct, and I feel for those people too.
TRUTH should be our guiding principle. And while I hope and pray that justice prevails on this side of Heaven, I want you to know that God sees, God knows, and God will deliver ultimate justice on your behalf. He loves you and will make things right in the end.
If you’ve experienced sexual trauma, please get help. Your story matters.
We’re in an Ongoing Fight
The way the world understands sexuality and the truth of God’s design are constantly at odds! I’ve read so many views about this case that miss the mark. I considered naming all the ways that news stories and commentaries have gone awry, but they are legion and the specifics are not the point. Rather, we need to all take a breath, step back from our preferred news sources, and reflect on what God has to say about all this.
So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.
Genesis 1:27
We all bear the image of God. That said, we live in this realm on a spectrum—following Christ, rejecting Him, actively pursing evil, and everything in between.
Rapists actively pursue evil and should be treated as such! But plenty of others do evil without aggressively attacking others. Some of you reading this now have looked at pornography in the past week—knowing that it’s not okay but also telling yourself that you’re not actually hurting anyone. Please, please recognize that you’re in an ongoing fight … and right now, you’re losing. That doesn’t say anything about you as a person. Plenty of heroes were backed into a corner before they found the courage to step out, oppose evil, and prevail! Many of them benefited from support from others (Marvel and DC Comics have superhero groups for a reason!).
Daily, we’re bombarded with sexual temptation of various kinds. Not just pornography, but also erotica, porn-adjacent TV and movies, strip clubs, chat rooms, social media groups, and even sites masquerading as Christian sex resources while promoting unbiblical ideas.
I wonder how many erroneous sexual messages Jane Doe and, even more so, the Cornell fraternity brothers consumed before that fateful night. I guarantee you the number is not zero. I suspect it was an appalling amount of content opposed to what God designed sex to be.
What’s informing our view of sexuality? Is it God’s Word or other sources? Some of you know it’s more the latter. What will you do next?
Like many of you, I am heartsick—and sick to my stomach as well—by what happened at a frat house in Cornell in October 2024. But every single minute of every single day, God’s design for sexual intimacy is violated in some way or other. What are we doing to pursue His plan for sexual intimacy?
I don’t know what will happen with Jane Doe and her case, but I do know that God’s justice and mercy prevail in the long run. In the meantime, we must do our part, by embracing that:
- Sex is more than transactional; it’s emotional and even spiritual.
- All allegations of sexual abuse and harassment should be taken seriously and properly investigated.
- We are in an ongoing fight, and if we’re not winning our personal battle with sexual temptation, we need to get help and support to get on God’s side.