Are You Treasuring Your Marriage Bed?

It’s that time of year when you’re buying gifts for the beloved people in your life, including your husband (or wife). As I thought about this season of giving, I recalled this passage from Matthew 6:19-21:

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Of course, the primary message of this scripture is a spiritual application.

However, these verses also made me think of why we actually buy stuff for our families. Yes, there’s meeting your Secret Santa duty for the office party or buying presents for extended family because that’s just what you do. But most of the people on our list are people we’re in relationship with — people to whom we want to express our appreciation and love. We spend on these people because they matter to us more than the cash in our pocketbooks or buying another trinket or piece of clothing for ourselves. We invest our treasure, and that’s where our heart goes.

Of course, God should have our ultimate treasure. But we also give to the people we love.

Which makes me wonder about a conversation I had with another marriage blogger recently. We’ve noticed that wives sometimes struggle to buy things for their marriage bed.

Maybe you hear ideas about sprucing up your bedroom and feel like that’s unnecessary and even indulgent. You look at the lingerie ticket price and decide you can just sleep in your old T-shirts instead. You consider booking a hotel for a single night and reconsider because you could use that money for the appliance you’ve been wanting. You look at Christmas gift ideas related to your sex life and determine that you don’t really need that stuff so why bother.

Hey, I admit feeling rather selfish and somewhat silly purchasing a sex pillow recently. But why? If my kid had needed a new pillow, I wouldn’t have blinked before getting him one. I would have bought it for him not because the pillow matters so much, but because my child and his sleep matter to me.

So why wouldn’t we invest in something, and someone, who means so much to us? Why don’t we apply “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” to our marriage beds?

Matthew 19:21While it’s clear from context this isn’t the primary point of this verse, it’s still a wise principle we know to be true. Where we put our time and money says a lot about our priorities. As they say, show me your calendar and your checkbook, and I’ll tell you what really matters to you.

Maybe we could be a bit more generous this holiday season. Maybe we could find a little extra money to buy something — lingerie, a marital aid, a getaway, etc. — that adds to our physical intimacy. Maybe a sex-themed gift would make our husband (or wife) feel valued.

Just a thought.

Related Post: A Sleigh-ful of Gift Ideas for Your Spouse

November Giveaway — Thanks to all those who participated. And the winner is Stephanie! Here’s what she’ll be receiving:

Open box showing giveaway items

36 thoughts on “Are You Treasuring Your Marriage Bed?

  1. Nancy

    That sounds like a great idea, but this is the first year in 19 that I’m not motivated to do so. My husband doesn’t have any interest because of his very low drive. I have spent years trying to get him to do something about it because I have a very high drive. I’ve lost my “romantic” drive because no matter what I do, I just get a very plain “that’s nice”. I’m really working on learning to be happy with what I do have and not what I don’t. He is a great provider and he always wants to hold me when we go to sleep or watch tv. It’s just hard when I have so much passion for him. I know it is all a hormone issue because I have total access to all of his accounts and there is no sign of porn and he lives a healthy lifestyle. .

    Ok, I’ll stop complaining. It was my birthday this week, and I didn’t get any intimacy, so I was a little raw when I read this. Merry Christmas everyone!

    Reply
    1. J Post author

      I know sometimes when I write a post that it won’t apply to a couple with severely mismatched drives. I’ve written before about the frustration of high-drive spouses with unwilling partners who feel even worse after attempting a majestic effort to set the scene and engage in sex…only to get turned down. So yeah, I get it.

      I pray that you continue to make gentle bids for sexual intimacy, encourage him to pursue answers, and pray for patience and wisdom. Sending you well wishes and sending up a prayer for you.

      Reply
    2. B

      Nancy, I’m so sorry. I am a much higher drive wife and I know how incredibly painful this can be. We recently started counseling and although I was incredibly skeptical, it’s helped a little. I still have the higher drive, and I still wish it wasn’t that way, but I’m trying to learn to deal with it.

      I will pray for you!

      Reply
  2. Grace Lipscomb

    I love this idea and in the past I’ve tried to do gifts like this when we have the opportunity to open gifts or such in our own home but with traveling and staying in parents tiny house this year for Christmas it’s just so much harder because I want there to be gifts for him to open under the tree!

    Reply
  3. B

    Interesting that I read this today. I have trouble feeling I deserve anything, much less sexy things. My husband has a low drive, so a lot of the time it feels like a waste of time and money. Plus, as you mentioned in your post, it hurts when you attempt something a man would supposedly love, just to be met with apathy.

    I struggle to let go of the past. A couple years ago I bought a piece of lingerie in which I actually felt confident and amazing. I wore it on my husbands birthday – thinking he’d love it. It was at the point when his drive was super low, and he took one look at me and he actually looked incredibly sad and disappointed. It broke my heart and I changed immediately. It is one of my most painful memories, but I learned he doesn’t think I deserve to wear pretty things. He’d say differently, but his reaction that day spoke volumes.

    I still like pretty things, but why waste the money? They’re not for me.

    The reason I thought it was interesting I read this today is because this weekend we went Christmas shopping. We were in a department store and I saw a very tasteful, pretty piece of lingerie. I was touching it when my husband walked up and said “you should buy it.” Ha ha! He must have been looking at the model on the price tag. I don’t even come close. I just said (and my tone was calm and maybe a little sad) “no thank you, things like that aren’t for women like me, I’m not nearly attractive enough to wear such things.” He didn’t say anything. He didn’t argue with me. He knows I’m smart enough to remember that he doesn’t see me that way.

    I’d love it if my husband thought I was worth investing in our marriage bed, but alas, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that will never be. I’ve spent such a long time trying to dampen my drive and not think about our sex life (or lack thereof) too much. Trying to invest in our marriage bed, or trying to act like the wives whose husbands desire them, just causes more pain.

    (Sorry if this sounds depressing, we really are starting to get along better, but a lot of that is because I’ve learned to back off in the sexual area of our marriage.)

    Reply
    1. J Post author

      WHAT IF…there was another way to look at what happened.

      Because when I read the story, my immediate thought was that he looked sad and disappointed because his beautiful wife was making an obvious play for sex and he didn’t feel like he was up to the challenge. Because, for whatever reason, his drive wasn’t where he — or his wife — wanted it to be. Maybe it discouraged him because it was a reminder that you wanted sex more than he did. My point being that you’re taking this personally…and maybe it isn’t. Maybe he really does want you to buy that piece of lingerie, but he didn’t answer because he didn’t think you’d believe what he said anyway.

      You know, I’m going to flat-out challenge you to go back and buy that lingerie. And wear it. Wear it for you, whether you get sex or not, because it makes you feel beautiful and sexy. So there you go…my two cents, B!

      Reply
      1. sunny-dee

        I don’t want to say “you don’t understand,” because you may understand. But…. it is almost impossible to feel sexy or confident when you’re in lingerie and your husband refuses to make eye contact. It’s a million times worse than wearing g a tatty T-shirt to bed. Because it’s not the clothing that is screaming “undesirable.” It is just you.

        Been there, done that.

        Well, maybe you mean not wearing it around her husband? Maybe that would be easier. Hmm.

        Reply
        1. J Post author

          Yes, I do understand. And if her husband had said something like, “What? You don’t need that. Stop looking at lingerie,” I would certainly agree that the lingerie purchase could make her feel worse. But he didn’t. He encouraged her to buy it.

          And honestly, it’s not “just you.” It’s just him. And yes, I know that’s very hard to accept, but it’s more likely that the issue of low/no sex drive is in the guy himself than his wife. But I do wish this was different for you. My heart aches for high-drive wives who’ve felt the sting of rejection and the string of self-doubt that follows. Praying things get better…

          Reply
          1. sunny-dee

            My husband has also told me to purchase lingerie. But he has 1) never responded when I wore it and 2) asked me to stop wearing it as an invitation. When he told me to buy lingerie, he just wanted me to “feel good about myself.”

            And as for whether the problem is with me or him, I don’t know about B’s case, but my husband did not live a godly lifestyle AT ALL before we met. He has dozens and dozens of previous partners. Now, it’s possible that he was also withholding with all of them, but, just by numbers — it really is just me because I know for God’s-honest-certainty that he was willing to bang pretty much anything before me. And, yes, I intellectually know that there can be a lot of reasons why even that is still him and not me (Madonna-whore complex, commitment / intimacy issues, possible abuse in his past, etc and etc) but still — it is incredibly hard for me not to take it personally. If he can muster up desire for 100 other women, and then he looks at me and says, “You know I can’t just force myself to have sex,” then my interpretation is that he has to force himself to have sex with me and he did not with literally anyone else.

            This is obviously still a sore point. But I’m getting better! I promise.

      2. B

        Hi J, I guess it’s a possibility that he was sad because he didn’t want my feelings to be hurt, and he just wasn’t interested. I understand that he can’t simply force himself to be interested in me or find me sexually attractive. I was, however, quite embarrassed and sad that I ruined his birthday.

        Anyhow, I just can’t accept your challenge. I am not going to buy something I know he doesn’t think I should even attempt to wear. Remember, he didn’t say a word and silence usually means total agreement. I am unable to do things like wear lingerie just for me, because I won’t feel beautiful and sexy, I’ll just feel stupid. I’ll feel like I’m trying to be something I could never be, and I’ll be afraid if he sees me he’ll think I’m just pathetic.

        But in better news, I’ll let it go. I won’t harp on him about it. Trying to just let things go has been helpful.

        Thanks for the suggestion, though! ?

        Reply
        1. J Post author

          You’ve jumped from “he wasn’t interested” to “he can’t force himself to be interested in me or find me sexually attractive.” Here’s the thing: I remember having little to no sex drive (see When My Sex Life Sucked), and I wasn’t interested in sex. That’s it — it wasn’t that I didn’t find my husband attractive or that I kept trying to make myself but couldn’t get interested in him. It wasn’t him at all. It was me. So I think you’re drawing conclusions that are likely untrue and then bearing a heavy burden you really don’t need to carry. Not to mention that if you misdiagnose the problem, how can you then have a chance of resolving it?

          I feel quite certain you didn’t “ruin” his birthday, nor would he see you as “just pathetic” if you bought a piece of lingerie that you liked and he encouraged you to buy. But if think it will make you feel worse, then I understand you passing.

          One last thing: If “silence usually means total agreement,” my husband would be agreeing with nearly everything I said. Because he’s a man of few words. That’s not what silence necessarily means. It can mean they don’t know have anything to say, they’re processing what you said while thinking of how to answer, or they don’t want to rock the boat. Have you ever asked him why he gets silent? It helped me to understand when I talked to my husband about his silence at times, so that I didn’t presume what he was thinking or feeling but let him work through things his own way.

          Reply
        2. Amy

          I disagree about silence meaning total agreement!
          I’ve been in a similar spot before and because I was obviously feeling self-pity my husband chose instead to be silent because I don’t think many men know how to handle it when their wives seem so depressed and sad. I believe, at least in my husband’s case, he would choose silence over trying to say something which in his eyes may only make the matter worse. My husband has a hard time seeing me sad — and my sadness isn’t necessarily about us but other things I’m dealing with in life right now.
          BUT I know my husband loves me and if he were to tell me to buy a piece of lingerie I would certainly do it! And if I hardly get to wear it for him because we rarely have sex anymore I would wear it for myself because I’m beautiful and worth it!

          My advice to you, B, is to take a hiatus from these marriage blogs. Instead of being a help I see them as being a hindrance to you and anything which causes us to stumble (and I’m not saying J or Paul or anyone else is meaning to do that) we need to stay away from.
          J gives great advice, I love her blog and her passion for helping marriages, but there was a time a couple years ago where everything I read here and on other marriage blogs was beginning to bring me down since my husband was not reacting or responding sexually like what supposedly a ‘typical’ man should. I felt angry, sad and beyond frustrated as a higher drive wife that my marriage bed wasn’t as it should be, at least according to everything I was reading. I didn’t feel like the usual woman of not having much desire and I begin to see my husband in a more negative light because he just didn’t fit the profile of men wanting sex constantly.
          So I stopped reading most of the blogs, maybe concentrated on just a couple, and learned to take what helped and turn away from what didn’t.

          I’m glad the counseling seems to be working, but perhaps you need to shut down your computer, read the Psalms and find your worth through God — and go buy that lingerie!

          I’d be happy to talk with you. You can find my contact info on my blog.

          Reply
          1. J Post author

            Actually, I’ve made that very point in my post, Should You Be Reading My Blog? “…if coming to my blog and reading the posts leave you consistently more frustrated, angrier at your spouse, more deeply discouraged by your situation, and — Heaven forbid — doubting God’s design and goodness . . . then you likely need to take a break.” Because yeah, it could be that taking a break is what some people need to do. I take no offense at that, because I’m for marriages … and if that’s what’s best for someone’s marriage, that’s what they should do.

      3. Ashley

        Yes! I thought all of the same things as J!
        I know there have been times in the past where my hubby tired to initiate sex but I wasn’t in the mood and he could see it all over my face.
        I’ve followed your story, B, here in the comments for a while now. I’m glad that counseling is helping! I pray for you that you will have an increase of happiness (and sex) within your marriage. And I DEFINITELY think you should go back and buy that lingerie!!!

        Reply
      4. Nancy

        J, I agree with you. Even though my husband has a low drive, I do my best not to let my insecurities stop me from wearing anything or going with nothing at all. I have worked out all my life, so I self talk in the positive constantly. Even when, half the time, I don’t believe it. Last night I was determined to approach my husband, so starting about an hour before bed, I started praying and telling myself “you can do this”. I knew there would be a chance that he would not be able to complete the deed, but I was going to try. I actually sat on the edge of the bed for about 5 minutes for a final prayer and pep talk. I’m glad I did.;)

        Reply
  4. Amy

    This post really speaks to what happened at the mall last week while I was out Christmas shopping.
    As I was walking past Victoria Secret’s I thought to myself how I should go buy a cute bra/panty set in red to wear under the cute outfit I got to wear on Christmas, and how later that day after all our kids would leave I would show my hubby his ‘other’ gift. 😉

    BUT then it happened — I started talking myself out of it. The conversation in my head went something like this:
    “I should go in Victoria Secret and buy a cute red bra and panty set to go with my new Christmas outfit and as an extra gift for hubby!”
    “Well, I probably shouldn’t spend that much money on lingerie, maybe I’ll just go to Penney’s and buy it there”
    “But I really shouldn’t buy anything new until I can lose this extra weight I’ve gained since hitting menopause because after all, I certainly don’t look like those Victoria Secret models”
    “And besides, most likely nothing will happen later Christmas day anyway since hubby probably won’t be interested and I’ll just end up feeling disappointed and sad to have gone to all the trouble of wearing something sexy.”

    I kept walking and never did buy that cute lingerie I was all excited about in the beginning!

    Why? Because I convinced myself I didn’t deserve it since I’m not in great shape and don’t look a certain way, and that it was just a waste of money and time.

    It is so easy to let negative self talk keep us from investing in ourselves and our marriages. Taking those thoughts captive is not easy, but so important.

    Reply
    1. J Post author

      Thanks for sharing your story. I bet it rings true with a lot of wives. And I hope you find something to wear that helps you embrace your beauty!

      Reply
    2. B

      Hi Amy, I often appreciate what you say, and other times think that you cannot stand me and wish I’d stop reading and commenting here because I am honest about my struggles and I’m not all sunshine and roses. However, sometimes I wish we could meet in real life, because some of my favorite people are those who are not afraid to say what they’re thinking.

      I’m sorry if I give off an air of self-pity. I don’t mean to, and I’m not looking for anyone to feel sorry for me. I think J’s term of “self doubt” is a much more accurate description of what I feel most days.

      Your story about not buying something at VS is not unlike what happened to me at the department store. I saw the model on the tag. Yeah, I’m in relatively decent shape, but I’ve had kids and I am nowhere near as attractive as that model. Even if my husband liked me in lingerie (which we know he doesn’t based on the great birthday fail) – he saw the tag on the lingerie I was looking at. He’s probably hoping against hope that I’d magically morph into that woman. We all know that’s impossible. So I kinda feel like I’d be getting his hopes up only to sorely disappoint him. I don’t even go into VS. Their products are not for me. There are a lot of stores I won’t shop in because I do not feel I’m qualified to wear their clothes.

      Anyhow, here’s another example. My husband knows my boots are worn out and not helping my back issues, so he wants me to get new ones. That sounds nice, right? Well…we were shopping and he encouraged me to try on new boots. Here’s the problem. I’m tall. I hate to admit this, but I wear a size 10 shoe. (You don’t have to point out how “big” I am and how I should join the circus or work as a clam digger or say “wow I didn’t even know shoes came in that size” or “maybe you should look in the men’s section” – I have heard it all from my tiny sisters and even sisters-in-law – all of my adult life.) I get it. But there’s no harm in looking, right? I mean, I can’t just run around bare foot.

      Well I should have known better. Shopping just isn’t for me. Shoe stores, like most stores, cater to the perfect and petite. The normal women, the woman I will never be. Multiple stores had plenty of choices in a size 6,7,8,9 and almost nothing in a 10. I tried on a couple 9s but to no avail. I just can’t wish myself to be shorter or tinier, I’ve tried forever. I said to my husband, “can we please go? I’m getting frustrated. They just don’t carry shoes for people like me.” And he started to get mad! Not supportive, not understanding – but mad! Is that really fair, to get mad at me because I have big feet? I can’t control that! It’s not like I can shrink my feet by dieting. If you ask him he’ll say “I wasn’t mad I was frustrated.” But that’s almost worse, being frustrated that his wife isn’t the “perfect” size.

      Anyhow, I’m trying. I’ve tried to see my height as an advantage. But let’s face it, there are very few. Sure I can reach stuff at the grocery store. Wow. I’ve been a pretty good athlete most of my adult life, and I have big, strapping sons. The youngest is currently 5’9″ just like me, and he still has a few years to grow. He told me a few weeks ago, “mom, I’m glad you’re tall, so I can be tall, too.” (he hasn’t studied genetics yet, but I get his point). I guess I should be happy he feels that way. I should be glad that my height, while it seems like a curse to me, is a blessing to him.

      I am trying, so Amy, I’m sorry if I sound like I’m full of self pity and the blogs aren’t for me – but I am trying. Sharing my struggles anonymously and understanding different viewpoints (AND hearing the truths about men that I think my husband holds back because he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings) – I find all of that helpful.

      Reply
      1. J Post author

        Of course he’s frustrated! It sounds to me like your husband is trying to be supportive, but you’re accusing him of being such a jerk that he would want you to morph into a Victoria’s Secret model before he’d want you. You’re assuming you know what he thinks and feels, and maybe that isn’t it.

        By the way, size 10 shoe isn’t that big. I’m only 5’3″-ish, I’ve worn an 8 1/2 before. It sounds like your feet are proportional to your height. But yes, when you’re not in that middle range, it can be tough to find shoes. For me, it’s being a narrow foot; for you, it’s being a longer foot. But so what? That has zero bearing on your beauty. Which I suspect is far more than you ever let yourself believe.

        I ache for you. Please believe the good stuff and discard the self-destructive lies. Saying a prayer.

        Reply
      2. Amy

        ((B)),
        My heart hurts for you, that’s all. I don’t hate you for commenting her or elsewhere, but yes, I do get frustrated because honestly (and that’s just who I am, very very bluntly honest these days! LOL) I don’t think you are really ‘hearing’ what J and myself and others try to say to you.

        I don’t mean to sound harsh at all in my responses, but I know that’s how they will often come across. I lived with a mentally, emotionally, verbally, sexually and spiritually abusive man. Thank goodness I was never physically abused, but the destruction his words, actions and such did to me was more than enough. I only share that because I’ve grown very blunt and honest with people over the past few years since being free from that captivity in my life. I say it like it is.
        And I too can feel some your struggle with things in your marriage, although we may not be walking in exactly the same shoes…and no that is not a reference to you wearing a size 10! LOL Come on sister, you are NOT abnormal — except in your mind! And as J said, I’m sure your husband was very frustrated because you walk around with such a poor self image. I obviously do too on some days, but I try hard not to when I’m with my hubby. And that incident I shared about VS, I was way over it by the time I walked to the other end of the mall and focused on others instead of allowing the negative self-talk to take root and ruin rest of my day.

        I choose to believe my husband when he says he loves me (and I know without a doubt he does) and when he calls me beautiful or cute or whatever I LOVE it and let it wash away all my insecurities, well at least for that moment.

        Show confidence in yourself, choose to believe you are beautiful and worthy, and you just might, I beat you will, begin to see a change in your hubby too. And if not, okay, but at least do it for yourself. From all you write I do feel certain your husband loves you, but because you do not love yourself he is at a loss as to how to help you. I bet he WANTS you to buy and wear that lingerie, he WANTS you to be joyful in shopping for a pair of boots, and he WANTS you to believe him when he says “I love you” and tells you how beautiful you are.

        Reverse the situation…sometimes I do that and helps me see more clearly where my hubby may be coming from.
        Put yourself in his shoes. You try and compliment him and he rejects it. You offer to go shopping with him for something you know he needs and part way through he shows self pity and doesn’t think he deserves to buy it. You tell him you love him and yet he seems to dismiss you.
        It would get tiring to do those things and constantly be turned away or dismissed. Pretty soon you get frustrated and maybe stop doing those things or saying anything because you feel it just won’t matter.

        Okay, I’m writing this really quickly because I need to jump off of here.

        I believe you are wanting to try, B, I really do. I believe you’re heart is broken and you are struggling on how to find happiness and contentment in your life. I pray for you and truly am sincere if you ever want to get a hold of me through email I’d be happy to correspond with you. I don’t have all the answers, but sometimes just talking helps.

        Blessings! And Merry Christmas!!

        Reply
        1. Amy

          Sorry for the typos above! I didn’t have much time and obviously didn’t proofread!
          Should read, “I BET you will” NOT beat!! LOL

          Reply
        2. TD

          Amy,

          I couldn’t help but chime in here from a man’s perspective,. ( Married for 25 years, the first 20 of which I tried my best to screw up by remaining immature, selfish, and fulfilling the old cliche about the apple not falling far from the tree…)

          By God’s grace, the last five years have been as wonderful as the first 20 were awful. I don’t think it’s any coincidence that I found J’s blog, and others at around the same time, and they’ve been a blessing that I could never truly describe adequately.
          All that to say, I have been on both sides of the fence when it comes to the state of a marriage, and I have made enough mistakes, and seen my wife respond in kind, to speak about the subject with some credibility.
          I agree with your assessment of B’s attitude, and I believe you 100% when you say you just want to see her view herself positively.
          I too have read her comments for quite a while, and I hate to say it, but I have often had the feeling that she doesn’t really know how self-defeating her actions and words actually are.
          I think J is on point when she says that B’s husband is frustrated to the point of inaction, because it appears that no matter what he might have said, B would have heard that she’s not worthy, and that he’s dishonest.
          I thought it was very telling as she described her shoe size, and the degree to which she’s different than her sisters and in laws.
          It’s not just her husband that causes her to feel “less than,” it appears to be the default view that she exisits in most of the time.

          I wonder if her husband, knowing this about her, truly was upset and hurt on his birthday when she wore the lingerie, because he couldn’t perform, or validate her, and he knew it was a devastating moment…

          I can’t help but think that some direct, honest, difficult conversations between the two of them would resolve many of their issues. It just saddens me greatly to think that many, if not all of their problems, could be based on misunderstandings, or incorrect suppositions…
          I know that in my own marriage, when we started really talking, and more importantly listening, to each other, miracles began to happen.
          But it took my wife telling me some hard truths, and me listening to her, and seeking to find out if she could be right, to allow God to bless us the way He wanted to.

          Such a heartbreaking situation to imagine, and I pray that whatever the solution is, that B and her husband work to find it, with a spirit of determination, and success, and not one of expectant defeat…

          Reply
      3. sunny-dee

        Okay, this is entirely off-topic … but try Zappos. It’s online shopping and it has free returns. It’s owned by Amazon, and I haven’t done returns through Zappos, but I have through Amazon, and the process is painless and (if you need it) customer support is excellent.

        They have a million shoes and you can filter by size, width, heel height, color, whatever. They also do carry a wider variety of sizes and of styles. If you’re looking for boots (for example) they almost always include the shaft diameter so you can guess if it will fit your calves and they sometimes give guidelines like “runs narrow / true to size.”

        I know that really isn’t what you’re talking about, but, still. I sincerely <3 online shopping since I moved to Dallas and traffic is terrible.

        Reply
        1. J Post author

          Hahaha! Zappos is awesome. I’ve used them too, because they’re one of the few places that still carries narrow shoes. 🙂

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        2. Amy

          That’s a great option! I used to have narrow feet, still have a high arch, but I guess after having kids my feet aren’t so narrow anymore! Ha! Try finding shoes to fit a narrow foot, no easy task, although easier now than when I was growing up. 😉

          Reply
      4. RS

        Hi B,

        I’m 5’9, and I’ve always worn size 10 shoes, and struggled to find them in my size. My sister is an inch or two taller than I am, and has bigger feet then me. I’ve always considered our feet proportional to our height. After my last baby 3 years ago, my feet Grew! I now wear sz 11!!! Don’t know if you have Famous Footwear near you. They are pricier than I like to spend, but the last couple of times I’ve had to buy shoes, that’s where I found them.

        I feel badly that people have spoken negatively to you your whole life. You mentioned a sister another time that verbally abused you, and then now this. I’m thankful that you have a kind husband who doesn’t! I don’t know if you have ever read the book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend? It might help you. You are worth everything to Christ, Who loves you, and gave Himself for you. He does not think of you the way you think of you, or how some of your relatives and in-laws may think of you. I don’t know what your response has been to those who speak badly to you, but you don’t need to accept them speaking to you that way. Clearly saying, “You may not speak to me that way”, is perfectly acceptable. Maybe your hubby would stand up with you and help you, too, especially if you let him know that is a struggle before getting together with said relatives.
        Just a thought.

        Praying for you, B!

        Reply
  5. B

    Thank you, ladies, for your kind replies. I am conflicted right now, but I’m going to spend some time thinking on this, and hopefully praying. I have a very hard time praying for myself. That’s an issue I need to work past. Thank you again for your thoughts.

    Reply
  6. Angie

    Can’t wear pretty lingerie. It’ll just turn me on and there’s no outlet if that happens because, like B, husband is a dud not a stud. He has ZERO interest in sex, me, or the marriage. I love love love sexy things, I know I’m good looking because of other men staring or flirting, etc. So yeah, if your hubby has not been the one uninterested for a decade, you won’t understand.

    Reply
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