Do You Check Your Phone During Sex?

Stuart Tutt of Something to Stu Over recently shared a statistic with several of us marriage bloggers. He’d heard a report on the radio that “about 10 percent of couples actually check their phone during sex if they get a notification.”

This spawned an interesting conversation among several of us in which we posited why someone might do this, and what other aspects of our devices can be distracting — like the screen light flashing on or off.

Then I jokingly challenged the fabulous author of the site Christian Friendly Sex Positions, who also provides the illustrations for the Ultimate Intimacy app, to come up with device-friendly positions for those who just don’t think the notification can wait.

And wouldn’t you know it? He rose to the challenge! So peppered throughout this post are his illustrations, and you’ll just have to keep reading to see them all. (Yes, please read my words interspersed between his illustrations. Tempting as it may be to just scroll… 😉 )

Good reasons to check your phone

You can read more about the research Stu mentioned here, but I contend there actually are some good reasons to check your phone during sex. For instance:

  • Your driving-age child is on the road and is supposed to text when he arrives at his destination. A mama’s mind might relax and enjoy the sex more once she’s checked that notification and knows her family is safe.
  • You’re referencing the Christian Friendly Sex Positions website, Ultimate Intimacy App, or — best of all — your ebook copy of Hot, Holy & Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design for ideas and instructions.
  • You forgot to turn off the volume, so when it sounds at that inopportune moment, you reach over to mute any further notifications.

Not-so-good reasons to check your phone

Your team is playing.

This is your alma mater. Your fantasy football picks are riding on the outcome. C’mon, it’s the World Cup! The last time you ignored a game, the other team won — so clearly, you’re the lucky charm.

Checking the Score position — when he absolutely must see how his team is doing in the game.

I can just hear her saying, “Why did you pause? Is that clicking I hear? Wait, what are you doing back there!” Not your best move, guys.

That two to three-hour game can be put on hold for a period of time to give full attention to your spouse, showing your beloved that you value them ahead of all but God. Even ahead of … gasp! … sports.

Exception: Your team is the Astros playing in the World Series. At least, that’s an exception in my Houston area, in which case sex might look more like this:

Checking the Score Together Position

Your social media site pinged you.

Did you know that FOMO is an actual word? It’s an anagram that stands for Fear Of Missing Out and is described by Oxford Dictionaries as “anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere, often aroused by posts seen on social media.”

Thankfully, very few are actually addicted to social media, but plenty of people have created habits whereby they check their social media sites so often that it disrupts other real-life activities. Like … for example … SEX.

12 More Likes Position — when she must check her social media site

I’ll let you in on a little secret about social media. It’s like a soap opera: You can miss a day, jump back in, and catch up really quick. If there’s a huge event, they’ll still be talking about it when your lovemaking session is done. And there’s this neat feature whereby you can scroll backward to see anything you missed!

Ignore the phone and instead give yourself and your spouse reasons to 👍 , ❤, and 😮 your sexual encounter.

A news story just popped up.

The news cycle is down to minute-by-minute, and if you don’t know what’s happening in the world, what kind of citizen are you? Not to mention that the universe yearns to hear your opinions on every latest political event — meaning you must stay on top of the news feed.

News You Can’t Use Position — when the news cycle won’t wait

Consider this a public service. I’ll summarize the news for you: The United States Congress thought about doing something, but didn’t. Your taxes are too high, and your services for that money are too low. The Middle East is in conflict. People in countries we cannot pronounce and/or locate on a map are engaged in war, famine, or hardship. Someone’s secret sins were discovered, and now they will either pay for it, use the shameful revelation to get a book deal, or both. A woman somewhere, somehow made a fashion faux pas that will give the media something to talk about for the hours they might otherwise use to cover something else just as trivial.

Okay, that’s not quite as detailed as you might like, but it should be enough to get you through your next sexual rendezvous without checking your phone. If you do decide to look at the screen, consider yourself unfair and imbalanced.

Family or close friends are trying to reach you.

“But if I don’t reply, she’ll just keep texting,” you say. After all, this is the person who:

  • nursed you back to health after your last surgery
  • was your best friend throughout college
  • shared a room with you throughout childhood
  • gave you life!

How can you ignore the people you love? And besides, it will only take a moment to type out: “Yes, I’m fine. TTYL.”

Hold On, It’s My Mom Position — when your family just can’t wait

Again, unless it’s a matter of life-or-death — like your driving-age child is on the road or your parent is dying — it really can wait. If your friends and family cannot be put on hold for the time it takes to give full intimate attention to your spouse, you need to reflect back on those vows you took to put your beloved ahead of all others. (Excepting God, of course.)

In short, leave and cleave, baby! Leave. And. Cleave.

Because Siri is secretly your best friend.

Or Alexa. Or Bixby. Whatever device you have, I understand feeling like it’s an extension of your right arm. My husband and I went on a date recently, and I forgot my phone. He was shocked: “You’re never without your phone.” Well, not never, I wanted to answer. But he had a point in that I now choose pants, shorts, skirts, and even robes that have pockets so I’ll have a spot to hold my phone while I walk around. And I wear headphones like a necklace.

But seriously, the following is not cool.

Siri Interruptus Position — when you need to put the phone down already!

Can you imagine the Song of Songs couple saying:

He
How beautiful you are, my darling!
Oh, how beautiful!
Your eyes are doves.

She
How handsome you are, my beloved!
Oh, how charming!
And our bed is verdant.

He
Hold that thought — our phones are pinging!

(Song of Songs 1:15-16.)

Set the phone side, turn off the notifications, and focus on your beloved. Remember: I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for… his phone? No. It’s “I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me” (Song of Songs 7:10).

The good news about the 10% who check their phone during sex … is that 90% of us don’t. If you’ve interrupted sex for the sake of your mobile device or been tempted, however, you might want to consider how to keep that from happening again. Make a habit of setting the phone aside, turning of off the volume, and giving sex with your spouse your full attention.

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23 thoughts on “Do You Check Your Phone During Sex?

  1. James Witter

    Can’t say we ever did this, but we have answered the phone because we lived next door to my aging parents and my dad had Alzheimer’s and would not listen and need our help from time to time…. So we almost had to answer… But it did not happen often though.

    Reply
  2. Terry

    I need to copy/paste your summary of the news and email it to everyone I know, plus all the major news networks! I may even print it out and tape it to the computer screen. Funniest thing I’ll probably read this week. 🙂

    Reply
  3. Tony

    If I’m the on-call engineer, I have to take the call. But that’s about the only reason I’d check my phone during sex.

    The kids are all adults now, so any crisis can wait another 15-30 minutes.

    Reply
  4. drkitty

    HILARIOUS!
    We learned the hard way – our 17 yr old texted us that she was popping home for some things before her senior bonfire.
    We heard the door open, and dad yelled “DON’T COME IN…” as we were in the dining room… *teehee
    She was SO MAD AT US. What’s funny is that she thought we were doing something, but the something was COMPLETELY wrong from the actual thing we were doing….which is defs better for her to think what she thought and let it go….

    She asked us if she should sound a “frickin air horn when I’m 100 yds from the driveway?” in the future…

    Dad – “It doesn’t matter – we probably wouldn’t have heard it anyway.”

    BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

    Reply
  5. T

    I have teenage drivers so I do check when I get a text. Now the fun part. If I’m already on my phone hubby likes to distract me and see how fast he can make me put it down. Depending on what I’m doing (work is usually the most challenging to distract me from) and what he’s doing it can take mere seconds or a few minutes.

    Reply
  6. K J

    I can’t say our phones have gone off much while we’ve been at it. But mine is usually on silence and we’re not even always in the room that our phones are in when we’re having fun 🙂 My phone sends notifications to my watch, and I’ve gotten in the habit of taking off my watch either before we start or close to the beginning. One less thing to think about (bothering me with buzzes or bothering him–I get a little worried about scratching or something).

    They have gone off once or twice, and it barely phases him and I don’t let it phase me. We’ll get to it when we get to it!

    Reply
  7. Wynd

    (Your team is playing) reminds me of a friend of mine… He got married (long before smartphones, or he would have been Position #1) on the same day as THE BIG GAME. He told his to-be-wife in advance … honey, I love you, and when we get to the hotel room I am all yours…. as soon as the Panthers game is over, and true to his word… the fireworks had to wait until after the game.

    Reply
  8. Kay

    We have picked up our phones once or twice over the years for various reasons, but they’re usually funny. Every now and again hubby will answer if his parents call in case they are on their way over, but sometimes he thinks it’s just naughty to be talking on the phone while we are having sex. 😂 Once in a great while if we were having slower sex where we are also talking about life, we will grab our phone to show each other something. But I’m each case, it’s always mutually agreed upon!

    Reply
  9. Mark

    I,

    I’m looking at the whole picture. haha

    Look at the couple with the female on her knees resting on her forearms and the male penetrating her from behind.

    Both have a phone and have a wonderful opportunity to text one another so that they can let the other know how they are making each other, without verbally saying a word. Maybe they can text if they want to change positions. Or text if one is getting tired.

    The one obstacle I do see is this is this position can be addictive as if they both need to want to text at the same time to one another or someone else. Also in that position, the woman may want her buttocks massaged and squeezed a little, the man would have to put the phone on her back to free his hands. Another problem that can happen is he may give her a little stinging slap on her buttocks if she isn’t texting fast enough to him or texting someone else.

    Maybe using blue-tooth might be a better alternative, because they can still be on the phone and still have their hands free to touch one another during the act of penetrative love making, but unfortunately they can’t text with blue tooth.

    Technology, is turning into a mad scientist.

    Go Mariners beat Astros.

    Reply
    1. J Post author

      Texting each other? Oh my!

      And I ALMOST didn’t approve your message for that foul last line! But I’ll practice Christian forgiveness. 😉

      Reply
      1. Mark

        Yeah, I had to meditate on what benefit using the phone while making love and texting one another and it seems as if “d*ggystyle” would be the most practical position and kind of kinky, but talking about it is somewhat erotic, though I don’t text so I would be an amateur at making love and texting at the same time.

        Somehow I don’t see my wife wanting to text me while being intimate with me, but it is an adventurous idea!! I haven’t show her that image yet, but I will l later, she might blush a little when she reads what I wrote, then giggle.

        This is a fun topic,, phone sex with the wife while making love to her at the same time.
        (sorry I know you don’t exactly like the term d*ggy,,,,,, but it is quicker and I don’t remember an alternative term you prefer using, though my explanation defeats the purpose of expedience)

        Reply
        1. J Post author

          Yeah, I don’t think it’s all that adventurous… It would likely be distracting from the main event.

          And our podcast team decided on “stallion style”! Actually, it was Chris Taylor’s suggestion, and we all liked it.

          Reply
  10. Ann

    I put my phone on Do Not Disturb with only the teenagers as “favorites” during our play time. I’ve even been known to text them ahead of time that I am going to take a nap, so only call if they have a true need.
    I do still, on rare occasion, remind my husband of the one time he answered the phone before we were finished…he repents all over again! 😉

    Reply
  11. Anonymous

    We have never used our phones during this time. And to be honest, the phone has never rung during our special times. (Disclosure…we have sex once a month and late at night).

    Reply
  12. Cara

    This was hilarious!! I texted my 18 year old (MARRIED) daughter some screenshots 😂😂 she was also amused!

    My husband’s phone went off for something once and it lit up the room and scared us both to DEATH. We are in a travel trailer and have no door locks.

    Reply
  13. Prov 5:18-19

    Illustrations 4 (news) and 5 (family) look the same to me.

    My 93 Y. O. Father in law lives a couple blocks away and my wife is his main care taker, so depending on where we are, she will check to see if it’s from/about him. If we’re closing in on the finish line, she will let it drop to voicemail, however.

    Reply
    1. J Post author

      Wow, you’re the first person to mention that duplicate, and you were right. I don’t know how that happened, but I think I fixed it. Thank you!

      Reply

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