Tag Archives: sex drive help

Q&A with J: “A Sexual Stimulant for Women?”

Today’s question is an interesting one, from a husband wanting to help his wife’s sexual desire:

So I hate to ask this as I can see [there] being conflicting opinions on the subject but, do they make a sexual stimulant for women? As well as you know they have been making them for years for the guys but I can’t find anything that looks reliable for the woman’s side of things. My wife and I have talked about this off and on for some time and she is willing to try almost anything to help her with her almost non existent drive in the bedroom.

I write about sex drive differences, but honestly there are resources more dedicated to low libido in wives than I am. Here are just three you could take a look at:

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Bonny’s OysterBed7.

Given the question, I think Bonny’s site is a particularly good resource, because she addresses the science of sex and low libido. Bonny does a great job of giving emotional encouragement, practical tips, and covers studies that show which substances do work or don’t work in lifting your libido. She also has a great book titled Unlock Your Libido: 52-Week Sex Drive Transformation. She’s also one of my podcast partners, and she brings her science knowledge to our Sex Chat for Christian Wives.

Boost Your Libido course.

Sheila Gregoire of To Love, Honor, and Vacuum has a wonderful online course for low-libido wives that walks them through reasons they might not be “feeling it” and what to do about it. She doesn’t talk supplements so much as tips, but they are helpful and might indeed boost your wife’s libido. Click below to find out more.

Dr. Oz’s List.

Confession: I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with Dr. Oz. I think some of his advice is really good, and some of it is, well, opportunistic. But I found this article on his website with natural substances he suggests could boost female libido. Do they work? I’m skeptical how much of this stuff you’d have to actually eat/take to get results enough to notice a difference. But then again, why wouldn’t you just try and see for yourself? Especially when the prescribed substances include innocuous things like pumpkin seeds, walnuts, and chocolate-covered strawberries.

In addition to these resources, I suggest your wife see a doctor and get tested for hormone levels as well as deficiencies that can cause fatigue and low response, like low thyroid and anemia. Tell the doctor what exactly is happening, so she’ll know what to look for. It’s certainly possible that her physiology makes it difficult for your wife to feel desire.

But also remember that many women don’t experience a sex drive the way it’s been primarily described — as a desire for sex followed by engagement. Instead, many wives have a libido that is responsive, in that the drive is there after engagement in affection, foreplay, and sexual activity begin. There’s nothing wrong with having a responsive drive; it’s the way many of us were created. What matters instead is whether she can get into the sexual experience at all.

As for an actual sex stimulant for women? Nope, I don’t really know of anything I’d recommend. There are some shysters who will sell you something that claims to fire up a woman’s libido, but they’re not a magic pill. Stay away from anything that sounds too good to be true, because it probably is.

Like or not, sexual desire can be a delicate dance for many women. So just be patient, investigative, and willing to try various thing to see what works. I wish you all the best!

Help for Low Libido Wives!

I know a lot of writers.

It’s just where I am at this point, writing fiction and about Christian intimacy. Usually, I get to know someone personally before I ever open up a book they’ve written. Frankly, it’s so hard when you like someone a lot, but you don’t like their book. I mean, what do you say?!

So when Bonny Logsdon Burns of Bonny’s Oyster Bed wrote a resource specifically for low libido wives, I was a little nervous. I really like Bonny! I thought please, let me like her book!

I shouldn’t have worried in the least. Bonny did a bang-up job with Unlock Your Libido: 52-Week Sex Drive Transformation. It’s easy-breezy to recommend this fabulous resource to my readers!

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In case you’re wondering why:

1. Saturated in Scripture. Bring on the biblical foundation! It’s all here. Bonny reaches deep into the Word of God as her compass in enlightening readers about sexuality in marriage. Some verses are specific to marriage and intimacy, while plenty of others are about Christian principles that carry over into how we view the Creator of sex, ourselves, and our marriages. I adore this important focus in Unlock Your Libido.

2. Wisdom from Someone Who Knows. Bonny’s been there, done that, so to speak. She understands what it’s like to be a wife with a lower sex drive, but she also has a testimony of awakening her libido. Since she’s been in those trenches, she has practical, field-tested advice for wives who don’t desire sex much. There’s no standing-on-a-soapbox, but rather a heart and a hand to help you on your journey to becoming a more sex-positive wife.

3. Positive Self-Talk. Want to know something with a really good track record of effecting positive change in your life? Changing your self-talk. Research and testimonies are clear on this one. But sometimes we read a book, agree with it, but don’t take any actions for those truths to soak in. In Unlock Your Libido, Bonny gives a positive affirmation for each week you can practice and use to combat the enemy’s lies and replace them with godly truth. Working on that little action won’t take long each day, but over time it can make a big difference.

Bonny understands that the goal for a low-drive wife shouldn’t be getting her to “fulfill her duty” and surrender herself to her husband. That’s not what God had in mind when He designed sex for marriage! Rather, the hope is to awaken, or unlock, your libido — learn how sex can be good for you, increase intimacy in your marriage, and become something you look forward to and enjoy. Sex is also for you.

I’d love to give away a copy of this important resource to every low-libido wife, but of course that’s impractical (not to mention I’d get into huge trouble with the hubby for that unexpected expense!). So I’m going to encourage you to grab your copy now! But I’ll go ahead and give away one copy to a commenter below.

Bonny Lodgson BurnsBonny Logsdon Burns writes to encourage the low libido wife at www.OysterBed7.com. She is passionate about empowering and equipping hurting women through God’s Word and practical tools. She and her husband, David, are candid about their struggles and victories. They have three sons, like to try new foods, and dance to their own music. (You can also find her on Twitter and Facebook.)

 

Comment below for a chance to win Unlock Your Libido, and go check out the resource for yourself! (Be sure to include your email address, but you can choose whatever name or nickname you wish to show up on the site.)