Ah, Monday, you are here again. Thus it’s time for another Q&A session on my blog. Here is a question posed in the comments section of my Q&A for J with HHH post:
Can you give some thoughts or advice on taking pics or vids of you & your spouse for you two to enjoy?
To be honest, I’m not a personal fan of taking sexual pictures and video. Why? Primarily because you never know when and how they might be discovered. Someone in your family might find the evidence or it could get culled from a computer. Recently, Julie Sibert of Intimacy in Marriage did a great job of addressing related privacy concerns with Sexy Email? Think Twice Before You Send. Another issue is that I’m not sure I want to see myself naked that way; you know, without professional lighting, airbrushing, and Photoshop. Finally, I have the notion that overuse of this medium could get a couple hooked to being titillated through images rather than interaction with each other.
So given my own approach to this subject, it should not surprise you to learn that my husband and I do not have a private video collection — even though I’d give a thumbs-up and five stars to plenty of our performances.
Yet, I understand the appeal. There is something tantalizing about not only experiencing sex with your spouse, but viewing yourselves with one another. A photographic image is like a mirror, but one that you can look at over and over. I can also imagine how hot it could be to send your spouse a photo of the two of you entangled together with a caption like, “Let’s do this one again tonight.” Bring on the drool, baby!
Is it wrong? No, I don’t think so. Do you have to be wise about the way you do it? Yes, I think you should — for privacy’s sake and to ensure that such visual representations remain in their proper context, as teasers for the main event.
If you want to give it a shot, here are a few things to think about when taking sexual photos for or with your spouse:
- If you try to hold up a camera and engage in something at the same time, you likely won’t get much. If you really want a good picture, follow general photography advice: Frame the shot ahead of time. Use a tripod and see where you want to aim the lens.
- Remember that black-and-white photography is more forgiving when it comes to nudity. Color provides a starker image, and your physical features and blemishes will show up. You may want color, but you might want to try black-and-white too.
- If you want to pose a shot, pose it and get your picture. But make that separate from lovemaking.
- If you’re actually making love, don’t play to the camera. It might be tempting, but physical intimacy in marriage is not about performance but connection. And you don’t want to connect to the camera. You should be paying attention to your spouse! If you can’t focus on the sex itself, turn off the camera. It’s not worth it.
- Be prepared to take a lot of photos or video . . . and then erase some of it. Those magazine covers you see do not come from a few clicks of the camera. Nor are movies filmed in a single take. Likewise, if you want something worth looking at, be selective. Not every photo or moving picture is worth saving and viewing later.
- Don’t critique. Even though I think our “performance” has been red-carpet worthy at times, it’s really not a performance. Ever. Don’t judge him or even yourself. If you had sex, connected and grew together, and enjoyed your time, it’s perfect. If you start saying things like, “Look at how my thighs shake, ugh!” then the next time you have sex, guess what you could be thinking about? Remember, sex is about focusing on your spouse and the intimate experience.
- Have a fool (or kid) proof plan for protecting the privacy of your images. Where will you store these photos and videos? How will you lock the files? What is your plan to prevent them from being discovered and gazed upon in horror by your mother-in-law? (She wants grandkids, but not details.)
- Move beyond the images through the use of words and touch. When either or both of you view the pictures or video, add something personal to it. Include a suggestive caption with a photo, cuddle as you watch the video, talk about what you enjoyed about your time together and what you anticipate in the future. Remember that the photos/video are representations of the real you.
If, like me, you’re reluctant to put it all out there for the camera, you could always draw a picture of yourselves for your spouse. Here’s mine:
So what about the readers? Have you taken photos or videos of yourselves? Do you have recommendations? What have you done to protect the privacy and security of such images?