The London 2012 Olympics has arrived! I don’t know what your favorite summer Olympic sport is, but I always find myself watching gymnastics at some point. So I looked up the USA team gold medalist hopefuls and found this video about Jordyn Wieber:
Now you might wonder how I can possibly draw lessons for marriage and sexuality from the story of a 17-year-old Olympian. Well, here I go.
Because I think we are involved in our own event of Sexual Olympics in marriage. We need the same attitudes that Olympians possess to nurture sexual intimacy.
All too often, what gets portrayed in movies, TV shows, and books is that the best sexual experience is among the first. We tend to believe that the first interaction of passion or the honeymoon are the best sexual experiences a couple will have. Not so, bloke. Couples tend to experience the best sex years into their marriage.The video of Jordyn showed her doing gymnastics as a child and, while she was good back then, she has grown into an athlete worthy of accolades and applause through several key factors. Let’s take them in turn.
Desire. Olympic athletes want to be involved in their sport and achieve. Sexual Olympians in marriage also have a strong desire to be the best they can be. I’m not talking about desire in terms of libido here. You can have a low sex drive but still have a desire for quality marital intimacy. If you truly want it and see the importance of having it, you can build on that; you can develop a healthy libido and sex life in marriage. Having quality sexual intimacy starts with a strong desire to attain what God desires you to have in your marriage.
Focus. It’s called “intensity” in the video above. Essentially, this is the quality of blocking out other distractions and giving marital intimacy your full attention. This is a huge challenge with the demands on our time from job, household, friends, children, other family, and more. However, when you begin intimacy with your husband, your focus needs to turn to him. The other things can wait. Indeed, a strong focus on the sensations and pleasure of sexual intimacy can help wives achieve orgasm more easily and frequently.
Training. Olympians have coaches; couples can get coaching too. There are more resources now than ever to help you know what you’re doing in the bedroom. Pick up a book on Christian sexuality or follow some blogs with tips (I’ve given tips on orgasms, oral sex, and more myself). Ask a more experienced woman in church if you can. And most importantly, let your spouse train you as to what is most effective to turn him on and make him feel desired and close to you.
Practice. Ah, now the fun part! If you want to have quality sex, you need some quantity sex. Olympians don’t just practice every other week. They hit the gym daily, for hours on end. Now I’m not suggesting that you have sex every day for hours (although…). Rather, I’m saying that having lots of sex gives you practice and the opportunity to try new things, tweak your approach, hone your skills, and become a better lover for your spouse. And my, oh my, I’d rather practice mounting my hubby than dismounting a set of parallel bars any day. I’m just sayin’.
Performance. Thank goodness there are no judges in the bedroom! “8.3 with points off for a shaky landing.” And no announcers! “She simply couldn’t recover from that foible in the middle of her routine.” But hey, when you know you’ve put on your best performance — whether for the Olympics or your hubby in the bedroom — there is some part of you that beams with pride. “Oh yeah, that was me who made him sweat and pant with pleasure.” You want to stand tall and accept your gold medal because you are that good.
Balance. The mom in the video about Jordyn Wieber mentioned that she had to insist on balance for her daughter. I believe in this too. Getting the gold in your marriage isn’t merely about sexual Olympics. Aim for balance by attending to other areas of intimacy — emotional, spiritual, recreational, etc. In fact, your intimacy in the bedroom will be nurtured by focusing on other parts of your marriage too. The better the relationship, the better the sex; the better the sex, the better the relationship; the better . . . It’s a loop. Work on your friendship with your spouse, as well as your sexual intimacy . . . and both will improve.
Now what is your favorite Olympic sport? And what lessons for marriage can you draw from watching the Olympics?