I am still responding to questions left on my Q&A with J at HHH post. Today’s question was left by an anonymous reader who wants to know whether bridal boudoir photography is okay.
Hi! I asked this somewhere on the blog before, but I don’t think I asked in the right place. I basically wondered what you thought about bridal boudoir photography. In some senses, I think it’s a really cute and special thing to do for my husband-to-be (I’m getting married in December), because I won’t always have the body I have right now, and I’d like him to remember our wedding day from those pictures, so maybe bridal boudoir is kind of a way to remember our wedding night in pictures (except we definitely won’t have pictures that night, because I hear it will be messy and awkward.)
On the other hand, I feel really weird about a photographer seeing me in that state of undress, but maybe it’s kind of like a gynecologist, where it’s their job, so it’s not a big deal. And also, I feel a little bit weird about him getting the pictures the morning of the wedding, because (and this is way legalistic of me) then we’re not officially “married” yet. I don’t know. I guess I just wonder if I’m overthinking this and if it would actually be a fun, cute thing to do for him.
Here’s my response–short and sweet.
This wasn’t popular when I was getting married, so I had to do some research. There’s a wide range of boudoir photography, from an artistic black-and-white photo with a peek of the shoulder and a sexy grin to a come-get-me pic of a naked derrière or breasts. Part of it depends on what we’re talking about here.
However, I agree that these photos should NOT be presented before the wedding. Sexy pictures of the bride should not be thrown at the groom until he can have some of those goodies you’re tempting him with — after the vows are exchanged. You don’t want him standing there uttering “I do” but really thinking “I wanna.” (Yeah, yeah, male readers. Pipe in here and say you were thinking that already, but you gotta agree you didn’t need visual teasers in your brain.)
Yet a bridal boudoir photo as a wedding gift (post-vows) might be fun for a couple.
Remember a few things when taking pics:
You need to choose a photographer wisely. I would not pose sans clothing with a photographer I didn’t know. I’d probably set up a self-timer on my camera or find a close same-gender friend to take shots for me. That said, I know that photographers can be very professional about it. If the photograph is a mild teaser, you can certainly use a professional photographer. If you’re posing in the buff, you might think carefully about whether you want such photos in a photographer’s portfolio. I don’t think it’s wrong because let’s face it — the bikini waxer and the spray tan gal at the spa see as much or more. But I’d be uber-cautious about choosing someone.
You’d better have a great plan for keeping the photos private. You don’t want your in-laws helping you move one day and suddenly they come upon the boudoir photo of you in your hubby’s nightstand. We got some ‘splainin to do! Then again, some parents might just see that and think, “Yay, grandkids soon!”
The photo is a teaser of the real thing. The poses are fun, but it’s the action that matters. You don’t want your hubby attached to a photo of you. You want him attached to YOU. The picture should be like him finding a trail of clothes to the bedroom when he gets home from work: It’s a preview of the main event.
Speaking of all that action, your hubby will still love your body even as it changes with age if your sexual relationship is a good one. Looking at a boudoir photo of yourself later in life would probably be no different than looking at a clothed photo; sure, you’ll both look younger in those early photos, but with age and experience you have a deeper appreciation for one another. In fact, studies show that most couples are happiest with their sex lives after several years of marriage.
Congratulations and best wishes! Next week, I’ll be back answering a question about preparing for the wedding night!
Anyone have experience with bridal boudoir photos and want to add any tips?