4 Research-Based Tips for Better Sex

As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been clearing out emails (ever so slowly), including ones I’d received from Google alerts on sex research. I shared a few findings recently with What Research Says You Need for Better Sex), and I’m sharing more today!

Here are four more tips for improving your married sex life.

Clean the House

Last time, I addressed making your bed. But a survey of 1,000 people looked at how the state of their whole home affects their sex life. Apparently, “choreplay” is a real thing. According to researchers: “Over 50 percent of people said they’re more likely to have sex with their partner after they’ve completed household chores, and just over 60 percent said a clean, organized bedroom makes them more likely to have sex.”

How does that work? A good while ago, I wrote a post titled Is Vacuuming Foreplay?, in which I said my husband performing household chores turned me on. I’ve gotten pushback on that idea at times, but the point is not that his cleaning is itself arousing or that I’m “rewarding” my husband with sex like a bartering program.

Rather, hubby cleaning up clears that task to-do off my list, thus reducing my stress levels and making me more likely to get in the mood. Plus, both of us taking care of the house reminds me we’re a team in life — and make a good team in the bedroom too. That perspective is what I’ve heard from many other wives as well. And a few husbands.

Perhaps you should clean up and see how things go.

Source: MBG Relationships – The Surprising Thing That Gets Couples Turned On At Home

Talk (or Make Noise) During Sex

It’s crucial that you and your spouse be able to discuss your sex life away from the bedroom so that you can voice your desires, navigate obstacles, and troubleshoot problems together. However, a study of 398 people also linked sexual satisfaction to verbal and non-verbal communication during sexual activity. Which all boils down to: speak up or make some noise!

One caveat: The study also showed that your partner’s response to your communication style — non-verbal, verbal, moaning like a hyena in heat, whatever — impacts sexual satisfaction. “Given that individuals may be especially vulnerable when engaging in partnered sexual activity, the consequences of a negative partner reaction may have more impact than a negative reaction in a less vulnerable situation.”

We need acceptance and encouragement to express ourselves fully. So make sure you also reassure your spouse and let them demonstrate their pleasure vocally in their own way.

Sources: Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy: Show or Tell? Does Verbal and/or Nonverbal Sexual Communication Matter for Sexual Satisfaction?; MBG Relationships – Why Couples Should Talk More During Sex, According To Science; Explore Health – The One Thing That Leads to More Satisfying Sex, According to Science

Ad for Pillow Talk: 40 Conversations About Sex for Married Couples

Eat Chocolate

Ooh, aren’t you glad this one made the list?! Though specifically, it’s dark chocolate, not milk chocolate bars.

Dark chocolate has been shown to promote the release of phenylethylamine and serotonin, two body chemicals that improve mood. In addition, chocolate with 70% or more cacao may lower stress levels and inflammation—thus raising sexual interest and performance.

So why not invest in your sex life with a few nibbles of dark chocolate? Even better, feed each other as part of your sexual encounter! Dark-chocolate-dipped strawberries, anyone?

Sources: Medical Daily – Chocolates For Enhanced Libido: Why And How It Works; Express UK – Low libido: Eating this one thing can help increase your sex drive – what is it?

Run, Cycle, or Swim

Exercise leads to better sex? No shocker there. But a good reminder nonetheless.

Researchers surveyed 3,906 men and 2,264 women who were cyclists, swimmers, runners, and/or multisport athletes about their exercise habits and sexual function. Men who exercised more had less erectile dysfunction, while women who exercised more reported increases in arousal and orgasm.

How much is enough? Well, the biggest gains came with more than I plan to do — 10 hours a week of cycling. But improvements were significant in lesser amounts, particularly at the point of 6-7 hours of moderate cycling per week for men and 5.5 hours per week for women. The likely reason is simple: Exercise yields healthier arteries and better circulation, and that makes for your parts working as they should.

You don’t have to cycle, of course. The study also looked at swimming and running. Though if you see me running, you should run too — because we’re being chased by something we don’t want to catch us. I’d prefer to dust off our bikes and get back to riding together again.

Sources: Bicycling – How You Can Ride Your Way to Better Sex; The Journal of Sexual Medicine – Exercise Improves Self-Reported Sexual Function Among Physically Active Adults

A Quick Word on Research

If you see a sex study reported on a blog, website, or news source, don’t just go by the headline. Believe me, sex studies are not all equal. It’s important to look into who they studied, how the study was conducted, and what cautions are given as part of the results.

Who sponsored the study can also be important information, as commercial entities will sometimes finance research that benefits their bottom line. That doesn’t mean all results from such studies are wrong, but they should be more carefully scrutinized.

All to say: Be cautious. “Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways” (Proverbs 4:26).

Wrapping It Up

Here are the four tips in a nutshell:

  • Clean the house
  • Talk (or make noise) during sex
  • Eat dark chocolate
  • Run, cycle, or swim

Pick as many as you’d like and see how it goes!

And gentlemen, don’t forget to sign up for our upcoming webinar. Hosted by four female marriage and sex bloggers, you’ll get the inside scoop on Understanding Her Sex Drive for only $5! If you can’t make that time, no worries — replay is available.

9 thoughts on “4 Research-Based Tips for Better Sex

  1. Andrew Budek-Schmeisser

    O chocolate, the saints’ delight,
    mighty morsel with no flaw,
    I proclaim it’s only right
    to seek your protection by the law.
    You should be born in places guarded
    by the meanest, hardest men;
    visiting supplicants will be carded,
    trespassers remanded to the Pen.
    Your handlers must be deferential,
    clean of limb, young and keen,
    and your transit Presidential
    in an armoured limousine.
    Methinks you must be God’s essence,
    and what be Heaven, without your presence?

    Reply
  2. Tom

    Here’s a “yeah, but…” for #1. I completely agree with the sentiment. But what if it’s your wife junking up the bedroom? She’ll complain about the stack of books on my bedside table, yet be seemingly oblivious to the rest of the bedroom mess which is all hers.

    Reply
    1. J Post author

      Hotel sex? Just kidding.

      How about establishing a routine where you set the timer for 5, 10, or 15 minutes, then clean up the bedroom together for that amount of time? You get as much done as you can, but not worry about the rest because you have a hard end-time. And then, you can reward yourselves with some nookie if you’re both up for it!

      Reply
  3. Anonymous

    I would agree with 3 of the 4 tips. I do more chores than my wife (due to my wife’s health) and this has no effect on my wife’s interest in sex.

    Also I do the chores around the house to benefit both of us, not to get some sex. I think it is unhealthy to reward working around the house with sex.

    Reply
  4. Joseph

    This is one of my favorite post purely because I love everything on this list except running and my wife enjoys some of these as well.

    Clean the house (She won’t admit it but it definitely makes a difference)
    Talk (or make noise) during sex (Very important for both of us)
    Eat dark chocolate (I buy her chocolate of some kind almost weekly; she loves it and expresses it)
    Run, cycle, or swim (We are both way more active sexually when we consistently exercise)
    -The difference for us is almost daily vs once or twice a week.
    -except running because I hate it and it hurts my wife’s ankles lol

    Reply
  5. Ben

    Great, great post of course as always, darn, wish we had “road friendly” bike routes near us. I really enjoy riding but our darn road is so dangerous, people fly and there’s no bike lane/side at all. You take your life into your own hands around here, ugh, guess we/I need to take them somewhere safe but just don’t like biking by myself, ugh, oh well, we’ll see but that’s again, another great one!! 🙂

    Reply

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