Quick note: I’m on Day 21 of not feeling well. No lie. I’ve had two Covid-19 tests, both negative, and my primary care physician is now playing Dr. Gregory House, trying to diagnose a weird set of symptoms that include extreme fatigue and brain fog—which have made it difficult to get work done. I’ll be fine, but when I’m gone from my site and communities for a while, I like to explain my absence.
Natural and personal lubricants have been on my mind lately.
Too Much Wetness
First, my higher desire wife community had an interesting discussion about natural lubrication. Most of the time, sexperts like me are asked about vaginal dryness, but in fact, some wives have the opposite issue: their bodies produce more vaginal secretion than they need.
Such wives can feel self-conscious or embarrassed about how wet they, and their bed, get during sex. What can a wife do to address this situation? Here are a few options:
- Put down a towel or waterproof pad on your bed to soak up any extra.
- Keep a small towel nearby to sop up some of the fluid and get to the level you prefer.
- Consider taking a decongestant before lovemaking; it can have a drying effect not only on your sinuses but your vaginal secretions.
Meanwhile, be honest with your husband about what’s going on. A number of men believe the wetter the better, because that means a wife especially aroused. But while arousal does tend to lead to natural secretions, it’s not a guarantee and the amount is more determined by a woman’s physiology.
Explain that you need some wetness, but too much can make things more slippery than you want them to be and, for some wives, can diminish the experience.
Then there was the post from Julie Sibert of Intimacy in Marriage titled Pumpkin Spice or Bourbon-Scented Shampoo? Is This Sexy? in which she talked about a pumpkin-spice flavored personal lubricant.
Not long after, Julie graciously substituted in for me with the Knowing Her Sexually podcast, and as a thank you, I sent her that flavored lube. Unfortunately, I failed to tell her it was on its way! So then she wrote a second post under the impression that a random company had sent her a sample: Pumpkin Spice Lubricant? It’s a Thing.
But that got me thinking about flavored lube—specifically, what makes for a good flavor. Truth is, I’m not a fan of pumpkin-spice anything. Just like with foods, people have different tastes. So if you try a flavored lube and don’t like it, don’t assume you don’t like flavored lube at all. Try a different brand or flavor.
All About Lube
Finally, I wrote about a wife’s lubrication for the KHS Ministry website: Why Your Wife Needs Extra Lube. Intended for the husbands, I did some deep-dive research and explained what I’d learned about how a wife’s body lubricates, when it lubricates and when it doesn’t, and why supplemental lube can be a good thing for lovemaking.
Plus, I point out, gents, that her wetness is not the best evidence of your lovemaking skills. Yes, you should be attentive to the arousal and foreplay that help your wife lubricate, but sometimes a wife can be engaged mentally and not-that-wet physically. Something could be amiss, or it could just be biology.
To get that whole lowdown on lube, check out the post here:
And More on Lube
Of course, I’ve written on this topic before. Here are some more resources:
- Q&A with J: A Guide to Using Personal Lubricant
- Which Personal Lubricants Should You Try?
- 5 Tips for Choosing a Personal Lubricant
AND Sex Chat for Christian Wives still has our Oral Sex webinar (with lube info) available for replay, for ONLY $10! Or get this one and our webinars on Getting in the Mood and Orgasm for a bargain buy of $25!