Quick note: I’m on Day 21 of not feeling well. No lie. I’ve had two Covid-19 tests, both negative, and my primary care physician is now playing Dr. Gregory House, trying to diagnose a weird set of symptoms that include extreme fatigue and brain fog—which have made it difficult to get work done. I’ll be fine, but when I’m gone from my site and communities for a while, I like to explain my absence.
Natural and personal lubricants have been on my mind lately.
Too Much Wetness
First, my higher desire wife community had an interesting discussion about natural lubrication. Most of the time, sexperts like me are asked about vaginal dryness, but in fact, some wives have the opposite issue: their bodies produce more vaginal secretion than they need.
Such wives can feel self-conscious or embarrassed about how wet they, and their bed, get during sex. What can a wife do to address this situation? Here are a few options:
- Put down a towel or waterproof pad on your bed to soak up any extra.
- Keep a small towel nearby to sop up some of the fluid and get to the level you prefer.
- Consider taking a decongestant before lovemaking; it can have a drying effect not only on your sinuses but your vaginal secretions.
Meanwhile, be honest with your husband about what’s going on. A number of men believe the wetter the better, because that means a wife especially aroused. But while arousal does tend to lead to natural secretions, it’s not a guarantee and the amount is more determined by a woman’s physiology.
Explain that you need some wetness, but too much can make things more slippery than you want them to be and, for some wives, can diminish the experience.
Then there was the post from Julie Sibert of Intimacy in Marriage titled Pumpkin Spice or Bourbon-Scented Shampoo? Is This Sexy? in which she talked about a pumpkin-spice flavored personal lubricant.
Not long after, Julie graciously substituted in for me with the Knowing Her Sexually podcast, and as a thank you, I sent her that flavored lube. Unfortunately, I failed to tell her it was on its way! So then she wrote a second post under the impression that a random company had sent her a sample: Pumpkin Spice Lubricant? It’s a Thing.
But that got me thinking about flavored lube—specifically, what makes for a good flavor. Truth is, I’m not a fan of pumpkin-spice anything. Just like with foods, people have different tastes. So if you try a flavored lube and don’t like it, don’t assume you don’t like flavored lube at all. Try a different brand or flavor.
I personally think Sliquid and Jo brands do a good job of providing flavor without going overboard.
All About Lube
Finally, I wrote about a wife’s lubrication for the KHS Ministry website: Why Your Wife Needs Extra Lube. Intended for the husbands, I did some deep-dive research and explained what I’d learned about how a wife’s body lubricates, when it lubricates and when it doesn’t, and why supplemental lube can be a good thing for lovemaking.
Plus, I point out, gents, that her wetness is not the best evidence of your lovemaking skills. Yes, you should be attentive to the arousal and foreplay that help your wife lubricate, but sometimes a wife can be engaged mentally and not-that-wet physically. Something could be amiss, or it could just be biology.
To get that whole lowdown on lube, check out the post here:
And More on Lube
Of course, I’ve written on this topic before. Here are some more resources:
- Q&A with J: A Guide to Using Personal Lubricant
- Which Personal Lubricants Should You Try?
- 5 Tips for Choosing a Personal Lubricant
AND Sex Chat for Christian Wives still has our Oral Sex webinar (with lube info) available for replay, for ONLY $10! Or get this one and our webinars on Getting in the Mood and Orgasm for a bargain buy of $25!
15 thoughts on “Let’s Talk Lube”
Praying for you J. Brain fog can be the worst!
Hope you get to feeling better soon!
Not to play doctor, but have you (or he) explored vitamin/mineral deficiency? I mention this because several years back I began experiencing my own brain fog, in particular not being able to articulate thoughts, as well as having visibly aged in just a few months’ time. In a moment of clarity I realized that I’d stopped buying orange juice a few months before (for budget-cutting purposes, and fruit juice being liquid sugar) and had not been replacing the Vitamin C with anything else, e.g., a multi-vitamin or leafy greens. I (almost) immediately went out and bought a gallon of OJ and a pineapple, and since then have been buying fresh papayas on a regular basis .
The result was not like flipping a switch but the fog cleared up and I even turned back the clock a bit. I have been more conscious of nutrition in addition to overall calories, ever since. I imagine a lot of us (myself included) are experiencing Vitamin D deficiency with all of the time we’ve spent indoors since February. Hope you get things sorted out soon!
Thanks for the tip, Terry. I’m no multivitamins (for women over 50!), added B12 recently, and have gotten substantial bloodwork to figure out what’s going on. Just waiting for results. But I’ll make sure to track that. Glad you found the underlying cause for your issues! It can be particularly frustrating when you don’t feel like yourself but don’t know why.
My brain fog, which continued intermittently for two years, turned out to be Parkinson’s disease–which will NOT show up in a blood test. I was finally diagnosed in January 2020 and given dopamine pills. The brain fog has mostly cleared up, but some of the symptoms (difficulty walking, loss of sense of smell) will never improve. I’m 81, BTW.
Oh my! The older I get, the more I learn about all the things that can go wrong with our bodies. Given how complex they are, it’s amazing how much goes right! But I took for granted a lot of my health when I was younger; now I’m of the age to either experience or know someone who has experienced a number of health challenges. I’m sorry that yours is Parkinson’s; that’s rough. Praying for your comfort and strength.
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You have not found a tick on you at any time, have you? My extreme fatigue, brain fog, and inflamed lymph nodes last year was all due to a tick bite. It was awful. Prayers for your recovery!
No, but it’s my understanding that nearly half of those diagnosed with Lyme disease did not recall a tick bite or rash. And those ticks are awfully small, so they’re easy to miss.
Meanwhile, Kelli, I’m so sorry you went through that! Having dealt with all that, I have genuine, deep empathy. Hope you’re much better now!
My wife and I have dealt with her Fibromyalgia for the past 35 years. Brain fog is one of the conditions she complains most about during a flare-up. A major “ah-hah” was when we discovered that she was deficient in Vitamin D. Under a doctor’s direction, she took a prescription Vitamin D supplement for a few years and maintained levels with an over-the-counter supplement. I’m not a doctor, but I think it would be worth your time to check it out. One of the challenges with fibro is separating contributing conditions in a syndrome without a specific biological test. I expect that there will come a day when fibro is broken down into the actual problems causing the condition, and each will have a specific treatment. I point at Vitamin D as it was the only treatment that actually reduced the frequency of most severe of her condition’s occurrences, rather than just alleviated symptoms.
Thanks, Brian! And yep, the doctor checked for vitamin deficiencies. I didn’t have any! I also take a daily multivitamin that has extra vitamin D, which is usually a good idea for women of a certain age, like me. 🙂
My doc tried diagnosing me with fibromyalgia, but turned out it’s allergies. A claratin a day keeps the brain fog and fatigue away! I also had to find out what foods triggered it.
I want to strangle any male marriage blogger who tells his readers “the wetter the better” when it comes to lubrication. (I HATE the word ‘lube,” so gross). Too much wetness is just terrible for sex. No feeling, no way to orgasm. It just sucks. It’s rather be a little too dry than a little too wet. Dousing her with lubricant isn’t a good idea.
Consider also that communication is deeply necessary. Couples should be able to talk about their needs & desires openly, especially if things change such as after birth or hysterectomy.
Lyme Disease causes extreme fatigue and brain fog. I have it. I was bitten by a tick. It mimics MS.
Oh my! I’m sorry for you. That’s rough.
And yes, one of the initial theories with my health problems was Lyme disease, but further investigation ruled that out.
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