A while back, I wrote about what wives wanted to hear from husbands, based on comments to a meme I reposted on the Hot, Holy & Humorous Facebook page. After a nudge from a commenter to do the same for husbands, I posted a second meme for that purpose.
The query to wives got over 300 responses, mostly from women. How many husbands responded to the meme?
Despite over 3400 people seeing the post and 1527 “engagements” on Facebook, I got a whopping 33 answers from men! I guess you gents are already hearing everything you want from your wives! ~wink~
Still, some patterns emerged from this small sample. Like last time, I’m grouping the answers into categories that could help wives better understand their husbands and meet their emotional needs.
So what did husbands report wanting to hear from their wives?
Feed Me
There’s a joke that all a wife needs to do to make her husband happy is show up naked with a sandwich.
Now, of course men are more complex than that. However, the quickest way to some husbands’ hearts may indeed be through their stomach, since 5 of those 33 responses focused on food.
- I made you dinner.
- Honey, supper is ready.
- I’m making dessert tonight.
- It’s cheesy garlic bread.
- I made banana pudding.
Thankfully, this is not my own husband’s emotional need, since this sign hangs in my kitchen and is oh-so true.
A chef, I am not. But if your husband enjoys a great meal or dessert, maybe it’s worth learning how to make one or where to order from! Or share the experience by taking a cooking class or watching food TV together.
He gives food to every creature.
Psalm 136:25
His love endures forever.
Support My Hobby
For the ladies, there was a category I titled “Support My Goals.” Perhaps I should have titled this section the same thing. After all, as I said before: “Both husbands and wives have dreams, desires, and pastimes they’d love their spouse to support.”
Except that, while many women’s responses mentioned hobbies, a few focused on overall life goals. Whereas the men seemed to home in on recreation and stuff they want to pursue those hobbies. In fact, this was the biggest category, with 1/3 of the responses landing here. Examples:
- Please buy that boat.
- The PS4 is on.
- Go fishing right now.
- Hey, let’s go camping.
- Let’s ride the Harley.
- Firefly has been renewed.
Spock was sad about the cancelation of Firefly as well. Oh, and my car is named Serenity, for several reasons, including it being the name of the spaceship on that show. So that last one struck a chord in my household!
Recreational intimacy is important to many husbands. A lot of guys report that they feel more connected and loved when their wives are present and/or supportive of their activities.
So if your husband has a hobby, find a way to get involved. You don’t have to do what he’s doing—though you might want to—but encourage him, show up to support him, and/or carve out time and money for him to do that side thing that gives him joy.
Have Sex with Me
You’re not shocked this hit the list, are you? Many husbands feel particularly accepted, loved, and valued through sexual intimacy with their wives. And sex feels good. (At least it should!)
But there’s another aspect of the sex-related comments that I noticed—a sense of playfulness.
- I’m in bed naked.
- You make me horny.
- I’m your dessert tonight.
- Boom Boom all night.
- Sex first then fishing.
Most wives would not want sexual initiation worded that way, but it works for a lot of men just to say what you want with a flirtatious overtone.
Oh, and one husband suggested these four words in a man’s ear: “Your penis is huge.” We can laugh about that phrase—I did!—but many guys are secretly concerned about the size of their penis.
All of this put together show us wives that we can love our husbands better by looking for opportunities to initiate sex, by adding a sense of playfulness to our sexual intimacy, and by reassuring our husbands that they’re more than enough.
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Tell Me You Love Me
Men long to be loved too. They want to hear it, feel it, know it. Many husbands want to hear from their wife either a straightforward expression of love or that she wants to spend time with him. Just consider these answers:
- Just you and me!
- I love you, dear.
- I’ll be home early!
- I still love you.
- With my whole heart.
Marriage is and should be a special relationship unlike any other. As Kevin Thompson’s book title put it, you’re friends, partners, and lovers. Your marital covenant is intended to reflect God’s relationship with His people (see Isaiah 54:5 and Ephesians 5:31-32).
But in the day-to-day grind of life, or maybe because you’ve had tension and conflict in your relationship, you may not have reminded your husband lately that you really do love him. Do you need to whisper that in his ear? Do you need to recommit with your words, and your actions, to pursuing lifelong love?
Miscellany
Once again, a few answers didn’t fit neatly into my categories.
One particularly flummoxed me: “I’m pregnant with triplets.” Wow, really? That’s what he wants to hear? Okay then. Good luck with that. (Though I wonder if he‘d be willing to carry three babies for nine months. #justsayin)
Another one was “I folded the laundry.” Either that’s the husband’s job regularly or he really hates folding laundry. Either way, I suspect his love language is Acts of Service.
But the answer that gets a hearty high-five from me is this one: “You are always right.” Not because that should be said in a marriage, but yeah, I would love to hear that one too. (Hey, Spock, tell me I’m always right! *waiting, waiting, waiting*)
Not a bad idea, though, however, to acknowledge when your husband gets something right. We should be willing to give our spouse kudos for things done well. Including what your husband does well in the bedroom.
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Thanks for this great reminder. The list made me smile and reminded me of Shaunti Felhahn’s terrific work. But I totally get the triplets comment. We’ve not experienced the pain, (we have 8 kids) but knowing couples who have experienced infertility… this would be the sweetest thing to hear ever.
Oh yeah, that’s an angle (infertility) I hadn’t considered! How shortsighted of me. Thanks for that insight.
Here’s a shout out to all Brown Coats! Firefly (and sci-fi in general) is something we share, to the extent that one of us can quote this and other shows to fit a given occasion and the other knows exactly where the quote came from – and then we laugh at ourselves for being such geeks.
I would have thought “Give me some space” would also be among the requests as my understanding is men like to have the freedom to pursue interests independently of their wives, in addition to having us share in some of them. Nothing inappropriate of course but hobby clubs, bro-mances and general guy-time are necessary and healthy as men actually aren’t the lone-wolves and islands society expects them to be much of the time. My own husband doesn’t galavant much but he does attend the odd Lego (or AFOL – Adult Fan of Lego) club meeting (or did before Covid hit) and recently attended a drag race with his dad; and as he’s very attentive the rest of the time I’m happy to send him off to have some fun.
“I guess you gents are already hearing everything you want from your wives!” Sorry, but this is definitely not the reason for so few responses. Perhaps there is some husband somewhere to which this applies, but I don’t know of a single one. After 30 years of marriage, it still holds true. I’m not trying to be a downer, but just want to let you and your readers be realistic.
Oh, I agree. That was an attempt at humor.
One husband suggested that men would likely respond more in an anonymous survey, where they wouldn’t get called out for their honest answers. I’m curious whether you agree.
Sorry, J. I guess I took that wrong. I can’t speak for others, but I would definitely be open to an anonymous survey. I would never want to hurt my wife and am very protective of her, so I am always cautious about what I write here. You are always free to reach out to me via email if you want more detailed answers, since you have my email. I don’t mind sharing honest thoughts with you.
I wasn’t offended. Did I seem so? Sorry, Chris. I was just curious whether you thought men would say more if asked privately rather than on a public Facebook page. That’s all.
I think women as a generalization are more likely to 1. Follow your Facebook, Instagram, or Pintrest page and 2. Infinitely more likely to post on a public forum such as that.
Glad to know that. I am very, very opinionated in some things, but I really don’t want to offend. It can be tough in written words, when you don’t have the voice inflections.
RE: food. I must be similar to Spock. Food doesn’t do anything for me. I could eat pretty much the same thing every breakfast, every lunch and every supper. As long as I stay alive, that is what food is for. I like your sign! I’ve heard another version (Julie S maybe??) “What I lack in the kitchen, I make up for in the bedroom!” More to my liking.
RE: support a hobby. She does that. And I appreciate it.
RE: have sex with me. Yep! I would love to hear any type of words like were suggested AND follow thru. As to the ‘huge penis’ type comment, that would do nothing for me. Like most men I’m sure, we know if we are huge or not. So for her to say that would be a little patronizing. I am comfortable being what God made me-average. Just for her to say during a sexual moment that she “loves my penis” (or better yet- ‘I love your ____!’) would be a HUGE turn on. She says nothing during sex.
RE: tell me you love me. Words aren’t my LL. But like you posted, I need to feel it and know it. Showing the love in ways that it impacts me deeply would be wonderful. I.e. Making time for us. Saying NO to some things that keep her extremely busy. Maybe reading HH&H (or similar blogs). Working on our sex life. etc….. It would make me feel loved in ways that she has no idea.
To add to the humor…..I came home from an OB appointment at 9 weeks to tell my hubby we were having triplets. He spent the next 3 hours outside trying to breathe, ending up in the ER over the next 6 months with anxiety attacks and on anxiety meds. It definitely wasn’t a turn-on for him. 😆 However, now having a lot of friends in the infertility world being a triplet mom, I can definitely see how it possibly could be.