A while back, I wrote about what wives wanted to hear from husbands, based on comments to a meme I reposted on the Hot, Holy & Humorous Facebook page. After a nudge from a commenter to do the same for husbands, I posted a second meme for that purpose.
The query to wives got over 300 responses, mostly from women. How many husbands responded to the meme?
Despite over 3400 people seeing the post and 1527 “engagements” on Facebook, I got a whopping 33 answers from men! I guess you gents are already hearing everything you want from your wives! ~wink~
Still, some patterns emerged from this small sample. Like last time, I’m grouping the answers into categories that could help wives better understand their husbands and meet their emotional needs.
So what did husbands report wanting to hear from their wives?
There’s a joke that all a wife needs to do to make her husband happy is show up naked with a sandwich.
Now, of course men are more complex than that. However, the quickest way to some husbands’ hearts may indeed be through their stomach, since 5 of those 33 responses focused on food.
- I made you dinner.
- Honey, supper is ready.
- I’m making dessert tonight.
- It’s cheesy garlic bread.
- I made banana pudding.
Thankfully, this is not my own husband’s emotional need, since this sign hangs in my kitchen and is oh-so true.
A chef, I am not. But if your husband enjoys a great meal or dessert, maybe it’s worth learning how to make one or where to order from! Or share the experience by taking a cooking class or watching food TV together.
He gives food to every creature.Psalm 136:25
His love endures forever.
Support My Hobby
For the ladies, there was a category I titled “Support My Goals.” Perhaps I should have titled this section the same thing. After all, as I said before: “Both husbands and wives have dreams, desires, and pastimes they’d love their spouse to support.”
Except that, while many women’s responses mentioned hobbies, a few focused on overall life goals. Whereas the men seemed to home in on recreation and stuff they want to pursue those hobbies. In fact, this was the biggest category, with 1/3 of the responses landing here. Examples:
- Please buy that boat.
- The PS4 is on.
- Go fishing right now.
- Hey, let’s go camping.
- Let’s ride the Harley.
- Firefly has been renewed.
Spock was sad about the cancelation of Firefly as well. Oh, and my car is named Serenity, for several reasons, including it being the name of the spaceship on that show. So that last one struck a chord in my household!
Recreational intimacy is important to many husbands. A lot of guys report that they feel more connected and loved when their wives are present and/or supportive of their activities.
So if your husband has a hobby, find a way to get involved. You don’t have to do what he’s doing—though you might want to—but encourage him, show up to support him, and/or carve out time and money for him to do that side thing that gives him joy.
Have Sex with Me
You’re not shocked this hit the list, are you? Many husbands feel particularly accepted, loved, and valued through sexual intimacy with their wives. And sex feels good. (At least it should!)
But there’s another aspect of the sex-related comments that I noticed—a sense of playfulness.
- I’m in bed naked.
- You make me horny.
- I’m your dessert tonight.
- Boom Boom all night.
- Sex first then fishing.
Most wives would not want sexual initiation worded that way, but it works for a lot of men just to say what you want with a flirtatious overtone.
All of this put together show us wives that we can love our husbands better by looking for opportunities to initiate sex, by adding a sense of playfulness to our sexual intimacy, and by reassuring our husbands that they’re more than enough.
Tell Me You Love Me
Men long to be loved too. They want to hear it, feel it, know it. Many husbands want to hear from their wife either a straightforward expression of love or that she wants to spend time with him. Just consider these answers:
- Just you and me!
- I love you, dear.
- I’ll be home early!
- I still love you.
- With my whole heart.
Marriage is and should be a special relationship unlike any other. As Kevin Thompson’s book title put it, you’re friends, partners, and lovers. Your marital covenant is intended to reflect God’s relationship with His people (see Isaiah 54:5 and Ephesians 5:31-32).
But in the day-to-day grind of life, or maybe because you’ve had tension and conflict in your relationship, you may not have reminded your husband lately that you really do love him. Do you need to whisper that in his ear? Do you need to recommit with your words, and your actions, to pursuing lifelong love?
Once again, a few answers didn’t fit neatly into my categories.
One particularly flummoxed me: “I’m pregnant with triplets.” Wow, really? That’s what he wants to hear? Okay then. Good luck with that. (Though I wonder if he‘d be willing to carry three babies for nine months. #justsayin)
Another one was “I folded the laundry.” Either that’s the husband’s job regularly or he really hates folding laundry. Either way, I suspect his love language is Acts of Service.
But the answer that gets a hearty high-five from me is this one: “You are always right.” Not because that should be said in a marriage, but yeah, I would love to hear that one too. (Hey, Spock, tell me I’m always right! *waiting, waiting, waiting*)
Not a bad idea, though, however, to acknowledge when your husband gets something right. We should be willing to give our spouse kudos for things done well. Including what your husband does well in the bedroom.
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