One of the aspects I adore about the Song of Solomon, the one biblical book devoted to marital intimacy, is how the wife communicates her own enjoyment of sex with her husband. She doesn’t just make love to meet his needs and desires; she finds pleasure in the experience too!
And then, she goes a step further and shares with her husband her appreciation of their sexual intimacy.
How handsome you are, my beloved!Song of Solomon 1:16
Oh, how charming!
And our bed is verdant.
How can we wives lovingly communicate our enjoyment of marital lovemaking?
Here are five ways to let your husband know you enjoy sex.
1. Say yes.
One sure way to let your husband know you don’t desire and enjoy sex is to say “no” often. Of course, the opposite is true: Say “yes” often, and he’ll get the message that you see sex as a priority for your marriage. But don’t merely be available; get engaged. Say “yes!” to the whole experience.
Show up to the marriage bed as a fully participating lover. If you give your physical intimacy more attention and focus, you’ll likely find yourself enjoying sex more and more.
Note: This doesn’t mean you can’t say no. You certainly can, but overall the setpoint in a marriage should be toward yes. If you have good reasons for refusing, address them so you change the course of sexual intimacy in your marriage.
2. Move your body.
Lean into the lovemaking. When you have sex with your husband, touch and caress him. Kiss his lips and his body. Rub against him with your body. Tilt your hips toward him. Move in rhythm with his thrusting.
Your movement will likely increase your own arousal. Moreover, when you “get into it,” you convey to your husband that you’re fully involved in what’s happening with your bodies. It’s like the difference between a man dancing and dragging his partner across the floor, and the both of you fully enjoying the “mattress mambo.”
3. Make some noise.
No matter how focused your husband is on other things, he can probably hear you throughout the sexual encounter. So let your voice convey when you are feeling pleasure.
Noise can be anything from low moaning to heavy breathing to unbridled screaming—whatever fits the moment, your comfort zone, and the distance from your bedroom to the children’s bedroom. But don’t worry so much about sounding weird or being overheard. Let loose a little and make some bedroom noise.
(Oh, and don’t worry so much how you look either: Forget What You Look Like While Making Love.)
4. Initiate Sex.
Show him you like sex by outright asking for it! Most husbands revel in that moment when a wife overtly suggests sex. Your initiation can take the form of sexy flirting, setting a romantic scene and donning special lingerie, requesting sex at a particular time and place, or simply straddling your husband in bed and saying, “Let’s do it!”
But make it a priority to initiate sex, at least now and then. Express to your husband that sex is so wonderful you’re eager to make love again.
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5. Just tell him you like it—but not subtly.
We wives are often brought up to use courtesy and subtlety as ways to communicate in a ladylike fashion. That’s all well and good, ladies, but most men don’t read social cues and body language as well as we do. They don’t take hints. So simply say it—as candidly as you can.
It can be as straightforward as “You’re an amazing lover,” as meaningful as “I adore feeling like one flesh when we make love,” or as playful as “Honey, you put the wow in bow-chicka-bow-wow!” But get the point across to your husband that sex is important and satisfying.
Those are small ways to let your husband know that you enjoy making love. And they can foster your enjoyment of lovemaking as well!