Welcome to another monthly roundup of recent posts, podcast episodes, recommended resources, and much more. Scroll through to find what you might have missed or your next great resource for marriage.
Disclosure of Material Connection: This post includes one or more affiliate links, meaning if you click on the link and purchase an item, I receive an affiliate commission at no additional cost to you.
This Month on the Blog
It was a rough month for blogging, primarily because we were getting settled in a new place. But I did manage a couple of posts.
From Sex Chat for Christian Wives Podcast
From Knowing Her Sexually Podcast
My Post at KHS Ministry
Click the image below to read. (I posted twice this month on KHS.)
A Few Great Reads Elsewhere
- I came across this really interesting article from 2018 addressing Rosemary Basson’s research: The Misunderstood Science of Sexual Desire (thecut.com). Basson helped reframe sex drive as sometimes happening after things get going rather than before; that is, responsive desire. But she also noted that its opposite, spontaneous desire, is a bit of misnomer—because we’re all responding to something, and the real difference is simply how long it takes to go from stimulus to arousal.
- Does sex inevitably decrease as you age? Not necessarily! In fact, plenty of older couples are having better sex than ever. Check out this article for the scoop: Almost half of over 50s say they’re having the best sex of their lives – Yahoo News. (Being in that over-50 category, I agree with that conclusion.)
- In the marriage ministry world, there has been a lot of talk and controversy surrounding the release of Married Sex, a book written by Gary Thomas, a pastor and author with a master’s in theology, and Debra Fileta, a licensed professional counselor and marriage therapist. Whatever you think of the book—if you think of it at all—Julie Sibert penned a thoughtful review, including tips on finding the right resource for you: 3 Reasons I Recommend Married Sex Book By Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta (intimacyinmarriage.com). A related post from me would be How to Read a Marriage Book.
Recommended Resources & Products
Have you seen my webinar with Dr. Jessica McCleese on overcoming negative sexual messages? It’s still available and entirely FREE. Click here and scroll down to the bottom of the page.
Also be sure to check out Jessica’s other excellent resources! She’s a licensed psychologist and a certified Christian sex therapist.
In my last roundup, I mentioned a wonderful book by Juli Slattery titled Rethinking Sexuality. Then I came across this series of six short videos from her through Focus on the Family, and it is soooooo good. Begin with Episode 1: How Do You Define Sexuality?
If you can get your spouse to watch with you, great. And be sure to check out the follow-up questions and prayer.
And it’s not too late! You can still sign up and watch the Awesome Marriage Retreat online, including my session on God’s Gift of Sex: What’s Keeping You from Enjoying It Fully? Once you purchase, videos are available for viewing for a full year.
Hosted by Dr. Kim Kimberling & Awesome Marriage, this conference focuses on marriagtee as a whole, including physical intimacy, but also communication, conflict-resolution, relationship-building and more.
$49 per couple
What I’m Reading
Esther Perel, licensed psychologist and expert on relationships and sexuality, wrote a book titled Mating in Captivity that was widely highlighted and discussed. I jumped in to see for myself what was so groundbreaking about her perspective.
I haven’t finished yet—honestly, because I’ve lost interest and had to kick-start my determination several times over. While I now understand why this book got talked about a lot, I generally don’t agree with the premise. It’s basically this: relational intimacy and sexual interest are at odds with one another, because physical desire is linked to separateness and mystery. Put simply, knowing your partner well outside the bedroom can interfere with your drive to know them inside the bedroom.
Look, I think there’s some truth to that when you approach sex as a physical high. And it is a physical high, in that humans enjoy being aroused, pleasured, satisfied. But God’s design for sex goes beyond that to a deeper emotional intimacy.
Nearly 29 years into marriage, I no longer get the excited butterflies in my stomach about having sex with my husband, but it’s so much more comfortable, vulnerable, intimate, and profound. It’s also playful and fun and exciting. I don’t miss that initial high because what we have now is better.
Though I’m not finished reading, I cannot recommend this book. If you want to know what Esther Perel is about, you can visit her website or look up her TED Talk. But her approach starts from a different paradigm than the biblical one, and I’m far more interested in what the Creator of sex has to say about it.
What J’s Up to These Days
I recently told a friend that I have lived a pretty interesting life. After all, “I have been quoted in a Rolling Stone article online, I have had a book I wrote on shelves in Barnes & Noble and other bookstores, and now…I have named a sex position.”
Yep, I described a sex position in a recent episode of For Christian Wives, then tried to find it on my go-to site for positions, Christian Friendly Sex Positions. When I didn’t come up with it, I consulted the site’s owner. He agreed it wasn’t there but offered to draw it up and include in their extensive list. And then, he offered to let ME name it. Woohoo!
Meet the Dragonfly Sex Position. You’re welcome. ~grin~
And as if that isn’t fun enough, I also attended the Texas Renaissance Festival this past month. My husband and I have been several times, but this time we were joined by our older son and his wife. What a lovely day!
Here are me and Spock in costume:
Biblical Inspiration for the Coming Month
I live in a warm, humid climate most of the year. It’s finally turning cold with temps in the 50s Fahrenheit (that’s 10–15° Celsius). Okay, that’s not cold to a lot of you, but it is a respite from the 80s and 90s we’ve had for a very long time. And it means we’re switching from air conditioning to heat in our home.
But you know what’s even better to keep warm in winter? Snuggling up to your spouse. The Bible points it out! So here’s your inspiration.
By the way, if you’re in a warm climate this time of year—I see you folks Down Under and many others!—it’s still fun to snuggle with your beloved.
Hi J.
didn’t you mix the books for that beautiful proverb a bit up?
I found it in Ecclesiastes 4:11 (NIV):
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Greetings
Lo
Wow, thank you so much! I can’t believe I didn’t catch that, but I have great readers who help me out! I’ll get it fixed ASAP.