Hot, Holy & Humorous

Why Isn’t Sex Like What You See in Movies?

Two lovers stumble toward the bedroom, caught up in passionate kisses and undressing one another with their eyes and nimble fingers. Clothes come off in a snap and fall to the floor, leaving a trail behind them. They can’t get enough of each other and lower themselves onto the bed in a well-orchestrated crash. Their bodies join and move in rhythm, as dramatic music plays in the background. Their contorted faces reveal waves of pleasure rushing over them as they experience simultaneous climax. A sigh of satisfaction follows. And minutes later, the cycle begins again, to be repeated over and over, all night long.

Yep, you’ve just watched movie sex.

When have I ever experienced such an encounter? Um, never.

Yet, we wives may watch these scenes and feel a twinge of jealousy at how well it goes for the movie couple and even frustration that our own sex life isn’t that hot-and-heavy. Why can’t our husbands say such beautiful words? Why can’t our husbands kiss us that fervently? Why can’t our husbands deftly move their hands and lips all over us for hours on end until we are caught up in a rush of excitement worthy of Meg Ryan’s famous orgasm scene in When Harry Met Sally?

Reality check: Sex isn’t like that. The sex you see in movies is scripted by professional writers, portrayed by professional actors, choreographed by directors, accompanied by orchestras, and fine-tuned by film editors. Not to mention makeup artists, costume designers, and body doubles.

But real sex is every bit as good, or rather better … because it’s real. Go in with the right expectations, and it can be five stars.

The Actors

You and your spouse are the stars of your bedroom. No screen testing required. Yet you were picked especially for the part, by a spouse who chose you and loves you above all others.

We wives often struggle with not looking like flat-tummied, hourglass-figured actresses (ignoring that our husbands were overlooked for a People’s Sexiest Man Alive nomination). But you are the one with whom he wants to make love. Find ways to be confident about who you are and how you look. Pamper yourself with a bubble bath or a home pedicure. Dress the part with lingerie of your choice. Remember that you are a daughter of the King, knit together by God Himself. In your marital bedroom, you have stage presence, and with your husband, there can be plenty of off-screen chemistry.

The Script

The script is more like an improvisation prompt than the screenplay of an Oscar-winning film. It goes like this: You’re on a bed, you’ll eventually put your private parts together, but get there however you want. And…action!

Let the lovemaking unfold in its own way. If it’s not going smoothly, communicate and adjust. At times, sex can be awkward or even funny. Raise your hand if you’ve ever fallen off the bed. (Ooh, Ooh, Me!) Don’t sweat the small stuff. Remember that this is an opportunity to explore one another, express your love, and enjoy the moment. There isn’t a single way to do that. Make it up as you go.

The Setting

If you can hire John Williams to write your love theme and an orchestra to play it while you’ve making love, go right ahead. The rest of us must set the scene ourselves.

And it need not feature a perfectly lit bedroom with a crisp, white-sheeted bed, rose petals strewn about, and music playing in the background. Or even the movie favorite of a moving elevator—as if that would even be comfortable or wise, given security cameras these days. Your perfect setting can be anyplace you choose, as long as you two have space and feel free to make love there.

But take time to create an atmosphere that puts you in a romantic mood, like sprucing up the bedroom, playing music, or using special lighting. Make it an inviting place to retreat from the world and focus on marital intimacy.

The Director’s Cut

Remember that the ultimate Director of your lovemaking is God Himself. Sex in marriage is His idea (Genesis 2:22-24; Song of Songs 5:1). God created sexual intimacy not to be a well-edited scene from a film, but to be a series of scenes from a marriage that lasts a lifetime.

Yep, I’d rather have God in the director’s chair than Stephen Spielberg any day of the week.

This post was originally published July 12, 2013 on OysterBed7.com.

12 thoughts on “Why Isn’t Sex Like What You See in Movies?”

  1. I don’t know anyone who thinks Hollywood sex scenes are real, but I am sure they are out there. The reality is that it takes work and patience with each other. I prefer to make sure my wife is satisfied first, regardless of what that means (it is her pleasure, not mine, so it is often different than what I have in mind and often different than the last time). And all night long? My wife and I would both be exhausted and no longer really enjoying ourselves long before it was all night long, even during our younger years. Yes, I’ve counted the most number of orgasms she has had in a row and the highest number was not an “all night long” event. My unsolicited advice is to simply enjoy being together, enjoy the closeness and connection, and forget about Hollywood.

      1. Did you mean to reply here, or to my question? Regardless, my entire post is about not putting together all those pieces to make it feel like a movie. Sexual intimacy in marriage isn’t a performance! Yes, we do some things to create a romantic and/or safe setting, to add a bit of spice to the experience, to show how we prioritize the other’s presence and pleasure, but you don’t need All The Things for sex with your spouse to be special. And attempting to compare our sexual encounters to the movie’s fantasy version means we miss out on what God intended sex to really be—a one-flesh experience with our beloved mate.

        1. I find it encouraging to see that we are so often, maybe always?, on the same page. Your husband is blessed, as I am by my wife. And no, none of us are perfect, or at least I am not. My kids know they could ask me anything about marital intimacy, but they also know I will turn multiple shades of red while responding. Just the way it is. Regardless, I want to speak truth into their lives. You should have seen how sheepish I looked giving my sone a care package for his honeymoon with his amazing bride. He could not have chosen better, and not could she.

  2. Teresa Richardson

    as soon as my husband’s system clears from his prostrate cancer treatments, I hope to make those sexy moves in our bedroom. Right now, cuddling is center stage

    1. Cuddling is another way to show and build intimacy! Enjoy that until you can get to the other stuff. And I’m praying for your husband to be cancer-free!

  3. So women really like these things? Should it be important to go all out in this manner? I don’t think I understand whether the extras matter so much

    1. For my wife, sometimes. Sometimes she likes a straight forward approach. Sometimes she like a soft and gentle approach. Sometimes she likes me to initiate (last night it failed miserably), sometimes she likes to be the one to initiate. Women are incredibly complicated, in my opinion. There are no set rules. After 33 years of marriage, I have figured one thing out; there are no rules. The same touch or caress can bring out burning passion or just a mild enjoyment, or perhaps nothing at all. This is not a criticism, just a personal observation. I can’t explain further, since I am just a man.

  4. “Why Isn’t Sex Like What You See in Movies?”

    Because seeing our spouses wearing their birthday suit, the feeling of their skin, the touching and tasting during slow foreplay and the act of penetrative love making is far more raw, emotionally euphoric and passionate.

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