Tag Archives: Lauren Hanna

Views on Sex from a Recently Married Virgin

Actually, it might be more accurate for the title of this post to be Views on Sex from a Recently Virgin Married. Because Lauren Hanna, who wrote Let’s Talk about Sex, Shall We?, has returned to share her transition from single-and-engaged virgin to happily-married wife. Here’s her update, along with a few comments from me.

Blog title + bride & groom

My husband and I were both virgins when we got married in November of this year. Not only were we virgins, we were 28- and 25-year-old virgins with both of our primary love languages being physical touch. We were excited to have sex. I mean . . . who wouldn’t be?! We had heard all of these wonderful things about it, and although we had no clue whatsoever what it would really be like, we were darn eager to try.

After withholding ourselves for so long, certain expectations inevitably grew — some were right on, others were better, some weren’t met at all . . . and it was all good.

1. Sex Is Simple

The first expectation that was blown out of the water was that sex is some mysterious, complicated thing. It’s not. It’s simple. Ha! Both my husband and I were absolutely amazed at how simple it really is, but at the same time it is so profound. I don’t quite know what we were expecting exactly with that one, but I love that God didn’t make it hard. Sure it can be a bit awkward sometimes, and we’re still learning the ropes (it’s barely been a month of doing this), but at its essence sex is simple.

J: It is simple for most couples to get the hang of it. Those who struggle should check with their doctor and/or a counselor to see what might be getting in the way of successful intercourse.

2. Sex Is Unifying

The other thing that really amazed us is how it really does unify you. Although sex is simple, it is profound. Something about making love puts you in complete unity with each other. It’s being vulnerable and intimate and passionate all at the same time. Honestly, I think that’s one of my favorite things about it. I totally get why the Bible tells us to wait until marriage, not that there isn’t redemption and amazingness if you didn’t wait. However, I can’t imagine being that vulnerable with someone and then having them break your heart. That would be awful! I found myself gaining even more compassion for those that have been through that, because in its context sex is absolutely beautiful, strengthening, and powerful.

J: Yes, it is awful to have your heart broken by someone you gave your whole body to. Unfortunately, I know that feeling. Which is why many of us who were sexually active prior to marriage strongly encourage singles to wait: wait for the real thing. Redemption is always available, but I pray that as many as possible can avoid the bad memories and the scars. Then once in marriage, unify away!

3. Just Relax

One expectation that was right on was me tensing up the first time. Both of us were pretty nervous and excited, and well, it’s true . . . be relaxed. I had heard that could happen, and sure enough it did. But then I remembered all the advice I had been given of “just relax,” and the moment that I did that there was no pain. Hallelujah! I was then able to focus on enjoying my husband and starting this new part of our relationship.

J: I love Lauren’s testimony on this — that you really can practice relaxing and learn to enjoy what’s happening with your body and your intimacy.

4. Goodbye, Body Issues

Before entering marriage, I was a tad critical on my body. Somehow along the way (blame it on whatever magazine, doll, TV show, etc. you want), I managed to immediately start looking at my flaws when I looked at myself. I was pretty nervous that my husband would see them all too. I just wanted to be perfect for him, you know? After being married for this month, I don’t really do that anymore. I have never been complimented on my body more in my entire life! He really does think I’m beautiful . . . even the parts that I deemed to be flaws. I’m starting to see myself in a different light now. I don’t see flaws now, I just see parts of my body that make me . . . me — they give me character.

J: Some of us are still critical about our bodies, but it can be so reassuring to have one’s husband delight in your beauty. When my husband’s gaze grazes over me with pleasure in his eyes, I do feel more like God’s handiwork. And we wives need to believe it when our husbands say we’re beautiful.

5. It Can Be Pretty Funny

We’re just learning right now. Still discovering ourselves and each other. Since we have no prior experience, things can sometimes be awkward and/or comical. We’ve laughed . . . a lot. If something doesn’t work according to plan, no biggie; we just try again and have a good laugh in the process. Actually, to be honest I think it’s pretty cool that we can feel comfortable enough to be able to laugh.

J: Yep. For instance, I’ve written here, here, and here with humor about the marital bedroom.

6. Orgasms Are Awesome

I’d heard about them, but good heavens they are glorious! Seriously.

J: Glorious. That about encapsulates it. If you’re still struggling with the Big O, check out this post or this one.

7. Intimacy

I love how making love is so intimate. I get to know things about him that no one else will ever discover, and vice versa. That’s pretty exciting to me — to give all of yourself over to someone else. It’s a gift. We get to express our love for each other, every single time in ways that are exclusively for us. I think it’s pretty special actually, and our relationship has gotten so much better because of it. I really do love that.

J; Such a beautiful, intimate experience when it expresses and fosters covenant love in marriage! Lauren gets an “Amen” from me.

All in all we’ve had a really good experience so far. It’s definitely been a lot of growing and learning, but it’s a lot of fun. I’m really thankful that over the years I had heard so many stories and gotten a lot of advice from blogs like this and from women I know and trust. I think it’s helped me out a lot during this transition. I probably would have felt way more nervous and overwhelmed had I not had that. I’m excited to see what happens from here!

Thanks so much to Lauren Hanna for sharing her story with us! I pray for many more years of marital bliss for her and her husband.

Lauren HannaLauren Hanna is a 25-year-old composer based out of LA. She loves God with all her heart and loves seeing people become who He made them to be.

Let’s Talk About Sex, Shall We?

What a treat today to welcome Lauren Hanna! She’s a blogger at The Encouragement Express, which delivers daily encouragement to believers. It could be a verse, a quote, a blog post, or something else that gets you thinking and inspires you in your day.

Lauren describes herself as a “Holy Spirit junkie” and she loves puns, so I knew she was my kind of gal when she offered a guest post to Hot, Holy & Humorous. She’s got a perspective I couldn’t have offered, so I’m thrilled to have her here today — talking about why we should go ahead and talk about sex.

Take it away, Lauren!

Mom & daughter talking

I am a 25-year-old engaged virgin. You can only imagine the comments that I have heard because of this. There has been something that I have noticed though. So many people shy away from talking about sex around me. Because of this there is a fear that I have discovered, and I want to expose it. The fear is… “If I talk about sex to someone and tell them how great it is, they are going to end up sleeping around.”

I want to stand (metaphorically of course) in front of all of you and say, “I am living proof that this is not true.” In fact, quite the opposite is true. So for all of you happily marrieds out there, let me encourage you — talk about sex. Talk about it with your single friends, kids, and kids’ friends. Now hear me on this, obviously be age appropriate with these conversations. You don’t need to go graphic for us to get the picture, but it’s something that needs to be talked about.

I have been very fortunate to be surrounded by amazing women mentors who were never afraid to be vulnerable with me when I had those awkward questions. Let’s face it. We’re all curious, and if we don’t find out the information from someone we know and trust, we’ll go looking for it elsewhere.

I remember the first potentially awkward conversation I had with a worship leader at my church when I was in my late teens. My best friend and I came up to her, wondering what on earth KY was. We had been seeing all of these commercials on TV for it. We knew it dealt with something in the bedroom, but no idea what or why it was needed. God bless this worship leader! She sat us down, and proceeded to describe what it was, and why lubricants are used. She described how the first time having sex can sometimes hurt the woman and having a lubricant can make the process a lot easier. Call me naive, but I had no idea that was even a thing! I just figured that the first time I had sex it would go like clockwork. My whole world opened up.

Having women in my life who answer these questions is priceless. I mean you should hear the questions I have asked. Be creative in thinking about that, because chances are I’ve asked what you’re thinking about.

Another reason why I think it is so important for the marrieds to talk about sex, is because you are having it in exactly the way the Lord intended. You don’t realize it, but we see and take in everything. We look at you guys and dream of what our marriages will be like.

These women who’ve mentored me have all talked about their sex life in some capacity to me. Sometimes it’s as a joke or a funny story. Sometimes it’s been endearing and romantic. And sometimes it’s even shown me how sex can comfort you in times of trial and grief. All of these things make me so look forward to getting to be with my future husband. However, hearing their stories showed me how intimate sex is, that it’s not really meant to be as casual as our culture would say. To be honest, I didn’t want to be that intimate with anyone else besides my husband.

The best way I can describe it is this. Remember when you were a kid at a theme park, and you couldn’t go on a roller coaster ride because you were too short? Oh you heard the tales of how exciting and fun these machines are, and you couldn’t wait until you were tall enough. If you were like me you would stand next to the fridge and pray that you would be as tall as it was. Did you try to sneak on the ride anyway? No. You waited. Eagerly. Then that day came when you were tall enough to ride the roller coaster, and you were so excited! That’s how all the talking about sex has been for me. I’m the kid who’s not quite tall enough to ride the roller coaster. I understand that it’s best if I wait because it’ll be so much better if I do.

Finally, talking about sex takes the pressure off. I’m sure you remember your first time — there’s a lot of pressure! However, when I read blogs like this one, and talk to family and friends it completely takes the pressure off having to perform.

I have begun to understand that having sex is so much more than the physical. It is the mental, emotional, and spiritual too. The way sex has been portrayed to me is a deeper intimacy between you, your best friend, and the Lord. Sometimes all will go as planned, and other times it won’t — so you have a good laugh and move on. In fact, it has been told to me on more than one occasion that we don’t have to feel like we need to get everything perfect the first time… or the second… or the tenth time! We have our whole lives to get to know each other in this way. That removed the weight of the world off me the first time I heard it.

So please, on behalf of all the single people out there. Don’t be afraid to talk about it, and certainly don’t hold back if we ask you something. On behalf of my generation, we need this.

I know more people who have fallen into porn, because they got curious about how this stuff works and next thing you know, they’re addicted. I have more friends who wish someone would have had a real conversation about sex, answer their questions, and more specifically talk about why it’s important to keep sex in the bounds of marriage. Multiple people have told me they probably would have waited until marriage to have sex had those conversations occurred.

You have a precious gift and a wealth of wisdom that we need. This generation and the next are crying out for it. I promise you we will be far more receptive than you realize. Even if we act awkward or annoyed, don’t let it discourage you. It is still sinking in! You’re planting seeds, and giving us the best chance for a successful marriage and sex life. Both my fiancé and I have learned way more than most going into marriage, and because of that we have been set up for success in the bedroom as well as our marriage as a whole.

Lauren HannaLauren Hanna is a 25-year-old composer based out of LA. She took up blog writing about five years ago when people started asking her to send them daily encouragements. One thing lead to another, and now she is the writer of a successful blog called The Encouragement Express. She loves God with all her heart and loves seeing people become who He made them to be.