Tag Archives: sexual positions

Why Try More than One Sexual Position

It’s not hard to find books about sexual positions. Any large bookstore will have several choices. That said, it is hard to find books about sexual positions that are both instructive and tasteful. Which is why I tackled the subject in Sex Savvy: A Lovemaking Guide for Christian Wives and included a few illustrations (by my marvelous illustrator, Matt).

While I’ve encouraged trying new sexual positions, I recently realized I didn’t cover something possibly important: Trying more than one position in a single sexual encounter.

Sometimes when we make love with our spouse, we get set on doing a certain thing, and we follow through with that from kickoff to climax. But instead of looking at sexual positions as select one and see it through, you can use two or more positions within your sexual encounter to increase the pleasure and excitement for both of you.

Let’s cover some ground on this idea together.

closeup Portrait of Feet of a couple in bed + blog post title

What Positions

Which positions you try are up to you, but remember that everything from whether you’re lying down, standing, or sitting — to who’s on top or on which side — to the angles of your legs, hips, torso, etc. to which way you’re facing goes into determining the sexual position. For instance, the same basic position can feel different with your legs raised than your legs down. So trying out variations on the main themes (like missionary, woman-on-top, rear entry) can result in a sexual position you haven’t tried . . . and might enjoy.

(And since I almost always get asked — no, I don’t know of a specifically Christian book on sexual positions I’d recommend. And yes, I wish there was one. But as I said, I have information in my book, and there are also some respectful, illustrated books out there as well as a website or two. Plus, there’s the marvelous idea of experimentation.)

Why More Positions

More than one position within an encounter can increase both your pleasure and your intimacy. For instance, making love can feel more intimate face-to-face, eye-to-eye — while rear entry might give you the stronger climax. So why not do both? Face each other for a while and enjoy that connection, then shift into the more physically arousing position.

Secondly, each of you may respond better to one position than another — and it likely won’t be the same position. So perhaps you can make love in the way that helps her reach climax — including the opportunity for him to also manually stimulate her during intercourse, if needed — and then you switch to what works best for him. Then both of you get what turns you on most.

Also, you might try more than one position within an encounter to explore and experiment. What does it feel like when we do X? How about Y? How do and Y compare to Z? Well, you could give it a shot and see what you think. With all the results lined up together right there, it’s pretty easy to sort out what you do and don’t like. This is especially nice to try when you have enough time to sample and savor the experience — when orgasm isn’t on-the-clock, so to speak. (You parents with young’uns know what I’m talking about!)

How More Positions

If you’re making minor adjustments in your positioning, you can likely accomplish that without any fanfare. Just move your legs, hips, whatever, and get the new angle going. But if you’re going to make a big change in sexual positioning midway through, you must have a way to communicate. All your communication need not be verbal, but you have to be able to coordinate what’s happening next.

You can talk out beforehand which positions you’re going to try, and then signal when it’s time to switch to the next one. Or you can talk it through as you make love (e.g., “I want to get on top,” “Can you flip over?”). Alternately, you can use your hands to do the talking — that is, point which direction you want to go, or move your partner’s body to the position you desire. Just have some way of getting on the same page about your physical intimacy.

But . . . 

One last caveat. Learning to include several positions in your sexual intimacy repertoire can enhance the experience, physically and emotionally, for both of you. But all that said, this ain’t the Olympics. You don’t get extra points for doing the triple Axel jump or a reverse somersault dive in the middle of lovemaking. You don’t have to break the bed or your hip joints to enjoy some change-ups in your sexual positioning.

So take it easy on yourself and start by shifting a bit here and there. If you’re more adventurous (and younger than I am), of course you can try those positions that make some people tilt their heads and ask, But how do they…? Yet the point of sex with your mate is not to say you’ve run the gamut of possibilities or won the Most Sexual Positions Tried trophy, it’s intimacy and pleasure. If changing up your sexual positions accomplishes that, go for it. If a position doesn’t enhance your lovemaking, leave it behind.

So have you tried multi-positioning in a single sexual encounter? What suggestions do you have?

How to Try New Sexual Positions

Some time ago, I wrote a post called Mission Position about seeking new positions for lovemaking. If you want to click over and read it first, I’ll wait.

I was recently in a secondhand bookstore perusing the shelves and, as usual these days, ended up in the sexuality section. I like to see what’s being published and read on this topic, especially those books written by Christian authors. On this visit, I picked up a book on sexual positions. (One caveat: I never open up the sex books with photography to illustrate.) In it were some interesting configurations, along with a drawing of a woman in a back bend and the man thrusting into her.

Seriously? A back bend? I’ve also seen a drawing of a man in a back bend with the woman on top. Who does that? Circus people?!! I was both intrigued and appalled that anyone would get into that position to have sex.

That said, there are a lot of sexual positions worth trying. Some provide more access to view each other, some more control for one partner or the other, and some provide different sensations. So let’s say you want to try a new sexual position. How do you know what to try? Besides a back bend (heaven help us all), what are the options?

What I’ve figured out is that all of those positions suggested in books (like the 64 positions of the Kama Sutra) are really variations on a theme.

FIRST, THERE IS RELATIVE POSITIONING.

Man on top. Face-to-face, husband on top, and wife underneath.

Woman on top. Also face-to-face but wife on top, husband underneath.

Side by side. A couple facing each other side by side.

Rear entry. Husband entering wife’s vagina from behind.

NEXT, THERE IS GENERAL POSITIONING.

Lying down. Husband and wife are mostly lying down.

Kneeling. One or both are on your knees.

Sitting. The wife sits on her husband’s lap.

Standing. Both husband and wife standing up.

THIRD, THERE IS THE ANGLE OF YOUR TORSO AND LIMBS — MAINLY WIFE.

Crouched. Your torso is bent. For a wife, this usually means bending at the waist to create a shorter distance between entry and the end of her vagina. Bending in this way can increase the likelihood of her husband thrusting into her elusive G-spot.

Spread wide. The wife spreads her legs wide which gives the best access for viewing, touch, and entry. In this position, the husband may be able to go deeper into her vagina as well.

Legs together. When a wife keeps her legs together, it can create greater friction on the man’s penis and squeeze the opening a bit to provide more pressure.

Legs bent. One or both legs can be bent just slightly, moderately, or with the wife’s knees all the way up to her chest. Each configuration provides a different sensation to both the husband and wife. In particular, the knees-to-chest position can feel more intense and allow the penis to brush against the wife’s G-spot.

Legs up. Throwing your legs up in the air may feel awkward at first, but lifting the legs up changes the angle of the body as well. A wife can even drape her legs over her husband’s shoulders.

It is my contention that you can come up with all kinds of positions by simply playing mix-and-match here. Let me show you what I mean.

DISCLAIMER: I am a terrible artist. However, since I didn’t want anything too graphic here, I decided that stick figures would work just fine for my purposes. Thus, the following are my own pitiful renderings of the sexual positions. Nothing shown below should be attempted based on an erroneous belief that these stick figures are anything like the real you. But I tried.

MIX AND MATCH.

So here’s your typical sexual position: Man on top, lying down, spread wide.

Now here’s Man on top, standing, legs up.

Well, that’s different.

How about woman on top, sitting, legs bent?

Rear entry, kneeling, legs together?

You see what I mean? You can achieve numerous positions just with these basics (and I am a terrible artist).

Also, wives, tilting your hips is another way to shift the angle and feel something different. For example, in that last position, the wife can move her chest toward the bed or ground and tilt her hips up to meet her husband. In the missionary position, she can tilt her hips up off the bed.

If you’ve never tried anything adventurous in this area, start small. Keep the other two positions as usual and change the third. For instance, keep direction and general position and change the angle. Or keep direction and angle and change general position. You get the idea.

By the way, many scholars believe that Song of Songs 2:6 is a reference to a sexual position: “His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me.” It sounds like side by side to me, but it certainly doesn’t appear to be the missionary position (man on top). So I guess the Lover and the Beloved were a little adventurous themselves.

Mission Position

I was in the public library once and happened upon the marriage help section. Seeing a title with a couple of Christian authors I recognized, I picked up the book on marital sexuality and thumbed through. When I found the chapter about positions, I was curious. They began by saying that couples needed to break out of the mold and try some new positions. Cool, I thought. Wonder what they are going to suggest.

Turning the page, I expected to come upon the delicious secrets of sexual positioning, a treasure trove of interesting approaches, a veritable awakening of information regarding the many different ways that a husband and a wife can connect in lovemaking!

I found four positions — described very dryly — all of which my husband and I had done in within our first few weeks as newlyweds. Hardly the revelation I was expecting. Sadly, when I mentioned this to a friend of mine, she remarked that three of those positions were probably news to some couples.

Since Christian authors have generally had little to say about positions, I have noticed many Christian couples turning to the Kama Sutra instead. The Kama Sutra is an ancient Indian Hindu text which includes advice about sexual pleasure and a chapter on positions for coitus. Apparently, there are 64 positions total.

The Bible’s definitive text on godly sexuality does not specifically describe or draw diagrams for sexual positions for married couples. However, scholars do contend that there are clues to positions used by the Lover and Beloved (husband and wife in Song of Songs, or Song of Solomon).

So should a Christian couple pursue different positions? Should they consult other resources? What about those 64 positions? How many of those are worthwhile?

I wondered these things too and once set out on a mission for sexual positions my husband and I had not tried. Now I refuse to consult many secular sources which provide photographs as instructional material. Using a resource that has paid two people to pose in sexual positions for an audience is not God-honoring in my book, so that is simply not happening. I do not get sex ideas from hard porn or soft porn, period.

So I looked among other resources, including Kama Sutra books, the Song of Songs, websites, and conversations with very close friends. And my hubby and I tried some of them. Having done some research and experimentation, let me share what I’ve discovered.

There are only a few main positions, but many variations. For instance, the missionary position (lying down, man on top, woman on bottom) is one category. Within that category, the way it feels for both partners can be varied — depending on where you place your legs, feet, arms, etc. Rear entry is another category, but how much you bend your body and where you place your hands provides different sensations. Those 64 positions in the Kama Sutra? They are really variations within a few major categories.

Some positions are unrealistic. I agree completely with Julie Sibert’s post, Hey, I’m a Housewife, Not a Gymnast (from Intimacy in Marriage). Some of the positions out there require a contortionist or a willingness to undergo traction later to perform. And for the husband, let’s just say that some things don’t bend the way that certain pictures would indicate. (And the mere thought of it would make most men cringe and protectively grab their groin area.) If any man out there can do the position I once saw with the hubby in a back bend, you should try out for the Olympic Gymnastics Team or Cirque du Soleil. That one is definitely not happening for most couples!

Varying positions provides several benefits.

Visual stimulation. Seeing you and your spouse connected from different perspectives can be titillating. For instance, woman-on-top may be particularly appealing for a husband to view his wife’s beautiful body.

Access. Certain positions provide better access to body parts that you want to touch or kiss. Perhaps one time the wife wishes to stroke her husband’s testicles by sitting atop him or the husband wants to enter from the rear to more easily fondle his wife’s breasts.

Control. You may wish to vary who has more control over the time of entry, thrusting, and pacing. At times, the wife may want to have more say for when she is ready for penetration — which may be easier for her from above. Other times, the husband may wish to assume charge of the “work,” so to speak.

Sensation. The husband penetrating his wife from different angles provides different sensations. For instance, I mentioned in my Pain & Pleasure post that rear entry may be more comfortable for wives with a severely tilted, or retroverted, uterus. Also, certain positions have a greater chance of engaging the ever-elusive G-spot (though some couples never find it and enjoy sex just fine).

It’s okay to be adventurous, and it’s okay to not be adventurous. Not every position is worth trying, and positioning alone is NOT the secret to having a great sex life. Spending your time developing a loving, intimate relationship with your spouse is much more worthwhile than reading through the Kama Sutra or any other sex manual. Don’t go making a checklist of all 64 positions with a box to check off beside each one!

The best way to start is to vary your regular position(s) a little. Move your arms or legs somewhere else. Tilt a little to the left or right. Angle yourselves a bit differently. Involve a chair or the side of the bed to create slightly different positioning.

Mission Position isn’t about trying everything so you can say that you’ve done it all! It’s about one key to a great sex life with your spouse: Loving them enough to find ways to mutually experience physical pleasure. If changing up your positioning increases your enjoyment of one another, go for it! If you’re both unbelievably ecstatic with that one perfect position you’ve got going on, keep going. If your spouse wants to try something new and you’re reluctant, you might end up enjoying it after all if you gave it a shot!

And one more thing: The older you get, the harder it is to stick your right foot behind your elbow and your left foot in your ear for the sake of sexual arousal. Some of the positions I’ve seen just make me grab the Ben-Gay and roll over to sleep.