Tag Archives: Top 10 Marriage Blogs

Reminder: Top Marriage Blogs Voting Ends Today

Top 10 Marriage Blogs 2011

As I have said before, I’m a bit uncomfortable with pimping promoting my own blog. In college, I did a project for film appreciation class on the history of the Academy Awards. Back in the 1920s when they began, actors and actresses wined, dined, and gave extravagant gifts to the voters to increase their chances of taking home an Oscar. I don’t want to be a schmoozer like that.

Yet I did think it appropriate to remind readers that today is the last day to vote on Stu and Lisa Gray’s Stupendous Marriage website for the Top Marriage Blogs of 2011. There are almost 50 nominees, and the 10 blogs with the most votes receive the honor of making the final list. You may only vote once.

Vote for whatever blog you enjoy! If you do, or did, vote for Hot, Holy & Humorous, accept my heartfelt thanks. Ultimately, however, the great thing about this exercise is that it gets more readers to blogs that are promoting godly marriages and quality relationships.

I will continue to do what I do here at Hot, Holy & Humorous. And I am continually grateful for the faithful followers, the casual readers, and the oops!-how-did-I-land-here browsers.


Blessings!

J

Orgasm: If Only I Could O

Orgasm. Have you had one? I recently got a question from a commenter. Here’s what she (Anonymous) said:

“My issue is that I have never had an orgasm. I’m beginning to believe that I can’t. I love sex… I initiate it more often than he does! But I know that it bothers him somewhat (a lot less than in the past!) and it bugs me! I believe it might have something to do with letting go and relaxing.. any tips for me?”

So if I were a sex therapist (which I’m not), I would likely ask questions about sexual history, events that shaped sexual perspective, marital health, techniques, and so on. But maybe it’s just as well to give a general “How to” lesson – which will be broad, but may include helpful tips. So without further ado, here’s my rendition of How to Orgasm.

Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally

from When Harry Met Sally

Don’t try to orgasm. Yes, it’s a worthy goal, and I’m in favor of reaching that awe-inducing climax and yelling “Yippee!” at its apex. However, trying to attain an orgasm is like looking for the perfect shoes. You almost never find them when you’re out hunting down what to wear with that outfit you paid too much for. But go out browsing with a girlfriend to enjoy the fun of shopping, and voilá! there they are – the perfect shoes practically winking at you through the display window.

Likewise, orgasms are not what you should aim for. Aim instead for pleasure, pleasure, and more pleasure. When the pleasure becomes particularly intense, orgasm occurs. So your target should be enjoying the sexual act as much as you possibly can.

Learn about your body. There are various ways to do this. Read up on the female body generally. Learn the parts that constitute arousal areas and how they work. The most thorough treatment I’ve read was from Intended for Pleasure by Ed and Gaye Wheat, but there are other sources. One important fact is that the clitoris is where orgasm occurs for women, and this body part appears to have no other purpose than inducing sexual arousal. (Thank you, God.) The Wheats state that “sufficient physical stimulation of the clitoris alone will produce orgasm in nearly all women.” Of course, what constitutes that “sufficient physical stimulation” is what wives, and husbands, need to know.Some experts suggest that you experiment with your own body, discovering where you like to be touched and with what intensity. It will feel different with your own hand versus your husband’s, but this information can be valuable. You can even make this part of a lovemaking session. Most husbands are very aroused by their wives touching themselves, and this can become part of the foreplay for sex. It can help him to see what you like.

You can also have your husband explore your body. I suggest that the wife remove her clothing, but that the husband remain dressed for this session (it can be awfully hard for him to not rush in to penetration if he’s already naked). Dedicate at least fifteen minutes, but even better a half-hour, to him touching you with his hands and lips. It may feel selfish to indulge only one of you, but learning what causes arousal for the wife will benefit the husband in the long run as well.

Slow way down. Men typically do not require as much foreplay as women. In fact, husbands have been compared to microwaves and wives to slow cookers for how long it takes them to heat up. (Thanks to Sheila Gregoire for reminding me of this comparison.) It takes some time for most women to become aroused, fully lubricated, and for the inner vagina lips (labia minora) to swell.

Moreover, women are mental multi-taskers. This can be a problem when it comes to sex. It takes time to wind down and push the to-do list to the back of our minds; to swat away those pesky distractions rushing through our brains; to relax into the arms of our beloved; to feel valued, treasured, and loved in that moment; and to let go and surrender to the sensations our body is experiencing.

And that’s okay. It can be a good thing when a wife slows down the lovemaking experience and ensures that a couple basks in the delights of one another. Give the wife time for pleasure and intensity to build.

Focus on the sensations. The female orgasm is mostly mental. As I said, God created females to be multi-taskers, so it’s easy for us to think about sex and — sex and our shopping list; sex and the lyrics to the song on the radio; sex i the way our breasts sag to the side instead of perking up like we wish they would. But you have to focus on what’s happening to your body to give in to it, to enjoy it, to climax.

Make your pleasure almost like meditation. Train yourself to focus on where your husband is touching, kissing, or fondling you. Think intently about your private areas as your husband is pleasuring them. If stray thoughts come in (and they do), return your mental gaze to your body and the stimulation of your five senses. Most women must practice this level of concentration – getting rid of distracting thoughts and returning focus to the arousal your body is experiencing. It may take time to do it with ease.

Communicate. Tell him what you like. When something feels particularly good, let your spouse know to keep doing it, or have him increase the intensity. When adjustments need to be made, verbally suggest what you want or direct his hands or lips to the area you want aroused.

Can this be awkward? Um, yeah. I have never seen a Hollywood love scene where one actor said to the other, “Oh, not there. Over a little bit. Yeah, right there.” (Actually, I see very few such scenes these days by avoiding R-rated films, but that’s another story.)

I still feel a little weird about speaking up during sex, but my honey doesn’t mind. Two things to remember: (1) he wants to pleasure you, so if something else would do more to rev up your engine, he wants to know; (2) he’ll respond much better to positive feedback than critical reviews of his performance. For example, rather than saying, “That doesn’t feel good,” move his hand and say, “I love it when you touch me there.” Smiles, oohs, aahs, and groans also let a hubby know when he’s hit the jackpot. You could throw in a “You rock my world, baby!” if you feel so moved. That usually goes over well.

Surrender to the moment. Orgasm is a paradox of tension and letting go. When a woman feels extreme sexual arousal, her body tenses. But she must surrender to the pleasurable sensations in order for her body to climax. This is something you might practice too. When you start feeling intense pleasure, concentrate on the body part being aroused and relax it. Do this a few times, and see if your pleasure increases.Give in to the moment when it arrives. Makes noises. Grimace. Scream. Flail about. Whatever floats your boat. I wonder about couples who videotape their lovemaking sessions because I’m pretty sure that orgasms are not pretty. If you watched a woman undergoing an intense orgasm, she might look like a rabid animal. But this is not the time to worry about how you look or what the neighbors might think if they heard you. (Hey, they’re probably thinking “Good for her!”) At that apex of pleasure, let go and revel in your one-fleshness.

My analogy would be riding a roller coaster (which I LOVE to do!). Tension grows as you slowly inch up to that tallest peak. When you reach the top, you must decide: Am I going to grip this safety bar and close my eyes? Or am I going to raise my hands and scream with delight? As you might guess, I always go for #2. It’s so much funner that way. Surrender to the moment.

Well, that’s it. Today’s tips for how to orgasm.

You know what was so great about this reader’s question in particular? She admits to enjoying sex . . . even without an orgasm. “I love sex,” she wrote.

By learning about my body and my interactions with my husband, I have no problem these days achieving orgasm. However, I don’t require climax to enjoy the closeness, arousal, and experience of sex with my husband. Sometimes, I simply don’t hit that Big O, and that’s okay. When I told my husband this, he was a little surprised. Most men figure that climax is a goal of sex; after all, they usually have one. The Generous Husband recently had a great post on this very topic: Okay – but only if I can skip the “O”.Still, orgasms remind me of ordering a peppermint hot chocolate (my go-to drink) at Starbucks. They always ask if I want whipped cream. I want to say, “Duh. The cocoa is great, but if I can get whipped cream, I’m totally there.”

Sex = chocolaty goodness. Orgasm = whipped cream. Definitely a great combo.

Starbucks cocoa

Now readers, what are you tips for achieving an orgasm? Have you struggled in this way? Learned anything along the way? Share your story or your suggestions.

Quick Note: Stu and Lisa Gray have revealed nominees for their 2011 Top Marriage Blogs List. Check out the links and vote at the Stupendous Marriage website.

Top Marriage Blogs 2011

Growing up, I was one of those kids during fundraisers who barely rapped on the neighbor’s door, hoped they wouldn’t answer, and when they peeked their head out murmured, “Do you want to buy _____? You don’t have to.” I hated selling! To this day, it is difficult for me to promote products or myself.

Top 10 Marriage Blogs 2011 logoSo when I received word that Stu and Lisa Gray of Stupendous Marriage are gathering nominations for their 3rd Annual Top Marriage Blogs List, I wondered how I should handle this. Ignore it? Mention it briefly and move on? Ask for a nomination from readers? Or simply go the route of Shameless Self-Promotion?

Then I decided that I’d rather focus on other great marriage blogs. So here are some terrific blogs I currently follow.

The Generous Wife. Lori Byerly gives daily encouragement for marriages with tips on everything from household organization to date ideas to sexual insights. These are quick reads, and there is a lot wives can apply to their marriages to make them better. Lori also does a round-up of posts from other blogs that have stood out to her, and I click through many of those links and find great material.

The Generous Husband. Paul Byerly speaks to the husbands in his daily posts on being a generous husband. I read them, though, because I get a lot of out of his blog. Both genders can learn from his tips for being kinder, more engaged, and more Christ-like in our marriages.

Intimacy in Marriage. Julie Sibert tackles the tough marital intimacy issues with aplomb. She’s covered everything from talking to your kids about sex to positions to her masturbation posts with me. She also posts straightforward advice on how to have a great sex life with your spouse. I highly recommend her blog and have yet to read a post I didn’t get something from.

Marriage Gems. Lori Lowe aptly titled her blog. She takes a research-based approach to strengthening marriage and keeps readers up-to-date on the latest information and studies. Also, her book First Kiss to Lasting Bliss is coming out in December 2011.

One Flesh Marriage. Brad and Kate Aldrich trade posts. They cover a wide variety of topics and do a great job of breaking down issues and providing step-by-step tips for working on problem areas. Their blog is informative and encouraging.

Preengaged. Eric and Heather Viets both post to their blog. Their topics are aimed at couples not yet engaged, engaged, or early into marriage. Yet a lot of what they say applies to all of us marrieds. They are able to take daily occurrences and draw lessons from them for our relationships, and I admit to being a complete love-sick sucker for their posts on fun marriage proposals.

To Love, Honor and Vacuum. Sheila Gregoire posts on marriage, family, and sexuality. From what I can tell, her target audience is Christian wives, but her appeal is broader than that. I especially love her Wifey Wednesday posts, which go to the heart of what we married gals need to hear. Also, be sure to look for her new book, The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, coming out in February 2012.

Winning at Romance. Gina Parris has used her extensive background in sports psychology to advocate for great marital intimacy. She has wonderful tips in particular for women who struggle with low sex drive. Gina also hosted the Sexy Summit Teleseminar Series with some fabulous experts, and you can still get the series by clicking the affiliate link in the right sidebar of this blog.

I could list many more, but these marriage bloggers post regularly on relevant topics and often address sexuality in marriage – which is my focus. By the way, if you want to suggest a marriage blog for the Top 10 List, click HERE to go to Stu and Lisa’s nomination page at Stupendous Marriage.

Now I’d like to hear from you! Which marriage blogs do you love and why? How has reading marriage-focused posts helped your relationship? What do you want to gain from marriage blogs?