I’ve taken some flack about a post I wrote some time ago (The One-Eyed Snake) about how wives do not typically find male genitalia at first to be, well, pretty. We are perhaps more likely to admire the beauty of a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes than a penis.
I wish to apologize to those who read my post and felt that I was encouraging distaste for the male body. Such was never my intention. In fact, at the end of the post, I encourage women to appreciate their husband’s body — all of it. Yet, I need to take responsibility for what I said since it came across that way to more than one reader.
Indeed, if you were to interview my husband and ask what his wife thinks of his tool set, I’m pretty sure he’d say I’m very interested in seeing, touching, and otherwise handling it. (After drafting this post, I mentioned it to him. His words: “She can’t keep her hands off my tools!” Er…) Isn’t this a paradox? To me, it isn’t. But I want to clarify what I believe about the male body and how I recommend wives view their husbands’ bodies.
Men have physically appealing bodies. I stated in my original article that the experiment with Playgirl magazine never took off with women because staring at an unfamiliar guy’s private parts isn’t all that appealing to women. I still think that’s generally true. However, if you’re a Twitter user, you might be aware of the hashtag #mancandy. (NO, don’t go there; I mention it only as an example.) Still, it’s not hard to find pictures, posters, and magazines that feature men with their shirts off, their muscles taut, and their eyes and smiles sporting that “Come hither” look. Anyone else remember the Diet Coke guy commercials? Hello! Women find men attractive.
The male body is quite different from the female body. On average, men are 10-15% larger and 30% stronger. They are taller and have a greater muscle mass to body ratio and more upper body strength. They possess thicker skin (literally) and more body hair. They have stronger bones and larger vocal chords (Adam’s apple). Even the skull shape of a man is different from a woman. The male skeleton also has a narrower pelvic opening, meaning that his hip bones are differently aligned.
All of these variations make the male physique intriguing. Most women enjoy gazing at a attractive man’s body lines, muscles, strong chin with stubbly shadow or full beard, height, and so on. The male body appeals to the female sight — even if God didn’t wire us as visually as men.
Men’s bodies are potent. The features mentioned above and the male role in sexuality mean that husbands’ bodies are potent. The male body’s appeal is to some extent based on its ability to get the job done — whatever that job is. Husbands have traditionally been providers, fighters, protectors, roach and spider killers, and leaders. In the bedroom, they often take the lead (which I believe is good, although turning-the-tables can be a treat as well). Husbands penetrate their wives. God made men potent. Their bodies demonstrate that. And such potency appeals to women.
Synonyms for “potent” are “effective, powerful, forceful.” I have likened my husband’s private anatomy to a power tool. At first, a drill isn’t a particularly exciting sight. But if you build a lot and learn about tools, you can start drooling over the new power drill that has greater potency and utility than any other on the market. Find a car buff and ask him about a particular car, and he might go on and on about all of its fabulous features and practically hyperventilate over the car’s beauty. For a personal example, sometimes I get downright giddy about a font.
In a great sexual relationship, wives appreciate their husband’s potency, and the male genitalia over time becomes more and more attractive because of the wonderful talent is has. It becomes a thing of great beauty.
Men’s bodies should be appreciated. Wives should tell husbands what they love about their bodies. In the same way that women like to hear how beautiful they are, men want to hear that they are desired. God has designed us to find one another attractive and to express that in marriage.
In the Song of Songs (aka Song of Solomon), the husband is not the only one to describe how beautiful he finds his mate. His wife spills poetic as well. Read for yourself (5:10-16):
My lover is radiant and ruddy,
outstanding among ten thousand.
His head is purest gold;
his hair is wavy
and black as a raven.
His eyes are like doves
by the water streams,
washed in milk,
mounted like jewels.
His cheeks are like beds of spice
His lips are like lilies
dripping with myrrh.
His arms are rods of gold
set with chrysolite.
His body is like polished ivory
decorated with sapphires.
His legs are pillars of marble
set on bases of pure gold.
His appearance is like Lebanon,
choice as its cedars.
His mouth is sweetness itself;
he is altogether lovely.
This is my lover, this my friend,
O daughters of Jerusalem.
Wow. Wives should express what they find appealing about their husbands — including their genitalia. By itself, it may not be the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen, but in concert with your husband’s body, it is a complete package that can be irresistible. Face it, wives: Your husband is a hunk. Tell him so.
Wives can learn to love all the parts of their husbands’ bodies. The first time I saw a penis, it was — sorry to say, in my opinion — weird. I truly didn’t know what it was going to look like. I had some vague idea about its cylindrical shape, and that’s about it. I still think it’s kind of odd the way God created both male and female genitalia. (For the record, I don’t think the gal parts are especially gorgeous either.)
However, our private parts are unlike anything else. And when you experience a great sex life with your spouse, you come to appreciate all of the parts of your lover’s body. I delight in every single freckle and mole on my husband’s body because they are his, I get to see and touch them, and they remind me of our special intimacy. Likewise, wives can learn to love all the parts of their husbands’ bodies — for their physical attractiveness, their potency, their reminder of our closeness, and their fun.
If a wife hasn’t learned to love everything, perhaps she needs to study her husband’s body. For instance, take a bath or shower together and soap up all of his parts for him. Suggest spending an extended time of lovemaking in touching and kissing all over his body. Grab some lotion or oil and massage all of him, kneading your fingers through each section of his body.
Consider that God has knit your husband together, and he is “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:13,14). God doesn’t do bad work. In fact, when He created everything else in creation, He said it was “good.” Only after He created male and female did He call His creation “very good.”
I still don’t want to see the penis of some guy I don’t know. Period. (What was Anthony Weiner thinking?) But my husband’s body is a beautiful gift from God. I hope that every wife can appreciate her husband’s body . . . and tell him so.
“How handsome you are, my lover!
Oh, how charming!
And our bed is verdant.”
Song of Songs 1:16
Quick Note: I will be taking a break on Thursday, December 29. Back on Monday, January 2. Happy New Year!