I’ve taken some flack about a post I wrote some time ago (The One-Eyed Snake) about how wives do not typically find male genitalia at first to be, well, pretty. We are perhaps more likely to admire the beauty of a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes than a penis.
I wish to apologize to those who read my post and felt that I was encouraging distaste for the male body. Such was never my intention. In fact, at the end of the post, I encourage women to appreciate their husband’s body — all of it. Yet, I need to take responsibility for what I said since it came across that way to more than one reader.
Indeed, if you were to interview my husband and ask what his wife thinks of his tool set, I’m pretty sure he’d say I’m very interested in seeing, touching, and otherwise handling it. (After drafting this post, I mentioned it to him. His words: “She can’t keep her hands off my tools!” Er…) Isn’t this a paradox? To me, it isn’t. But I want to clarify what I believe about the male body and how I recommend wives view their husbands’ bodies.
Men have physically appealing bodies. I stated in my original article that the experiment with Playgirl magazine never took off with women because staring at an unfamiliar guy’s private parts isn’t all that appealing to women. I still think that’s generally true. However, if you’re a Twitter user, you might be aware of the hashtag #mancandy. (NO, don’t go there; I mention it only as an example.) Still, it’s not hard to find pictures, posters, and magazines that feature men with their shirts off, their muscles taut, and their eyes and smiles sporting that “Come hither” look. Anyone else remember the Diet Coke guy commercials? Hello! Women find men attractive.
The male body is quite different from the female body. On average, men are 10-15% larger and 30% stronger. They are taller and have a greater muscle mass to body ratio and more upper body strength. They possess thicker skin (literally) and more body hair. They have stronger bones and larger vocal chords (Adam’s apple). Even the skull shape of a man is different from a woman. The male skeleton also has a narrower pelvic opening, meaning that his hip bones are differently aligned.
All of these variations make the male physique intriguing. Most women enjoy gazing at a attractive man’s body lines, muscles, strong chin with stubbly shadow or full beard, height, and so on. The male body appeals to the female sight — even if God didn’t wire us as visually as men.
Men’s bodies are potent. The features mentioned above and the male role in sexuality mean that husbands’ bodies are potent. The male body’s appeal is to some extent based on its ability to get the job done — whatever that job is. Husbands have traditionally been providers, fighters, protectors, roach and spider killers, and leaders. In the bedroom, they often take the lead (which I believe is good, although turning-the-tables can be a treat as well). Husbands penetrate their wives. God made men potent. Their bodies demonstrate that. And such potency appeals to women.
Synonyms for “potent” are “effective, powerful, forceful.” I have likened my husband’s private anatomy to a power tool. At first, a drill isn’t a particularly exciting sight. But if you build a lot and learn about tools, you can start drooling over the new power drill that has greater potency and utility than any other on the market. Find a car buff and ask him about a particular car, and he might go on and on about all of its fabulous features and practically hyperventilate over the car’s beauty. For a personal example, sometimes I get downright giddy about a font.
In a great sexual relationship, wives appreciate their husband’s potency, and the male genitalia over time becomes more and more attractive because of the wonderful talent is has. It becomes a thing of great beauty.
Men’s bodies should be appreciated. Wives should tell husbands what they love about their bodies. In the same way that women like to hear how beautiful they are, men want to hear that they are desired. God has designed us to find one another attractive and to express that in marriage.
In the Song of Songs (aka Song of Solomon), the husband is not the only one to describe how beautiful he finds his mate. His wife spills poetic as well. Read for yourself (5:10-16):
My lover is radiant and ruddy,
outstanding among ten thousand.
His head is purest gold;
his hair is wavy
and black as a raven.
His eyes are like doves
by the water streams,
washed in milk,
mounted like jewels.
His cheeks are like beds of spice
His lips are like lilies
dripping with myrrh.
His arms are rods of gold
set with chrysolite.
His body is like polished ivory
decorated with sapphires.
His legs are pillars of marble
set on bases of pure gold.
His appearance is like Lebanon,
choice as its cedars.
His mouth is sweetness itself;
he is altogether lovely.
This is my lover, this my friend,
O daughters of Jerusalem.
Wow. Wives should express what they find appealing about their husbands — including their genitalia. By itself, it may not be the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen, but in concert with your husband’s body, it is a complete package that can be irresistible. Face it, wives: Your husband is a hunk. Tell him so.
Wives can learn to love all the parts of their husbands’ bodies. The first time I saw a penis, it was — sorry to say, in my opinion — weird. I truly didn’t know what it was going to look like. I had some vague idea about its cylindrical shape, and that’s about it. I still think it’s kind of odd the way God created both male and female genitalia. (For the record, I don’t think the gal parts are especially gorgeous either.)
However, our private parts are unlike anything else. And when you experience a great sex life with your spouse, you come to appreciate all of the parts of your lover’s body. I delight in every single freckle and mole on my husband’s body because they are his, I get to see and touch them, and they remind me of our special intimacy. Likewise, wives can learn to love all the parts of their husbands’ bodies — for their physical attractiveness, their potency, their reminder of our closeness, and their fun.
If a wife hasn’t learned to love everything, perhaps she needs to study her husband’s body. For instance, take a bath or shower together and soap up all of his parts for him. Suggest spending an extended time of lovemaking in touching and kissing all over his body. Grab some lotion or oil and massage all of him, kneading your fingers through each section of his body.
Consider that God has knit your husband together, and he is “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:13,14). God doesn’t do bad work. In fact, when He created everything else in creation, He said it was “good.” Only after He created male and female did He call His creation “very good.”
I still don’t want to see the penis of some guy I don’t know. Period. (What was Anthony Weiner thinking?) But my husband’s body is a beautiful gift from God. I hope that every wife can appreciate her husband’s body . . . and tell him so.
“How handsome you are, my lover!
Oh, how charming!
And our bed is verdant.”
Song of Songs 1:16
Quick Note: I will be taking a break on Thursday, December 29. Back on Monday, January 2. Happy New Year!
14 thoughts on “The Wonderful Male Body”
I love a mans body. I even love the way a nice [penis] looks! yep 🙂
“I still think it’s kind of odd the way God created both male and female genitalia. (For the record, I don’t think the gal parts are especially gorgeous either.)”
I will have to disagree with the last sentence, and say that gal parts are–as God created them to be–VERY beautiful and sensual. I could write a book on the whys of that, but I’ll leave it there. 🙂
BTW, I can understand and appreciate any lady who has a difficult time liking her husband’s parts; I have a list of questions for God about why He made men like He did. 🙁 But for wives who find them appealing, may I be the first to say a humble but hearty “thank you!” for your view? 🙂
And J, thank you so much for writing this–your honesty is always appreciated.
My husband and I had a conversation about this in our first year of marriage. On our wedding night, neither of us had ever seen a member of the opposite sex naked up close before (sadly hard to avoid altogether in daily life). We both agreed that the other’s genitalia looked… foreign, and honestly, not designed for being looked at. But I don’t really think that diminishes our appreciation for each other’s whole body. I think it’s important to recognize how God designed us, and appreciate it as is, rather than be disappointed or put off based on looks.
I don’t find any man’s penis to be either attractive or unattractive, sexy or unappealing. To me it’s simply a tool used for whatever…..
Good hygiene..well that’s another story!!
I think that the mind and emotions have a lot to do with how we view the private parts of the body, I work in surgery, and have to work on and see many. Yet i don’t have a desire for them. However when I am with my lover I truly love his. Because I love him. and that is where the true test is, when you love the one are with, like the article stated.
Wondeful post! I was hoping that you would mention the Shulamite’s expression of her husband’s body and you did. Great article!! I say amen and amen again! LOL
“Wives can learn to love all the parts of their husbands’ bodies.”
True, but a wife has to want to learn. Sadly, most women who read these posts typically already get it, and you’re likely preaching to the choir, so to speak. Having my genitalia be regarded as pretty unflattering by my wife for the full 20+ years of marriage has done quite a number on my self-esteem. My only hope is to continue to pray that the Lord does a miracle in my wife’s outlook.
I think it’s a mind set. Personally I am completely intrigued with my husbands “junk” ha!
i find my husbands stuff pretty interesting it’s crazy how man stuff “moves” and how it feels and i still don’t understand how if you barely tap (on accident of course) parts of it you can send them to the floor in pain but you can grab them or whatever and it’s like oh well i’m completely astounded by him
This blog really puts Shakira’s song “underneath your clothes” into perspective. I heard the song when I was younger and used to think – gross! Ha 🙂
Then I read this post about our husbands bodies and it still left me feeling uncomfortable. Don’t ask my why but it did. I kind of laughed it off.
Then I heard Shakira’s song today out of the blue and it reminded me of this. I had to look up the lyrics and hear the song again but it really changed my thinking about how to view and perceive my husbands body. In the right context and mature frame of mind it really is a beautiful song.
“Underneath Your Clothes”
You’re a song
Written by the hands of God
Don’t get me wrong cause
This might sound to you a bit odd
But you own the place
Where all my thoughts go hiding
And right under your clothes
Is where I find them
Because of you
I forgot the smart ways to lie
Because of you
I’m running out of reasons to cry
When the friends are gone
When the party’s over
We will still belong to each other
I love you more than all that’s on the planet
Movin’ talkin’ walkin’ breathing
You know it’s true
Oh baby it’s so funny
You almost don’t believe it
As every voice is hanging from the silence
Lamps are hanging from the ceiling
Like a lady tied to her manners
I’m tied up to this feeling
Underneath Your Clothes
There’s an endless story
There’s the man I chose
There’s my territory
And all the things I deserve
For being such a good girl honey
I think it’s funny that you got flack over this! My husband and I both agree that our “parts” look funny, but that doesn’t mean we enjoy each other any less. In fact, after 14 years we can play around with them and get a good laugh! Gently manipulate the opening of his penis and it looks like a mouth, then it talks to me. LOL…oh, wait. Am I the only one who does that? I digress… 😉
I am new to the blog, so you may have addressed this issue. First, I adore my husband. I also have to say that sometimes I am totally turned off by his body. He struggles with his weight and does the yo-yo, weight up, weight down. Sometimes he exercises and gets firm and sexy; but usually he’s flabby. The other night I was so READY to make love. And then I watched him shower and got totally turned off. I think some of it has to do with anger over his weight and lack of discipline, but I am not sure. The thoughts that go through my mind are “what if he just keeps gaining weight and gets to be 400 pounds? will I still love him? will I ever desire him?” Any thoughts, advice etc?
I think what you have to do is focus on him as a person, as your husband, as the man you love. Attraction, even sexual attraction, can be jump-started by real, deep love….”This is my husband. He is mine. I am his. God made him for me, and me for him.” Sexual attraction doesn’t have to be based on physical appearance. My husband’s body and my own body have changed over time, but I am incredibly turned on by him – my mind once purposely skipped over certain things because the big picture is what’s important, and eventually those certain things that my mind originally skipped over became parts that I love deeply as well, that I adore, that I cherish. No other man has ever turned me on, but my husband – who I consider to be the sexiest, hottest, most handsome and most attractive man in the world, even though the world may not think so – turns me on 24/7. Just hearing his voice makes me want to jump him. And I have to say, I see more and more delight, as time goes on, in my husband’s eyes when he looks at my body. He adores me because I’m his, and he can’t get enough of my body – he even thinks my cellulite is adorable, because he’s looking at ME. Make your spouse your standard of beauty – don’t listen to what the world tells you a man or woman is “supposed” to look like. And find things that you do like, to focus on, while your mind is catching up to the love of your heart. Maybe he smells nice – and if not, get him a sexy smelling soap and deoderant to use! One great thing about being a wife is that I typically am the one to buy the toiletries, so I know he’s going to smell nice; and I know his sizes and shop for his clothes (something he hates to do!), so I know that he’s going to look nice! haha. Maybe he has adorable eyes, or cute ears. Maybe his voice is nice to listen to. Spend time thinking about things that you like, and think of only those good things! If his tummy pokes out and that turns you off, mentally skip over that when you see him naked. Just don’t even think about it. Think only about the good, and about how much you love him, and how much he loves you.
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