Of course, the standard answer to “Should you be reading my blog?” would be YES — that is, if I wanted to keep all my followers and add 1200 more. And why wouldn’t I want to do that???
Well, this came up in the comments section on a recent post, and since I’ve thought about it before, I want to say for the record that some people probably shouldn’t be reading my blog. Which brings up two questions: Who? and Why?
Let’s actually start with Why?
I used to read news stories about children abused, sexually assaulted, and trafficked fairly often. But I found myself lying in bed at night absolutely unable to go to sleep (how can I sleep with that going on in the world?) and becoming overly nervous and protective in my parenting. At some point, I had to stop. Am I trying to stay clueless about what happens in the world? Of course not. I still hear about things and feel that pull on my heartstrings, I give when and where I can, and I speak up against such horrific practices. But when reading those stories produced far more negative than positive in my life, I had to walk away and refocus.
Not a great analogy, but it does demonstrate that we all have to make choices about what we read and listen to. Maybe this blog, or specific blog posts, are not for you. If the negative far outweighs the positive, maybe you need to walk away and/or refocus.
Now who do I think should pass on my blog or some posts?
Unmarried minors. If you’re an unwed minor reading my blog, you’re in the wrong place. There may be a few posts here that would help you, but your better source for information about godly sexuality are resources aimed at teenagers and singles. Also, you might think your parents couldn’t possibly handle such a conversation, when maybe they could. If not your parents, find other Christian mentors to speak to about your questions, concerns, struggles — such a youth minister or church pastor, a same-sex adult in your church whom you admire, a Christian counselor, or a believing teacher. I am not saying don’t deal with the issue; God created sex, and He certainly wants us to address it. But find Christians who can speak to the circumstances you currently face; such people are out there.
Singles who struggle with sexual temptation. There are several posts for singles that would help illuminate what godly sexuality looks like, but other posts you might want to pass on reading. You can check the titles and safely click away from anything with specific how-to tips for the bedroom. Reading advice like that may make you more physically frustrated or tempted. And that is never my intention here.
Recently widowed or divorced. What a difficult time this is! The sudden absence of a husband’s (or wife’s) attention and affection can create an emptiness that your heart and your body long to fill. This period right after divorce or the death of a spouse is ripe for rebound relationships, sexual temptation, and clouded judgment. Perhaps, you should step away from sexually charged resources for a while and focus on grieving your loss. When the time is right, or if God brings another spouse into your life, then you can return.
Some in sexless marriages. This is an individual call. But much like my explanation above, if coming to my blog and reading the posts leave you consistently more frustrated, angrier at your spouse, more deeply discouraged by your situation, and — Heaven forbid — doubting God’s design and goodness . . . then you likely need to take a break. You can stay connected and scan titles for posts that deal with addressing sexual problems or how the church can speak into broken marriages while avoiding those that merely remind you of what you are far too aware you don’t have.
Do I believe your situation is hopeless? An emphatic no! I’ve seen several seemingly hopeless situations turn completely around, and sexless marriages can become sex-happy marriages. But if my blog is not helping you grow in your marriage, seek other resources to work on your relationship. Perhaps focusing on that will lead to more openness and progress regarding sexual intimacy. Then you can return when your marriage is ready.
You’re just here for a disagreeable agenda. I was going to close it up with the categories above, but I decided to add this one. Honestly, if you come to my blog, and blogs like mine, to argue and insult and belittle, why are you here? Don’t you have other things to do with your time? Disagreement is certainly welcome, and I, thankfully, have been corrected and learned from commenters on my blog, but others — and they know who they are — stop by merely to push an alternative agenda. Happily, the numbers of such readers is very few. But yeah, I’d like to keep it that way. Because this blog is my home, and I don’t accept rioting and disrespect in my home. (Thanks! — The Management.)
So what do you think? How would you suggest people decide what marriage blogs to read? And which to skip?