Star Wars and Fighting for Your Marriage

If you have not seen Star Wars: The Force Awakens and want to be completely surprised by all parts of the plot, DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT read any further. Save this post and read it after you’ve seen the film. Because I am going to mention something from the movie — which is not integral, but I hate when people give away spoilers without warning.

So…SPOILER ALERT. You have been warned. This post will mention something specific from the newest Star Wars installment.

Star Wars and Fighting for Your Marriage

In the first trilogy (Episodes IV, V, and VI), there was one stand-out romance — between Princess Leia and Han Solo. Their obvious chemistry, care for one another, and personal character made them a good match. After seeing the originals, I was certain they rode off into the sunset and lived a happily ever after.

Princess Leia & Han Solo from Return of the Jedi

Happily Ever After?

Fast forward 30 years, and along comes Star Wars: The Force Awakens in which Han and Leia appear on the big screen once again. But what has happened in the time since we last saw them? Well . . . (SPOILER ALERT COMING) . . . they are estranged, separated, existing on distant points of the galaxy.

And I was so disappointed.

Look, I understand the reasons the story makers gave for these two not being together, the massive challenges they faced. But why couldn’t the people who fought and defeated the Empire and its Dark Side of the Force fight for their marriage?

When asked what kept my marriage together — despite some super-bad years — one of the factors I cite is our dogged unwillingness to give up. We were simply too stubborn and determined to make our marriage work. And since we didn’t want to live in a bad marriage, we had to figure out how to achieve a good marriage.

Many marriages are facing 2016 with ongoing turmoil and/or a sense of hopelessness. You can’t imagine how you can keep it together.

Yeah, well, I suspect you’ve fought your own Death Stars in your life. Think of all the other situations in your life you’ve gotten through — an illness or injury you recovered from, a dysfunctional family you emotionally survived, job frustrations or losses, deaths in your family, etc. You are not made of mush. You’re a resilient person with some serious perseverance skills.

Isn’t your marriage worth digging deep into your I-can-do-this reserves and fighting for?

Isn't your marriage worth digging deep into your I-can-do-this reserves and fighting for? @HotHolyHumorous Click To Tweet

I’m not saying that every single marriage is worth saving. If you’re in an abusive situation, you need to find your resilience to leave and get help. But most marriages aren’t facing abuse, but rather selfishness, misunderstandings, frustration, and exhaustion.

And you can’t win is exactly what the true dark side — aka Satan — wants you to think.

Hollywood, frankly, thinks this too. That marriage is something that works great when it works, and that you can leave when it isn’t working great.

But those of us who rode it out in the trenches, climbed out into the sunlight, and found redemption for our marriages know better.

You can fight for your marriage.

Your marriage is worth fighting for.

With God’s help, you can win.

I’m still seriously disappointed in the outcome with Princess Leia and Han Solo. I just want to go back to believing that the people who fought so hard to save each other when they were young would fight as hard to save their union when they got older and it got tougher. Surely someone in the galaxy had some Yoda-like wisdom to help them figure it out.

(Hey, maybe I should rename my blog to The Marriage and Sex Jedi.)

Yoda - Do or do not. There is no try.

Face this new year with a true Star Wars attitude. Your marriage and your sexual intimacy are worth fighting for. They can improve. Your marriage can win.

But you don’t need “the Force.” Start instead with God’s power and plan for redemption.

I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance. I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms. (Ephesians 1:18-20)

11 thoughts on “Star Wars and Fighting for Your Marriage

  1. Anonymous

    Both my wife and I agree with you J. Both of us were so disappointed that they were separated in the story. Both were willing to “fight to the death” against the dark side but not willing to fight “to the death” for their marriage! Sadly, I think that the story line just reflects our current values in our society. I just wonder if Hans and Leia chose to stay together, maybe their son would not have turned to the dark side…

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  2. Lindsay Harold

    I see this happening in movies all the time. One movie ends with the characters beating the odds to be together and they imply a happily-ever-after. Then they make a sequel where they’re fighting or divorced or separated, and I just cringe. What ever happened to sticking it out, no matter what? If Hollywood is to be believed, nobody ever does that. Everyone just gives up as soon as it’s no longer all roses and sunshine. That’s the norm. How very sad. I get tired of hearing that message all the time. We need more movies that elevate the courage and stubbornness and good character that makes a person fight for their marriage, even when it’s tough. It can be done, and many, many people have done it and succeeded. Giving up shows a lack of character, and should not be presented as normal, acceptable, or right.

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  3. Chris

    I also felt disappointed to learn they hadn’t stuck it out. I think it would have made the story better if they hadn’t been estranged from each other. Their son’s life choices would have been even sadder and more provocative against the backdrop of a home with two still-married-to-each-other parents.

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  4. Anonymous

    I love this article . Last I read book and I asked the author why didn’t they couple fight for their marriage, because I could see there was hope. I think we live in a society where it is easy to give up, don’t fight just concede. I’m one to believe in fighting for your marriage

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  6. alchemist

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who was disappointed. Granted, they probably weren’t the most emotionally mature people and it’s not very surprising that a character like Han Solo would chose to leave instead of facing the emotional difficulty their son’s choices must have caused. I got the impression they broke up because of it. So in one respect it’s actually true to life. Love did not tame the “bad boy” smuggler. But I was still sad. Specially because of the end. Poor Leia. *sob*

    Even sadder because of the resemblance to a situation in Naruto Shippuden. The Han Solo-ish character, (Jiraya) is in love with the princess Leia-ish character (Tsunade) HIS ENTIRE LIFE. The differences are that they grew up and fought wars together and he never did have the courage to tell her. She had a fiancé who died under her hands (she was a healer) when they where in their 20’s. Then, in their 50’s or 60’s he goes off to confront a former student who was trying to take over the world with an evil person. So. Many. Feelings.

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  7. Ales

    I so agree with your thought on this. Hubby and I were so disappointed too. Hubby is actually one of the biggest Star War fans out there, and he was so disappointed in the whole thing. Growing up Han Solo was his role model. Even now as a grown man in his 40s knowing that this is all fiction he was so upset that his role model gave up on his marriage, was a bad dad and even left the cause he had so passionately risked his life for. Yeah, Hollywood gives us some pretty bad ideas about marriage, honor and parenthood. Kids see this and think its normal. So sad.

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  9. Benjam

    Well that’s Hollywood for you. I’m an avid fan of the Star Wars books that Disney erased to make their new timeline and I’d like to share with you how this dynamic duo lasted during those 30 years in the original timeline.

    ~They are still together
    ~They had a twin boy and girl, and then another boy
    ~They have experienced far greater hardships than in the new timeline without losing their marriage; they stuck it out and got married while fighting the empire and forming a new government. Their youngest died during a war with a extra-galactic race that ravaged the entire galaxy. Their oldest boy durned to the dark side, murdered their sister-in-law, and had to be defeated by his sister
    ~They are still an awesome couple, awesome parents, and event awesome grandparents; They are raising their oldest boy’s daughter, who is heir to the Happen throne, even while still trying to keep the galaxy from falling apart, and still try to make sure they spend good family time with her. They also keep tabs on their girl, who is a Jedi and is courting the leader of what remains of the Empire. They still accomplished diplomats and rabble rousers who do what’s right. They work together so well by now that you’d think they were both Jedi instead of just Leia.

    I think that they are an example of a real relationship that just grows stronger when times get harder. Happily Ever After for sure.

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