What a pleasure to welcome Jennifer Smith of Unveiled Wife. I have periodically contributed articles to her website, but this is her first visit to Hot, Holy & Humorous. I know she speaks with compassion, transparency, and biblical integrity about marriage and intimacy within. Please take to heart what Jennifer offers today.
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The power of yes and no is expressed in more ways than just saying them verbally. Laced through our actions are postures and gestures that reveal a great deal about where our hearts are in the moment.
If you and your spouse initiate sexual intimacy it becomes quite clear whether the two of you are fully invested into having sex or not.
In the early years of my marriage, my husband and I struggled with sex. I mean we barely came together at all! I experienced intense pain every time we attempted intercourse. This hinderance was devastating and it drastically affected my view on sex. Knowing my husband had physical needs for sex, there were times that he initiated and I would join him because I knew he needed it. I was “saying” yes, but my heart was not in it at all.
The truth is that I didn’t want to be participating at all. My husband, aware of the pain that would overcome my body, would gently encourage me to just be with him, without sex being the goal. My husband desired physical intimacy and was willing to engage in different ways. However, because my expectations were not being met, I became bitter. I didn’t have a desire for sex or anything else that reminded me of the lack in our marriage. Sure I wanted to feel close to my husband, and maybe if we had a satisfying sex life things would have been different. But at this point in our marriage, my heart said no!
What I have realized over time, or rather what God has unveiled to me about the power in my decisions, is that I affect my husband. Being a wife comes with great influence. You see, when I joined in and participated in physical intimacy, my actions spoke louder than words and my husband would know immediately if I was enjoying him or not. All of my gestures were proving to my husband that I did not want sex, thus affecting his ability to feel genuinely satisfied. And surprisingly, later on when I got past the bitterness and reconciled that I too needed sex, in the times that I was wholly “yes” I too became satisfied!
I am sharing this with you so that you can evaluate your heart. Are there times that you struggle to fully say yes to your spouse? Or do you verbally say yes, but your actions reveal the truth? How is the power of your whole yes or no affect your marriage?