I aim my blog primarily at wives. But this post is for the hubbies. Still, I’m hoping you wives will read along and let me know if you agree.
Guys, maybe you think that headline is not a newsflash. You already knew that about women. But have you really thought it through lately? How much focusing on the foreplay itself matters to your wife?
We wives are not stupid. We know you really like the main event. And since many men are goal-oriented by nature, it’s no surprise that plenty of husbands view foreplay as a means to an end. They see foreplay like the pre-game festivities before the kickoff and all that scoring happens.
Even if the husband is incredibly wonderful at foreplay, like the Foreplay King, a wife can often sense when her husband is showing affection or pleasuring her so that he can move onto the good stuff.
But here’s the thing: To us, foreplay is the good stuff.
Not that sex isn’t good stuff too. But affection, flirting, foreplay, and sex are jumbled up together in one big, beautiful, ribbon-wrapped package. They all communicate desire and intimacy.
It’s why the one tip I’ve given husbands over and over is to slow down. Let her enjoy the full experience. And hey, you should enjoy the full experience too.
Frankly, I think we understood this better long before we were married. Can you remember back to the days when just touching a breast sounded like a dream come true? When you couldn’t wait to “cop a feel” or see her in her underwear? How about the wonder of the first time she touched you down there? In a way, those lead-up events were the event. Your nerves certainly felt some delicious tingles and satisfaction with those experiences.
Why is it we often get further into marriage and stop appreciating those moments? Have you neglected to spend the time you should on simply savoring one another’s bodies?
Maybe you need a few reminders or tips on what kind of foreplay you wife would love. Here are some ideas:
Speaking softly and longingly. Are words foreplay? I think they can be. Move close and whisper expressions of love and desire. Tell her she’s beautiful, how much she means to you, and how much you long to be “one flesh” with her. You can be as serious or as playful as you want, but express your sexual longing through sensual words.
Make out. Yes, like teenagers on the living room couch. When’s the last time you smooched just for the sake of smooching? Kiss her lips, sure, but kiss her neck, behind her ears, down her shoulders — anywhere that she likes.
Undress her slowly. Take your sweet time unbuttoning her shirt, sliding her dress off her body, inching her panties down her legs. Draw out this unveiling and make an effort to closely eye and appreciate every inch of your wife’s beautiful form. We know when you’re looking at us like you’ve ravenous wolves or art connoisseurs, so aim for the latter, please.
Touch her whole body, not just the goodies. I will contend until the day I die that one of the sexiest things about my husband is his manly hands. His touch is like no other to me. I suspect your wife appreciates your touch too, when it’s applied in a loving way. Stroke her body slowly and gently — her arms, legs, back, torso. Just make sure you spend time on other places before you move to the goodies, like her breasts and down below. Since her curves are different from yours and her skin is softer, you might find that you really enjoy this extended touching time too.
Pleasure her to orgasm. What foreplay your wife responds to is something you’ll need to figure out. Her breasts might be a major erogenous zone. Or she might love you giving her manual play with your hands and fingers. Perhaps she wants you to give her oral sex. Find out what she likes and then go to town. Downtown, that is. Stimulate her all the way to orgasm. This might take some time, and it might not even happen this time. But if you make unbelievable pleasure for her your goal, it should feel good to her regardless.
You don’t have to do all of these every time. But think about how you can really focus on foreplay and what that would mean to your wife. Wouldn’t that convey that you value her body and her pleasure? Not just what she can provide you and your climax?
Of course, I hope your wife comes through the bedroom door with the same attitude. Attending to each other’s needs and desires makes for a better sexual encounter for both of you.