This was such an intriguing reader question, I just had to answer it.
Hey there 🙂 I have a question and thought since you’re so knowledgeable you could help. There’s a friends episode where Monica teaches chandler about the 7 basic erogenous zones. If you haven’t seen it just google. My question is….what are those 7 zones?!
When Friends aired, I was a fan. Unfortunately, the series got more PG-13-ish the longer it ran, so I fell off watching after a while. But I definitely remember the characters. Here’s the clip this reader refers to (and this is not a video you want your kids to watch with you):
Monica’s statement that “everybody knows the basic erogenous zones” is obviously overstated. Even the two other people in the scene didn’t know exactly what Monica was talking about.
But what are these seven erogenous zones? Wouldn’t it be nice to know?
And so the internet has pondered this question. Not only can you Google for this video, you can run a search for “Monica’s 7 erogenous zones” and several articles and chats will appear with people conjecturing which areas of the female body are the most erotic.
Ultimately, we don’t know what Monica was talking about. Because this was just a bit — a comedy bit. Maybe the writers in the room had seven places in mind, but I doubt it. Having written a few stories myself, I know that sometimes hints are more effective than complete explanations. This is an example, because this scene got people wondering what Monica sketched on that pad and talking about this episode with others. More buzz about the episode = more people watching = higher ratings.
But from all the research I’ve done about sexual arousal, and reading through some of the interesting posts on these erogenous zones, I’m willing to take my own stab at where most wives like to be touched and stimulated.
Do you remember the spark you felt the first time you and your husband held hands? That cozy feeling of your softer hand in his rougher one, the way his fingers intertwined with yours, and how your palms seemed extra-sensitive to his touch? So what if a bunch of years have passed — touching hands is still sexy. I’m putting them in the erogenous zone category.
Because in addition to holding hands, he can gently stroke your palms, give you a hand massage, suck on your fingers. Those are all very sensual activities, and you might want to point out that your hands are one way to your heart. Or, to get his attention, you could always say they’re a great pit stop on the way to “seven.”
Our lips are quite sensitive. The skin of our lips have fewer cellular layers (3-5) than face skin (up to 16 layers), and many sensory receptors are concentrated there. Moreover, when you get close enough to kiss, you also get a whiff of your beloved’s pheromones, which can kick your desire into gear.
I’ve written about the importance of kissing several times, but here’s one post to get you thinking about this erogenous zone: You’re Not Kissing Enough
I’d like to provide scientific data on why touching and kissing the neck is so sexy. But honestly, this one is based on hearing from so many women that they like it. And frankly, it’s part of many book and movie romance scenes, and if this practice didn’t appeal to women, it wouldn’t be.
One theory is that the neck is both sensitive to touch, but also a rather private area. After all, whom do you let touch your neck? So exposing it to your beloved feels both vulnerable and arousing. Now some wives are too ticklish there, but plenty of gals enjoy a husband working his way up or down her neck with his lips.
How you like them handled depends on you, but most wives enjoy being aroused through their breasts. You might enjoy your whole breast being held, massaged, or squeezed, or you might prefer total concentration on your nipples. Wives vary in sensitivity, so let your husband know what you enjoy.
It might change as stimulation increases, meaning you want him to start gently but desire greater pressure as you get more and more turned on. But very few women don’t enjoy something in this area. (Breastfeeding moms, you get a pass on this one if it bothers you right now.) Our breasts are pretty erogenous.
Vulva is a catch-all term for the external female genitalia. It includes your vaginal lips (labia), clitoris, vaginal opening, and more. I’m going to remove clitoris from this list, because it deserves its own section. But the other parts are sensitive to varying degrees and can be aroused with manual or oral contact. In particular, the labia and vaginal opening are sensitive.
Your husband probably doesn’t understand that you’d like him to spend a little more time here, getting your engine revving and your juices flowing. It’s all so close to the part he really wants to be in that the vulva can get short shrift at times. Ask him to massage or lick your labia, tease your vaginal opening, and generally explore down there for what feels good.
I suspect most husbands think this is Erogenous Zone #1. And it’s certainly in the running. When you’re highly aroused, having your husband penetrate your vagina is an incredibly satisfying feeling. Even before then, many wives enjoy digital penetration (his finger inside) to get them going.
God uniquely created vagina to receive your husband’s penis, and you can experience many amazing sensations there, using various positions and angles. He might even make contact with your Skene’s glands or G-spot. It’s a wonderfully erogenous area, and nothing feels quite like intercourse.
After some consideration, however, I decided this was “seven.” Because if you want to have an orgasm, you need direct or indirect stimulation of your clitoris. You can get indirect stimulation through intercourse, but intercourse isn’t guaranteed to produce that orgasm. Direct contact is an easier way to achieve climax.
But it has to be the right kind of stimulation. As Monica said, some guys hit the early zones, then “go to seven and set up camp.” Yet it’s unlikely to feel good if your husband kisses you a couple of times, then starts in on your clitoris. Stimulation there is going to feel much better when your lubrication is sufficient and your clitoris begins to swell. Guide your husband to give this erogenous zone the attention it desires and enjoys.
Are those really the seven erogenous zones?
No. They’re my suggestions. My online research proposed several other possibilities: scalp and hair, ears and ear lobes, stomach, buttocks, behind the knees, feet and toes.
Which should remind us that God created us differently. I give a lot of how-to tips here on my blog, but you have to try things out and see what gets you — and your husband — going. Your seven erogenous zones may not be the same seven erogenous zones as other women.
And, to confuse things even more, your seven erogenous zones could change! Because our bodies change throughout life. What felt good before you had kids might not feel as good after, or what felt good when your body was 25 years old might not feel the same when you’re 52 years old.
So here’s my advice: Treat your whole body as a potential erogenous zone. Yes, you’ll immediately be able to knock certain locations out of the running (“You want to kiss my armpit? I don’t think so!”), but you might be surprised to discover what turns you on.
Also, what turns your husband on. Maybe licking the skin behind his ear drives him utterly wild. Or he adores you squeezing his bum.
That’s the beauty of sex in marriage — you have time and a safe space to explore. Take your time and enjoy the discovery of all the erogenous zones you can find!
5 thoughts on “Q&A with J: “What Are the 7 Erogenous Zones?””
Bravo, well stated.
Maybe it would be a healthy (if private) exercise to keep a running list of favorite places as they change over time, much like a wish list for Christmas and birthdays. Of course it could be strictly a verbal list, especially if there’s the danger of a third party discovering it accidentally; but a written list could also be a way of “reminding” spouses who may not remember, and a means of giving pleasure without the awkwardness of having to ask.
It seems your comments on a) the erogenous zones being different for different people and b) the possibility that they change as we age, support the idea that long-married couples have the best sex, as they’re willing to stick it out and “learn” each other rather than move on and start over.
8. My torso..when hubby gently strokes my waistline, Ooohhh…
9. My arms….like Gomez kissing up Morticia’s arm…yeah
10. My hair…brush my hair, please!
11. My feet..massage my feet!
Ok, so those last two aren’t erogenous, but they certainly build up positive feelings and relaxation that helps awaken the parts that are erogenous!
Now, if only he would do these things! It seems once he finds out I love that type of touch, he stops!
I smiled at the “like Gomez kissing up Morticia’s arm.” Yeah, that was sexy. 😉
I have no idea why Libl thought “feet” were not erogenous. Some people tend to think of them as only ticklish, or something to be avoided…but I find them at least as erogenous, or perhaps even more erogenous, than any other part of the body–a perfect playground for receiving pleasure from my partner…using on my partner to deliver pleasure…or playing with my partner’s to bring pleasure! It’s not “massage my feet”…it’s “lick my feet…suck my toes…” and the wonderful feelings shoot right up through the pudenda into the number one erogenous zone of the body: THE BRAIN!
If you “massage” my brain correctly, with the right words, ideas, sounds, scents, scenes, tastes, and without ignoring the ability to pay proper attention to my OTHER erogenous zones, the rest of my body is available for anything you want…and I would bet that’s the same with everyone–male and female alike.
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