Sex is a somewhat awkward act. It involves getting naked, striking positions you don’t usually do for anything else, and making various body movements and noises. It’s one of the reasons I’ve said that sex is not merely hot and holy, but humorous.
Yet plenty of married couples have had sex numerous times and still balk at the awkwardness of praying together.
Why do we struggle to link hands and hearts and go to our Heavenly Father in prayer?Why do we struggle to link hands and hearts and go to our Heavenly Father in prayer? Click To Tweet
I wonder if in some ways praying together as a couple is even more vulnerable. You have to be willing to speak up and share what you’re thinking, feeling, and longing for. You might need to confess sins in front of your spouse and ask for guidance in ways that reveal your heart. If you pray openly and fervently, you reveal deep parts of your soul.
In that moment, you also come to God together as a couple, two individuals now one flesh before their Creator. It can be an intense reminder of the commitment and challenge you’ve taken on.
If you wonder why you should even pray together, here are a few reasons:
1. Every couple I talk to who regularly pray together deeply believes it has helped their marriage. Some swear that praying together is what saved their marriage or revived it. Inviting God to work in your marriage is powerful stuff. Ephesians 1:19-20 says: “I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms” (NLT). Don’t you want resurrection-level power working on your marriage and your marriage bed?
2. It brings us closer. It’s a vulnerable experience, but vulnerability is what leads to intimacy and trust. Oftentimes, praying together doesn’t start out at that deep level, but with time you become more comfortable revealing your mind and your heart. It’s hard not to feel a strong bond to someone who lets their guard down and prays to God with you, and you show your own closeness to someone by letting them see you as well.
3. It results in more satisfying sex. No, really. Both research and anecdotes have linked daily prayer with better lovemaking. I suspect it’s because they mutually promote intimacy in marriage.
So how can you get past the awkwardness and approach God’s throne together in prayer?
1. Remember, it’s just a chat. We tend to get caught in “saying the right things” when we pray aloud, but if you treat it like a regular chat with your Heavenly Father, that might loosen you up to relax and just speak what’s on your mind.
2. Start small. We sometimes treat our prayer lives like weight loss goals: I’m going to lose 20 pounds by this summer! We’re going to wake up at 5:30 a.m. and pray together for half an hour! Those sound great, but they’re overly ambitious and you’ll likely never make those goals and then give up. Aim for five minutes a day together in prayer. Start small and grow from there.Aim for five minutes a day together in prayer. Click To Tweet
3. Take turns, or don’t. Praying together means you’re both present and paying attention. But from there, you can take turns or one of you can pray and let the other simply listen. Knowing that you don’t have to speak every time might free some of you up to go ahead and give it a shot. When you feel comfortable, you can jump in.
4. Use touch to focus. For many couples, it’s helpful to hold hands or embrace while praying. It helps to create a circle of concentration and it’s a reminder of our connection as we pray.
5. Pray specifically about your marriage. You can cover other things, but many have a tendency to make prayer into a list of requests for other people: Dear God, help Johnny do well on his math exam, be with Grandma in her upcoming surgery, and help Uncle Joe get a new job. All well and good, but if you’re taking the time to pray together as a couple, then pray about being a couple. Ask God to use that infinite power to heal your rifts, strengthen your bond, and pour His love into you so that you can better love one another.
6. Try praying before or after sex. This one might feel more awkward, or even risky. But give it a shot! You might find that praying before or after sexual intimacy gives you a better perspective of God’s ongoing blessing of your marriage bed.
I’d love to hear your own take on how praying together as a couple has helped your marriage and your marriage bed. Please share!