Last week, I saw a great meme on someone else’s page, reposted it on the Hot, Holy & Humorous Facebook page, and invited comments. I had no idea that asking what wives wanted to hear from their husbands would get such a huge response!
As of late Saturday night, thousands of people had seen the post and it had 300+ comments. Plenty of men commented, but the majority of answers came from wives. What did they report wanting to hear from their husbands?
Wives’ answers could be grouped into categories, and looking at each may help husbands meet their wives’ emotional needs.
Spend Time With Me
You can’t have quality time if you don’t have quantity time. That is, you don’t build a relationship without spending time together. That desire showed up in several answers from wives:
- I’m taking you out.
- Let’s go shopping today.
- We’re going on vacation.
- I booked a cruise.
- Let’s have a date!
- Come on, let’s go.
The wife in Song of Solomon said something similar to her beloved:
Come, my beloved, let us go to the countryside,Song of Songs 7:11-12
let us spend the night in the villages.
Let us go early to the vineyards
to see if the vines have budded,
if their blossoms have opened,
and if the pomegranates are in bloom—
there I will give you my love.
And although she can certainly initiate the adventure, it’s interesting that these wives liked the idea of the husband taking the lead. You might get some ka-chings in the love bank by taking on the planning and particulars—make the offer, call the babysitter, book the hotel, etc.
Help Me Out
Many responses focused on husbands helping with home and child care. Among the whispered nothings women would like to hear:
- I cleaned the house.
- I’ll do the dishes.
- Kids are in bed.
- The laundry is done.
- I hired a maid.
- Let me handle dinner.
Long story short: Women in our society are exhausted, and men tend to overestimate how much they’re doing at home (see How Working Parents Share Parenting and Household Responsibilities | Pew Research Center; Moms still doing more housework in COVID 19 pandemic | Ball State University). I’m not accusing you guys of being slackers, and some of you do a whole lot in your family, but the general tendency is women feeling they have a lot on their plate and longing for their husbands to help out more.
Why not help her out? After all:
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor.Ecclesiastes 4:9
And as for the ladies, here are some tips I learned while living with three guys (hubby and two sons):
- Be specific about what you need or want. You can’t assume he sees the same things you do as needing to be done.
- Make or encourage him to make a list. Writing stuff down helps us remember.
- Create routines. If some task is his to do every night or every Saturday, then it’s easier for him to make it a habit and get it done.
- Let him do it his way. Within reason, of course. But generally speaking, if he loads the dishwasher or dresses your baby different from the way you’d do it, just be glad it’s done.
- Thank him. Positive reinforcement works, not to mention it’s the kind and loving thing to do.
Serve Me Tacos
Gary Chapman may need to revise his 5 Love Languages book to include a sixth: tacos. Lol. Why?
- Do you want tacos?
- I brought home tacos.
- Here, have a taco.
- Your tacos are ready.
- I made you tacos.
There were five more comments involving tacos, for a total of 10 wives who most want to hear that hubby has tacos. If that’s your wife, I’d say you have an easy go of it. Find the best tacos in town and show her the love!
I recently had a root canal re-treated. Let me assure you that I am not a pain wimp…except when it comes to dental work. And this was a doozy to have done. Before we left the house, I looked up at Spock and confessed, “I know it’s silly, but I’m scared.” He took me in his arms and held me until I let go. To me, reassurance like that is a big perk of being married.
And I’m not alone. Many wives want reassurance in the form of words, such as:
- I just want you.
- Let’s work this out.
- You are so beautiful.
- I’m here for you.
- You are worth it.
- I still choose you.
You’ve probably heard the story of a wife complaining to her husband that he never said “I love you,” to which he replied, “I said I love you the day we got married, and if it ever changes, I’ll let you know.” That tale is told because it’s funny…or rather, ridiculous.
People are insecure and want ongoing reassurance that they loved. God told His people “I love you” about a gazillion times in a gazillion ways. If He—master and commander of the universe—was willing to repeat it, we can too.
Let your wife know, as one commenter cited, “You are the best.”
Support My Goals
Both husbands and wives have dreams, desires, and pastimes they’d love their spouse to support. How did that come across in wives’ responses?
- Go buy more yarn.
- We need more chickens.
- You can retire today.
- I’ll take you fishing.
- Be what you want.
- I’m proud of you.
There was even one wife whose four words were “Have you lost weight?” And for some husbands, that would be the wrong thing to say, because it would imply that you didn’t like how your wife looked before or that she’d be more attractive if she was slimmer than she is now. But if a wife wants to lose weight, has been working at it, and yearns to see progress, those four words support her goals.
What are your wife’s goals? Her dreams? Her hobbies? How can you support her? Maybe it’s not exactly the way she thinks—for instance, more chickens—but encouraging and assisting your wife in living out her goals can help her feel loved.
Win the Lottery
From time to time, Spock purchases a single Texas Lotto ticket. I call this purchase his voluntary taxes—that is, money he chooses to give to the government and will never get back. He mostly agrees, but it’s such a small amount he spends and there’s always that teeny, tiny chance that he could win the lotto and then we’d be set, give a lot more to charity, and expand my ministry.
While I don’t ever expect to hear these words, several wives said they’d like to hear:
- I won the lottery.
- You won the lottery.
- We hit the lottery.
- We won the lottery.
Since your odds of winning are far less than being killed by lightning or struck by falling airplane parts, I wouldn’t bank on this as a retirement plan. But to get serious about it, several comments had something to do with money. For instance:
- Your debt is gone.
- Here’s the credit card.
- Paid off the mortgage.
Like it or not, we have to manage money as adults, and sometimes we don’t have as much as we’d like. On top of that, money management can be a source of tension or conflict in a marriage. If you’re at that point of wishing all your financial troubles with disappear with the winning of a lottery, then maybe it’s time to work on that aspect of your marriage.
Of course, some answers didn’t fit neatly into the categories outlined here.
Where would you put “Let’s have more kids”? I mean, yeah, that’s her goal you could support, but it beyond being her goal to a whole family change. If you’re the wife who gave that answer, best wishes! May God give you wisdom and unity on that decision.
One wife said, “You have bonus bacon.” I don’t know what “bonus bacon” is exactly, but I immediately concluded that I don’t get enough bacon and deserve a bonus. ~smile~
I’m also a big fan of “I scooped the litter.” As anyone who’s ever had an indoor cat knows, that’s the worst part of feline companionship.
But being a blog about sex in marriage, I give five stars to this answer from one wife. Try whispering these four words into your beloved’s ear the next time you’re making love: “You drive me wild.” And mean them.
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12 thoughts on “What Wives Long to Hear from Their Husbands (In Their Own Words)”
Can we please stop pretending that all wives are stay at home Moms? Maybe the Husband stays home & manages the house. Maybe they both work. Why is the “help” for women always focused on housework? I would love for my husband to ask me how my day at work was. Or book me a massage if he knows the week has been stressful.
I hear you, but I was reporting what wives actually said. And if you look at the Help Me Out section, the two research studies I cited involved dual-income families. In my own home, I’m currently the one who works, while my husband takes care of more household duties than I do. Moreover, the section about Support My Goals could certainly include her work. I particularly liked the suggestions “Be what you want” and “I’m proud of you.” I got support for my work when my husband read this article (it goes to his inbox) and he emailed me back, “Wow, Hon, nice article!” So while I understand the frustration, your description of my post doesn’t strike me as accurate.
And hey, I think you should get the massage! After all your hard work, you deserve some pampering.
Great list. I hope to encourage younger wives who would love to have their husbands plan a trip. It gets easier as we get older. When kids are young, finances are often tight, or at least it was for my wife and me. Now that the kids are grown, with two of four on their own, we have started getting away by ourselves. Not often, but some, and it will likely become more frequent. I generally plan the trip with my wife’s input, but surprised her with a last minute weekend away recently and she loved it. So if a young wife feels like those busy days of kids and tight finances will never end, they will eventually get easier.
Let’s have sex, and let’s go out to dinner are my top two. Something about being off the hook when it comes to making dinner is just amazing.. 😀 I rather enjoy someone else’s cooking. Lol
I can’t believe no one said my answer! Go take a nap! 😴
I love this post. Who wouldn’t turn down bonus bacon, tacos or a nap?
After my wife tells me she loves me , I respond with “I love you more! I love being the first one to say this, but my wife is getting wittier by replying “I love you the most!”. Words of affirmation are in both of our love language lists!
I adore that! 🙂
Surely when I man tells his wife “I won the lottery”, he’s not talking about millions of dollars but about HER!
Oh, well done, sir. Well. Done.
Is there going to be a version with the title ‘What husbands long to hear from their wives…’
I feel like I’d planned that but didn’t execute. Thanks for the reminder!