Tag Archives: fellatio

Is Giving a “Blow Job” Enjoyable for the Wife?

A husband in my Facebook community recently posed the question of “what is it that the ladies enjoy so much about giving [oral sex]?” He explained that he didn’t mind giving to her, but felt awkward about the reverse and didn’t understand why a wife would enjoy that activity.

I held onto the question for a bit, mulling over how to answer. As much as possible, I avoid giving any reader a peek into my own marriage bed and/or getting too graphic. However, since I believe fellatio — oral sex for him — can be quite enjoyable for the wife, it seemed like something worth spotlighting.

So why would a blow job be enjoyable for a wife to give?

The present she gives.

Sometimes a wife gives a husband oral sex as a gift. It’s a way of showing that she cares about his sexual pleasure and wants to arouse and satisfy him. This can include giving a blow job when she’s out of commission, due to health issues or menstruation or other factors.

She thus derives enjoyment from being able to offer this wonderful present to her husband, knowing that she alone can gift him in this way. It’s simply one way of living out selfless love in the marriage bed. And doing good can feel good.

The power she possesses.

Much of a woman’s experience sexually is as the responder. Even if she is the higher-drive spouse and/or initiated the sexual encounter, her body receives manual or oral stimulation of her erogenous zones and intercourse is penetration by another. Turning the tables can give her a sense of potency.

She may enjoy watching the effect she has on her husband, how she can drive him wild with her mouth. It’s one of the few times in sex when the man seems to fully surrender — putty in her hands. It’s a sweet feeling to know the power she possesses to stimulate and satiate her husband.

The pleasure she feels.

Most husbands don’t lie back like dockside fish, either still or wildly flopping while oral sex is being performed on them. They respond with touches back to her head, her shoulders, her breasts, wherever he can reach. They make sounds of arousal. Their muscles clench and release. Their penis and testicles twitch or lift or shift. And to her, all that can be sexy, and therefore pleasurable.

Many wives become aroused while performing fellatio. They might be surprised at first to be focused so much on his sexual pleasure, then reach down to find their own body excited, but it happens. Turning him turns her on.

The passion she pursues.

Adding oral sex to your marriage bed expands your sexual repertoire, and variety is perhaps not the spice of life, but it is spicy. And it’s not an everyday thing for most couples, so much of the time, fellatio happens when she is feeling particularly passionate — passionate enough to put her mouth on or around her husband’s most private part. 

There’s also an implied recognition that his genitalia are appealing and sexy. Getting that up-close-and-personal can show she’s got a big crush on Junior. (Oh, every guy’s dream… Breathe easy, y’all.)

The support he shows.

Meanwhile, what can a husband do to make this experience good for his wife? Well, my best tips are in my book, Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design.

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Want more straight talk? Check out this book for wives!

But in general, you can make this mutually enjoyable by:

  • Telling her what feels good. Since she obviously wants you to be pleasured, direct her to your most sensitive spots and/or indicate with words or sounds when something feels particularly good.
  • Letting her remain mostly in control. That is, don’t press her head against you or pressure her to “deep throat,” especially if she has a strong gag reflex.
  • Cooperate with what she needs to make it more comfortable. If she’s reluctant to give oral sex or swallow, be willing to wear a condom for easier clean-up, keep a towel by the bed, warn her when you’re about to ejaculate — that sort of thing.
  • Making sure she gets a full opportunity to orgasm too. If you ejaculate during oral sex, that’s not necessarily the end. She may want a round two where she gets to climax.
  • Giving her a chance to recover. She may need time afterward to clean up, and she may also need a while before she performs fellatio again. Even those who like it may see it as more of a treat than a regular activity.
  • Thanking her when you’re done. Many wives respond well to being appreciated for their effort.

For wives who don’t like it.

If you’re one of those wives who does not enjoy giving oral sex, I encourage you to read the “Oral Sex” chapter in my book, Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design. The following posts may also address your concerns:

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5 Things You Should Know about Oral Sex

Ah, oral sex … the first posts I wrote about it were oh-so-popular. I mean, really — a Christian wife talking about “blow jobs”? Yet, it’s been a while since I revisited this topic.

Now if you want my best tips on giving and receiving oral sex, check out my book, Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design, in which I have a whole chapter just talking about this particular form of sexual intimacy.

Hot, Holy, and Humorous book cover

But today, I thought I’d cover five things you should know about oral sex — especially for those who have been reluctant to try it (or try it again, as the case may be).

Blog post title with the number 5 as a graphic

1. The Bible doesn’t prohibit oral sex, and may even mention it.

For those who think, Oral sex isn’t okay with God!, ask yourself why you think that. Actually, there’s no prohibition against oral sex in the Bible. Indeed, some scholars believe that the lovers mention oral sex poetically in Song of Songs with these verses:

Wife to husband: “Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste” (2:3).

Husband to wife: “Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread everywhere. Let my beloved come into his garden and taste its choice fruits” (4:16).

If you don’t buy that those refer to oral sex, how about this passage?

I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride;
I have gathered my myrrh with my spice.
I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey;
I have drunk my wine and my milk.

Eat, friends, and drink;
drink your fill of love (5:1).

A better translation of that last line is “be drunk with love!” (ESV). And that last line is either a group of friends or God Himself speaking, with the message regardless that you can indulge in sexual delights with your spouse. Oral sex is an indulgence, but it’s not prohibited and perhaps here even encouraged.

2. Oral sex isn’t all or nothing.

One of the biggest objections I hear from wives in particular is that they don’t want to put the whole sausage, to speak, in their mouths. Or they don’t want to swallow. Or they don’t want to have his semen in their mouth. To which I say, then don’t. Oral sex is simply stimulating your spouse’s genitals with your mouth, lips or tongue. That’s it — no other requirement necessary. For example, you can lick his shaft, and that’s oral sex. Believe me, a lot of husbands would welcome that. (See What Does He Mean by “Oral Sex”? (It May Not Be What You Think).)

On the other side, husbands reading this, it still counts if she doesn’t swallow. (Yeah, don’t write me your sob story about how life is meaningless because your wife’s gag reflex prevents her from drinking your semen. I’m not buying it.) Oral sex doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You can enjoy what works for you both, and over time some other options might open up.

3. Oral sex is mostly hygienic.

Yes, I put mostly, because it’s possible to transmit bacteria or a virus from mouth-to-genital and vice versa. Both your mouths and genitalia should be free of any lesions, sores, or wounds. Most of the warnings about lack of hygiene with oral sex presumes multiple sex and unknown status of sexually transmitted infections. In marriage, however, we have the benefit of a single partner and, hopefully, open communication about our health status.

But as long as neither of you is experiencing an infection in your mouth or on your genitals, oral sex is basically just a mouth on skin. Albeit very sensitive skin. In which case, the only caveat is to wash up! Male semen and female lubrication won’t damage you, and — for those who are worried — urine is extremely unlikely to leak out at that time.

4. The best way to improve the taste down there is healthy living.

Sex Chat for Christian Wives logo + episode titleI mentioned this in the latest episode of our Sex Chat for Christian Wives podcast, but when recently asked about how to improve the taste of sexual fluids, I did a lot of research. While you can find various tips and “tricks” online to presumably help, the real answer for addressing the taste and smell of semen or female lubrication is healthy living habits:

  • Don’t smoke
  • Drink alcohol in moderation
  • Hydrate with plenty of water
  • Eat more fruits and vegetables
  • Stick to a healthy diet

Yep, that’s it. Just take care of the body God gave you in the manner you should, and one benefit is that oral sex will taste better. How’s that for a reward?

5. Oral sex is one of the best ways for her to reach climax.

For a woman to reach climax, she must have sufficient stimulation of the clitoris. Somewhere from a third to a half of women don’t, and in some cases can’t, experience orgasm through intercourse alone.

So let’s engage in little anatomy lesson. The clitoris is a wishbone-shaped organ, with the merged tip appearing as the clitoral head.

3d printed female sex organ clitoris for human anatomy lessons

The unseen part of the clitoris (the wishbone “legs”) run down the length of the vulva on either side of the vagina and can be indirectly stimulated with hands or mouth and during intercourse. But the head sticks out near the front of the vaginal lips as a knob of flesh and can be directly stimulated. Like with a tongue. Yes, a hand will work too, but the mouth also has the benefit of providing moisture at the same time. So it’s really one of the best ways for a wife to get to that elusive Big O.

Look, you don’t have to have oral sex in your marriage. But many marriages have found a benefit in including this practice in their sexual repertoire. It might be worth discussing with your spouse to see what they like, what they don’t like, and what oral activities you can mutually agree to try.

 

Sources: Kontula, Osmo, and Anneli Miettinen. “Determinants of female sexual orgasms.” Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology. 2016. Accessed January 07, 2018; Herbenick, D., T. J. Fu, J. Arter, S. A. Sanders, and B. Dodge. “Women’s Experiences With Genital Touching, Sexual Pleasure, and Orgasm: Results From a U.S. Probability Sample of Women Ages 18 to 94.” Journal of sex & marital therapy. Accessed January 07, 2018. 

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Q&A with J: Should You Just Swallow Already?

Today’s reader question is about giving oral sex to your husband:

Could you please send links to articles that specifically address wives who are averse to “finishing” when we give oral sex to our husbands. … his desire for me to do this comes up periodically and he has been very kind and patient about my aversion. I know it is a mental hangup and you have addressed the gag reflex, but [it] still seems repulsive, even though I love everything else about my husband’s body. Am I just selfish? He is so undemanding in every aspect of our marriage, so the fact that he still brings it up means it is a strong wish. I have managed a couple of times over the years, but I had to hide how unpleasant it was to me. And he stresses that he wants me to enjoy it, or we don’t do it. (He asked me to ask you.)

Blog post title + illustrated women's mouth, biting her lip

Hmmm. I actually had an aversion myself to the word finishing. Using that word makes it sound like if you don’t swallow your husband’s ejaculate, he didn’t get to finish. But I presume he did, somehow or other. Oral sex without swallowing isn’t unfinished business.

That said, I know many husbands desire that their wives take their ejaculate into their mouths and even swallow. I’ve encouraged men who write me about this to make the request but let it go if she simply can’t stomach the idea. Having a great sex life in marriage doesn’t mean that your partner performs every sexual activity you desire. There should be mutuality in the marriage bed.

But the query is from a wife, at the request of her husband, so I’m going to address that side of the equation. And I do believe that a number of wives adverse to the idea could learn to accept semen into their mouth and even swallow, at least on occasion.

Let’s just address this question first: Is it hygienic? Yes, it’s perfectly fine to swallow semen. It even contains vitamins, sodium, and fructose, all of which you ingest in food. One study oddly showed that semen has antidepressant qualities, so there might even be a health benefit. The only caveat here is if he has a sexually transmitted disease, but then it’s not the semen that’s the problem, but rather contact with any outbreak on the skin. Otherwise, it’s totally fine.

What about the taste? It tends to be a bit salty, but can taste sweet — depending on what your husband eats and his specific taste. If you don’t like the taste of his semen, he can do several things to improve its flavor: wash thoroughly in the area beforehand, avoid smoking, incorporate more fruit and/or fruit juices into his diet, cut down on red meat and dairy consumption, drink plenty of water. You could also add a flavored personal lubricant to the experience, to sweeten the overall taste.

How about the texture? Some people have fewer issues with taste than texture. Semen is about the consistency of a beaten egg, so it’s a thick liquid that may not appeal to some wives. If this is the sole issue, then letting your husband ejaculate in the back of your mouth, closer to your throat, will keep you from dealing with the texture much, if at all.

How do you address the gag reflex? If you have a strong gag reflex, then you need to consider how to make fellatio work well for you. First things first: You don’t have to swallow him; that is, put his whole penis into your mouth or “deep-throat.” His sensitivity is mainly in the head of the penis, and you can concentrate there and stroke his shaft to provide additional pressure and pleasure. (See also What Does He Mean by “Oral Sex”? (It May Not Be What You Think).) Also, consider changing positions to find a comfortable angle for your mouth and throat.

If it’s the ejaculate itself causing you to gag, you can try a couple of things: (1) Train yourself ahead of time by putting your finger toward your throat until you feel a reaction, then breathe and relax through the sensation. Repeating this practice can help you overcome a gag reflex. (2) When you feel yourself starting to gag, tuck your left thumb into your left hand, as if making a first, and squeeze your thumb. I don’t know if this works, but I saw so many articles and testimonies online about this working, it seemed worth mentioning. If someone else has tried this, let us know in the comments.

What about the mental block? You might logically get over all these issues, but in the moment, some little part of your brain yells, Oh my gosh, that’s man-juice in my mouth. Yuck! Hey, we’re biologically and culturally primed to avoid ingesting things that are bad for us or even weird. So it’s understandable that you might have a negative visceral reaction to the idea of semen in there.

Honestly, getting over that is like getting over anything else you want to do but have an initial aversion to doing. You have to re-frame how you think about it, reminding yourself constantly that this is okay and even good; then take baby steps toward changing your behavior; and reward yourself for progress you make. It takes time and intentionality, but there really isn’t another magical formula. You can most likely break through the mental block, but only if you want to and if you adopt actions that help you shift your thinking about this practice.

Are you selfish for not wanting to? It doesn’t sound like you are, because (1) you’ve actually tried and (2) y’all seem to have great sexual intimacy otherwise. You’re not looking at your husband and telling him you don’t want sex to be pleasurable for him; rather, you’re wanting it to be mutually pleasurable and this particular area just happens to be unpleasant. Even if a sexual activity is entirely permissible and good in marriage, that doesn’t mean you have to do it. Sexual intercourse is the only activity commanded in the Bible, even though we have the freedom to do much more.

Neither spouse gets to demand a specific sex act, and we should feel secure and confident enough in the marital bedroom to say something like, “I will happily do A, B, and C, but I’m just not comfortable with X.” At the end of the day, you may decide you flat-out don’t want to do this. And really, you and your husband can have a great sex life without it.

But since it’s important to him, and he has not demanded it but rather requested, is there a way you can make it happen? I love that your husband said he wants you to give him fellatio all the way to ejaculation only if it can be enjoyable for you too. So the final question really is: How can you make this an enjoyable experience?

Many wives do enjoy giving a “blow job” and swallowing. How do they do it? Here are some final tips:

  • Think about fellatio positively. Shed the worry about your mouth touching that area of his body, because it’s also just skin — albeit rather erogenous skin.
  • Keep your mouth from being overwhelmed. Try different angles and actions to see what feels reasonably comfortable while still being arousing to him, and ask him to be gentle in his movements and let you have more control. Also, check out the chapter on oral sex in Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design where I explain how to perform fellatio in a way that works for both of you.
  • Focus on the pleasure you’re providing. You know how awesome it feels when your husband concentrates on giving you incredible pleasure and even a mind-blowing orgasm? That’s how this feels to him, and you are making it happen. High-five yourself, girlfriend!
  • Anticipate when he’s coming. It can be a shock for him to suddenly gush into your mouth. If you can’t read his body signals, unlikely until you’ve done this a number of times, ask him to tell you when he’s about to ejaculate so you’ll know it’s coming.
  • Relax your mouth and throat. If you can anticipate, you can relax your mouth and throat even more in that moment. You might want to slow or stop your mouth motion and focus on your relaxation and his release.
  • Take control of where the ejaculate lands. If you have an issue with swallowing, try having him release closer to your throat so his fluid isn’t hanging around in your mouth for long. It’s just in, swallow, done. Literally takes seconds. Some wives would rather taste and savor semen, and they can shift their mouths accordingly. But get yourself into a position that works for you.
  • Clear out your mouth if you need to. If you feel the need, jump up when it’s over and go swish some mouthwash around in your mouth. Gurgle with it, so that your throat gets cleared too. Keep a drink, a breath mint, or gum nearby if you want to replace the taste lingering in your mouth.

Do you have to perform this act? No. But if it’s really important to your husband and you are willing to try, then take some time and effort and see if you can make it happen. A lot of wives who used to balk about swallowing learned how to enjoy it. You might too.

Still Nervous about Giving Him Oral? Yeah, I Get It.

Nervous woman with hands over mouthYou want me to put my mouth where?!!

That’s the gut response of many wives when they first contemplate giving oral sex. It seems natural to match up genitalia, but when it comes to your mouth, that’s a whole different story. Sure, you love his manhood and all, but you wonder: Is that allowed? Is it healthy? Is it sanitary? Is it biblical? Is it worth it?

Not every wife feels this way, but enough that I want to address the issue. Because if you’re still nervous about giving him oral? Yeah, I get it.

Let’s talk girlfriend-to-girlfriend and break down some wives’ concerns.

Is oral sex okay with God? There are plenty of fringe sexual practices out there, but oral sex doesn’t seem to be one. There is no biblical prohibition on oral sex and at least two possible references to oral sex in the Bible. One is man to woman, and the other is woman to man: “Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I took great delight and sat down, and his fruit was sweet to my taste” (Song of Songs 2:3). “Fruit” is a euphemism, of course.

Looking at God’s design of the body, there’s nothing inherently harmful about oral sex. Using lips and tongue on genitals is not far different from hands or fingers on genitals, and semen is not problematic to ingest. Indeed, one study even suggested it has antidepressant qualities. (Go figure.)

Of course, you must discern for yourself and live by your own conscience, but study what the Bible says. Most who have done so with an open mind and open heart believe oral sex is okay with God.

Is it hygienic? This is a big concern for many, especially since the penis is also used for peeing. It can seem unsanitary to put your mouth where urine has been. However, when a man ejaculates, a muscle contracts in the neck of the bladder preventing urine flow into the penis — meaning a man cannot shoot semen and urine at the same time.

Besides (not to be gross here), even if a minuscule amount of urine did enter your mouth by some off-chance, it’s still not bad for you. Urine is mostly waste-filtered water and, while you definitely don’t want to be ingesting much, a teeny bit isn’t harmful.

Still, you may feel it’s not all that sanitary. Or that his groin area can sweat during the day, making it less clean and inviting. If cleanliness is your concern, there’s a simple solution: Have him wash. Ask hubby to take a thorough shower before you begin or simply wash his genitals. You can even suggest a bath together, and do the washing yourself so you know that area is spic-and-span.

Oh, and hair. If that bothers you, plenty of husbands — believe it or not — “manscape.” Your husband might be willing to trim a bit, just like he’d trim a mustache or beard. It doesn’t hurt to ask. But getting his hair in your mouth is still the same as getting any of his other hair in your mouth (which has happened a time or two when I’m lying in bed, my husband rolls over, and suddenly his head of hair is in my face).

So yes, it’s hygienic. The notable exception is that sexually transmitted diseases and infections can be passed by oral-genital contact, so if that is an issue in your marriage, be aware.

Is it worth trying? In a recent survey from The Marriage Bed, 42% of husbands reported they would like to have oral sex much more often. I suspect that’s typical of many marriages, with men desiring their wives give oral sex a go or make it a regular practice. So the first thought is that your husband may think it well worth-trying. And certainly, we want to consider our spouse when it comes to the marriage bed.

However, the question remains whether you think it’s worth trying. If you don’t have moral or hygienic objections, what holds you back? It could be nervousness about what it will feel like, concern you won’t do it right, worry that you’ll gag, or fear of him expecting you to swallow. Let me take some of the pressure off, ladies: You don’t have to stick the whole thing in and swallow semen to give your husband oral sex. Oral sex can involve any contact of your mouth with his penis, meaning you can start slow. In fact, explain to your husband you’re willing to try, but you need to go slow and stay in control of how this goes.

Use your lips and tongue to tease the tip of his penis, or kiss or run your tongue along the shaft. Suck on the very top, putting his penis into your mouth only as far as you can while still breathing comfortably. Let him express what feels good to you, and be willing to adjust according to what he likes and what feels okay with your mouth. You may discover that the skin really isn’t that different from other parts of his body (except how soft it is) or that you’re also excited by how effectively your mouth arouses your husband.

You may enjoy it. If so, you can always do it more. If instead you feel awkward or uncomfortable, you can take break, breathe a little, then try again. Or you can suggest turning to another sexual activity to finish, like a hand job or intercourse. Trying a new sexual activity once doesn’t mean you have to do it again and again, but you might find out that, with an open mind and some practice, you like giving him oral sex — that it arouses you as well. So yeah, it could be worth trying.

What are your concerns about giving oral sex? Is anything else holding you back?

I address oral sex more fully in my book, Sex Savvy: A Lovemaking Guide for Christian Wives.

How Important Is Technique?

I admit to being nervous about publishing my Oral Sex: How To post last Thursday, which you can read HERE. However, I was blown away by the number of comments I received. Some wrote to thank me for tackling this issue head on, others to offer tips, some to share their positive story of fun fellatio, and yet others to ask really good questions, which I tried my best to answer.

I have concluded that (A) we Christians are interested in better sexual technique to improve our marital intimacy, and (B) we don’t have many resources available for learning these things.

Although Cosmopolitan magazine sits on the magazine stand at the grocery store promising “10 Creative Ways to Please Your Man” or “The Newest and Best Sexual Techniques,” plenty of us are not looking for advice from secular sources to give us the low-down on these issues. Whenever I do pick up such a magazine, turn to the story, and start reading, the article seems to focus not on finding ways to increase intimacy in marriage but on the reader getting a temporary sexual high.

I’m actually not that big on technique. Given my promiscuous, premarital sexual history (which I regret — see A Letter to a Former Lover), I can honestly say that some guys knew what they were doing more than others. Yet among those, the best sexual experience was with the guy who was a virgin when we had sex (I was a “technical virgin”). We figured it out somehow.

And trumping that experience by about a thousand percent is the sexual intimacy I have with the man with whom I have taken marriage vows, built a home, raised children, weathered ups and downs, and learned every inch of one another’s bodies over the years.

Why?

Chalkboard w/SEX 101

By Andrzej 22, via Wikimedia Commons (blackboard image altered)

Because technique can be learned. Given the apparent desire for more such posts, I will be addressing other issues of technique in the next few months. However, setting the stage for good technique is far more important.

How’s your relationship? No matter how good a lover someone is, if you don’t have any other closeness with them, it won’t matter. It might be great sex, but it won’t be sexual intimacy. For most women in particular, you need to have trust, openness, communication, and attraction to get in the mood for sexual activity. The relationship you have with your lover is important.

How’s your attitude? If you don’t care about sexual intimacy in marriage or you have past issues clouding your ability to let go and enjoy God’s gift of sexuality, no technique tips are going to help. You must start with a willingness to seek out mutual pleasure and intimacy in the act of sex. Dealing with past hurts and misperceptions and adopting a godly perspective of sex will go a long way toward having the right attitude to engage with your spouse.

Where’s your focus? If you are just looking for a sexual high for yourself, you aren’t engaging in the intimacy God desires. Maybe you can give a great “blow job” or have a nice wave of orgasms all in row. However, the focus should be US, not simply me, in the bedroom. The purpose of doing it well is to increase the pleasure you experience together, which bonds you in those shared moments of ecstasy.

With this in mind, I wanted to share some of my favorite lines from the comments section of last week’s post. The post was basically about how to give a “blow job,” but check these out:

Danielle: it makes me feel sexy to turn my hubby on so much, and give him pleasure without expecting anything in return.

Anonymous: I LOVE to love my wife sexually. She’ll frequently ask during oral why I enjoy giving it. Isn’t it truly better to give than receive? YES!! I can’t explain it, I just love it. She is totally open to me and I am giving her incredible pleasure. I could do this several times a week – freely giving it away simply because it makes my love feel so very good.

Megan of Do Not Disturb Blog: While we are young we can learn exactly what gets our man going and this will help us with a lifetime of great lovemaking. I look forward to many years of a satisfying sex life and will do whatever it takes to make sure that happens.

Anonymous: We’ve been married 31 years and have always enjoyed a robust sex life (very blessed). . . . She is so sweet and understanding. . . . As far as swallowing, it’s no big deal. I don’t want her doing anything she’s uncomfortable with.

Anonymous: I spent time prior to “us time” . . . asking God to help me view this the way He intended it to be. . . . I asked God to open my mind and my heart to loving my husband in this way, and it helped a great deal that my husband never pushed me to do this.

All of these speak to making sexual technique a part of loving intimacy in marriage. That’s where the magic begins! That is why God designed sex to happen in marriage — a covenant relationship before God which can bring about personal growth, family building, and emotional and spiritual intimacy.

Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People come to mind. One of them is simply “First Things First,” meaning to make sure you properly prioritize. For heaven’s sake, let’s learn some great sexual techniques! However, all of that fabulous-lover knowledge must go toward building a complete sex life that fosters intimacy.

Get your groove on, for sure, but remember that God wrote the tune and it takes two-made-one to tango.