Tag Archives: oral sex in marriage

Is Giving a “Blow Job” Enjoyable for the Wife?

A husband in my Facebook community recently posed the question of “what is it that the ladies enjoy so much about giving [oral sex]?” He explained that he didn’t mind giving to her, but felt awkward about the reverse and didn’t understand why a wife would enjoy that activity.

I held onto the question for a bit, mulling over how to answer. As much as possible, I avoid giving any reader a peek into my own marriage bed and/or getting too graphic. However, since I believe fellatio — oral sex for him — can be quite enjoyable for the wife, it seemed like something worth spotlighting.

So why would a blow job be enjoyable for a wife to give?

The present she gives.

Sometimes a wife gives a husband oral sex as a gift. It’s a way of showing that she cares about his sexual pleasure and wants to arouse and satisfy him. This can include giving a blow job when she’s out of commission, due to health issues or menstruation or other factors.

She thus derives enjoyment from being able to offer this wonderful present to her husband, knowing that she alone can gift him in this way. It’s simply one way of living out selfless love in the marriage bed. And doing good can feel good.

The power she possesses.

Much of a woman’s experience sexually is as the responder. Even if she is the higher-drive spouse and/or initiated the sexual encounter, her body receives manual or oral stimulation of her erogenous zones and intercourse is penetration by another. Turning the tables can give her a sense of potency.

She may enjoy watching the effect she has on her husband, how she can drive him wild with her mouth. It’s one of the few times in sex when the man seems to fully surrender — putty in her hands. It’s a sweet feeling to know the power she possesses to stimulate and satiate her husband.

The pleasure she feels.

Most husbands don’t lie back like dockside fish, either still or wildly flopping while oral sex is being performed on them. They respond with touches back to her head, her shoulders, her breasts, wherever he can reach. They make sounds of arousal. Their muscles clench and release. Their penis and testicles twitch or lift or shift. And to her, all that can be sexy, and therefore pleasurable.

Many wives become aroused while performing fellatio. They might be surprised at first to be focused so much on his sexual pleasure, then reach down to find their own body excited, but it happens. Turning him turns her on.

The passion she pursues.

Adding oral sex to your marriage bed expands your sexual repertoire, and variety is perhaps not the spice of life, but it is spicy. And it’s not an everyday thing for most couples, so much of the time, fellatio happens when she is feeling particularly passionate — passionate enough to put her mouth on or around her husband’s most private part. 

There’s also an implied recognition that his genitalia are appealing and sexy. Getting that up-close-and-personal can show she’s got a big crush on Junior. (Oh, every guy’s dream… Breathe easy, y’all.)

The support he shows.

Meanwhile, what can a husband do to make this experience good for his wife? Well, my best tips are in my book, Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design.

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Want more straight talk? Check out this book for wives!

But in general, you can make this mutually enjoyable by:

  • Telling her what feels good. Since she obviously wants you to be pleasured, direct her to your most sensitive spots and/or indicate with words or sounds when something feels particularly good.
  • Letting her remain mostly in control. That is, don’t press her head against you or pressure her to “deep throat,” especially if she has a strong gag reflex.
  • Cooperate with what she needs to make it more comfortable. If she’s reluctant to give oral sex or swallow, be willing to wear a condom for easier clean-up, keep a towel by the bed, warn her when you’re about to ejaculate — that sort of thing.
  • Making sure she gets a full opportunity to orgasm too. If you ejaculate during oral sex, that’s not necessarily the end. She may want a round two where she gets to climax.
  • Giving her a chance to recover. She may need time afterward to clean up, and she may also need a while before she performs fellatio again. Even those who like it may see it as more of a treat than a regular activity.
  • Thanking her when you’re done. Many wives respond well to being appreciated for their effort.

For wives who don’t like it.

If you’re one of those wives who does not enjoy giving oral sex, I encourage you to read the “Oral Sex” chapter in my book, Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design. The following posts may also address your concerns:

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5 Things You Should Know about Oral Sex

Ah, oral sex … the first posts I wrote about it were oh-so-popular. I mean, really — a Christian wife talking about “blow jobs”? Yet, it’s been a while since I revisited this topic.

Now if you want my best tips on giving and receiving oral sex, check out my book, Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design, in which I have a whole chapter just talking about this particular form of sexual intimacy.

Hot, Holy, and Humorous book cover

But today, I thought I’d cover five things you should know about oral sex — especially for those who have been reluctant to try it (or try it again, as the case may be).

Blog post title with the number 5 as a graphic

1. The Bible doesn’t prohibit oral sex, and may even mention it.

For those who think, Oral sex isn’t okay with God!, ask yourself why you think that. Actually, there’s no prohibition against oral sex in the Bible. Indeed, some scholars believe that the lovers mention oral sex poetically in Song of Songs with these verses:

Wife to husband: “Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste” (2:3).

Husband to wife: “Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread everywhere. Let my beloved come into his garden and taste its choice fruits” (4:16).

If you don’t buy that those refer to oral sex, how about this passage?

I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride;
I have gathered my myrrh with my spice.
I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey;
I have drunk my wine and my milk.

Eat, friends, and drink;
drink your fill of love (5:1).

A better translation of that last line is “be drunk with love!” (ESV). And that last line is either a group of friends or God Himself speaking, with the message regardless that you can indulge in sexual delights with your spouse. Oral sex is an indulgence, but it’s not prohibited and perhaps here even encouraged.

2. Oral sex isn’t all or nothing.

One of the biggest objections I hear from wives in particular is that they don’t want to put the whole sausage, to speak, in their mouths. Or they don’t want to swallow. Or they don’t want to have his semen in their mouth. To which I say, then don’t. Oral sex is simply stimulating your spouse’s genitals with your mouth, lips or tongue. That’s it — no other requirement necessary. For example, you can lick his shaft, and that’s oral sex. Believe me, a lot of husbands would welcome that. (See What Does He Mean by “Oral Sex”? (It May Not Be What You Think).)

On the other side, husbands reading this, it still counts if she doesn’t swallow. (Yeah, don’t write me your sob story about how life is meaningless because your wife’s gag reflex prevents her from drinking your semen. I’m not buying it.) Oral sex doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You can enjoy what works for you both, and over time some other options might open up.

3. Oral sex is mostly hygienic.

Yes, I put mostly, because it’s possible to transmit bacteria or a virus from mouth-to-genital and vice versa. Both your mouths and genitalia should be free of any lesions, sores, or wounds. Most of the warnings about lack of hygiene with oral sex presumes multiple sex and unknown status of sexually transmitted infections. In marriage, however, we have the benefit of a single partner and, hopefully, open communication about our health status.

But as long as neither of you is experiencing an infection in your mouth or on your genitals, oral sex is basically just a mouth on skin. Albeit very sensitive skin. In which case, the only caveat is to wash up! Male semen and female lubrication won’t damage you, and — for those who are worried — urine is extremely unlikely to leak out at that time.

4. The best way to improve the taste down there is healthy living.

Sex Chat for Christian Wives logo + episode titleI mentioned this in the latest episode of our Sex Chat for Christian Wives podcast, but when recently asked about how to improve the taste of sexual fluids, I did a lot of research. While you can find various tips and “tricks” online to presumably help, the real answer for addressing the taste and smell of semen or female lubrication is healthy living habits:

  • Don’t smoke
  • Drink alcohol in moderation
  • Hydrate with plenty of water
  • Eat more fruits and vegetables
  • Stick to a healthy diet

Yep, that’s it. Just take care of the body God gave you in the manner you should, and one benefit is that oral sex will taste better. How’s that for a reward?

5. Oral sex is one of the best ways for her to reach climax.

For a woman to reach climax, she must have sufficient stimulation of the clitoris. Somewhere from a third to a half of women don’t, and in some cases can’t, experience orgasm through intercourse alone.

So let’s engage in little anatomy lesson. The clitoris is a wishbone-shaped organ, with the merged tip appearing as the clitoral head.

3d printed female sex organ clitoris for human anatomy lessons

The unseen part of the clitoris (the wishbone “legs”) run down the length of the vulva on either side of the vagina and can be indirectly stimulated with hands or mouth and during intercourse. But the head sticks out near the front of the vaginal lips as a knob of flesh and can be directly stimulated. Like with a tongue. Yes, a hand will work too, but the mouth also has the benefit of providing moisture at the same time. So it’s really one of the best ways for a wife to get to that elusive Big O.

Look, you don’t have to have oral sex in your marriage. But many marriages have found a benefit in including this practice in their sexual repertoire. It might be worth discussing with your spouse to see what they like, what they don’t like, and what oral activities you can mutually agree to try.

 

Sources: Kontula, Osmo, and Anneli Miettinen. “Determinants of female sexual orgasms.” Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology. 2016. Accessed January 07, 2018; Herbenick, D., T. J. Fu, J. Arter, S. A. Sanders, and B. Dodge. “Women’s Experiences With Genital Touching, Sexual Pleasure, and Orgasm: Results From a U.S. Probability Sample of Women Ages 18 to 94.” Journal of sex & marital therapy. Accessed January 07, 2018. 

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