What Euphemisms for Sex Do You Use?

definition of euphemismA euphemism is an expression that says one thing when we all know it means another *wink-wink*. Like saying your uncle “kicked the bucket” or “bought the farm” or “passed away,” rather than died.

There are moments when you might refer to your own sexual encounters, or perhaps those of others, by not stating outright what’s going on, but using a euphemism instead. For married couples, this can be out of playfulness or to send a message that others (like the kids) won’t catch.

Today, I’m sharing a few unusual euphemisms for sex, gleaned from the Internet, family and friends, and Facebook followers. They fall into categories.

Food. I shouldn’t be surprised, since I’ve used analogies on this blog of eating at restaurants, starving vs. gluttony, and indulging in brownies. But here are a few sex euphemisms referring to food.

Play with the cookies. I have no idea which part is the “cookies,” but JP said that she tells her husband “time to play with the cookies!” Indeed, I have a feeling most hubbies would rather have sex than chocolate chips . . . or better yet, both.

Chicken noodle soup time. Thanks to VMB for this one. And I couldn’t help myself: It seemed like the Campbell’s Soup slogans would go along great with this euphemism, so I looked them up:

Mmm Mmm Good. (1978-present)
It’s Amazing What Soup Can Do! (2010–present)
Possibilities (2005–2009)

Bread and Butter. This expression hails from the 1800s and indicates the closeness that both butter spread on bread and one spouse, um, “spread” on top of the other would have. “I’d like some bread and butter tonight, honey!”

Politics. I was rather bemused by two euphemisms for sex that showed up in the Facebook comments. Who knew that politics could be so inspirational for the bedroom?

Presidential Quarters. NCR says that she tells her husband she needs to meet him in the presidential quarters. Wow, that’s gotta make a guy feel good. Not only does his wife want to have sex with him, she’s promoted him to “leader of the free world.”

Congress Is in Session. For those of us who live in the United States, that phrase isn’t always a good thing. But as a euphemism for sex, it’s wonderful! The word “congress” originally meant a coming together of people or a meeting. And marital sex is definitely a meeting you want in session.

Household chores. Some parents tell the kids they’re doing boring, grown-up household chores when they’re really doing exciting, grown-up sex stuff. Since kids don’t want to be around you when you’re “cleaning closets” or whatever, this could be a great way to secure enough time alone to get the deed done.

Organizing my recipes. This one is a “code word” for one of my FB followers, TLE. Personally, I haven’t organized my recipes since about 1996, but I have “organized my recipes” *wink* plenty of times.

Moving furniture. RKY use this one. I have to wonder how they explain it to others when the furniture is still in the same place later. Although “moving furniture” would explain the creak of the bed and the grunts and groans heard through the bedroom door.

Paying the bills. Now there’s a way to clear the room of everyone but you and the hubby! According to HWC, this works brilliantly, since their 9 year old then says, “That stresses parents out, so we better leave them alone!” Yes, kid, you should.

Animals. Since sex is a nature thing (“birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it”*), some use references to animals. Sure, we’re not animals, but they mate, we mate…it makes sense.

The beast with two backs. No, this wasn’t invented by a college locker room crowd. It’s Shakespeare. That’s right. This euphemism for having sex comes from the tragedy Othello, Act 1, Scene 1: “I am one, sir, that comes to tell you your daughter and the Moor are now making the beast with two backs.”

Bury the bone. Have you heard this one? No, you’re not a dog, but the imagery is clear. You know exactly what the “bone” is and where to “bury” it.

Animal noises. One FB commenter (CW) said that her husband just makes animal mating noises. The kids think he’s being funny, but his wife knows what he’s proposing. I’m curious which animals and how he knows their mating sounds.

The Unexplainable. Some euphemisms don’t fit a specific category. They’re just fun, make sense to the couple, and get the job done.

Spelunking. Thanks to a friend who provided this one. She and her husband will sometimes say, “Want to go spelunking?” Why spelunking? She explained that spelunking involves exploring secret caverns and crevices, kinda like sex. I’d like to be there the day her children realize why their parents are always talking about going spelunking . . . but never actually go.

Jumpstart. Facebook commenter ABA’s husband is a mechanic. So their code phrase is “Do you need a jumpstart?” I like that they tailored the euphemism to their specific family situation.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Yes, it’s a Disney movie. However, when I told my husband I was going to do a post about euphemisms for “you know” and then gestured a little to convey my meaning, his response was, “You mean the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?” That was a new one for us. After laughing a bit, I responded, “Oh, now I understand why they sing, ‘Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, we love you!'” Yep, it’s veritable feast of cheesy humor in my marriage.

Okay, your turn. What euphemisms do you use for sex? How do you let your spouse know that you’re willing, interested, and good-to-go?

*”Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it” are lyrics from “Let’s Do It, Let’s Fall in Love” by Cole Porter.

Sources: 17 Euphemisms for Sex from the 1800s – Mental Floss; Euphemism – Literary Devices; Hot, Holy & Humorous Facebook status update

57 thoughts on “What Euphemisms for Sex Do You Use?

  1. LG

    My hubby and I have used the line from the kid’s movie Over the Hedge “but I like the cookie!” Or enjoying the “cherry on top”. However, with teens in the house I think we’re going to have to get more creative, because they are starting to catch on. :)

    My husband is returning from deployment today and I found your blog while he was gone. I’m excited to share it with him and put some things into practice now.

    Saved by grace and happily married for 18 years,
    LG

    1. J Post author

      I’ve never seen Over the Hedge. Interesting! Glad your honey is home, and please thank him for his service. I’m sure he appreciates the warm — or maybe hot! — welcome you’re giving him.

  2. Andrew

    We use “salad” as our code word for sex. Our kids hate salad, so we don’t have to worry too much about them trying to get involved in any conversation about salad.

    We’ve also started to use the phrase, “Get to know you better” which my wife picked up in one of her bible studies. That one can be very interesting, and you can get very creative with it’s use too :)

      1. J Post author

        I’ve never seen Parenthood, but I’ve sung Funkytown more times than I care to admit. That’s a good code word!

  3. nylse

    “Grown Folks Business Meeting”
    “Make Hay” as in make hay while the sun shines, get it in while you can
    “Let’s Dance”

    1. Alex Cockell

      “Let’s dance” – “in the serious moonlight”? ;-)

      David Bowie + Nile Rodgers + Tower of Power = music to shag to….
      Maybe crossref this to the marital playlist?

  4. Bernadette Lee

    Responding to Euphemism post. You just earned 10 coupons, (to redeem anytime anywhere). We have no cable T.V. and we say to eachother let’s watch cable tonight! When we call eachother Mr. Or Misses Lee (our last name) we know were making time for a “mini vacation!” Yippie. I always tell him ewww baby you just earned a coupon for a free backrub, foot massage, head massage etc. He Loves to hear me say that bc it usually leads to other pleasures. <

  5. Married K

    Got this one from watching Phil Robertson of Duck Commander, but getting some “honey on the biscuits” seems awefully delicious!

  6. Lindsay

    Both of our kids are under two, so we don’t need euphemisms to hide from them…yet. But we do use them for fun and to flirt with each other.

    Probably the most commonly used euphemism is for me to talk about “taking care of my man.” It’s a good transition from talking about other topics to flirting too. For example, if my husband thanks me for a good dinner or for hanging his shirts in his closet, I might say “I love taking care of my man” with a little wink…which gets him thinking about other things besides food. We also refer to wanting sex as “being hungry” or “needing attention” or we refer to having sex as “having fun.” There have been plenty of others too that grew out of the situation at the time and made us laugh.

    1. J Post author

      Yeah, our euphemisms change according to situation too. It’s often tone and expression that lets me know what he means.

    1. J Post author

      Hey, if my husband started talking like Pepe Le Pew, I’d be all over him too. ;) Love the French dessert reference!

  7. Amanda

    We usually use the word “fun” a lot (we don’t have kids yet) “Do you want to do something fun tonight?” but we also use “oil change” or a”tune up”, “servicing my engine” ( my guy is a handy man)

    1. J Post author

      I like “tune-up.” Sometimes, that’s what it feels like — as if the engine is skipping and needs a tweak.

  8. Anon

    So, we use “peanut butter and jelly” My hubby came up with that one night, I don’t even remember how but he was talking about the sheets being the bread and my being the jelly and him the peanut butter, so now, we say, Hey, do you want a PB and J? And then sometimes we have to clarify which one we meant! It is fun.

    1. J Post author

      Hilarious!

      Variation on a theme? I wonder if my husband would get the message if I said I wanted a BLT? (Everything’s better with bacon.)

  9. Me22

    We use the word “ice” Before we were married, ice meant a wedding ring and then once he put that ice on my finger he could have the other, better kind of ice. It fits us b/c I am always eating ice, his favorite treat is ice cream and after sex he always gets me a glass of ice water. We joke that when our kids are older we will have to get an ice maker for our bedroom and instead of a man cave, we would have an ice cave ;)

    1. J Post author

      That’s very interesting. I hate being cold, so I don’t know if “ice” would work for us. But it’s a great inside euphemism that you two share!

  10. Anonymous

    One of my favorite euphemisms/descriptions of sex would be from “Return to the Blue Lagoon” where the mother, Sarah, tries to explain it to Lilli and Richard:

    Mother: “…Well, after they’re married, the man and woman lie very…very close together, and…”

    Richard: “I know; it’s like the Iguanas, Lilli—you know when they get so close you can’t tell where one begins and the other ends?”

    1. J Post author

      Iguanas? Now I’m thinking of cheesy jokes like: “Iguana do the iguana thing?” (Go ahead, roll you eyes. I deserve it.)

  11. Chelsea

    “Top Up”: My husband and I live in a big city and use public transport. It’s normal here to say “I gotta top up.” when you need to add more money to your bus card. But for us, “Top Up” isn’t limited to just bus money

  12. Anonymous

    We’ve called it “business time” from the Flight of the Conchords song. Also, I thought a great one from a novel I read was “going to Brazil” if you’ve had a Brazilian wax.

  13. Alayna

    My hubby and I call our naughty time, “Business Time”! Our marriage counselor shared with us a cute little video by Flight of the Concords, called “Business Time” , We watched it and couldn’t help but laugh, and so now we use it! Here is the video, check it out! P.S. It’s clean, but gets the point across!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGOohBytKTUE

    enjoy!!!

    1. J Post author

      Oh my goodness, that video was so funny. I have some real explaining to do in this coffee shop where I’m sitting with my laptop and my earphones and laughing my head off. Thanks!

  14. Bonny

    For several years running, we always seemed to play putt putt on our anniversary. A male friend from church asked us what we did on our anniversary and D responded in all seriousness, “We played putt-putt.” The guy said, “Suuuuuurre you did,” and did the old *wink wink nudge nudge.* Well, that led us to use the phrase ‘playing putt putt’ as a euphemism that our entire church was in on! We are the putt putt champs, now!

    1. J Post author

      And now I’m thinking of all the euphemisms that could go with that, Bonny:
      How’s your “swing”?
      How about a “hole in one”?
      You’re “above par”! (Or would it be below par? ‘Cause that’s actually better?)
      Anyway…fun one!

  15. Anonymous

    We are James Bond fans. So we say “I can’t find the stationary come help me have a look” from Quantum of Solace. If we see observe something a bit kinky we say “oh Mr Bond’ from Skyfall and If discussing a controversial topic, we might say “Well Tosca’s not for everyone” this can but does not necessarily refer to sex acts. DH also like to say he needs to visit the Downtown Dining & Entertainment District. I tell him he needs to take the long way down with lots of detours and no speeding.

  16. Katheryn

    We have used “let’s take a nap” before. But my favorite was actually created by my little sister shortly after my husband and I got married. We were leaving church and my parents asked what our plans were for the evening, and I told them “hanging stars” and my sister (11 at the time) thought we were referring to “grown-up time.” So after all the glow in the dark stars were hung, we “hung the stars!”

  17. Robert Smart

    A few years ago my wife and I attended an annual conference for Worship Pastors and their wives. One of the wives speakers told a story about how she and her husband were both traveling a lot and often their paths crossed in the airport when one was coming home and the other was leaving. One time when the had a couple of hours to kill in between their flights, she met hmm at the airport with a picnic basket and took him to a hotel for a picnic! Since then, that has been a catch phrase for many of us, making time for a “picnic”!!

  18. Anonymous

    Another food reference – but we call it having a ‘Big Mac and Fries’ – which has led to a quickie being known as ‘cheeseburger’, thus, I might ask my husband if he is ‘feeling hungry tonight’…

  19. VB

    My husband travels a lot and I’m in nursing school so I’m very busy and stressed a lot. So, since our schedules rarely go together (I often stay up super late studying), we say “I miss you.” And usually it’s easy to know, but if we don’t think the other one caught on, you exaggerate it. “I REALLY miss you!”
    Our kids are 10 and 13 and they know he’s gone a lot, so it’s perfect for us!

  20. Anonymous

    We call it ‘doing swooshy’ – for both of us English is second language, so we don’t know if there’s an actual meaning to this, but who cares :) it works for us…

  21. TheLittleLady

    First, I love your blog. Thank you for bravely tackling open and healthy discussions of sexuality in a practical way, particularly for us church ladies who grew up hearing it was a “no-no” to discuss such things. It’s a breath of fresh air.

    Second, my hubby and I have for years used “avocados” as our subtle euphemism. “Did you remember to pick up the avocados at the store today?” “You know, I could really go for some guacamole right about now.” We love having such a common term with a secret meaning. It has resulted in countless secret little moments while surrounded by friends or family, not to mention sparked a few laughing fits during Subway commercials. “Avocado Season” takes on a whole new meaning in our household.

  22. MrsK

    “Karate Practice” I’ll ask dh, “Can you take me to my karate practice tonight?” or he’ll ask, “do you need me to drop you off at karate after work?”

  23. Anonymous

    We (me, my husband and two toddlers) have been living with his parents, his brother and his sister’s family while house shopping , so besides us, there are 9 other people staying in a separated hotel room. So you can imagine, there’s no real privacy unless we happen to have the room to ourselves (which seldom happens), so my husband and I came up with a few code phrases for when we want to communicate without anyone picking up on what we’re saying. Side note: I would wait for everyone to get settled in bed to use the bathroom to secure my hair at night, which took about an hour or two. So everybody pretty much knew this routine. One night I happened upon an euphemism, by asking him if he wanted to ‘do my hair.’He caught on, ‘did my hair’, and the euphemism has remained in our repertoire ever since. Because of the time frame, it fits perfectly. Hopefully, nobody has figured it out. (Like how sometimes I’ll ask him after I’ve already done my hair, or the morning after when my hair isn’t done. Lol.)

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