Showering and Bathing Together: Why You Should Try It

My husband have had a dream since the first year of our marriage, a longing for something that we would use and appreciate regularly: We want a double shower.

While our dream shower looks something like this:

Double Shower

How relaxing!

Our real “shower” looks more like this:

Standard bathtub shower

Small, right?

Why do we want a double shower? Because, like many married couples, we enjoy showering together. If you haven’t given it a go in your marriage, I’ve come up with a few reasons you might want to to try showering or bathing together — even if you don’t have a double shower or a jacuzzi bathtub.

Let’s start with some practical ones:

Showering together saves time. Sometimes while getting ready in the morning, we both need to shower right away. So who goes first? Why not just get in there together? Give him the water while you’re doing the non-water stuff like shampooing your hair, and then switch out to rinse off. If you do this together for a while, you’ll even establish a rhythm so there’s no “excuse me” or “my turn” needed. Plus, you both get the hot water before it runs out (assuming that could be an issue at times in your home).

It’s a good space for privacy. We’ve discovered this is one of the best places to have a private conversation. Our kids can’t hear us over the sound of the water, and they’ve learned not to barge in on mom or dad taking a shower or bath. Maybe talking isn’t what you had in mind with sharing a shower, but remember I’m talking practical now: It really is a good space for private communication.

Your mate can help you clean up. Sure, you can buy a bath brush and get that luffa sponge on a stick to reach that spot between your shoulder blades, but it feels way better to have your hubby soap you up in those hard-to-reach places. Or even the easy-to-reach places. Some husbands love to shampoo their wives’ hair, and we ladies know how good that can feel to have your scalp massaged. Given that your hubby may want to touch every part of you he can, he might do an even more thorough job of cleaning you up than you do yourself — if you let him grab the washcloth and give it a go.

Now onto more fun reasons to shower or bathe together:

What a lovely view! I’ll just say it: Naked. Yep, you’re both naked and get to see each others’ bodies. While many husbands love that idea, plenty of us wives are pretty happy about it too. I bet you can think of some pleasant physical features on your husband that are hidden when he’s clothed. But when he’s showering or bathing? That sight is yours to enjoy. Let him enjoy the view of your beautiful body, and savor God’s handiwork in your husband at the same time.

You know you’re clean for lovemaking. Good hygiene on any given day is a reasonable expectation in your marriage. However, if you’re going to have close contact, you may like the idea of cleaning those areas right before making love. In particular, some wives have expressed that they don’t want to touch with their hands or mouths those places on their husband’s body that might hold sweat, body odor, or even germs. Of course, you can get a little OCD on this point, but there’s an easy way to make sure you’re both squeaky clean when you begin: Shower or bathe together. Soap him up and rinse him off in a way that assures you he’s practically sanitized.

It can be fabulous foreplay. With that view and the closeness and the touching, your time in the shower or bath can easily turn into foreplay. Slow down the soaping up and caress each other. Embrace and kiss. Engage in a sexual activity…or two. The water brushing up against your flesh can awaken your skin sensitivity, making you even more receptive to his touch and attention. I have this one particular memory . . . never mind. Just sayin’ it can happen.

Yeah, you can “do it” in there too. Can you have sex in the shower or bath? Sure, you can. As I’ve mentioned before, however, the water will work against your lubrication. So you may want to bring a water-resistant, silicone-based lube if you plan on having intercourse. Also, space may not be your friend. You definitely don’t want to slip and fall, break something, have your kids run in after they hear the crash, and then have to explain your injuries to the ER staff and eventually your in-laws. Consider carefully what position will work best for your particular shower or bath. But if you can make it happen, go for it!

I don’t know when hubby and I will get our dream double shower. I hope it’s in the next house we have. Regardless, we’ll keep showering together, because it’s yet another activity that builds our intimacy.

P.S. We also pray together in there. Really! I talked about it in this interview.

Note: It’s interesting that Paul Byerly at his XY Code blog also recently posted on this topic! This post has been in my queue for a while.

26 thoughts on “Showering and Bathing Together: Why You Should Try It

  1. Joy Washburn

    Recently, our master bathroom was renovated and on our MUST list was a double shower with enough space for both of us ~ we love it and it was so worth the the expense! We were more than happy to give up the tub in order to have a deluxe shower in our bathroom. Showering together is quite fun/enjoyable and a good place to spend some time in private (much easier to do when the space is larger and there is water cascading from two ends of the shower ~ wasn’t so easy to do in our previous shower which was quite small). Have to admit that our children were a little grossed out by the idea when they saw the shower roughed in and we readily admitted it was so we could shower together. However, we also used it as a teaching opportunity to discuss marital intimacy and togetherness as a gift from God. We’ve told our kids that we hope they will have double showers to share with their spouses someday too 🙂

  2. Anonymous

    My husband and I shower together about once a week. We used to do it more often before we had kids. It is a good way to reconnect, enjoy each other, and get motors running for later. There’s something very sexy and intimate about wet, clean naked bodies. It’s also a great opportunity for him to get a blow job while he’s good and clean. That’s probably his favorite reason to shower together.

    We also soak in the tub together now and then. We started the tradition of being together in the tub on our honeymoon. My brilliant husband bought some scented bubble bath and lotion as a wedding gift for me, and that soak on our wedding night is still a favorite memory. Let’s just say I was a little sore after the first time and that bath was wonderful and intimate.

    As for bathroom design, I really wish we had a bigger tub because it’s a tight squeeze and we can’t both lay down at the same time. We’ve perfected the art of swapping places in the shower without incident, but soaking in the tub together can be more difficult. Standard tubs are designed for one person only and ours is slightly narrower than normal. Our dream house would have a master bath with a big 2-person tub and a separate large shower with a built-in bench (which has many possibilities for married fun). One of these days…

  3. Erik Matlock

    Really glad that you are keeping this site and message going strong. Not a lot of folks brave enough to deal with the real life side of things. I appreciate it.

  4. Sterling

    I love this post! Hubby and I planned ahead of time to take a shower together on our wedding night, and we have loved doing it ever since. I also dream of the double headed shower someday when we own a home. Our small apartment shower works fine for the time being (though, it’s a tight squeeze at eight months pregnant) and I’m looking forward to many more years of showering together!

  5. Paul Byerly

    Based on comments I think one reason some folks do not want to shower with their spouse is they value their shower as much needed alone time. I suspect this is more an issue for introverts, and I can certainly see it for mom’s who are on call 24/7.
    One more joy of an empty nest!

    1. J Post author

      Believe it or not, I’m definitely an introvert. As is my husband. Still…good point!

    2. Anonymous

      My husband and I are both classic introverts and we like to shower together. In fact, we relax best together in general. Before we got married, we wondered what it would be like to live together and always have someone there rather than being alone. We wondered if we would need time away from each other to chill. But it hasn’t been a problem at all for us. The summer after we got married, we spent every minute of every day together – not just in the same house, but nearly always in the same room. We’ve never gotten tired of being together, no matter how much time we spend together. It still surprises me sometimes that our marriage works so well. Everyone else I’ve ever known I need a break from at times, but not my husband. Being with him is as relaxing as being alone, or even more so. In fact, it’s hard to really relax when he’s not there now.

  6. Amy

    Showering together can be a very wonderful experience! What a great post about another way to connect with your spouse in a very intimate way.

    However a couple thoughts on soaping each other up…yes, it is nice to know you are both fresh and clean before being intimate, but water alone is a very effective way to clean up and using soap to wash the vaginal area could increase the chance of getting a yeast and/or urinary infection.
    Plus, no one wants soap in their mouth so if that is the type of intimacy you are going towards, keep the “soaping up” to only certain areas and not directly on the genitals. 😉

  7. Greg

    You lucky married people. 🙂 Seriously. Gotta be one of the best things about marriage: the sheer freedom to be intimate, and the potential /level/ of intimacy (providing your wife doesn’t laugh at you when you’re in there).

  8. Sue

    That would be fun once in awhile, but really, I like privacy and quiet when I take a bath or shower. I am widowed, but I’m sure I could make my shower work for some togetherness if I had a significant other.

  9. M

    The first place we lived when we got married was an apartment and while I did not like apartment dwelling the one thing it had going for it was an amazing oversized bathtub. We literally took ALL our showers together. Hubby LOVED it. I sure enjoyed it too and we have definitely missed it living in our house. The sad thing here is that not only is the master bath shower TINY (as in I refuse to use it because I can’t shave in it) but the extra bathroom tub is kind of narrow as well. We did once fit both of us in it but it’s not easy and tends to make for a messy wet floor. So it’s definitely on our wish list to have a big shower/tub in our house when we build (hopefully within 5-7 years!). We do have a nice garden tub we occasionally soak in together.

  10. Luke

    About a year ago, we actually bought a double shower head of sorts for our bath/shower combo and it is quite handy! Basically, one portion is a removable head and the other is stationary so both people can use the water at the same time.
    We have something similar to this:
    http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0040YOBUC

  11. Katie

    I miss the showers with my wonderful man. In our pat home, about 11yrs ago, we had a two person shower. I miss the wonderful skin on skin in the shower contact. It was wonderful! Our shower now has only enough room for one. It was something I true love you lived. To be with him in the shower. He was my”practice patient” in nursing school and I love to be able to “bed bathe ” him. I douses the shower and I truly believe it has changed our sexual life since we lost that connection. I keep hoping and praying that if we move or remodel I will get the two person shower back!!!

    1. J Post author

      I can only imagine that moment when you said to your husband, “Will you be my ‘practice patient’ for bed bathing?” What size was his grin at that question? LOL.

      Hope you get your two-person shower back!

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  13. Mary

    Hello. I am soon to be married and saw this article and got me thinking. I would like some insight please.
    My hubby and I were thinking on using condoms. How does this go with bathing, showering together which will maybe lead to sex? I am sorry if it sounds silly, but I was just thinking how putting a condom will maybe ruin the moment…
    Also what if lubricants are needed?

    1. J Post author

      Honestly, I’m not a condom expert at all. That said, it’s pretty quick to put on a condom, insert a diaphragm, or use another barrier method “in the moment” — once you get used to it. Meaning, that it might be slower at first, but after a while, it’s like tying your shoe laces; you know what you’re doing, and you get faster at it.

      As far as showering and bathing together, I suspect the bigger issue would be your arousal. Water tends to wash away the wife’s lubrication. One answer to that is using silicone-based lubricants, such as Sliquid Silver or Wet Platinum.

      And congratulations on your upcoming marriage! You might want to check out some of my posts directly specifically toward the wedding night / honeymoon / newlywed phase of marriage. Many blessings!

      1. Mary

        Thank for the replay.
        Birth control options is on our mind, and it seems like we don’t get a “this is the best for us”. I know almost nothing about diaphragm, just how it looks and how it works, but where to purchase it, does a doctor put it at first, is it ok like to use it in the first weeks or maybe later once you get accustomed and stuff.
        What was my concern in the previous message was also about what happens with the semen in the water. If there is no intercourse i am thinking it might be some leakage and in that case we should be attentive? Oh, I so wish there were more ladies like you where I live and they would chat with be about all this and I might ask questions…
        We did buy some books like “Sheet music “and “the gift of sex” and started reading them and I think after that we will have a talk but still, the face-to-face conversation is missing…

        1. J Post author

          From what I understand, there can be leakage at any time before intercourse, whether you’re in the shower or not. That said, it’s usually a small amount. I think these are questions you really should ask a doctor, and I’d encourage you to do so. We can get nervous talking about sex in an exam room, but the doctors I’ve talked to say they hear it all — you’re not going to surprise them with a question. And if they act shocked or put off by you discussing sex with them, I’d question them being your doctor…because you’ll need someone you can be open and honest with.

          I loved the diaphragm, but that’s my own story. Not everyone does. Which is why I think you should look into the various options and decide what’s right for you two. As to how the diaphragm works, you have to be measured by a doctor for it, since it specifically fits your body. Then you get a prescription for that. The doctor shows you how to insert it, but I don’t think they do it. Before intercourse, you must additionally apply spermicide to the edge for added protection. You might add diaphragm to your options list, but condoms could be the best choice for you.

          Remember you can start with one thing and switch if it doesn’t work out. Blessings!

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