Using a Blindfold during Sex

Blog post title + woman lying on bed with blindfold onVisit any online marital aid retailer, and you’ll see that blindfolds are one of the items available for purchase. Why are they popular?

Let’s talk a little about using a blindfold during sex.

Why use a blindfold? When you block one of your five senses, you tend to become more aware of the others. Since we usually rely on visuals during sexual intimacy, it can be an interesting experience to wear a blindfold and see what else you notice instead.

You might find that you hear more or smell better, but the most appealing sense is probably touch. Since you can’t see it coming, your husband’s touch could be an arousing surprise when it settles on your skin. Also, not being able to track his touch with your eyes, you might simply lay back and attend to the sensation itself.

I recognize that some use a blindfold in sex as part of sexual domination. Sexual domination is not a practice I encourage. I don’t buy into heavy power plays in the marriage bed, but you can see my thoughts on that issue here.

Yet most couples who use a blindfold during sex are simply wanting a different experience, and blocking your sight can result in different awareness in the marriage bed.

What can you use for a blindfold? Like I said, online Christian marital aid stores stock them. Some people simply use home items like a necktie or bandanna. You can also purchase a sleep mask from the personal care section of your grocery or discount store.

What you want to make sure is that the blindfold is comfortable on your head, so that your attention isn’t drawn to tightness, bulkiness, slippage, etc. Also find material that feels good on your skin and eyes. Blindfolds stocked by marital aid stores do an especially good job with this, but you can find other options as well.

Be sure the mask will cover your sight entirely. It could end up being more distracting if a sliver of light or images peeks through a gap between the blindfold and your body. You want your eyes totally covered.

What should you do once the blindfold is on? It’s really about what the sighted spouse should do. Because it’s the one not wearing the blindfold who can take extra steps to make sure this is an enjoyable experience.

Slow down the touching. I doubt you want to be unexpectedly grabbed and groped; rather, you want to be stroked and savored. Taking it a little slower will let the blindfolded spouse focus fully on the sensations.

Communicate clearly. You can’t see each other, so you have to use words or moving the other’s body parts to coordinate. You may need to be a little patient with getting into position or your partner responding to your requests.

Introduce new sensations. Grab a feather, an ice cube, a small massage roller, a satin scarf, or anything else with an intriguing texture and have the sighted spouse stroke the blindfolded spouse with the object. Again, go slow to get the full effect.

Let hands explore. Have the sighted spouse lie back whiled the blindfolded spouse explores with his (or her) hands. Take time to get to know your mate’s curves and angles and sensitive places, all with the sense of touch. It might help you “see” each other’s bodies in a different way.

How does a blindfold add to marital intimacy? So far, I’ve talked about the pleasure involved with using a blindfold during sex. But while I believe pleasure is a marvelous part of sex (thank you, God!), the highest goal in the marriage bed is intimacy. What, then, can be gained in the intimacy department by using a blindfold?

Two things, I believe: One, the sighted spouse has the opportunity to bless their mate. If your husband is the one wearing the blindfold, you can focus your attention on his pleasure, basking in how his body responds to your touch and finding unanticipated ways to arouse him even more. Many husbands also enjoy flipping that around and giving their wives focused pleasure.

Two, the blindfolded spouse must demonstrate trust. Sex is vulnerable, no matter what. But if you can’t see what’s happening, you feel even more at the mercy of your mate. You don’t know what’s coming, so you can’t object or prepare for it. But it’s a beautiful thing to trust your husband so thoroughly that you know he will treat your body with respect and care. And to know that he trusts you.

You might try using a blindfold during sex and see what you think. If you don’t like it, you can always take it off. But you might discover some interesting, intimate sensations.

19 thoughts on “Using a Blindfold during Sex

  1. libl

    I feel a bit icky about any “forced” sexual restraints. If I want to enhance my other senses by not seeing, then I simply close my eyes, or we have sex in the dark. Having a blindfold would feel too restrictive and claustrophobic, too submissive and victimizing, instead of mutual and loving. That’s just me. Not saying no one can use one.

    Reply
    1. J Post author

      I get it. I totally do. I don’t like how some people do use this as a submission thing, rather than a sensory thing — which is what I’m talking about. I come up with ideas, but couples should decide what they want in their sexual repertoire.

      Reply
  2. L.R.

    One of our most memorable intimate moments was in our apartment bathroom with the light off. It was about 8 years ago, before we had children, but I still remember how exciting and HOT it was…and I’m not talking about the temperature in the room. 😉 lol I love having the lights off but hubby prefers them on so he can see me. 🙂

    Reply
  3. Eric

    J,
    Blindfolded for sex? That one took my breath away, but it sounds like fun. Some readers may think you’re into SM, but I surely don’t. But what if she wishes to be tied to the bed, too? Or maybe spanked (bare hand to bare bottom–no paddles or whips,of course)?

    You said something about “submission” being a no-no. I think there’s a difference between submission, which is forced, and surrender, which is supposed to reflect the holy surrender of Christ’s bride, the church to Him. Not the same thing. After all, it’s my impression that most wives prefer missionary-position sex to cowgirl, if they’re secure with a man they can trust, since this is a form of surrender. Or am I wrong?

    Eric

    Reply
    1. J Post author

      There is “submission” as used in the Bible and “submission” as used by BDSM advocates; the submission I referenced here was the latter. As for mild spanking and bondage, I just think people need to consider why they want to do that and make sure it’s from a place of sexual play rather than power-seeking.

      Reply
      1. Eric

        J,
        Again, to me “submission” implies that the man dominates out of a desire to control. Surrender is a woman’s choice to allow her husband to lead because she trusts him implicitly. I’ve read comments (not sure if it’s this blog) from women who felt blessed to have their husband take charge, either by spanking or tying them down and taking over until she felt “more naked than naked.”

        When Adam and Eve sinned against each other–he by standing mute while she tasted the fruit; she by giving it to him partake–this broke the trust they had at creation, and at once they hid from each other with fig leaves over their genitals, and later hid from God in the bushes.

        Eric

        Reply
        1. J Post author

          I have to admit: Spanking’s a tough one for me. Spanking is a disciplinary action, so how does that translate to lovemaking?

          Reply
          1. Eric

            J,

            I’m replying to both your comments here: you’re a woman, and I’m a man, and I think Kipling’s observation that “East is east and west is west, and never the twain shall meet” might apply here. I can’t fully understand why some women: 1. like to occasionally be blindfolded for sex; 2. find spanking erotic, and may even orgasm from it; 3. May even enjoy the full surrender of GENTLY being tied up naked and blindfolded, kissed all over and being given oral to orgasm before their husband enters them. But some do.
            Some wives also find sex in a hotel room more exciting than at home in bed. I’m married to such a wife, and we’re leaving later today for a wedding anniversary (54th) over-nighter at a B & B! Me? Outdoors on a beach in the moonlight , like Adam and Eve, is fun. But she’s afraid we’ll get caught.
            I do think that the key is trust and putting the other’s needs first, whether you are the wife or the husband. And if he/she is doing that which is dangerous, cruel or unwanted they are doing wrong.
            Eric

          2. E

            For me, spanking isn’t about discipline or ‘you’ve been a naughty girl…’, it’s just about the heightened sensations (pleasure/pain), like, stroking/tickling and then a light slap, it is a different sensation, and not knowing when it’s coming adds to the excitement. If it was accompanied with ‘sex talk’ along the lines of ‘you’ve been a bad girl’ or something, I don’t think I would enjoy that! It is just another (different) physical sensation that feels good. Kinda like getting your nipples pinched feels good (at the right moment, for some women!)

            As for being tied up, I have always liked the idea of not having to do any of the work, and just having him do all the pleasuring while I just lay there with no pressure to ‘perform’ (the selfish starfish!), but it doesn’t translate very well from fantasy to reality for me, because I am too much of a control freak, and I get too impatient. Or I end up trying to control the situation by giving too many instructions, which kind of ruins the moment! I haven’t tried it for ages, but it is something perhaps we should do again in the future, as I think I would be better at letting him lead the scenario now.

            Having said that, I do enjoy tying him up and giving him pleasure while pushing his boundaries a little bit.

            One caution with blindfolding is that if you or your partner has issues with fantasising instead of staying in the moment, a blindfold makes it that much easier to ‘disappear’ into your own mind. This is something I am working on, so blindfolding is off the table for me at the moment.

          3. J Post author

            Maybe I just wish it was called “light slapping” rather than spanking… I don’t know.

            But I appreciate you chiming in!

        2. J Post author

          Also, I can find women who say they like all kinds of things because “it makes me trust him more” that aren’t a good idea. So while I’m not saying there’s something wrong with those things, that’s not a great barometer.

          Reply
  4. Allie

    This entry is amusing for me to read. I am totally blind in real life, as is my husband. You have good ideas, J, I’m not poking fun at you or your post. Just saying that, as one who has been blind my whole life, and married to someone who has been all his life as well, it’s interesting to me to read a take on what I live with every day. 🙂

    Reply
    1. J Post author

      I’m so glad you commented! (And also a little curious if my “alternative text” for the images actually come through to the sight-impaired. Anyway…) I’m sure it is amusing, but I think a lot of sighted people don’t pay enough attention to the other senses, as you do every single day. Many blessings to you and your husband!

      Reply
      1. Allie

        Yes, your alt text for images does come through, and it’s something I’m very, very grateful for. I can’t tell you how frustrating it is to scroll through pages with my speech software, or my news feed on Facebook, and constantly hear “Pyhoto, photo, photo.” My sincere apologies for not commenting and thanking you for this before now. I just hadn’t thought of it because I hadn’t thought of bringing blindness up in any of my comments till this entry. You’re one of the few who thinks to alt tag your images, and you definitely have my gratitude. On another note, it’s interesting (and often intrusive) how many question me and my husband get about sex and blindness. Even more amazing how many of these questions come from people who hardly know us. It seems like people either assume we’re asexual because we’re blind, or go to the other extreme and figure that we’re super-sexual beings for that reason alone. LOL.

        Reply
        1. J Post author

          Oh, I just wondered, because I know that’s an issue for the sight-impaired. Once I found that out, I wanted to make sure not to frustrate those readers.

          And your blindness/sex comment: WOW, really? People feel like they can just ask you that? Of course you have sex! And why wouldn’t you have the same pleasure, challenges, etc. that others do. You just have one sense that doesn’t experience sex the same, but a lot of people have something, right?

          (Then again, I’ve talked to twins who get questions like, “Can you hear what the other one is thinking?” To which I’d want to reply, “Can you hear what you yourself are thinking? ‘Cause it’s obvious that twins don’t share a brain.” LOL.)

          Reply
          1. J Post author

            Although, to be fair, I might ask you because I write about it and want to speak accurately and compassionately to blind people. But not just to know.

  5. Allie

    Well yes, it would make sense why you’d ask. You would have good reason, and since you have my email address, feel free to ask any questions, if you ever have them. I’m talking about people who don’t seem to have an obvious reason. 🙂

    Reply
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  7. Racheal

    So interesting to read, as I often like to close my eyes during sex and hubby once commented along the lines of ‘don’t you want to be able to see me’? He wants enough light and his eyes open to see everything, but I find it hard to orgasm, and maybe that’s part of why I like to close my eyes, so I can focus on the pleasure of touch rather than sight.

    Reply

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