Drive-Thru Sex: The Quickie

In her 29 Days to Great Sex series, Sheila Gregoire posted Quickies Are Great! I agree.

What is a quickie? According to Dictionary.com, it’s simply “a hurried sexual encounter.” A quickie can be any sexual encounter — intercourse, oral sex, hand job, etc. — that occurs in a brief span of time. Personally, I would break down sexual encounters as follows:

Extended lovemaking = 5-star restaurant. Most of us don’t go out to posh restaurants all of the time. Those five-course meals that pamper our palate are a treat we enjoy on special occasions.

Usual sex = Family restaurant. This is the place in our neighborhood where we know the menu, have a few favorites, and enjoy an hour or so of good dining. Nothing fancy, but definitely satisfying.

Quickie = Drive-thru. Pick a fast food place, get it on the go, and eat fast. Not recommended as a standard for meals but sates the hunger and can be yummy.

Just like passing through your McDonald’s or Taco Bell drive-thru, there are some things to remember when approaching the Quickie.

Make up your mind quickly. This ain’t a white-tablecloth restaurant where the suited server will wait for as long as you wish to peruse the menu before ordering. You drive up, glance at the menu choices, and lean over to the speaker to order. If you try taking 12 minutes to figure out what you want, you may end up with a traffic jam of angry drivers behind you honking their horns and yelling.

Likewise, if you and your spouse want to have a quickie, decide fast what you mean. Are you performing a hand job for him? Will you have intercourse? Is orgasm a must for you? Keep the expectations clear for what you’re doing so you can enjoy it for what it is. If you try taking 12 minutes to figure out what you want, you may end up with a traffic jam of needy children knocking at your door and yelling.

Speak up clearly. Those drive-thru speakers are not exactly high tech. If you want your order to arrive with some semblance of what you want, you’d better speak loudly and enunciate. You don’t want the attendant hearing “pies” when you said “fries.”

With the Quickie, you must also speak up clearly. This is no time to be patient while hubby slowly strokes the area around where you want to be touched until 10 minutes later he finds the spot. Speak up! Move his hand and say things like, “Right here feels good” or “That’s the spot.” Tell him if something hurts, feels good, or would be better another way. If you want this experience to be a satisfying one, you have to speak up so he can get the order right.

Be prepared for grease. Despite the inclusion of salads on many fast-food menus, let’s face it: Most drive-thru food is greasy. The foods are fried in oil, slathered in butter, or have a naturally high content of fat. You know that going in, so you aren’t surprised when you bite into that battered chicken strip and juices seep out.

Bring out the grease with the Quickie too! In other words, lubrication is key. Have your Astroglide, KY jelly, or coconut oil ready to go. If you’re doing a hand job, I’ve actually referred to it as a lube job because you’ll need to add lots of lubricant. For intercourse, most wives take a substantial amount of time to become “wet” enough for penetration. You likely won’t have time with a Quickie, so get the lubricant out and start with it.

Eat quickly. Um, yeah. Not going to describe this one.

Leave satisfied. Admittedly it’s not the dining experience I’m going to write a magazine review about, but I like some drive-thru food. It sates my hunger. It fills my tummy. It hits the spot.

The Quickie should not be the go-to sexual encounter in marriage, but it definitely has its place. There simply are times when longer intimate experiences are not possible (see The Maintenance Plan for more on that). You’re at the in-laws, your children are young and need regular supervision, your work schedules don’t match up, or whatever. You wouldn’t go without food simply because you don’t have time to make it a three-course meal. In the same way, your marriage need not go without sex because time is currently in short supply. The Quickie can sate your hunger and hit the spot.

One more tip: Build anticipation before you drive through. It will be much easier to enjoy that Quickie if you and hubby are flirting and doing small things for one another throughout the day. You won’t have much time for foreplay with the Quickie, so your foreplay is all of those things you do with and for each other outside of the bedroom. If you invest in your friendship, affection, and desire for one another, it can be a smoother transition to your hubby looking at you and saying, “Quick, let’s have sex!” The Quickie will become a brief physical expression of the longer experiences of deep love you’ve had outside the bedroom.

After writing all of that, I’m hungry now. I’m not going to tell you what for, though.

What do you think of the Quickie? Got any tips for others?