How’s the sex in your marriage going? Pretty good? Well, how about 12 ways to make it even better!
1. Invest in heavy kissing first.
I’ve said before that I don’t think married couples kiss enough, but research also shows one of the activities that helps women climax is heavy kissing. Once married, we often move to quickly to the main event, not taking time to “make out” like we used to. Spend a little more time locking lips, and you might enjoy that main event more.
2. Undress with a tease.
Draw out anticipation by taking off clothes slowly. You could perform a strip tease, easing out of your clothing bit by bit with a playful or sexy tone. Or he could strip tease for you! But you could also simply undress him at a leisurely pace. And tease his skin just at or under the edge of his clothing before removing an item.
3. Tour one another’s bodies.
Yes, we all know where the “goodies” are, but how about spending more time on the whole, amazing body God gave your husband? Using your hands and/or mouth, trace his skin in various places—limbs, torso, head—as if memorizing it. If you need help to slow down this endeavor, offer to spread lotion or massage oil on your husband. Or ask him to spread it on your body.
4. Say what you like or want.
When asked what makes a woman sexy, a common answer among husbands is “confidence.” I know, I know…easier said than done. But if you can say what you are enjoying in the moment or request what you want, that’s a confident move and typically arousing to your man. Not to mention that you then get more of what you want and like in bed! After all, how is your hubby supposed to know how things feel to you unless you tell him? Speaking up for yourself is a win-win.
5. Spend some time “down there.”
Do you really know your husband’s penis? Could you, as they say, pick it out from a lineup? If not, maybe it’s time to engage in man-part appreciation. For general information, listen to our Male Anatomy podcast episode, but for specifics, explore all those places on your particular guy. Move into position where you can closely view and handle things down there. As you touch your husband, watch his reactions so that you learn what he likes and how you affect him. God created this vital part of his body, and both of you can be aroused by embracing its wondrousness.
See also Get to Know His Penis from The Forgiven Wife.
6. Go for your orgasm first.
You might not get one if you’re relying solely on intercourse, as many women have difficulty achieving it this way. But if you aim for your climax first, you could: orgasm before he enters; have him penetrate right as you’re beginning to peak; and/or get a second orgasm during intercourse. No bad options there, right? Plus, the arousal your body goes through to reach orgasm should make your vaginal lips ready for penetration—that is, swollen to 2-3 times their normal size and well-lubricated. (If you need additional lube, though, go for it.)
7. Pause once he’s inside you.
You can do this for a few seconds or longer, but once your husband’s penis is all the way in, take a moment to savor that feeling before thrusting begins. Do this yourself from a woman-on-top position, or ask him to stop for a moment until you’re ready to continue—or, let’s face it, until he can’t easily handle the delay any longer. It’s pretty amazing how God created our bodies to fit together, so take a brief interlude and appreciate that experience.
8. Tilt your hips.
Whatever sexual position you use, tilt your hips. More. A little more. You might be delightfully surprised how shifting your hips forward or backward changes the angle of entry and thus the sensations you feel. Even if you don’t orgasm during intercourse, indirect stimulation of the clitoris can be particularly enjoyable, and hip-tilting can help you get some friction to that area. Some couples are also able to achieve contact with her G-spot or Skene’s glands, the latter of which (experts believe) is responsible for female ejaculation.
Want specific position ideas? Check out the resource below.
9. Close your thighs.
This isn’t possible with every sexual position obviously, but you can tighten things up a bit for your husband by closing your thighs, down to your knees. Yep, women were once instructed to avoid sex by keeping their knees closed. But it turns out, once hubby’s in, that’s a good way to narrow the entryway slightly, potentially providing more pleasure for both of you. For even more narrowing, try crossing your legs.
10. Do Kegels.
You know those Kegel exercises you’re supposed to be doing for the health of your pelvic floor? Why not do a few while he’s inside you? A wife’s orgasm creates muscle spasms of her vagina, which tightens around his penis, feeling good to both of you. But you can mimic those spasms a bit with Kegels. Bonny Burns lays out in this post from OysterBed7 how Kegels can also strengthen your orgasm. Since you’re supposed to be doing them anyway, why not during sex?
11. Snuggle after sex.
Do you bask in the afterglow? This could be a key moment for you and your husband to feel more intimate and satisfied. Post-climax, you have several body chemicals running through you, including oxytocin (which promotes a sense of bonding), dopamine (which “rewards” us for what just happened), and serotonin (which provides a feeling of well-being and happiness). Let these feelings wash over you while lying in one another’s arms.
And yes, ladies, you should get up and pee post-coitus, but you needn’t panic about it. Health professionals say you can take several minutes to an hour to make it to the bathroom and still get the health benefits of clearing your bladder.
12. Thank God for His gift.
I’ve encouraged couples to pray for their sexual intimacy and even before, during, or after sex. Still, some are uncomfortable with the thought of God in their bedroom. I get it. It can feel awkward to be mid-intercourse and imagine God blessing your union right then and there. But afterward, take a moment to thank Him for this unique gift to marriage. And if you’re still struggling with sexual issues or concerns, take those to Him too—letting Him carry your burdens and leave you with His peace. (See Psalm 68:19 and Matthew 11:28-29.)
Or just imagine giving Him a thumbs-up for that awesome orgasm you just had. Whatever works for you.
*This post is for couples who have a reasonably healthy sex life. If you’re looking for advice on dealing with deeper sexual problems or a sexless marriage, I have many other posts on those topics and a search bar at the top of this website.
24 thoughts on “12 Ways to Make Good Sex Even Better”
I’m too sick to even think of sex now, but thought you might like some fun…
You may find this hard to fathom,
not to mention really strange,
but instead of wild orgasm
I’d prefer the small-arms range.
It’s not that my wife’s unattractive;
in fact, she’s really hot;
but better still, from my perspective
she’s a more-than-decent shot.
I treasure her for skill at arms,
and how she strips and cleans;
I’m not talkin’ female chrams,
but bolts and magazines.
Keep your envy inside, mister,
and no, she doesn’t have a sister.
Great poetry! Enjoyed that. And praying you have a better day.
#1 is my personal favorite. All the better done naked.
Thanks J, It is nice to see all those points lined up.
My wife loves number 1! However, it does not help her to orgasm. 🙁
Yeah, sad. But at least it makes her feel cherished! That’s a different kind of high we wives like too.
I’m lucky that my husband doesn’t mind me running my hands all over him. I know some people don’t like to be touched. I also think it’s the reason our sex life is really, really good. It may be the touch, or it may be that he feels very appreciated. It took a couple of years but I finally got him to do the same for me.
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Great list, J!
Can I add one?
Coconut oil massage:
-Warm up your room and some coconut oil (but make sure it’s not to hot)
-one of you does the massaging (preferably him), the other lays on the belly.
-light strokes alternating with some firmer ones, all over the body from neck to toes. But don’t make it a visit to the chiropractor.
-wait for her responses to invite you into more intimate regions.
-take your time!
-when she is ready and if she so desires, she can roll over and as much time can be taken on the front side.
It’s healthy for the skin, relaxing for body and mind and gets even the most stressful people into a great mood for love.
I never think about coconut oil on my own! Because my husband has an aversion to coconut, so we never use it. But I know a lot of people like it!
Almond oil works very well for massage, too! Neutral smell and stays liquid (since sometimes you have to warm up coconut oil to melt it).
Kegels are not just good for women but good for men too.
Both genders should be practicing them. It improves erection quality and studies show that it helps reverse ED.
True, but I wrote this post primary for wives! 🙂
#9: I don’t think I’ve ever done this one right. Every time I try this one, he slips out and he’s just thrusting between my thighs the same way he would be if he were thrusting between my breasts. The genital contact is lost. What am I doing wrong? Or are we just people that can’t use this technique because we’re just different? My husband is average size.
Quick tip: You may need to cock your hips up while still closing your legs. Will it work then? Maybe, maybe not. But it’s worth a try to shift around some angles and see what happens.
And yes, sometimes our particular bodies just don’t do what a sexual position prescribes. That’s okay. There are plenty of other ways to enjoy one another in marital intimacy!
Thank you for the suggestion! It’s definitely worth a try. And thank you for your blog. I’m learning so much that I wish I’d known 15 years ago when we got married. Your blog and Sex Chat for Christian Wives has opened up a whole new world for me. Thank you!
Aw, thanks! Good to hear. ♥
Lots of kissing is ALWAYS fun for me. But I have to be careful, because it pretty much always gets both of our engines going– so I can’t start a make-out session without being willing to commit to EVERYTHING. 😉
Praying for my sex life doesn’t work. Been there, done that. I’ve come to the conclusion that God doesn’t care about my marriage or my sex life.
You may feel that He isn’t answering your prayers because you might be expecting a solution from that prayer than He cannot deliver without respecting free will. I know that’s part of my own past. Maybe check out these posts: How God Answers My Prayers, What Happens When You Pray (for Your Marriage)?
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I liked all the tips above. Some are even my favorites :P. Me and my husband are in a long distance relationship for almost a year now and we never let distance come between our love making. I am going to share this blog to him. Just as a reminder 😛 Thanks
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