Somewhere during this global pandemic, I broke a toe. At least, I think I broke a toe. I didn’t go to the doctor and get it X-rayed, both because it was during a lockdown and because the treatment for a broken toe is usually just taping it to a neighbor toe. But it’s amazing how much it’s hurt and how much I’ve been hobbling since that happened.
Don’t worry about my toe—I’ll be fine—but the point is that even a small body part can have a big impact. It can have a big, positive impact when it comes to sex.
Consider the delights a husband can bring with one simple body part: a finger.
In particular, I’ll be talking about three fingers, used one at a time, but a husband’s index finger, middle finger, and thumb can be particularly effective in providing his wife arousal and pleasure.
Stroking Her Skin
A husband can take his index finger (that’s the pointer, guys) and gently, slowly stroke his wife’s skin in a lingering caress. Try starting at the inside of her wrist and dragging the tip of your finger up her arm. Or start with her foot and draw your finger up the outside of her calf, under her knee, and then along the inside of her thigh.
You can tease your finger up her hip and torso, down her neck and shoulder, or around the contours of her breast. Nearly anywhere you can find skin is a place where you can show affection and increase arousal with a single finger and gentle touch.
Teasing Her Lips
In Song of Songs 4:3, the husband says about his wife: “Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely.” Ribbons are usually soft to the touch, as are her luscious lips. To tease those lips, a husband can take his thumb and trace the edges of his wife’s mouth.
Drag the fleshy part of your thumb over her lips, even drawing down her lower lip to get better access. Take your time exploring your wife’s mouth with your thumb, teasing out expectation for what’s coming next.
Undressing Her Body
There’s something arousing about touches on the edge or just inside the hem of one’s clothing. Hubby can take his index finger and run the tip around her skin at the sleeve opening, neckline, or hem of her skirt or pants.
Then use that finger to drag the fabric up and even off your wife. Challenge yourself to see how much you can undress your wife using only a finger or two. Doing it this way will likely prolong the experience, drawing out anticipation.
Fondling Her Breasts
Much as a husband might like to get his whole hand on his wife’s breast, he can do a lot with a single finger. He may be best suited to use his thumb to outline the entire breast, then trace the areola, which is the darker skin around the nipple.
His thumb can also gently rub or flick her nipple to arouse her more. A husband could add a little interest by licking his thumb first then caressing her breasts.
Bonus tip for all of the above: If desired, hubby can follow up with a kiss and/or lick everywhere he’s put his finger.
Arousing Her Clitoris
Before we discuss this, let’s revisit what the clitoris is. It’s not just that bulb that sticks out and swells when aroused. Rather, the clitoris is a wishbone-shaped organ that spreads out on either side of a wife’s vaginal lips and merges together with a protrusion called the glans clitoris, aka the “love button.”
With that in mind, a husband can start stimulating the whole clitoris by using his finger—index, middle, or thumb—to caress and/or massage the area on either side of his wife’s vaginal lips. Using the speed and pressure his wife prefers, he can begin to arouse her vulva, which may swell and produce lubrication. Personal lubricant can also be added for a wetter or smoother experience.
Once she is more aroused, then a husband can move his finger to that bulb that is the most sensitive part of the clitoris. Women vary widely on what type of touch they prefer here, so take cues from your wife. Generally speaking, move from slower to faster and less friction to more friction as things progress, with a few pauses here and there to draw out her desire.
Pressing Her Opening
The vagina itself does not have a lot of nerve endings. The pleasure a woman feels with sexual activity and intercourse primarily comes from direct or indirect contact with her clitoris, vulva, and vaginal entrance. A husband can use that last part to stimulate his wife by taking his thumb and pressing down and in just a little at the opening to her vagina.
Combining this action with direct stimulation of her clitoral bulb with another finger can produce heightened sensation for a wife and may be very enjoyable to her.
Penetrating Her Vagina
Of course, there’s the standby digital penetration of her vagina using a finger. The middle finger is often preferred, though other fingers can certainly be used, and you could double or triple up if you/she both desire.
His finger can simulate the thrusting of his penis in and out of his wife’s vagina. Or a husband can also attempt to graze the G-spot by insert his finger and then curling it in a “come hither” gesture toward her tummy.
Well, okay then. How many of you hubbies now need a cold shower after imagining your wife melting under the touch of just your one finger? (Sorry, not sorry.)
And plenty of wives now want their husband to go wash his hands (20 seconds, y’all!) and head to the bedroom.
But may these tips inspire you to seek greater pleasure and intimacy in your marriage bed!
For a lot more ideas, check out my book!