What Will It Take to Make Sex Happen?

Lately, I’ve been watching lizards mate on my back porch.

They’re brown anole lizards, native to Cuba and the Bahamas, but now living in several US states including Texas. The male is larger and engages in “a dance of sorts when attempting to attract a mate. It bobs its head in exaggerated movements, puffs up its bright orange dewlap and even does some pushups” (read more). I’ve seen them do it, and it’s quite a spectacle.

Oh wait, you can watch it too! Here they are on a camp chair on my porch:

Will They or Won’t They?

Based on all that, I thought for sure they’d get together. But on that day and two subsequent days that I’ve spotted lizards in mating rituals, I’ve caught no actual footage or sight of The Act.

I looked up lizard sex, so that I’d know what I’m watching for. Basically, there’s mounting, spooning, and otherwise complete stillness for an extended period of time. It’s not nearly the frenzy I expected—given what I personally know about sex—but for all I know, their lizard hearts are racing and their inner passion is boiling.

Regardless, I’m rooting for them!

Instead, they’ve gotten close, but then, inexplicably, move away from each other.

What Will It Take?

I have been unable to figure out what’s taking so long. Clearly, both lizards want to mate. If she wasn’t interested, she’d scurry away. If he wasn’t interested, he wouldn’t twitch his head, puff out that orange dewlap, and show off his pushups.

What will it take to get these two together?!

Impatient person than I am, I have taken to cheering them on: “You can do it!” “Hey girl, look at that handsome lizard!” “That’s right, she wants you!”

Their back-and-forth flirtation went on for nearly 40 minutes the other day while I was chatting on the phone with fellow blogger Julie Sibert of Intimacy in Marriage. At one point, I interrupted what Julie was saying to exclaim, “I’m almost to the point of picking up these lizards, putting one on top of the other, and saying, ‘There you go, have fun!'” (Julie’s rooting for their lizard love too, by the way.)

Are We All That Different?

Are humans anything like anole lizards?

While I’m pretty sure my husband has never done a pushup to earn sex with me—what’s up with that!—he has made advances that didn’t culminate in physical intimacy. I’ve also made advances toward him that didn’t work out.

Sometimes we have good reasons not to reach that final destination. But sometimes it’s just a missed connection. We show interest, do the flirtation dance, yet don’t take the next steps to make sex happen.

Getting Together

Whatever reasons you have right now for missed moments, ask what it will take to make sex happen. What are your next steps?

Whatever reasons you have right now for missed moments, ask what it will take to make sex happen. What are your next steps? via @hotholyhumorous Click To Tweet

I don’t know what needs to happen in your marriage. But no one is going to come along, pick you both up, put one on top of the other, and say, “There you go, have fun!”

It’s up to us to figure out how to keep mating in our marriage alive and well!

Meanwhile, I’m pursuing the same for my marriage—starting with asking my husband just how many pushups he would be willing to do to get sex with me. One way or another, we’ll be getting busier than two brown anole lizards on a Texas back porch in mating season. ~wink~

11 thoughts on “What Will It Take to Make Sex Happen?”

  1. I feel you, male lizard. J, your blog has made laugh many times, cry several times, and learn always, keep up the good work. (Male reader)

  2. Maybe the two lizards hardly knew each other and the girl lizard (who was obviously filled with desire) wanted to make sure the male would love her for the rest of her life, before she gave in to her inhibitions.

    All the while anticipation was building up at a very high level until the anticipation became so unbearable, they finally succumbed.

    Now you’ll probably be having a bunch of baby lizards (new additions to the Parker family) cropping up, which are good for controlling bugs. I hope you’ll invest in a couple of nice decorative rocks so they will have enough space needed for all them to be comfortable.

    1. Lol. OR our cat could (finally) decide to hunt instead of being pampered with Fancy Feast and enjoy a lizard meal or two. Not encouraging this, but Circle of Life and all that. 😉

  3. God designed humans, men and women, to have sex freely and face to face. No other species has sex face to face or, at will. The female only accepts the male at ovulation.
    The animal kingdom only mates during ovulation. When this female lizard ovulates, her suitor will get his chance to promote his kind. If, a bigger, meaner male lizard shows up, he many not have that chance.
    People are so distanced from reproduction of species today, we have become ‘ignorant’ of basic human truths.

    1. I appreciate the animal kingdom lesson, but I was just observing nature, thinking about sex in marriage, and drawing some applications. I know there are vast differences between animals and humans made in God’s image, but this site is titled Hot, Holy & HUMOROUS.

  4. J,

    Maybe your cat is a hunter and you don’t even know it. If you don’t have a mouse problem, maybe your cat ate them all. lol

    There is a trade off about lizards and geckos eating bugs that I discovered in a Hawaii condo on our last trip, they may leave a couple of harmless droppings. (but then you know that are doing their job)

    I’ll admit, when it comes to reproduction outside the human race I’m ignorant. When it comes to positions while making love, I’m still a little ignorant as well. Out of the many, many angles and positions I’ve noticed in the “position guide” my wife and I have maybe tried 5 or 6 maybe 7. (which includes a couple of our favorites)

    I was so ignorant about positions, that I had to look up face to face sex in the animal kingdom and found this in wikipedia:

    “Bonobos is the only non-human animal to have been observed engaging in tongue kissing.[44] Bonobos and humans are the only primates to typically engage in face-to-face genital sex, although a pair of western gorillas has been photographed in this position.[45]”

    I hope this helps.

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