Lately, I’ve been watching lizards mate on my back porch.
They’re brown anole lizards, native to Cuba and the Bahamas, but now living in several US states including Texas. The male is larger and engages in “a dance of sorts when attempting to attract a mate. It bobs its head in exaggerated movements, puffs up its bright orange dewlap and even does some pushups” (read more). I’ve seen them do it, and it’s quite a spectacle.
Oh wait, you can watch it too! Here they are on a camp chair on my porch:
Will They or Won’t They?
Based on all that, I thought for sure they’d get together. But on that day and two subsequent days that I’ve spotted lizards in mating rituals, I’ve caught no actual footage or sight of The Act.
I looked up lizard sex, so that I’d know what I’m watching for. Basically, there’s mounting, spooning, and otherwise complete stillness for an extended period of time. It’s not nearly the frenzy I expected—given what I personally know about sex—but for all I know, their lizard hearts are racing and their inner passion is boiling.
Regardless, I’m rooting for them!
Instead, they’ve gotten close, but then, inexplicably, move away from each other.
What Will It Take?
I have been unable to figure out what’s taking so long. Clearly, both lizards want to mate. If she wasn’t interested, she’d scurry away. If he wasn’t interested, he wouldn’t twitch his head, puff out that orange dewlap, and show off his pushups.
What will it take to get these two together?!
Impatient person than I am, I have taken to cheering them on: “You can do it!” “Hey girl, look at that handsome lizard!” “That’s right, she wants you!”
Their back-and-forth flirtation went on for nearly 40 minutes the other day while I was chatting on the phone with fellow blogger Julie Sibert of Intimacy in Marriage. At one point, I interrupted what Julie was saying to exclaim, “I’m almost to the point of picking up these lizards, putting one on top of the other, and saying, ‘There you go, have fun!'” (Julie’s rooting for their lizard love too, by the way.)
Are We All That Different?
Are humans anything like anole lizards?
While I’m pretty sure my husband has never done a pushup to earn sex with me—what’s up with that!—he has made advances that didn’t culminate in physical intimacy. I’ve also made advances toward him that didn’t work out.
Sometimes we have good reasons not to reach that final destination. But sometimes it’s just a missed connection. We show interest, do the flirtation dance, yet don’t take the next steps to make sex happen.
Whatever reasons you have right now for missed moments, ask what it will take to make sex happen. What are your next steps?Whatever reasons you have right now for missed moments, ask what it will take to make sex happen. What are your next steps? via @hotholyhumorous Click To Tweet
- Do you need to say no to something else to make room for sex in your marriage?
- Do you need to finally address a problematic sexual history?
- Do you need to deal with serious marital conflict?
- Do you need to figure out how to make love with kids at home?
- Does he need to do a little more of a “mating dance” to attract the female?
- Does she need to give clearer signals of interest or availability?
I don’t know what needs to happen in your marriage. But no one is going to come along, pick you both up, put one on top of the other, and say, “There you go, have fun!”
It’s up to us to figure out how to keep mating in our marriage alive and well!
Meanwhile, I’m pursuing the same for my marriage—starting with asking my husband just how many pushups he would be willing to do to get sex with me. One way or another, we’ll be getting busier than two brown anole lizards on a Texas back porch in mating season. ~wink~