Welcome to another monthly roundup of recent posts, podcast episodes, recommended resources, and much more. Scroll through to find what you might have missed or your next great resource for marriage.
This Month on the Blog
I’m back to blogging twice a week in most weeks, but I had to take a break last week! Anyway, here’s what appeared on the site last month. Images first, then links and descriptions below!
- Top 10 Things To Teach Teens About Sex – July 5, 2021
What should you teach your teen about sex? J provides 10 important principles parents should convey when they have the opportunity. - Why I Took My Breast Implants Out – July 8, 2021
J shares candidly about her journey of breast augmentation, chronic illness 10 years later, and choosing to remove her implants. - 10 Things to Do After Sex – July 12, 2021
What could or should you do after a sexual encounter is over? Here are 10 important things to do after sex with your spouse! - Do You Think About Sex Too Much? – July 19, 2021
C.S. Lewis said those obsessed with food or sex are terribly hungry or overly indulged. Is your marriage starved, saturated, or satisfied? - A Christian’s Guide to Sexual Morality – July 22, 2021
C.S. Lewis’s chapter on “Sexual Morality” is a must-read…or must-see. Check out this doodle video on that topic!
(And if you’re a coder who can tell me how to make a WordPress gallery with descriptions and links that freeze in time—a specific month, not just the latest X number of posts—PLEASE email me.)
From Sex Chat for Christian Wives Podcast
- Episode 110: The Sleep-Sex Connection – Sex Chat for Christian Wives
- Episode 111: Accepting Your Body – Sex Chat for Christian Wives
From Knowing Her Sexually Podcast
- Episode 34: She Did It with a Boyfriend, So Why Not with Me? – Knowing Her Sexually
- Episode 35: “Be Worth Sleeping With,” with Kevin A. Thompson – Knowing Her Sexually
- Episode 36: What Do Women Want? – Knowing Her Sexually
My Post at KHS Ministry
Click the image below to read.
A Few Great Reads Elsewhere
- Ngina Otiende is a wonderful resource for marriage, particularly for newlyweds, though she has great nuggets of wisdom for any marriage. This recent post is well worth your time: The Power of Prayer In Marriage – Invitation to More Depth as a Couple (intentionaltoday.com).
- Dave Willis gives The Ten Secrets of Happy Couples | XO Marriage. LOVE this list! Spock and I have 9½ of these—hey, just being honest—and it’s a happy 28-year marriage. If you want one too, this list is for you! And for your spouse.
- Meanwhile, Keelie Reason shares Why Sex in Marriage Can Be So Great | Love Hope Adventure. I agree with every point!
- I’ve long been an advocate of preachers not skipping over Song of Songs, but it matters how you preach this book. While I don’t know this article’s author, pastor Aaron Menikoff, he makes some great points in 3 Reasons You Should Preach through The Song of Solomon : 9Marks.
Recommended Resources & Products
They should pay me for this, but I’m going to share about a service I use quite a bit: Airbnb. (Airbnb, call me—we take podcast sponsorships!)
I’ve used Airbnb to find places to stay when I visited my kids in college, when I needed lodging for speaking engagements, when I went on retreats with friends or family, and when my husband and I took mini-vacations.
Why mention Airbnb now? Or at all? Well, a lot of marriage advice out there suggests: “Go on a vacation together” or “Get a hotel for the weekend!” But that may not be affordable or preferable for you.
You have a lot more options with Airbnb, from houses to apartments to campers to boats to glamping. And many of the locations include a kitchen or kitchenette where you can prepare your own food to cut costs. Anyway, my two cents that it might be worth checking out and seeing if this is the right time to book that getaway for your marriage! (And you know, your sex life.)
Note: Before booking, be sure to read about the amenities and house rules for check-in and check-out.
What I’m Reading
Now that my mental fog is gone, I’m back to reading full-length books. YAY! So I’m adding this section to let you know what I’m consuming and whether I recommend it or not.
Though it was a super-popular marriage book, I never read Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray, Ph.D. I did, however, decide to listen (through Audible) to his book on sex.
The first several chapters were great, but then it took a turn. I found myself yelling at the audiobook. Not exactly the most effective method of persuading the author. LOL.
Anyway, Gray isn’t a Christian author, so I cannot expect him to have the guiding principles that faith requests and requires, nor the approach that relational intimacy supersedes personal pleasure. Basically, when he talks about sexual skills, he’s on pretty solid ground, but beyond that, not so much.
Thus, I cannot recommend this book. Rather, I’d suggest other options for learning sexual skills without some of the more problematic ideas.
Also listened to The Man’s Guide to Women from John and Julie Gottman and some of their colleagues at the well-known Gottman Institute. This book is neither Christian nor written to married men, though there are some good takeaways.
Unfortunately, there are also some misses; for example, the typical assumption that men want sex more than women do, statements like “she’ll love it when you do X” (maybe / maybe not), and concluding what to do based on what’s desirable rather than what your covenant calls for. Not that marriage and its outcomes shouldn’t be desirable, but as Christians, we believe we are in covenant and that should give us a somewhat different perspective.
So sadly, I can’t recommend this book either. You can get the good parts just by going to related posts on their website and applying a biblical filter to what you read. Or hey, listen to our women’s guide to men on the Knowing Her Sexually podcast!
What J’s Up to These Days
- Dear Delta Variant, GO AWAY! Let’s hope this latest variant does as it appears to have done elsewhere: hits hard (too late to wish otherwise) but fades quickly. Because like you, I’m ready to get back into the swing of things! Including that I’ve recently scheduled a couple of speaking gigs for MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) and have an engagement in the works. If you’re looking for someone who can speak comfortably, positively, and biblically about sex in marriage, invite me! You can see my speaking page HERE and/or my MOPS speaker profile HERE.
- Our too-large-for-two house is almost on the market! Given our location, we’ll be surprised if it doesn’t sell quick. Where are we going next? We’re not sure! I’d appreciate your prayers that God will lead us to the right place—not only for a residence, but for a church home and a community.
Biblical Inspiration for the Coming Month
This past week, I’ve been studying the Book of Esther and thinking about the oppression of women during that time; having discussions with a couple of close friends (plus one vitriolic Facebook commenter on a different personal profile) about what it means to care for others; and read an article from The Dispatch columnist David French that pointed to a video from BibleProject, whom I’ve mentioned here before. And within that video on justice, they shared a verse from Proverbs 31.
Now, every Christian woman can tell you what Proverbs 31 is about. We tend to both love and hate that chapter. Because it draws attention to the value and nobility of a woman of godly character, but it’s also been used to make women feel like we’re not enough (see How Do You Measure Up to the Virtuous Woman?). But that passage starts in verse 10. What advice from father to son comes immediately before?
Open your mouth for the people who cannot speak, for the rights of all the unfortunate. Open your mouth, judge righteously, and defend the rights of the poor and needy.
Proverbs 31:8-9 (NASB)
And now I cannot stop thinking about how these passages are not linked exactly, but what made the father speaking here go from that admonition to a whole passage about finding a good wife?
Well, here’s a thought: If you’re not the kind of dude who speaks up for the unfortunate, judges righteously, and defends the rights of those in need, how likely are you to get and keep that noble wife? But if you are the kind of guy who speaks up, judges, and defends well, that’s highly attractive to good women. Noble attracts noble.
Moreover, a husband who cares that deeply and acts with such integrity is kinda sexy to his wife.
Of course, this goes the other way! So we should all heed the wisdom of King Lemuel from Proverbs 31— especially the part about the wife having servants. ~grin~ Wait, what was I saying? Oh yeah, this:
The reader may be interested in this response to the original David French piece to which the one linked to above is meant as a followup.
[link removed by J – see reply]
I decided to post this comment letting people know there was a response/follow-up. If interested, someone can look up that article themselves, but my site will not serve as a click-through leading to an article with the level of personal attacks that Michael Anton uses against David French. In fact, I recommend my readers not look it up. Maybe spend that time instead reading to your child, donating something to a women’s shelter, reading your Bible, etc. instead of getting swept up into outrage culture. I do it myself at times, and it never yields the results I want. Whereas true charity can and will.
(I got preachy there, y’all, but I’m so tired of online vitriol. So. Tired.)
Given what David French is advocating, Anton’s response is probably not vitriolic enough. Beyond that, it’s quite shameful that you would remove the link. If you don’t want people commenting on the pieces you link to (or highlighting the responses of others) then don’t post about it in the first place. Editing or deleting comments (like you did with the last post of yours I commented on) is cowardly.
It’s not cowardly, it’s Comment Policy:
Links to other sites.
While I regularly recommend resources and products I am familiar with and trust, Hot, Holy, and Humorous is not an aggregator of sites or links related to sex in marriage. If a commenter adds a link to a comment that I’m not familiar with, I may delete the comment rather than investigate, since detouring to check out those links takes away time I’d rather spend writing blog posts and books. Also, if a link goes to a site I strongly disagree with, obviously that will end up in the discard pile.
People are welcome to say they want, just not necessarily in my house.