A lot of thought can go into what happens before or during sex. But have you given enough consideration to what you could or should do after a sexual encounter is over?
Here are 10 important things to do after sex with your beloved! You likely won’t cover them all in one encounter, but incorporating these can improve your experience and nurture your intimacy.
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1. Make Sure Your Spouse Is Finished.
Just because you’re done doesn’t mean your spouse is done. Make sure that your partner has had their orgasm(s) and/or felt the level of intimacy that sates their desire.
It’s more common for a husband to move on before his wife is really done, but it can happen the other way as well. Particularly as men age, they may need more or different stimulation after intercourse to finish. And remember, hubbies, that women are less likely to climax with intercourse, so be attentive to the kind of arousal and excitement she needs to reach her peak.
2. Snuggle and Nuzzle.
Get cozy, cuddle, caress, and calm your nerves and muscles. Bask in the glow of sexual satisfaction and marital intimacy.
You’re already pumped up with oxytoxin and dopamine—neurotransmitters that make you feel bonded and rewarded—but continued close contact keeps that going. Moreover, focusing not on arousal anymore but rather touch and closeness reminds you both that the sexual act isn’t just physical but emotional and relational.
3. Tell Your Spouse What They Mean To You.
To have intimate sex, we must be physically exposed and vulnerable with our spouse. Oftentimes, that’s matched by a willingness to be exposed and vulnerable with one another emotionally. Now could be just the time to tell your beloved just how much they mean to you.
Such expressions are a thread throughout the Song of Songs, as the husband and wife share profound and passionate words about their love:
You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.
I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine; he browses among the lilies.
How beautiful you are and how pleasing, my love, with your delights!
Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.Song of Songs 4:7, 6:3, 7:6, 8:6
What words could you use to tell your spouse how much they matter to you? Why is this person the one you are so glad to be intimate with?
4. Keep Your Senses Stimulated.
A friend recently told me that she and her husband listen to love songs after sex. What a lovely idea! Tapping into the sense of hearing, they extend the sensual experience with one another.
But you could use any of the five senses—hearing, smell, taste, sight, touch. Light a candle. Share a chocolate. Get a star projector and enjoy the galaxy on your ceiling. Grab satin or a feather and stroke one another.
Come up with your own ideas! I’m sure y’all have plenty.
5. Evaluate How It Went.
Not like a film critic! You’re not critiquing your spouse’s performance. But you can talk about what worked well and what didn’t. Need examples?
- “That angle felt really good.”
- “I’m not sure about that position. Maybe if we used a wedge pillow next time?”
- “I loved the way you kissed me for a while before we even got undressed. That’s a big turn-on.”
Especially if you tried something new or your sexual needs have changed, break it down so that you have good information for what does and doesn’t work going forward.
And if it went really well, feel free high-five each other. Well done, you!
6. Use the Loo (aka Potty).
This one’s mainly for the ladies! To avoid infection, gynecologists recommend urinating after sex. That helps to clear out the urethra and keep bacteria from entering and wreaking havoc.
How soon must you jump up and go pee? You don’t need to sprint there immediately after. Experts suggest within 30 minutes, but what’s ideal likely depends on how susceptible you are. You may be able to wait the full 30 minutes, or you might be better off slipping away 5-10 minutes after to go. You can always come back and snuggle after.
If you have ongoing issues with urinary tract or yeast infections, consult a doctor and see what else you can do. While most women will experience a few infections in the course of their marriage, it shouldn’t be a common occurrence. Do what you can to prevent it!
7. Clean up.
Sex can be messy. It’s not like the mess of your house being trashed; more like you had a fantastic party but need to put a few things away.
Before sex, you might have grabbed a towel and left it nearby; if so, use it to wipe up. You can also use feminine wipes or booty wipes for men, get a wet washcloth, or take a quick shower to tend to your private areas. If you used any toys, be sure to properly sanitize them before storing them.
The way you clean up can say something to your partner about the experience itself. If you treat the mess like it’s dirt—”ugh, get this off me!”—your mate may hear that you dislike the mess more than you liked the sex. What if, instead, you used this as an opportunity to extend affection, by getting the supplies your mate needs, by gently wiping him or her down, by jumping in the shower together for a quick wash? That conveys more togetherness and kindness.
8. Go to Sleep.
Several body chemicals released during orgasm—prolactin, vasopressin, oxytocin, and serotonin—are linked to sleepiness. So it’s no surprise that plenty of spouses fall asleep right after sex. Or it may not happen right away, but they sleep better after having sex.
We recently talked about this on our Sex Chat for Christian Wives podcast! (Episode 110: The Sleep-Sex Connection)
So go ahead and get that extra-good sleep. If it’s stay daytime, take a short nap. Enjoy the beauty of falling asleep in one another’s arms.
9. Replenish with Food or Drink.
Not everyone feels sleepy after sex. It’s also common to feel hungry or thirsty. Sex doesn’t burn as many calories as we might like, but it does burn some. And staying hydrated is particularly important.
So get that glass of water, that mini candy bar or a scoop of ice cream, some fruit, or a handful of nuts. Whatever replenishes your energy, grab that food and/or drink and enjoy.
10. Say a Prayer of Gratitude.
That sexual encounter with your beloved was awesome! How about thanking the One who came up with the idea?
While you’re at it, thank God not only for the act of sex but for making it a pleasurable experience that draws us together, for the beauty and/or potency of your spouse, and the unity you physically and beyond.