Tag Archives: J Parker

Here’s How to Talk to Your Spouse About Sex

Having sex can be awkward. Oddly enough, talking about sex can be even more awkward.

Blog post title + couple talking in bed

How do you bring up to your concerns, desires, or ideas to your spouse? What issues should you even talk about? How can you get them to understand you, and how can you possibly understand them?

It’s not easy, because you are two different people, with different histories, different perspectives, and different longings. But guess what? I’m making it much easier for you!

Pillow Talk Book Cover, click to learn more or find buy links

I’ve released a new book titled Pillow Talk: 40 Conversations About Sex for Married Couples. It provides you the framework for having productive conversations on all kinds of topics from kissing to sexual fantasies to frequency to erogenous zones to sexual baggage and much more.

This book is not prescriptive on what exactly your sex life should look like, but rather helps you discuss how you can address the sexual intimacy part of your marriage in a way that honors and satisfies both of you.

For some reading this, that may seem like a tall order. But I can’t think of anything in this book that would be problematic for either a higher-desire spouse or a lower-desire spouse. You each get the opportunity to express where you are and what you think. Of course, you’re often encouraged to not settle for the here-and-now but to pursue healthier and holier sexual intimacy, because that’s God’s design—for both of you and for your marriage.

To learn more about the book, head over to the Pillow Talk page on my site. You’ll find a full description, a sample view, and buy links. For a short time, the Pillow Talk ebook is offered at an introductory price of only $2.99! The print book is coming in early 2019.

I pray this resource will bless many marriages! Happy New Year.

The (New & Improved) Sex Book You Need for Your Marriage

Once upon a time, there was a Christian marriage and sex blogger who decided to write a book. She took some of her blog content, massaged it into book format, and self-published Sex Savvy: A Lovemaking Guide for Christian Wives. Some people bought it. They liked it. More people bought it. And it was a lovely, unexpected thing for the author. She thought no more about it and kept writing.

Fast forward a few years, and her self-published book caught the interest of a literary agent and traditional publisher. Bringing their expertise to the table, Sex Savvy took on new life. It was expanded, reworked, repackaged, and generally made a whole lot better.

And now I get to share it with all of you!

My new & improved book!

My new & improved book!

This has been working behind the scenes for a while, but Sex Savvy is going off sale and will be replaced by Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design. This is truly a new and improved version, put out by the fabulous folks at BroadStreet Publishing. What can you can expect from Hot, Holy, and Humorous? I thought I’d answer a few questions you might have.

Is it the same content as Sex Savvy? Yes, and no. Everything in Sex Savvy is in this book, but there are several added chapters with even more information and tips for sexual intimacy in your marriage. Also, chapters have been reworked for better flow and readability. If it were me, I’d definitely buy the new version.

Why go with a traditional publisher, instead of sticking with self-publishing? A couple of reasons. One, if you go to a Barnes & Noble, a Lifeway Christian Store, or ChristianBook.com, you won’t find my self-pubbed book. Large book retailers almost exclusively buy from traditional publishers. BroadStreet has relationships with bookstores, and I’m hoping that my book will reach a broader audience through their efforts. Two, traditional publishers have a whole lot of experience putting out their products. They bring their know-how to bear on the quality of the product, and I saw that firsthand as I worked through this process. Hot, Holy, and Humorous is professionally packaged, polished, and produced.

When does it go on sale? June. I’ll be here with a specific date, but that’s when it will go up for sale. Whether it hits your local bookstore depends on the buyers in your market. But it will be up on major online retailers, like Amazon and Barnes & Noble, and hopefully several other, easy-to-reach book distributors.

How can you help the book launch? Order it today! Buy it when it releases. Tell others about it. If you read it, please post a positive review online at B&N, Amazon, iBooks, Goodreads, etc. (By the way, anything less than 4 stars doesn’t work to an author’s advantage for Amazon’s algorithms. Just an FYI.) And ask your local bookstore to carry it. Sometimes, book buyers will respond to requests from their customers.

A book of books…ready to go! Don’t you love that cover?!

Why do you need this book? That’s really the most important question of all. Why on earth should you buy a book about “Sex in Marriage by God’s Design” anyway? First of all, I assume you being here means you’re at least mildly interested in the subject. Second, I’ve gained a bit of wisdom on this topic — made it my forte, my bailiwick, my wheelhouse, my passion. I have a personal story about sex done the wrong way and done God’s way, but I’ve also read a lot on the topic, studied the Bible for God’s instructions, talked to many people about their sexual struggles and successes, and advised plenty of spouses and couples on improving their marriage beds. I’ve heard from more than a few that I have indeed helped, for which I give all credit to God.

But whether you’re clueless about your marital intimacy, have a few issues left to resolve, or think things are going pretty well overall, Hot, Holy, and Humorous has biblically based perspectives and tips for you. It’s a easy-to-read book with lots of practical suggestions, all from a Christian point of view.

So why do you need this book? Because it will help your marriage.

Over the years, I’ve invested in resources that have nurtured my marriage, and it’s a great feeling to be able to offer that to others. I pray this book blesses you and those you love!

So This Happened. J Revealed.

When I heard that one of my favorite marriage and sexual intimacy bloggers, Sheila Wray Gregoire, was coming to town, I was ecstatic. Sheila lives over a thousand miles from me, so it’s not like we’d ever happen upon each other without one of us traveling a long way. Thankfully, she came to the great State of Texas — where we welcomed her with 70° F weather in February. (And I didn’t have to experience 14° F weather in Canada to see her.)

Her presentation at Grace Presbyterian Church in Houston, Girl Talk, was absolutely wonderful! And it was a thrill to lunch with Sheila and her assistant and chat face-to-face about our lives, our callings, and what flavors we wanted in our Marble Slab Creamery ice cream. At the event, we posed with our books and had a photo taken. Sheila asked if she could post it, and — knowing I’d be revealing myself soon — I clenched my teeth and said yes.

But I sort of thought I had a few days before she decompressed, went through the photos on her camera, found the right one, uploaded it, blah, blah, blah. Instead, I awakened Monday morning to find our smiling faces on that day’s blog post.

Sheila and Me at Girl Talk

J. Parker and Sheila Gregoire: We’re holding each other’s books!

Well, the cat’s out of the bag now! Or it’s really more like toothpaste: Once you squeeze that paste out, it’s never going back in the tube.

So there it is — a face to go with the words.

But I also updated all my profile pictures on social media and added a bio to this site with more information about who I am.

Frankly, I think anyone who has read me consistently already knows who I am. I don’t hold back here on my thoughts and personality. But I guess it’s nice to have a face to attach to the name.

And in case you were wondering, here’s one of my favorite photos of me and “Spock” — the affectionate nickname I’ve given my wonderful and overly logical husband:

J & Spock - smaller

And that’s it: J Revealed.

Kind of anticlimactic, right?

My 2015 Resolutions (for Me and My Blog)

Some people love New Year’s resolutions, some people hate them. I know the arguments against.

But I’m on the side of enjoying resolutions and that sense of a fresh start at the beginning of the year. So today — New Year’s Day — I thought I’d share my 2015 resolutions for myself and for Hot, Holy & Humorous with you. I hope you’ll share yours with me in the comments!

Blog title & resolution list

1. Release Behind Closed Doors: Inspirational Stories on Marriage and Intimacy. Last year, it was my goal to release a collection of short stories in the summer, then it became the fall, and finally after the start of the year. *sigh* It just so happened that one of my stories needed a complete rewrite, and now that’s done, I’m polishing up the book and getting ready to publish. At this point, I am aiming for a Valentine’s season release. I’m particularly excited about sharing some fiction with you, since that’s what I write when I’m not writing about sex and marriage and I believe in the power of story.

2. Get Intimacy Revealed into as many formats as possible. Currently, you can get my books through Amazon and Barnes & Noble. However, I don’t believe either book is on iBooks or Kobo, and I want to get them there. I really don’t want anyone who wishes to read my books to be hampered by issues of format. That also means that I’m hoping and praying I can release audiobooks as well. (I’d actually like to do a “read by author” version, if at all possible.)

Edited to add: Intimacy Revealed on Kobo and Hot, Holy and Humorous on Kobo

3. Read more marriage and intimacy books. I read several in 2014, but I want to read more. Thankfully, so many more books and resources on Christian marriage and sex exist now than ten, twenty, thirty years ago. If someone else has put out fabulous material, I want to learn what they have to say and be able to point my readers to that resource. So I’m gathering my list of books I definitely want to read, hoping I can get to at least 10 next year.

4. Reveal myself. Ack! There, I said it. I guess I can’t take it back now, can I? (Can I?) When I started blogging four years ago, I had several reasons for choosing anonymity. It’s funny that many people assume I did so simply so I could speak more freely about sex, but I’ve always operated on the assumption that my words and my identity would someday be matched in public. And I don’t think I’ve said anything that would prohibit me from showing my face. (Have I?) Anyway, my reasonable concerns about revealing myself have been disintegrating over the years, as I knew they would eventually. So yeah, I’m planning to put a face with the name. But nothing much will change here at Hot, Holy & Humorous. I’ve always been myself, and I plan to still go by “J” since I’ve come to like that moniker and it feels comfortably familiar.

5. Start speaking. I’d say “Ack!” here too, but I already used that above. Here’s the truth: I’ve done some public speaking before. Just not on sex. But I obviously have a passion for passion, and I’ve been getting the sneaking suspicion it’s time to take my message to live audiences. (Double Ack!) Don’t expect a 30-city tour or something, but I will likely open myself up to a few speaking engagements in the latter part of 2015. If I don’t trip on stage or otherwise make a complete fool of myself, I’ll keep speaking.

6. Attend a ministry conference. This is actually on my “bucket list,” which I far prefer to call my “life list” since the bucket I’ll be kicking is many, many years down the road. Regardless, I enjoy attending conferences. The education, encouragement, and enthusiasm can ignite new excitement for the work one does. I’m perusing possibilities, but I’m praying my funds and my calendar will allow me to attend a professional conference next year, one that will spur me on in my ministry here.

So that’s it for my resolutions! What would you like to see me (“J”) or Hot, Holy & Humorous do in 2015? And what are your own resolutions for the New Year?

* * * * *

What does the Bible say about sexual intimacy?

Quite a lot actually. From marriage-specific scriptures to biblical principles, Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage guides Christian wives through weekly devotions that shed light on God’s gift of marital sex.

Each week includes a Bible passage, application, questions, and a prayer. These short devotions will deepen your understanding of God’s design of sexuality and encourage you toward a holier, happier, and hotter marriage.

Purchase:
Amazon for Kindle
Barnes & Noble for Nook
Print book

Gobble Up the Good Lovin’: BOOK LAUNCH

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday: a time with family and/or friends, good food on the table, and a heart full of gratitude for God’s blessings.

I hope that one of the things you’re grateful for today is the gift of sex in marriage, created and wrapped up by our Heavenly Father. But wives, if it’s not currently on your gratitude list or if you’d like to find even more to be grateful for, I write for you. My blog is a celebration of God’s gift of intimacy in marriage and an instruction manual for enjoying it. I am personally so thankful for what God has done in my own life regarding marital intimacy that I want every single wife to experience the fullness of that gift.

I want every wife to gobble up the good lovin’  in her marriage!

Female Wild Turkeys...looking for good' lovin!

Female Wild Turkeys…looking for good lovin’!
by D. Gordon E. Robertson (Own work), via Wikimedia Commons

So why not make this, my favorite holiday and a day for gratitude, the day I launch my very first book? Sex Savvy: A Lovemaking Guide for Wives is a collection of how-to posts and more from my blog, compiled by topic and freshly edited. It includes illustrations from the talented Matt Baxter, whom some of you may know as husband of Erin Baxter of the Mystery 32 marriage blog.

Here’s the blurb:

How’s your sex savvy?

Book cover for Sex SavvyDo you want to be a hottie in the bedroom without sacrificing holiness? Would you like someone to share real-life tips on making the most of God’s gift of sexual intimacy in marriage?

Put back the secular sources you flipped through in the bookstore, and pick up this biblically grounded handbook: Sex Savvy: A Lovemaking Guide for Christian Wives. Author J. Parker of Hot, Holy & Humorous gives candid advice for wives on everything from kissing to oral sex to orgasm to sexual positions—all from a Christian perspective.

Whether you’re a new bride finding her way around that king-sized mattress or an experienced wife who wants that mattress to sing, this book can boost your sex savvy and improve your marital intimacy.

The ebook is out TODAY and costs $4.99. The book will also be available in print in the near future. You can get your ebook copy — and copies for any other wife you know — from the following retailers:

Amazon: Kindle

Barnes & Noble: Nook

Smashwords (several formats available)

Happy Thanksgiving!

And blessings to you and your marriage!