Here’s a glimpse at my internal conversation while preparing for this post:
Self 1: I should do a post on giving blow jobs.
Self 2: What are you going to say about blow jobs?
Self 1: You know, a how to.
Self 2: You’re going to describe how to give a blow job? Are you crazy!
Self 1: Some wives might want a little coaching.
Self 2: Are you actually going to call it a “blow job”?
Self 1: That’s what everyone calls it.
Self 2: How about “fellatio”?
Self 1: If I call it fellatio, no one will know what I’m talking about.
Self 2: How about “the thing that must not be named.”
Self 1: Isn’t that Voldemort from Harry Potter?
Self 2: Your brain is too distracted.
Self 1: Not when I’m giving a blow job. I’m really focused then.
Self 2: So that you don’t choke?
Self 1: Well, yeah. And because it’s kinda hot. You know, “his fruit is sweet to my taste,” from Song of Songs?
Self 2: So you’re actually going to talk about this in public?
Self 1: Um, maybe.
Self 2: Well, if you do, don’t take me down with you.
Self 1: “Take me down with you.” That’s funny.
Self 2: *rolls eyes*
I have indeed wondered for some time if there is a way to discuss this topic and give advice without getting way too private and graphic. I had the benefit of receiving some tips from a friend many years back, and they were quite helpful. I could have learned that on my own, with coaching from my husband, but it made trying oral sex with him a much better experience from the get-go.
I doubt that some wives have access to that kind of information. Moreover, sources that describe how to give a “blow job” usually do not have a Christian perspective and may use photography or graphic images. Perhaps some have learned how to from watching a porn film.
Here’s the truth: I have never seen a porn film. I put it in the ranks of heroin. I don’t need to try it to know I don’t need to try it.
The point is, some husbands would like their wives to “go down” on them. Some wives would be willing to give it a shot or want to try it again. Some of those wives feel that they don’t know what to do or how to do it. So here I go. I will give a short How To lesson on giving a blow job. Warning: If you do not want to read blatant advice about this topic, click away now.
Do you really blow? No. Please do not treat your husband’s opening like the end of a balloon and attempt to inflate it with your breath. I have no idea why it is called a blow job. There’s no blowing that I know of. A blow job is merely the slang term for a woman inserting a man’s penis into her mouth. What happens after that determines whether it is a good blow job or a lame one.
How much of his penis do I put in my mouth? It can vary. You can put your mouth only around the head of the penis, move your mouth over the shaft, or even deep-throat your husband’s penis (see below). This isn’t about swallowing your husband. It’s about providing oral stimulation to his sensitive genital area. While providing oral stimulation, you will need to breathe mostly through your nose.
What do I do with my mouth? We’ve established that you don’t blow, but you do kiss, lick, and suck with your lips and tongue. The tongue, in fact, can be very important in stimulation. These can be small licks around the ridge, head, and tip, or longer licks up and down the shaft of the penis to the head. With the penis inside your mouth, you can also pump your tongue a little to increase pressure. Sucking also increases the pressure, especially as you move your mouth up and down his penis. You can add add your hand to the mix; that is, simultaneously use your hand(s) to provide slight pressure and a different feel as your mouth works. This is going to sound super-weird, but for the first time out, imagine the head of the penis as an ice cream cone and the shaft as a fudgsicle. That might help a little.
Where does it feel best for him? The greatest concentration of nerve endings is in the head of a man’s penis. While stimulating the shaft also feels good, the ridge between the shaft and head, the head itself, and the tip are all more sensitive. Licking, sucking, and oral pressure in that area will likely feel particularly good. That said, you can’t just hang out there doing the same thing over and over. The best sex involves variation, and that goes for oral sex as well.
What is “deep-throating”? To deep throat during a blow job means to put the penis so far into your mouth that the head makes contact with your throat. The throat is a tighter space and can provide more pressure and friction. Here’s some advice if you want to give it a try: Open your throat and widen your mouth to an aperture larger than your husband’s penis so that you can continue to breathe around it. Also, don’t expect to stay in that position for long. You can throat the tip and then move back out. The motion may feel better to your husband anyway.
Should I spit or swallow? Some women do not want semen in their mouth, period — either because they do not want to waste the sperm (a principle in Catholicism, I believe) or because they are simply repulsed by the thought of this liquid in their mouth. If you are one of them, you need to make sure that you pull your mouth away well in advance. If your husband reaches the “point of no return,” he will begin ejaculation whether your mouth is there or not.
If you are willing to allow his ejaculate into your mouth, then you have to figure out what to do. First, you should know that swallowing semen is not in any way harmful to your body. Second, you might ask whether it would offend you if your husband gave you oral sex but made a big deal about disliking your lubrication. Third, if you don’t want to swallow, be polite about spitting. Have a cup handy on the night table or somewhere nearby, hold the liquid in your mouth, and then spit it into the cup. You can always go to the bathroom to brush your teeth and/or use mouthwash to clear out the taste. For those willing to swallow, the consistency and taste of semen can vary; its consistency is maybe like a beaten egg but it tastes sweet to salty. If you’re worried about your waistline, semen contains vitamins, sodium, and fructose and ranges between 5 to 25 calories — hardly a diet killer.
What if I give my husband a blow job, and I don’t like it? Will I have to do it again? There is NO rule that you must have oral sex as part of an intimate relationship. Plenty of sexually satisfied couples do not engage in it. That said, I suggest that you ask yourself what you didn’t enjoy about the experience. Did you dislike certain sensations? Did your jaw hurt? (It might.) Is the problem something that could be adjusted the next time around? If you genuinely do not want to engage in this activity in the future, tell your husband. Try not to say something like, “That was so yuck!” He may take it personally that you don’t want to make oral contact with his manhood. You can simply explain that you felt very uncomfortable and that you prefer other activities as part of your sex life. You might even suggest one. Perhaps you don’t want to perform fellatio, but you are willing to do strip-tease for him or introduce an appropriate sex toy or give him a hand job.
How can my husband help to make this a positive experience? I would say the first caveat is that you should be allowed to remain in control of your mouth. That is, if you need to pull away and take a break, then he should understand that. In a moment of extreme pleasure, a man might want to hold his wife’s head and pull her mouth into him. This often isn’t a good idea; men are stronger than they sometimes realize, and this action can make it difficult for the woman to control the motions in such a way that she remains comfortable throughout. Another point is that husbands should communicate what feels good. He can either talk you through it or make happy noises when you’ve hit a really great spot. You can even talk ahead of time so that he can show you on his penis where his most pleasurable places are. You can discuss how it felt afterward so that you know what worked best and what he might like next time. Finally, he can affirm you. A constant for many women is that we like to be appreciated when we go out of our way to do something. Well, here’s an opportunity for a husband to say nice things about his wife for her willingness to focus the sexual experience on his pleasure. (Note: Some wives also get a lot of pleasure from giving blow jobs.)
For those of you who now need to want that image out of your heads, imagine this in your mouth instead:
So as nervous as I am to now open the floor, what do you think? Are any of these tips helpful? Do you have any of your own? (Note: I do moderate comments. You may wish to read my Comments standards.) Do you like or dislike oral sex? Have you even tried it?
Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest
is my lover among the young men.
I delight to sit in his shade,
and his fruit is sweet to my taste.
–Songs of Songs 2:3
Note: If your husband has a sexually-transmitted disease or you are worried he may have one, then you should not perform oral sex on him since STDs can spread with oral-genital contact.
Link: For a discussion on whether oral sex is okay in God’s eyes, see Intimacy in Marriage’s post on Genuine Dialogue Among Christians about Oral Sex.
238 thoughts on “Oral Sex: How To”
wow, you are a brave women!!
I found that flavored lube helped me a lot!! I can’t drink pina colada without thinking about other things 😉
What a great idea! Hadn’t considered that one.
I think oral sex is great, especially if I’m not in the mood to have an orgasm, but I still know he really wants to. I love your comment “Here’s the truth: I have never seen a porn film. I put it in the ranks of heroin. I don’t need to try it to know I don’t need to try it.” I totally agree, but I could never have worded it so well.
Thanks! Husbands often don’t understand that feeling of “not in the mood to have an orgasm,” but I get it. Thankfully, intimacy can include many different affectionate activities.
I think you did a great job with explaining how to do this. You are braver than I 😉
One thing I would add is to ask him to shower or bathe before hand. Men sweat a lot in the genital area and it can make the taste of his skin less than pleasant.
Thanks, Sharon. I agree with you that a little clean-up beforehand can really help. Thanks for the tip!
Mrs. HHH, this is especially important if the man is not circumcised.
I agree, UK Fred. Thanks.
When we’re intimate, I always start out with oral on him. Always. He loves it, and I really enjoy giving it to him 🙂
It’s nice to hear a wife say that she enjoys giving. It is something both parties can find pleasure in.
A tip I learned, you can use your hand on/around the shaft to provide extra stimulation, and at the same time, as a “guard” to keep from going to far down if you have an over-active gag reflex, like I do.
Thanks, Jennifer. I hadn’t thought of using the hand as a “guard.”
Very very informative.
I am almost four years into marriage and I have never read anything like this before (on this topic).
I like the way you’ve kept it clean (as always) yet incredibly informative, to the point and hilarious.
I did not know the calories count or that some consider spitting an act of waste…woe me. I am up for an attitude upgrade..I may have been hurting hubby all along when I insensitively gag and spit and complain subtly.
I choke often, so now I know how not to choke..lol.
Thanks J, you are a blessing!
Thanks so much, Ngina. As mamaofangels below points out, there are studies that actually show health benefits of swallowing. Who knew!
Thank you for discussing this subject! My husband definitely wants more oral sex, and I avoid it as often as I can. I do experience jaw pain and have to take breaks often, sometimes at the worst time for my husband. Any suggestions to ease the pain?
Posted some tips below.
I am so glad you posted about this! My husband and I have only been married 5 months and neither of us had any sexual experience before so we are both learning. I have attempted oral sex several times but have never been able to complete the act, not because I find it gross but because it genuinely hurts my jaw! Any suggestions? I know he enjoys it regardless but he feels bad for ME because he knows it is uncomfortable on my jaw, which prohibits him from truly relaxing and enjoying it. He did enjoy being woken up to that a few times though! 🙂 And it is a part of foreplay for us, but I also feel very unknowledgable and like I am doing it wrong, so I tend to avoid it, which I don’t want to do. These tips were very helpful, THANK YOU for talking about the awkward issues! I love your blog!
Thanks, Emily. Kudos to you for your attitude with your husband. It seems that you are both dedicated to making sex a pleasurable experience for one another. If you keep that attitude, sex will get better and better over the years (with a few possible dips due to life circumstances). Best wishes!
Emily, it hurts my jaw too after only a few minutes, but I noticed that if I just focused on stimulating the head and ridge with my mouth and used my hand for the shaft, it relieved a lot of the pressure on my jaw. Your husband seems to be very sympathetic and I’m sure he would LOVE knowing that you were willing to do at least that.
What a great wake-up call! You go girl. You’re doing just fine.
Love that you went there. I’m one of those that get a little grossed out by seman in my mouth but still try to do this for my husband every few weeks or so. It gets easier the more you do it. I do hope you will write on oral sex for women, though! I wish my hubs would do so more but he seems to not know what to do when he’s down there. Thanks, J!
I agree, I would love a segment on oral sex for women as well!
Okay. I’ll give that one some thought and prayer and tackle it soon. It may take me several attempts and some cold showers to write that post! 😉
I found that if I use a strong mouthwash (Listerine) right before giving, that kinda deadens the taste in my mouth…
As your husband nears orgasm,keep his penis as far in your mouth as you can,and as he ejaculates,hold your breath.When he is finished and while still holding his penis in your mouth,IMMEDIATELY swallow.I almost never taste semen, and my husband and I have been married 19 years. As far as jaw pain, you could try getting him close to orgasm with your hand, and finishing him orally.Also, men are very visual, and most won’t mind if you lean up and lick or kiss their penises while you rest your jaw. I,personally, had to work up to keeping my eyes open,and looking him in the eye,but he LOVES that. I hope these tips help. My husband sometimes comments afterward that he “really needed that”. I think there is some element of oral sex that really affirms a husband’s manhood. Relaxing,receiving pure pleasure from the person who loves you most in the world…sometimes,it IS just what our husbands need.
You could not be more dead on. Thanks for helping out our wives they do want to please us. And we appreciate the wonderful effort!
Since more than one person asked, here’s my thought on jaw pain. First, it’s normal to have it. Think about how your jaw can ache after a dental visit. If your mouth stays open and stretched for a while, your jaw can get sore.
Second, you may need to take breaks. But you can simply move from putting your husband’s penis in your mouth to stimulating the head with kisses and licks until your jaw feels better.
Third, position can help. Considering how a penis is shaped, it’s easier for your mouth if you approach your husband’s man part from above. For instance, a “69” position or sitting on his stomach and facing his feet will tilt the penis into your mouth in a more natural way – helping your jaw to relax more.
Finally, I saw a few suggestions out there that you take a pain reliever before you begin. I think that’s going a bit far, but I figured I would share it anyway.
Thanks for all of the comments!
I have TMJ syndrome, which just means my jaw is wonky. I’ve found that if I stretch a bit before and during, it really helps. Start by lifting your head so that you are raising hte crown of your head towards the ceiling (stretches your neck and those muscles). Also, gently thrust your jaw forward to stetch the jaw muscles. You can add opening wide (thrust jaw forward, open wide), but too much of that gets sore.
Sometimes, during, I will not just open up, but also thrust my jaw forward. It effects very little for Hubby, but feels better for me. After a bit, I go back to a more normal jaw position.
Yes…good advice. I would like to also add – relax. If you are tense or nervous then this will also tense your jaw.
What about an overactive gag reflex? I can’t hardly preform it at all without gagging… and I feel bad. I have done it maybe 2-3 times since we got married almost 5 years ago. I have seen sprays that numb your mouth/throat… do you think those would help?
Good question. I’m hoping someone pops in here with a great answer. I’m one of those people with a terrible gag reflex who rarely vomits (which is not all good when you have serious morning sickness and are begging for relief).
There are numbing sprays which claim that they can help. My suspicion: A little. Some suggest pressure points can help to fight the gag reflex (saw one suggestion for pinching your left thumb and another for rubbing your temples). Others say you should desensitize your reflex; for instance, night after night, finish your tooth brushing by pushing the brush toward the back of your tongue until it’s uncomfortable and over time you will be able to go further and further.
What I would think is that gagging probably only kicks in with deep-throating, and you don’t have to do that for your husband to get a kick out of oral sex. Since the most sensitive areas are around the head, you can keep your attention focused there and still have a very happy hubby. Communicate with him and see what he thinks.
For those with a strong gag reflex, I recall reading that (for those willing to give it a try) if the wife were to lay on a bed (back to bed, aka facing up) with her head over the edge, that might open her throat a bit more and make it easier. Can’t speak from personal experience, but it’s something to think about. If him going to deep is a concern, I imagine the wife could use her hands to keep it comfortable. Also, I didn’t invent to the term, but I imagine the “blow” in blowjob comes from the husband ejaculating, not from blowing air.
It’s been helpful for my gag reflex (which is on overdrive during pregnancy, when hubby gets the majority of this kind of attention) is to make sure I’m taking deep breaths of clean, cool air. So, make sure you’re not under a blanket or something, make sure your nose is cleaned out, and just take some deep breaths (either through your nose while staying on, or coming off momentarily and breathing through your mouth).
I always thought that “blow job” refered to a penis becoming erect, like a ballon!
“Blow” job is often misunderstood. By definition, blow is when something bursts or expends. Thus the job causes the man to blow off as he expends in orgasm. (Similar for the woman.)
The caution is that blowing on the penis or the vagina can create an air bubble, the bubble could find its way into the body to cause an air embolism. In a word, “don’t”. Don’t blow air into either the penis or the vagina. Only kiss, suck, lick, or caress.
Another suggestions for gag reflex is to swallow a bit of Orajel before performing and it’ll numb your throat long enough to have fun. Cheap and easy fix for that.
Pure Romance has a product that relaxes the jaw and throat and stops the gag reflex. It isn’t numbing like Orajel, which can actually cause you to bite your tongue or cheek.
It is called Great Head.
I have TMJ, and a bad gag relfex, and that product helps so much for both of those, AND it tastes good. 🙂
Wow, Good Job J! In case your wondering and want to research it semen actually has some health benefits to the woman. In one study I read they found that it helps combat depression.
Anyway’s loved the post.. I have to say when I first gave a blow job I didn’t really like it. I think I needed to learn more about it. As I got more comfortable I came to really enjoy it. Now it is a great turn on to me also.
As for jaw pain.. I wanted to add my 2 cents. Relax! I have found when my jaw starts to hurt it is because I am very tense and in a bad position. It might help if your man is sitting in a chair or standing in front of you with you on your knees that will keep you from bending your neck so much to reach him and can help to relieve the jaw pain. And keep from getting kinks in your neck. 🙂
I saw that study too! It was fascinating. Who knew!
By the way, my husband is of the opinion that a wife certainly burns more than 5-25 calories in the act, so maybe it’s a wash.
That’s a good idea for positioning. Thanks!
I’ve heard that the zinc in semen can head off a cold too(no pun intended). For any wife who is already ok with B.J. but hasn’t yet attempted swallowing semen, I can add that my experience has been that the taste is first distinctly like licking a quarter, then a little sweet-salty, like burned caramel apple. Semen can also have an interesting cooling sensation and stickiness. Water doesn’t cut through it that well, so you may want to pump up the romance with a glass of red wine waiting on the nightstand (fruit juice or chocolate work too, if you don’t drink). I think there is a reason there are sooo many fruit references in the Songs!
We have been married for many decades ~ and both of us enjoy oral sex. We usually do each other at the same time time though and that seems to help with positioning without pain.
There are definitely some benefits to that. I love that you’ve been married for decades and are still rockin’ it in the bedroom. Good for you!
Must be nice,me being the husband loves stimulating my wife orally anything she wants, but she doesn’t want to do the same, she has done it in the past but has completely abandoned it now.I’m thinking about stopping doing it to her,she really enjoys it,so that’s where I am with it.
Don’t punish your wife by stopping. That comment is indicative of at least some wrong attitude on at least your side of your marriage.
I think you should take care of the feelings or attitudes that make you want to stop then find a way to lovingly talk to her about it. Reaffirm that you enjoy pleasing her and ask her to please reciprocate. If she is resistant, ask her if there is something you can talk about about this, why she is resistant, if there’s something you’ve done that makes it unpleasant for her, ask her if it is unpleasant for her and why. But, you’ve got to have the right attitude first.
@Emily “I have attempted oral sex several times but have never been able to complete the act” This is fairly normal. Oral stimulation usually feels great for a guy, but is often not very strong and may not lead to orgasm. With time and practice you can get there. And, honestly, what guy is going to complain about the learning process.
“What guy is going to complain about the learning process.” – Love it! So true.
By the way, we often don’t “complete the act” because the draw of intercourse is so strong. A husband can still enjoy it.
Haha, you are so right Lori! He will never, ever complain about that! Good to know that I’m “normal”, as well. 🙂 Our society and media hype so much up about sex that unless you have a good and safe resource to turn to (ahem, Hot, Holy, and Humorous…) you never really know what’s normal and not!
@kat “What about an overactive gag reflex?” Use your hand on the shaft (with lubrication) and keep your mouth just at the head. Make sure you are in control of the moment so there are no sudden surprises.
You are a brave woman!! This is quite a sensitive topic and you handled it well!! When we first got married, I attempted a blow job for the first time the morning after our wedding. He loved it. I hated it. I stayed away from it entirely for awhile, even if he asked for it. I had no idea what I was doing and didn’t want to do it ever again. Needless to say, I didn’t have a good, safe place I could go for tips. I had no problem kissing, licking, sucking, but bringing him to climax was the part I hated. The up-and-down-and-up-and-down made me feel really stupid.
My husband is the other side of that same coin. He’s a bit OCD about germs and would never venture “down there” no matter how much I asked him to, or how much I trimmed, shaved, or showered. I decided that maybe if I was willing to go down on him, and try it again, he would be willing to do it for me. And I was right. I got some tips from a friends and put them into practice and had to stifle giggles at his reactions. He was able to tell me when he was about to ejaculate so I could move out of the way (Because of his OCD, he understands how I feel about that happening in my mouth). A few nights after this, he returned the favor.
Oral sex isn’t something that occurs a bunch in our bedroom, but oral stimulation is. We both agree that while we both enjoy oral sex, we also don’t have to have it or want it all the time. The stimulation is enough. That being said, it is a tool we use when the other one just isn’t in the mood. And that, I actually find very freeing. 🙂
What’s interesting is that a clean penis is apparently cleaner than your mouth. I assume this is true of a woman’s parts as well. It can also help if the couple showers together beforehand. You can even allow your spouse to clean that area to his/her standards (if that’s comfortable). Thanks, Sarah, for sharing your experience!
Hmm. Never knew what I was doing for my husband was a ‘blow job’. My youth was very innocent. 🙂 I only seem to be able to do this if I’m aroused (at least taking it all in). Then it’s pretty good for both of us. I can then do the throat thing and he really likes that. If he wants it (and asks for it) he knows he has to stimulate me (which he doesn’t mind). Then my gag reflex stays in check. Don’t know if it will help anyone else out there!
Well, there’s an interesting way to keep your gag reflex in check. Thanks.
I’m the same way. I have to be aroused before I can give him oral sex. If he is patient, and keeps his penis away from me (is it weird I don’t want to taste myself on him?) I am willing. He just isn’t usually patient, so he misses out (probably more than he realizes).
It also helps if he does the dishes and puts the kids to bed early (and makes sure they’re asleep!)
Him doing the dishes and getting the kids to sleep would probably be enough of a turn on for me, actually.
I love your blog, first of all. And I really like the topic of godly, marital sex! (My husband actually calls me a freak…in a good way!) I like giving oral stimulation/sex…it makes me feel sexy to turn my hubby on so much, and give him pleasure without expecting anything in return. (I actually had more trouble letting him go down on me…he’s still getting used to my change in attitude about that!)
As for the jaw pain, one thing that might help, too, is just focusing on the shaft for a while, not just licking/kissing, but you can suck on it without putting the head in your mouth. My hubby told me to do this during our honeymoon so that he wouldn’t go the first time. It also gives a little variety…(as does sucking on his testicles…my hubby really likes that!) Again, thank you for your humorous and educational blog!
Why thanks, Danielle. How sweet of you to say. As to your comment, freaks unite here! Just kidding…sort of. I simply mean that I want this blog to be a place where we can encourage godly sex within marriage. So glad to have your input.
And yes, oral stimulation to the testicles is also welcomed by most hubbies. Just be gentle there, ladies.
I, too, am a wife who enjoys giving oral sex. Sometimes I kneel in front of my husband while he sits on the bed and other times we do it in the 69 position. I experience jaw soreness sometimes, too. I usually just try to ignore it, which I know probably isn’t very helpful to people looking for a solution- sorry!
I always swallow. I just think its easier. I don’t mind the feeling of his ejaculate in my mouth but I don’t love it either. I find it easier to make sure that the head of his penis is near the opening to my throat when ejaculates. That way I don’t have to taste it or feel it for very long. I make a strong effort not to grimace or anything because I know that could hurt his feelings.
You can indeed ignore the jaw pain for a while. It’s interesting that you think swallowing is easier because I do think it saves on clean-up. Thanks for commenting.
I don’t know why most of us men like for the woman to swallow when we finish in her mouth, but it is true. At least, I feel my expounding on why could go on for paragraphs that no ladies here may be interested in. I am pleased to see you have offered a workable solution for those that are willing to try but are aprehensive about the taste and texture. And yes, we do feel a little miffed that we have to slurp down natural lubricant of yours without being able to avoid the taste or texture and then have you unwilling return the courtesy. Taking it deep and swallowing quickly is a viable option if you are only willing to try. I can’t justify or rationalize it to you. I can only it does mean a great deal to most of us. Sorry if that sound selfish or offends, but the truth is the truth.
“And yes, we do feel a little miffed that we have to slurp down natural lubricant of yours without being able to avoid the taste or texture”
What? Speak for yourself. As a man, I LOVE the taste of a woman.
Funny thing that the first time I gave my husband oral sex, he was very reluctant to let me because it didn’t seem “right.” But we frequently get to that point within the first five minutes now (we’ve been married 13 years and it is one of the easiest ways to get me aroused.) Needless to say he no longer objects.
Echoing others, I’ll say you’re a brave woman to put this out there. Does your mother read your blog? 😉
Tillie – Many biblical scholars now believe that there are several references to oral sex in the Song of Songs, a book about marital intimacy. There appears to be no religious, medical, or practical reason why a couple cannot enjoy oral sex if they wish to.
Thanks for the comment.
Here’s my favorite tip for women who don’t mind giving oral, but dislike the taste or texture of semen, hate how it sticks in their throats afterwards, or have a lover with an STD. Lightly lubricate the penis, then use a flavored condom or a plain condom with flavored lubricant. This allows for much of the pleasure of oral sex without some of the things that prevent some women from giving it.
Thanks for mentioning that. A condom certainly can deal with the ejaculate issue for those who want to use one.
Thank you for being willing to be honest and broach a rough subject! I’m one of the women that really enjoys performing oral sex for her husband. I frequently use it as a method of foreplay, and occasionally, we will enjoy “69” which allows it to be more enjoyable for me as well. Sometimes, while I am going down on him, I will also “help” myself (with his permission) which is a fun mix-up.
I have only once been able to get him all the way however. I have gotten him close many times, but have such a fear of him ejaculating in my mouth, that I have talked to him about it, and we have an understanding that he will tell me when I need to “switch methods”. i’m curious to try letting him climax in my mouth, and am trying to work up to it. We’ll see.
Perfectly put on how you communicated with your husband. You two have found a workable solution, and that’s great. I think swallowing/spitting is something a couple can decide for themselves. Thanks, Havalah.
Wow. I’m a touch nauseated after reading all of this. I’m “impotent” when it comes to oral stimulation. Ha! I know my hubby would LOVE it. I’ve done it maybe twice in our 8 year marriage and only for a minute tops each time. He’s gone down on me more than that, but only for a few seconds and through my underwear — because I always pull him back up to my face (cuz I’m afraid of embarrassment). My main hang-ups are the salty taste of the little bit of semen that appears during my stimulation of him and the thought that I will taste/smell icky to him. I also prefer him to keep his boxers on until we really go at it because it grosses me out to have that little bit of “pre-ejaculate” stringing around. I suppose I have a serious issue with the fluids of sex. Help! (And THANK YOU for being a place where we can anonymously ask for help! God bless you!)
The little bit of fluids that leak are a wonderful sign – you are arounsing him. Forget the oral for now but when you are fooling around, consider allowing him to be naked and don’t be grossed out by him leaking. It is natural and it is a lubricant. Think of it this way….God designed this to happen. When men are getting aroused, they leak. It isn’t gross. It is God’s design. How cool is that that a little bit of lubricant comes equipped with your man? Embrace this. Isn’t gross any more than your fluids (when you are aroused) are gross. Again, when a women is aroused, she creates fluids that are designed to ease the process of sex. How sweet is that? Get naked with your husband and DO NOT be ashamed. Open yourself fully to him and gladly embrace all of him naked. And if you both leak a little on each other, rejoice. You’re bodies are just telling each other that you are turned on and ready to go. Oral is a different matter. You need to get comfortable with being naked and leakage first and then you can go to oral. But get to him last – the next most important step is for you to allow him to have total access to you. Let him explore you orally. Let him “take you there” orally. Give yourself to him that way. Once you get over the hump (sorry for the pun), you’ll never go back and you’ll love it and so will he.
Well, I did try to put in that chocolate cake picture to help alleviate any discomfort. Sorry about the nausea.
This may sound a little odd, but I suggest you do a little research about what semen is, its make-up, its effects on the body, and even its health benefits. You can even ask your doctor. Our bodies put out different kinds of fluids, some which are not appropriate for consumption and some which are. Not all body fluids are the same.
You may want to get used to the ejaculate by touching it with your hands for a while first. You could also suggest that you try oral sex with him wearing a condom if he is willing.
It’s okay to be a little skiddish about the whole liquids thing. Just keep telling yourself that it’s clean, natural, and okay to touch and taste. You can likely work yourslf up to being in contact with one another’s liquids. Make it a goal, but relax and give yourself time to get there.
the comment above yours is mine and I’m a husband. Bully for you taking this on. Thank you. My wife is OK with oral on me but she doesn’t love it like many of these women say. She’s never let me finish in her mouth and while I’d love that, I certainly understand. She enjoys oral sex on her and when she is in the mood, she agrees to receiving. When she does, it is magical. She is open, totally vulnerable and is the most expressive of how good sex feels. She cannot climax with intercourse but does nearly everytime with oral. I LOVE giving her oral….LOVE it. I LOVE to love my wife sexually. She’ll frequently ask during oral why I enjoy giving it. Isn’t it truly better to give than receive? YES!! I can’t explain it, I just love it. She is totally open to me and I am giving her incredible pleasure. I could do this several times a week – freely giving it away simply because it makes my love feel so very good. We don’t do this nearly enough but when we do, Wow! And usually after we are done with her, we’ll have sex so she can “finish” me. It’s great.
We always have a towel handy, especially when I’m giving him oral. When he “leaks” to the point that I can taste it and it bothers me, I come off momentarily, wipe it away, and keep going. He doesn’t seem to mind.
A little advice for newbies to this….. be careful not to scrape him with your teeth. It can be a mood killer. For those with gag issues, try just licking or nibbling with your lips (think delicious dessert that you want to make last). Also, you don’t have to complete him this way. Just using it as foreplay is good too.
Ah, yes — the teeth! Always good to avoid biting down there. Thanks!
While I don’t bite necessarily, my husband actually enjoys a little brush with the teeth now and again. Just make sure you’re communicating with him about what feels good to him and what doesn’t!
Yep, my hubby enjoys feeling my teeth too. Just something you have to be willing to communicate about!
One great piece of advice I heard along the way as an encouragement to learn the art of oral sex is that at some point in time our husbands may lose the ability to give a “30 second salute” and oral stimulation is a great way to help them feel like a desirable and virile man. While we are young we can learn exactly what gets our man going and this will help us with a lifetime of great lovemaking. I look forward to many years of a satisfying sex life and will do whatever it takes to make sure that happens.
I love the idea of learning “what gets our man going” and creating a “lifetime of great lovemaking.” Marvelous, Megan!
I really enjoy performing oral sex on my husband and I have a really bad gag reflex. I like to take my hands and run them down his penis and then leave one hand around his shaft. This helps keep hair down and out of your mouth while also providing stimulation down where I can’t get my mouth. We like to use it as foreplay a lot. If he is laying in bed, you can kneel beside him and he can “play” with you with his hand if he doesn’t want to “69”.
Didn’t mention that either, but hair can be an issue. Not great to be involved in that and suddenly — yuck! — hair in your mouth. Good tip.
Thanks for this post! We have been married for 20 years and only in the last couple months have I become brave enough to do this. My husband was totally shocked that I finally did it. And I was totally shocked at how much I LOVED it! I understand the way Havala feels. That was me, but boy am I glad I got brave 🙂 I still worry about doing it right but when I ask my hubby he just says it all feels good :/ which isn’t much help! lol
I bet your hubby was happy shocked, eh? If you’re asking your hubby for tips in the middle of the act, he may not be able to form coherent thoughts then. You could try asking before what he specifically enjoys. Just a thought! Thanks for the comment!
I have a hubby who just says it all feels good too, even if I ask when we’re not in the middle of it. I’ve decided to just trust he’s being honest with me since he does seem to enjoy it.
Wow, this post has generated so many comments, but I am kind of wondering where the hubbies are. I know I have some male readers. Interesting.
We’re here; though some of us are just looking forward to the day when (Lord willing) oral intimacy might be a reality and wonderful expression of marital intimacy. 🙂
Well now, aren’t we giving you something to look forward to? Ha! I pray that you find a godly (and sexy) wife, Greg.
J, thanks for the kind words! I couldn’t ask for more than those two attributes in a wife.
I have done my part at least three time tonight as a husband commentor. I didn’t see this in Feb. and am just now getting to it. Wish I had been more timely.
I love my wife’s blow jobs. I love returing the favor. I give her many, many multiple orgasm with oral. I wish it worked the same for us guys. If you ever wonder why your man can’t seem to be brought off orally, he may be holding off because if he ejaculates, the party is over. It feels way too good, just as it does for you, to orgasm any sooner than you can delay. And, like I attested earlier above: Yes, most of us want to finish in your mouth and yes, we would prefer you to swallow. There you have it. No hemming and hawing, dodging or candy-coating the truth. “NO, Honey. It really doesn’t make any difference to me,” is almost always a bald-faced lie. I won’t go into speculating why finishing in the mouthl, especially with a swallow, is such a primal male want, although I have ideas about it. I will just honestly and freely stipulate to it for all the women who wonder about it and all the men who don’t want to get into a no-win battle with their wives. If hubby says otherwise, he is likely to timid to face up or doesn’t want to be perceived as deviant by you. Don’t ask. Just do it four or five times in a row so he knows it is no accident on your part followed by “I love the taste of you,” (lie if you must) and see what happens. You may not hear any “thank you’s” or other accolades, but you won’t hear him saying “Please don’t do that anymore. I really don’t like it.” Take his silence as tacit approval, and then ask for your heart’s sexual desire from him.
Well, J. That I feel is most husbands’ true attitude and I hope it is neither offensive nor objectionable. I just really get tired of seeing well-intentioned blogs address this issue and no men or wives fessn’ up to this linchpin issue about men and oral sex. I hope it has been instructional and informative and not TMI. Thanks if you decide to post it.
The following reply has been edited slightly. I chose to remove a couple of particularly harsh lines rather than simply delete the comment because I wanted this reader’s opinion included. If you have any questions, see my Comments policy (tab above). – note from J
Anonymous: Dude, you’re an idiot! You don’t know what most men want, if fact I think you are a pervert! Oral sex, or any kind of sex for that matter, is up to the individuals and you CANNOT know how the majority feels about swallowing or anything else. Your opinion is YOUR opinion. My opinion (not applying this to the world) is that oral sex for me is wonderful no matter how deep she goes, how fast or slow she goes, whether she spits or swallows etc. etc… You can’t force any of it on your spouse nor should you even try… I think that sex should be mutually agreed upon without someones opinion of the majority of the male population forced upon his spouse! Having your spouse say she loves the taste, knowing very well she doesn’t is one of the most selfish things a man can do in his sexual relations with his spouse along with making her do things she doesn’t want to do….So you my friend do NOT speak for me nor anyone else that I know of for that matter so it would be best for you to make it YOUR opinion, not the mass opinion for all others! You give all men a bad rep by doing that and I for one do not appreciate it one bit!!!
I agree with you his opinion is not everyones opinion he shouldn’t speak for people ya their are men that are afraid to say that swallowing matters but he can’t say all men he don’t know peoples thoughts he isn’t God
Sometimes, we hear something so much from others or feel it so strongly ourselves, that we suspect it’s true for everyone. The best choice is to ask your spouse what they think, since that’s who you are trying to please and be intimate with.
J – I love your blog and the fact that you are willing to give God’s perspective on such a vital subject. My wonderful husband and I have been very happily married for 22 years and we both enjoy oral sex. I am always blessed to be able to please him in this way – and he does the same for me! Your tips are very good and from my experience, right on track. God bless you!
I love these couples who pop in and have married for decades. Hooray for good, long marriages! Continue to enjoy. Thanks.
So proud of you, J! This is not an easy issue, and you handled it quite well. Thank you.
I suspect the hubbys started to read and thought ‘can’t go there’? I think I will tell Hubby about what I read and then tell him I want to practice. I think he will like that.
Oh yes, share with the hubby. “Practice?” he’ll say. “YES, PLEASE!” LOL, Rachael.
Wow loved it… I will confess I enjoy going down on my husband… I get pleasure from it. Just because we are christian and married doesn’t mean we can’t still have fun!! lol — your a brave girl!! xoxo
The word “brave” keeps coming up. Hmmm. Thanks so much!
J, I too think it is brave of you tackling this topic in a Christian blog. Not meaning to negate any of that good feeling coming your way, but I think you would agree. It is a sad commentary that your willingness to discuss this is considered “brave.” To be able to openly discuss issues critical to the marriage relationship should be simply a matter of course. I would agree that oral sex is touchier than some topics, but it shouldn’t be considered so taboo between husbands and wives that discussing it is a “brave” thing when discussing it should simply be a “normal”, even necessary thing within the relationship. We still have a long way to go. Thanks for starting us down the path, even if some are kicking and screaming while dragging their heels. 🙂 Dave 2
We’ve been married 12 years and my hubby has always enjoyed giving me oral sex (pretty much every time we’re intimate, I’m a lucky gal!). I wasn’t all that into reciprocating on him, it was usually a once a year birthday gift. That’s all changed within the past couple years and now I’m totally into it. I think he secretly looks forward to my period because during that time of the month I will always “finish” the job.
It’s interesting how many wives are posting comments to the effect that they were surprised by how much they enjoy giving. Within the right context of an intimate relationship, it’s a beautiful thing to pleasure your spouse, isn’t it? Thanks, Jen.
I don’t know that I’d say hubby looks forward to my period, but he IS more likely to get a blow job then 🙂
We’ve been married almost 24 years. Just the other day my husband asked to try squirting his semen in my mouth.(We have enjoyed oral foreplay many years) Considering this made me feel like a toilet. But after reading all this I desire to be a servant-lover to my husband and will
give it a go. I do so want to please him and Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Thank you for your courage to address this, it has
Urine and ejaculate are very different. Just remind yourself of that. Thanks for your honesty. Best wishes.
First time commenting here. 🙂 I have an over-active gag reflex (I frequently gag myself while brushing my teeth)and am fairly sensitive smell. This has made me less than enthused about giving oral sex, but I try to have a positive frame of mind about it. I do use my hand as a extra control for depth. I find flavored lubricants gag-inducing so that idea was out for smell and taste. But I found something- virgin coconut oil. You can use it as a natural lubricant and it smells yummy. A little goes a long way. When I tried that, I was able to persist for longer and hubby was rather pleased. 😉
I keep hearing about this coconut oil! Married Spice even did a post about it. Guess that needs to go on my shopping list. Thanks!
Coconut oil needs to be on everyone’s shopping list! It’s the best lube ever!
Coconut oil is the best! Can be used internally too 😉
The Marriage Bed has dozens of pages of testimonials about it. That is where I learned about it a few years ago. THANK YOU GOD for providing such a wonderful natural substance. We both love it. 🙂
I have always been concerned with going from oral to intercourse, due to mouth germs getting in my vagina. Am I just freaking out over nothing? I mean, yeast infections are not something I want to acquire just for kicks. I don’t mind giving my husband oral, but I have always been concerned that UTI’s (as I am prone to them) and yeast infections could result if we went to intercourse after oral. Please tell me I am crazy and I will gladly give it a shot. 🙂
Great question! I did a little research. Please know that I am NOT a medical doctor, and that’s probably your best resource for a definitive answer to the germ question.
That said, it appears to me that you can get infections with oral sex, but that you are more likely to get infections with intercourse. It doesn’t appear that transferring mouth bacteria there is any more likely to cause infection than intercourse. You may be especially prone to infections if your urethra is shorter than average. Some tips for minimizing this issue:
* Pee BEFORE and AFTER intercourse
* Drink plenty of fluids
* You can wash genital areas before contact (a shower or bath together is always a nice way to do this)
* You can also clean your mouths (brushing teeth, mouthwash) beforehand to clear out bacteria
There probably isn’t any problem with switching from oral to intercourse. Infections are more likely caused by the friction of penetration moving bacteria toward your urethra.
Once again, worth asking a medical doctor. Blessings!
Ok, here’s one of the husbands chiming in. We’ve been married 31 years and have always enjoyed a robust sex life (very blessed). We are in the middle of the 10 day challenge from the One Flesh Marriage blog and today before making love my wife brought up this post and wanted me to read it. She said she learned a lot. She has dealt with a lot of the same issues; gag reflex, doesn’t like to swallow, jaw getting sore. I prefer not to let what we can’t do interfere with the joy of what we can do. She is so sweet and understanding. She’ll stroke the shaft while focusing oral attention on the head which simulates deep throating (coconut oil is the best lube and makes the stroking more comfortable). As far as swallowing, it’s no big deal. I don’t want her doing anything she’s uncomfortable with. And the jaw issue is solved with frequent breaks while she strokes me with her hand and after a while will continue with her mouth. Thanks for the blog. It’s great!
Yeah, husbands! Good luck with the 10-day challenge! (I got sick, and we had to pass on it this year.) I love your attitude. I know there are some selfish men out there, but many hubbies I hear from are patient and loving in their approach to their wives and sex as you described (“I don’t want her doing anything she’s uncomfortable with”). With that attitude and her sweetness and understanding, it’s no surprise you’ve found ways to pleasure one another and had many years of marital bliss. God bless you both.
really nice and helpful. I wish our husbands can get sexy tips like this too. both parties need to work together
I’m going to plug a site for the hubbies here. Generous Husband has done some posts with sex tips for husbands. (An example: orgasmic massage.) I agree with you that parties need to work together. One of the best things about sex is that it fosters that feeling of WE.
Lots of comments on this one! I am a wife, married 18 years and LOVE giving oral sex to my husband. I am a “gagger” as many others, but find that the more aroused I am, the less I gag. I also use my hand as a control, so that I can decide when I’m ready to take him in deeper. One tip for those who aren’t crazy about the taste of semen: pineapple juice! If hubby eats lots of spicy foods/garlic, his semen can taste a little pungent, so I have found that regularly drinking pineapple juice gives the semen a nicer taste. Thanks for your blog!
I had not heard of the pineapple juice thing. Now there are two comments with it. Very interesting! Thanks.
Thank you for this post. It’s something that most careful people can’t google for fear of what kind of sites will pop up, so this carefully done post was very wonderful. And the comments were tasteful and helpful too!
Thank you. I have been very impressed with the honesty and decorum of the readership here as well.
Now, a request, tips on wives being comfortable receiving oral from their husbands. My wife has struggled relaxing enough with me being “down there”. Despite how much she enjoys it when she does. 🙂
Coming up! Probably in the next few weeks. I’ll be thinking and praying about that post. Thanks, Ivan!
Thanks so much for this article. For many years I was a part of a ministry that taught that oral sex was ungodly and demonic. Prior to this my husband and I absolutely loved oral sex (giving and receiving). We have since left this ministry for other reasons and resumed oral sex however, it has still been an issue for me. I have constantly felt guilt and condemnation surrounding this because I’ve never heard anyone else say otherwise. Continue what you’re doing its helping people like me.
I got a feeling that tonites gonna be a good good nite!
You’re welcome. We must constantly make sure that our beliefs about sex line up with God’s provisions for us. Both the secular world and some churches have sent messages that are not grounded in scripture. I’m thrilled to see more Christians asking questions and seeking what true intimacy in marriage should be.
Kudos for you for tackling a ticklish subject! I have read that what he eats and drinks effects the semen taste, that being said they say that having him drink pineapple juice is a good way to sweeten it. works to some degree at least for us. I have to add that when I first started trying this for my husband it was linked to some very negative memories and teachings so one of the things I spent time doing prior to “us time” was asking God to help me view this the way He intended it to be. (hope that makes sense) I asked God to open my mind and my heart to loving my husband in this way, and it helped a great deal that my husband never pushed me to do this, it was always and still is my idea to do it when I want. Somewhere up above I saw someone comment about the shower before hand, join him, help him wash up, that way you know he is clean enough for your “taste”
Another pineapple juice suggestion. Very interesting! What a beautiful thought: “I asked God to open my mind and my heart to loving my husband in this way.” Blessings.
Wonderful post! I know it took courage to write and you handled it quite well! My husband and I have been married 33 years and both enjoy oral sex. Although I must say, it took me longer to acquire a ‘taste’ for it : )
One suggestion I would make – chocolate. You don’t have to just visiualize it; you can use it. Yes, I do mean a chocolate covered penis in the spirit of making sex playful. My husband also enjoys it when I use mints. Thank you!
Thanks, Kathy! Let’s face it, ladies: Everything’s better with chocolate. Ha! 🙂
I’m sorry – I don’t comment as one who does this.
Just wondering….someone said there were some prejudices in her ministry that oral sex is ungodly …
would you have arguments that it actually is?
I mean, it’s not quite natural to ejaculate in the mouth…..If 2 spouses want to experiment unnatural things, should it be ok with God?
Os should some “God design for sex” be respected and followed?
First off, I’m not a minister or a theologian. However, the arguments I have heard against oral sex are:
1. Sex is primarily for reproduction, and no semen should be wasted to that end. Those who ascribe to this approach diverge as to whether you can use oral sex as foreplay, then climax with penetration; or if you must abstain from oral sex since semen can seep out prior to climactic ejaculation.
This is primarily a Catholic belief, rooted in the story of Onan, who was chided for spilling his semen on the ground (Genesis 38:8-10). I respectfully disagree with that interpretation of scripture and agree with Protestant biblical scholars who say that Onan’s sin was failing to fulfill his family duty of impregnating his brother’s wife.
2. Oral sex is an unnatural form of sex. From what I can tell, this has more to do with Victorian sensibilities than anything scriptural. This is tied to the belief that sex isn’t really on the up-and-up to begin with and should thus be kept to the most accepted forms – penetration in missionary position. No frills, and not too many thrills, thank you very much.
However, this runs counter to the beautiful expressions of sexual love in Psalms, Song of Songs, and several NT passages as well. Moreover, we know that God equipped our bodies for sexual pleasure, including the woman’s clitoris which has no other function.
There are “unnatural” practices that have been addressed in scripture and that our bodies are not equipped to do (I would argue that anal sex is one of those). However, I can find no biblical or practical prohibition against oral sex and in fact there are passages in the Song of Songs that seem to suggest the husband and wife engaged in it.
That said, each must follow his own conscience before God. It is good to think about what “God’s design for sex” is. Just make sure it is based on God’s Word and reason. Thanks.
Well, thank you.
But your explanation with 2) is biased and not really very consistent – you just take some of the argument then than really dismiss it because of another part of the argument that seems ridiculous (only missionary position).
I mean, one can use different positions, and not just missionary, and REMAIN still NATURAL in your sexual practices (No ejaculation in the mouth). And you can use lubricants and condoms and stiil remain in the natural designed way of God’s regarding sex.
Regarding the Song where all Christians seem to find evidences (the only possible evidences) for unusual practices, careful exegesis and hermeneutics of the original text needs to be done – there are commentaries and scholar resereach on this – so you can really find out what is talked about there – oral sex or anal sex or what?
The beauty of sexual love can be celebrated and followed in the design that God gave for it. Wouldn’t any Christian be interested in that design?
I mean, your blogs and of other friends that I see, seem to put on an overemphasis on beauty of sex – so you kind of use everything you can think of to develop and enhance this sexual relationship (oral sex, anal sex, mutual masturbation, streap-tease, sex toys) etc. In other words, the goal is worth of any methods used.
I think there are more biblical guidelines to consider in all these practices in the christian marriage.
But again, every person should be a student of God;s ways and devide for oneself what is really biblical and what is not.
Problem is…when Crhistians are taught different practices fron other Christians, whose theological reasons aren’t that strong or biblically sound.
I was attempting to give a short answer in the comments, so I didn’t explain extensively about #2. However, I am unsure why you think that a condom is somehow natural, but ejaculate in the mouth isn’t. From the totality of my blog, I think it’s pretty clear that I’m interested in God’s design for sexual love. As to an overemphasis on the beauty of sex, I make it very clear that this is the area of marriage I address. Others may address basic communication, finances, parenting, gender roles, and other important aspects of marriage; my calling is to address physical intimacy. I try to do that to the my best of ability, with common sense and a dose of humor, and most importantly with God’s Word as my guide. I suppose we’ll have to disagree on this one. Thank you for your comments.
you are doin a great job that person (anonymous) sounds like he wants to argue with you over every article the person sounds like a guy for some reason to me and I TOTALLY agree with ANAL sex being something ungodly the butt was not made for that I don’t care what nobody says it is wrong and for me masturbation is wrong also and certain sex toys
Here is the long version. Maybe it will suffice. I am a different Anonymous from the one who posed the question. I am a man so I hope my comments are appropriate to the discussion.
Of all the space and time that Moses spends giving the No-Nos of sex, he doesn’t once prohibit any particular sex act. All laws regarding sex are about who or what your sex partner is. Essentially, sex is prohibited with anyone or any thing that is not your spouse. In addition, certain marriages were prohibited – for instance, taking a Canaanite woman as a wife.
In 2Sam 12:24, the text implies that David used sex to comfort Bathsheba after the death of their illegitimate child. This did result in the birth of Solomon but giving her another child apparently wasn’t his only motive for “going in to her”. The Word doesn’t condemn David for this.
Heb 13:4 Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. (KJV)
One principle of biblical interpretation is, “If the simple sense makes sense, it’s probably the correct sense.” I have read a lot of unsatisfactory/unsatisfying commentary on this verse trying to make it say something it doesn’t. By my way of looking at Scripture, the KJV is the most faithful translation of the underlying Greek of any of the popular translations. (Numbskull alert: I am not a Greek scholar. I have some dependable Bible software that helps me through “tight spots”.) Other translations use different words and add more words than are there in the Greek that change the simple meaning tremendously.
1) Think of this verse as God’s view of marriage, not what human beings think of it. The word ‘en’ after ‘honorable’ is translated ‘in’ 1,902 times against 117 times for ‘among’. So why not use the most common English word to translate it unless there is a compelling contextual reason to use another word?
2) Use of the word ‘among’ to translate ‘en’ in turn drives the word ‘all’ off the tracks. The phrase ‘among all’ implies that this is everyone’s opinion. The Greek behind the word ‘all’ can be used to mean ‘everyone’ but it can also be used to mean ‘the whole’, ‘all things’, ‘everything’. Using these words we get the simple translation: Marriage is honorable in the whole (the clearest, in my opinion)/in all things/in everything. In other words, everything about marriage is honorable. A simple unequivocal statement about God’s view of marriage.
3) Then God’s word singles out one aspect of marriage – the bed – to make sure we understand that EVERY aspect of marriage is honorable and undefiled.
4) Using what I call “the principle of contrast’, the word goes on to say that sex with the wrong person will be judged even though it is the same bedroom activity that is honorable and undefiled in marriage.
1Cor 7:5 says that to hold out sexually is defrauding your partner.
Looking at these New Testament verses and others along with Song and Proverbs and the fact that no specific sex act is forbidden in scripture, I think it is clear that God intends for His married people to have a rockin’ good sex life. Each couple has the freedom to decide between themselves what ‘rockin’’ means as long as it remains within the couple only and it doesn’t involve other sins such as violence, disrespect, etc.
Some time ago, I wrote a post simply called “Uh No” (http://hotholyhumorous.blogspot.com/2011/06/uh-no.html) – which gave my version of what sex acts are prohibited and why. While I believe that there are some things, it is a short list. I think that God allows quite a bit of freedom for sexual expression and pleasure within a marriage.
We have been married for 21 years and I love giving oral to my wife. She is then totally open, giving herself totally over to me. That shows me how much she trust me and I like giving her multiple orgasms through oral, to the point of her crying for all the pleasure I am giving her.
She does gag and have sore jaws when going down on me, but I love her and don’t asked her to much to give me oral and when she is in the mood she will just give me oral without any of the gag or jaws problem coming up.
That is the second husband who has mentioned openness as part of this experience. Very interesting to hear the male perspective. Blessings for your long and beautiful marriage.
I think that is so beautiful that you can bring here to such a point of pleasure that she is crying how wonderful is that.
Wow! Kudos to you for being so frank! Being a Christian doesnt mean that we have to be prudes in the bedroom 😉
Indeed. I agree! God made sexuality for married couples. We can enjoy His gift!
I have been married for 7 years and have been looking for tips on this. I have a bad gag reflex and the sprays do not work for me but i just found a gel to help me not gag. I saw 1 person mention hanging your head over the edg of the bed, that works some for us and allows him to “play” with me so we both enjoy it. Thanks for posting this
Glad you came by here! I’ve tried to do some research myself on sexual tips, and it’s hard to find information that isn’t also inappropriate or overly graphic. Thanks for the position tip.
We have been married 23 years and due to declining sensitivity for me (clitorally & many other areas) my body just doesn’t “feel” like it used to. My first inclination when all this started happening was “If I don’t feel it, then I just won’t do it” (meaning sex) I thought my husband would just have to understand, after all, it was some malfunction happening in my body, not really me that was turning him down. Long story short, and many years and tears and prayers later…God has really worked on my attitude and my heart. For the past few years, as my body steadily shuts down, my spirit and my heart have opened up. I now see sex and the gift that it is, as so very holy and special. So, I try to have as much of it as I can, while I can still orgasm. One thing that I require to get my body as aroused as it can be, is for my “head” to be in the game, if that makes any sense. My favorite way to do that is oral sex on him. The biggest erogenous zone is the brain. So the thoughts you are thinking and the attitude you have is the biggest driving factor toward pleasure, at least in my book. To those that don’t know how or what to do, practice, practice, practice. As long as you don’t use teeth or touch the testicles too firmly, everything else should be good. Listen to his breathing 🙂 That will give you nonverbal clues as to what is feeling good. Have fun with it.
Reading your explanation, I did wonder if you’ve discussed the changes in your body with your doctor. Sometimes there is help available for an uncooperative sex drive or arousal response. That said, I so appreciate your attitude. Thanks for the tips.
Yeah, I have told each dr I have been able to go to about the loss of sensation. I have been told everything from lose weight(at the time I was 145-150 at 5’5″) to just relax, to if the hormones are in “normal” range, then it’s mental (hormones are in “normal” ranges)to maybe it being MS. Still searching for answers. Have come to the conclusion “When God wants it found, it will be found” until then, it is a mystery that I must just trust His hand on. VERY hard for me to do, but I am taking one day (minute, hour) at a time. Would do almost anything to “feel” and “tingle” again, but I wouldn’t go back to old selfish me, ever. Would appreciate some prayers, though, 🙂 I never turn those down.
wow, lots of comments on this one! Good job J! We both love oral and think it’s important to intimacy. I think that if both of you feel pleasure there is no “wrong” way to do it! It does take practice to get to know what your hubby likes! He won’t mind! 🙂
Thanks for your tips! Going to get coconut oil ASAP! 🙂
This is a good opportunity to say it again. Coconut oil is a must for every night stand! You’ll thank me!
(Isn’t the number of comments unbelievable?!) Thanks so much, Kris. There certainly isn’t a “wrong” way to do it if you’re both experiencing pleasure. Could you grab me a container of that coconut oil while you’re out? 😉
Will do! (and I’ll let you know how it is!) Can’t wait to try it!
Going to be getting coconut oil this weekend! 😉
Enjoy, Jenni. 🙂
As a husband I have to say thank you for posting this. I’ve been married for 16 years and have always loved giving my wife oral (sexually, it is probably my favorite thing to do). She does reciprocate, but it is infrequent. Not that I mind though… when she gives it she gives it well and leaves me breathless with curled toes and seeing stars. That said, ladies, as a recommendation for you… try to be as focused and into your man’s pleasure as you can be in that moment. That will be a major turn on for him. Touch his body while you please him. Feel his reactions to your mouth. If he grabs your head take it as a sign that you’re doing it right. All of these things build a man up for an incredible release, a release that only you can give him.
Another bit of advice: try surprising him with oral, doing it at a time when he’d least expect it. Don’t ask him if he wants it. Just take charge and pleasure him. Some of the hottest oral I’ve ever received was when my wife didn’t say a word to me and just went to work on me out of the blue, without me even so much as hinting that I wanted it.
You’re welcome. 🙂 “Breathless with with curled toes and seeing stars” ain’t a bad way to be in the bedroom! Thanks for the tips.
I did just that a couple of weeks ago with a few extra “found” minutes in the morning before work. That’s a rare thing for me. Started with a quick massage to wake up and then went for it. He was shocked but went along for the ride and never protested (ya think he would?!) Went all the way, and needless to say we were smiling all day long! He said he was thinking of me all day just like when we were first married 🙂
This post was great but leaves me feeling very sad. My hubby is paralyzed from the chest down and sex has always been a major problem in our marrage it has come to the point that i just please myself and imagine him with me sexually. Meds he takes for pain makes him have NO sexual drive and i am in OVERDRIVE. We have been married for 19 years and have been with eachother sexually only approx 8 times. As perthe post above to pounce on your hubby when he doesn’t expect it- tried that only get rejected and laughed at. I think having problems in the bedroom really deadens communication in the marriage. I pray for a romantic sex filled marrage, but am slowly dying inside. Sorry to dampen the mood but wondered if anyone can relate to my situation and has any guidance to offer me/us.
I was saddened by your story as well. I can’t imagine the difficulty of trying to have a full sex life with paralysis in the picture. My one thought is simply to attend his doctor’s appointments with him. Perhaps you can both discuss the situation with his doctor and see if there are alternatives or additional helps available.
Eight times in 19 years? I’m sure you are in overdrive and deeply desire intimacy with your husband. I certainly would feel that way.
Saying a prayer right now for you and your husband.
I am a woman and have been in a wheelchair for 30 yrs. That did not hamper our sex lives too much. The first time I had intercourse with no feeling I cried then got over it. After that I focused on what we COULD do instead of the opposite. It’s now been almost 37 yrs being married 30 plus with paralysis. With new problems like aging and medication side effects, things are yet a little different. Oral sex has now become the only way we have sex. I love to go down on my husband and he tells me how he really needed it. It’s challenging but we really do try to please each other even though it’s very easy to set it aside. I realize that as a woman my case is different than your husbands. Talk to your doctor. During my days in Spinal Rehab I heard some pretty graphic stories re/ spinal injured guys and their sex lives. Men with higher injuries to their spines seemed to have had better results with their penis and it’s reflexes. The higher the injury level, the better the penis worked. I am no dr. but this is my story. Good luck to your and your husband. (working on other areas of the body was also strongly suggested.)
Thank you so much for sharing your story to help someone else!
Kudos for writing this. There are far too few christian sites willing to discuss the nitty gritty of sex. It is actually a mandated ministry in the NT church largely ignored by most main stream churches in Titus 2 where the older women of the church are supposed to teach the younger women of the church how to love their husbands (sexually)
I have 4 blow job articles on my site and they are consistently the most read ones on there.
Blessings on you and yours
I never really thought about Titus 2 as I write this blog. I like that. Thanks.
Thanks for tackling such a touchy subject…head on…sorry, I couldn’t resist. I am a husband who loves going down on my wife. I really enjoy experiencing her orgasm from that perspective, it is truly amazing. Unfortunately she is not too thrilled about giving or receiving it. Thankfully she has taken a few baby steps in that direction after 15 years of marriage. I can only pray that one day God will truly soften her heart in this area and help her learn to love it.
I admit it. I chuckled.
I do plan to write a post soon for the wives on receiving. Plenty of women tense up at the thought of oral sex and are not able to enjoy it for what it is. Thanks for your comment, Bryan.
My husband and I take a lot of showers together- like more together than apart- both for function and fun I really enjoy giving my husband head but it is really nice to do it in the shower- you know he’s clean and you don’t have to worry about making a big mess. usually when he orgasms I open my mouth and the semen comes out and it’s not that big of a mess because we’re in the shower and the stimulation is still on his penis. I highly recommend doing it in the shower if anyone is questionable about the taste/mess- plenty of cleanness and water to rinse whenever needed. We have great sex but he doesn’t make those same noises he does when I give him oral sex. He also says it really serves him- me putting him at the center. Plus he is all about letting my practice and he tells me what feels good. Go get ’em ladies!!
Funny how husbands are quite willing to let their wives practice on them! 😉 Thanks, Rachel.
love that all these comments are anonymous – me included.
Anyways, i love giving (and i have no idea why!) but what helps us the most is that he stimulates me manually while I give (my favorite is lying on the bed while he stands beside it). This works great because I usually end up having an orgasm BEFORE he does, and then he finishes with real intercourse and I don’t have to worry about swallowing/spitting (neither of which I am comfortable with!)
I second the “must be clean” recommendation. I always make him take a shower first! And I usually use mouthwash before and after that way all I’m tasting is peppermint.
Mouthwash is an interesting idea! Tasting peppermint’s not a bad way to go. 🙂
Im a husband who quite enjoys giving oral to my wife but it totally different the other way around. She tried giving me oral for a bout 5 seconds and said “ew, I don’t like it.” needless to say that kind of hurt my feelings. I try to talk to her about why she doesn’t like but she shuts off and says the more I try to get her to do it the less chance I have of getting it. I really just want to talk her through what she doesn’t like about and maybe help her out some. I just want to be sensitive about it. Any suggestions?
So sorry I failed to answer this immediately! Yikes. I did answer a similar question on my next post. Here’s what I said:
[Have] a conversation away from the bedroom, asking why the wife doesn’t want to engage in it. You might be able to talk it out and either gain better understanding or find some solutions. For instance, if a woman doesn’t want to give because she doesn’t want ejaculate in her mouth, you might see if there is some way to make sure that doesn’t happen; that she can pull away early. If she hates to receive, find out what turns her off about it and see if you can address that issue.
But do not push or demand. I can tell you that women do not respond well to demands in the bedroom. If a wife caves after that, then it’s obligatory sex and she won’t be participating fully. It will not be the bonding experience God designed for sex. If she doesn’t cave, she may feel harrassed or that a husband views her as a sex toy. I’m NOT saying that’s how you view her. I’m talking about what the perception can be.
My point: Find sexual activities you can both be wholeheartedly involved in. If she isn’t involved in sex at all, then there are other issues besides not having oral sex.
After reading this newly found thread, I thought about it and the more I read the more I felt aroused. My hubby was busy working and by the time he sat down to rest I thought, “why not?” So I coaxed him into the bedroom with precious alone time and proceeded to have my way with him. After starting out slowly and rediscovering each other, I went down on him. It was awesome knowing that I had the capacity to please my husband in such a way. As things heated up, he got anxious and tried to pull out (our usual route) but I thought again, let me help him and I left his penis inside my mouth as he climaxed. It was amazing for me to do this for him. It has reawakened much for me, as this was a big step to do for him, I’d always believed. I drank some juice and we sat and talked during this lovely session of afternoon delight! He always seems to open up and talk more after this. I thank God for my husband and for all of the things he does for me and the family. The way I feel is that this is the least I can do for him to make him feel better, more virile and more confident as a man. I am anxious for my next session with him and he will be pleased that I am doing my ‘homework’ I believe. Thank you so much for your blog!
Thanks! Your husband can now send me thank-you flowers at 555 Oak Drive,… Just kidding! I’m glad that you both enjoyed this intimate, giving moment together. Blessings.
I actually read articles on how to give oral sex when I was trying to not embarrass myself in front of my husband by making it obvious that I didn’t know anything! I didn’t watch porn because, well, the reasons you mentioned, plus it’s gross, but mainly because I wanted to know exactly what to do, details and etc, and you can’t see what’s going on inside someone’s mouth from an external video. I don’t remember where I found the articles – that was almost ten years ago – but they were basically along these lines. I do swallow (it’s not bad at all, it doesn’t taste bad or anything, and I’m with you on “his fruit is sweet to my taste”), and I do use a couple of my fingers around the base of his penis as one other commenter suggested. I also do a lot with my tongue, which is what prompted him to call me a “natural” (lol – as I mentioned on another one of your posts about oral sex). He REALLY likes it, and I really like to do it for him. It turns me on to turn him on. I actually gave him a blowjob in a movie theater once, and once on a sidewalk (it was sort of out of view of houses, in a newly developing area)….that could have ended up badly! Yikes, we have done lots of fun things in lots of strange places. We didn’t really have any restraint when it came to jumping one another! Obviously that was before his depression got so bad, but I’m hoping (praying) that things are on the mend now.
Good heavens, Jenny. I found your tips good, but movie theater??? Really??? My slight OCD is tripping a little, wondering if you put down a towel or something? I’m going to imagine that there was a plastic cover there. Okay, I’m breathing better now. Seriously, be careful with the public places. I understand the draw of that, but make sure you really can keep things between the two of you. 😉
I hope things improve on the depression front. That is so tough and can really mess with the sex drive, and everything else of course. Best wishes to you both. Thanks for the comments.
I justs stumbled on your website after finding LoveHonorandVacuum.com on Pinterest. Have to say how glad i am to find your site. Have often contemplated seaching the internet for how to ‘spice’ up our love life, but never did for fear of what might come up! after finding your site and Sheila’s I am very pleased 🙂
Wow. What a post to jump in on! LOL. Thanks.
Okay, here’s a different question/comment. I love giving to my husband, but I enjoy cuddling afterward and he won’t go anywhere around my mouth. I guess he feels grossed out. I feel that if I’ve pleasured him, then he should be willing to kiss me. I’ve talked to him about it and he has tried a couple of times, but just can’t seem to get into it. Any advice?
Yes, I have advice. Get up and brush your teeth. Use mouthwash. Gargle for at least 30 seconds. Sing “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” in your head to gauge time (that’s about 25 seconds, I think). Return to the bedroom, fresh and ready to smooch.
If your husband still won’t, then I don’t know what else to say. I guess you’ll need to find other ways to cuddle?
Another suggestions for gag reflex is to swallow a bit of Orajel before performing and it’ll numb your throat long enough to have fun. Cheap and easy fix for that.
Another suggestions for gag reflex is to swallow a bit of Orajel before performing and it’ll numb your throat long enough to have fun. Cheap and easy fix for that.
Wow, I am so elated that there are blogs out there to help those who want to really enjoy their intimate life with their spouse!! So, to add my two cents…I have added humming (especially if doing more deep throat action) when engaging in oral sex with him and he LOVES it, heightens his pleasure immensely! Might be tough for those who deal with gagging challenges, but totally worth the expression on his face and the slightly dazed look when he’s climaxed. hehe You’ll have be a bit strategic when breathing, but again totally worth the effort!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for daring to discuss these things on this platform, it is so helpful!!
Thanks for posting this thoughtful blog essay.
The comment by Jenny (Mar 26, 2012 10:08 PM) is very helpful. Oral sex, when approached with a positive and playful, loving attitude, is great fun for both the wife and her husband. And freely accepting her husband’s ejaculation and swallowing shows a level of acceptance that cannot be outdone. (Ask him to signal you when he is getting close. Being ready for his orgasm allows you to enjoy it right along with him.)
As to the condemnation of oral sex in some circles because it “wastes sperm”, that is an erroneous holdover from the Aristotlean understanding of human reproduction. We now know that there is not a tiny, fully formed human being resident in the seminal fluid. What absurd nonsense that was previously believed! Loving wives, you can perform oral sex for your husband and bring him to his ejaculation without any needless guilt! Swallowing is a beautiful end to a beautiful and tender act of love.
Sexual pleaure within a loving marriage is a God given gift. Value it and respect this gift.
Thanks for your input, Larry. I haven’t heard the Aristotlean argument. I’ve always heard the case made straight from the Bible and the story of Onan. While I disagree with that line of reasoning, I respect that it is the sincere belief of some people, mostly Catholics.
I love your statement that “sexual pleasure within a loving marriage is a God given gift.” Yes indeed. Blessings!
J what do you think of facials or swallowing? Just wondering is this ok for me to allow my hubby to do?
Wow! Lots of comments. Way to go, J! My 2 cents are that starting with oral, saliva acts as a sexier, more subtle lubricant than bringing out the bottle of lube. Also, its easier to swallow immediately than to hold it in your mouth & spit it out cause then its all over your mouth and is a bit all consuming. 🙂
Love, love, love this blog! That being said, I have one problem. I take medication that makes my mouth dry and hubby has noticed that with my kissing. It has not been as much of a problem with oral sex but I would like to have more moisture in my mouth as naturally as possible. I can gag myself to stimulate more saliva production and have also used the Biotene dry mouth products. Are there any more suggestions out there? I love to keep my husband happy in this special way but need some help! Thanks, the wife of a very happy husband :):):)
One thing I didn’t read already on here, but have found after finally getting to the point of enjoying it (married 13 yrs now. I can’t remember how long we’ve been doing it orally but only a few.) I still have a very hard time getting him all the way there. Within the last month or so, we (I) determined to see if I *could* take him all the way there, so we did in the tub. I think it is the jaw (and hand) fatigue issue for me. And also, when I’m not in the mood, but do it for him, then I *do* get in the mood, and I want him in me down there, not in my mouth, ha. (feel free to rephrase that if that’s too blunt for the website.)
Anyway, what I wanted to say is that when I’m only sort of in the mood, or taking longer than we’d like for me to get ‘juicy’ and ready, then I go down on him and it stimulates me also! Then sex is better for both of us! It seems to help me ‘feel’ him better after I’ve gone oral on him, and it helps him that I’m more stimulated and ready.
Still trying to get over that ‘ick’ factor of letting him go on me, or the semen in my mouth – but one thing that helped me decide to really try and get him all the way there(also not mentioned here) is that when he ejaculates, it is only a teaspoon or so. Not a whole mouthful I was afraid of!
We also recently got “Good Head” gel – really like it! Made it a lot more fun! I think it would help me if he used it on me too. (BTW, I’m guilty also of not wanting to kiss him after he’s.. you know. But this stuff tastes so good, I don’t think I would mind now.)
Can’t wait till tomorrow night! (He’s gone on a church father-son campout tonight.)
Facials – Regarding oral sex, a facial is not that exhilirating spa day experience that I actually enjoy. Instead, it involves the man ejaculating onto the woman’s face (not in her mouth). It’s also referred to as the “cumshot” in porn, where the idea seems particularly prevalent. I did a little research on this one and read both for and against opinions. I have to land on the NO side here. My biggest questions are: Why would he want to do that? Why would you want him to do that? To what end? How does that increase a sense of intimacy or pleasure? I have to admit that it strikes me as a power play for the man. If a wife gets ejaculate on her face, it certainly isn’t going to hurt her but I don’t believe women find this to be sexy. So I wonder why the man would want to do it? Is it a desire to see his ejaculate shoot out? There are other places he could aim for (easy to clean up a tummy, for instance). Is it a longing to know that she wants his fluid on her? Her willingness to have him ejaculate in her vagina or mouth should be message enough. Did he see this in a porn film and get inspired? No porn. That involves third persons, is essentially prostitition because you’re paying others to titillate you, and the acts shown are not about intimacy but shock-value pleasure. I can’t say this is a sin, but I don’t see a facial as a positive thing in marriage.
Swallowing – Go right ahead if you wish. I covered that in the Spit or Swallow section above.
Thanks for the question! Sorry for my delayed response!
Your view on “facials” is on target. And you are correct that it is the porn industry in the USA that has promoted this activity. (Although I would not automatically condemn those wives and husbands who, on occassion, will both opt for this way to end the fellatio.)
For a man, it is a sign of his wife’s love and trust and respect (for his manhood) when she freely receives and accepts his entire ejaculation inside her mouth and then simply swallows it down (or, alternatively, swallows quickly as he ejaculates). As others have said, swallow immediately and it is easier and less messy.
For those wives, that have tried swallowing and cannot do it easily, the more important aspect for your husband, both emotionally and physically, is that he be able to freely ejaculate (without hesitation) inside your mouth. You can just let it flow out of your mouth during his ejaculation, or discreetely spit it out after he has finished. (Young wives with young husbands sometimes face the challenge of accepting very voluminous ejaculations. For those times, a hybrid approach can work best. Swallow at first, and then let the rest of the semen run out of your mouth.)
Thanks, Larry. I would stop before saying that a woman must take the ejaculate into her mouth or risk insulting her husband’s manhood. Sure, I know most husbands would prefer this, but some couples do just fine without it. Thanks so much for your tips.
Thank you for the reply J. My hubby has started giving me facials & though I see ur side I enjoy it. I am a very submissive wife that loves to feel like my big ol hubby is ravishing men& rewarding me with his semen. Call it sick but it is fun for him to finish on my butt, tummy, breast & yes even my face. I also will allow him to finish in my mouth and let it run out of my mouth. It’s so intimate & sweet to me how we both smile & he cleans me up and tells me how sexy I am, & how much he loves me.
“Self 1: “Take me down with you.” That’s funny.”
LOL! I love how your brain works!
By the way, read your bio and I swear we are kindred spirits.
Now after reading this I’m only sorry my husband is out of town.
Two more days, two more days, two more days…
I like having kindred spirits! Thanks, Lisa.
Thanks so much to all the posters! My husband is not circumcised….. are there “adjustments” that need to be made in order to give him the most pleasure. Does an uncircumcised penis have a harder time staying erect during intercourse?
First – thanks so much, J, for your brilliant blog – it has been a real blessing to me since I discovered it just a couple of months ago.
Now to my reply to ‘Anonymous’ – my husband too is uncircumcised (as are the vast majority of men in the UK (unlike the US where apparently around 95% of men are circumcised).
I could be wrong in remembering the information I have gleaned over the years (just celebrated our 31st anniversary) but I believe circumcision actually makes the penis less sensitive. Just a couple of days ago I read that the foreskin contains 20,000 nerve endings so I guess having this removed would indeed decrease sensitivity.
I guess it would also follow that increase sensitivity would mean that an uncircumcised penis would actually stay erect far more easily during intercourse.
Also during oral sex (and manual play as well) the foreskin can be moved to and fro over the glans and this is apparently extremely pleasurable – although it can also get to the point of being too sensitive, from my own experience with my hubby.
I love giving oral to my husband especially now he occasionally has problems with ED due to diabetes and meds. It is the best way of getting him to orgasm, whether we finish orally or vaginally.
I too have only just started to allow him to ejaculate in my mouth – could not stand the taste/texture before. However I’ve found that if I swallow quickly as soon as he finishes it’s not too bad at all – especially if I then have a quick drink.
(Talking of taste – I found out a while ago that if his penis or his pre-ejaculate tastes sweet it can be a sign that his blood sugar is high – may be useful info for other readers where diabetes might be an issue.)
Thanks again, J, for all the great information you provide in a thoroughly ‘decent’ manner:)
I’m just going to go with His Princess’s reply. I do know that uncircumcised penises are more sensitive, so that may change the pressure you want to apply and where he wishes to be touched with your mouth.
If you need more help than this, you have the best teacher right there–your husband. Ask him for guidance with what feels good and what doesn’t. He’s the best judge of what gets him turned on.
Okay, so I need help with this. So many great responses from your readers that they enjoy giving. What is wrong with me in that I HATE IT. HATE. IT. I do have a bad gag reflex, and there never seems to be enough lube, so my husband complains that I pull on his skin, and he’s so big that it’s hard to get him in my mouth (not a bad thing, otherwise), plus it takes him forever to go, and then complains about my teeth scraping him. Then I’m not a fan of the taste. UGH… we’re a bunch of complainers. But seriously, its not fun for me at all. I wish it was, but I truly cannot figure out how to ENJOY it. I would compare it to 18 wheelers… I have no interest in 18 wheelers. Sure, I do it anyway (every time we have sex, actually), but I truly dread it. Does anyone have tips to help me enjoy giving oral?
Really? You hate it that much, and you do it “every time we have sex”? My advice is to take a break. You’ve got too much bad mojo surrounding the act. Take the pressure off…literally. Explore other parts of your bodies for a while. Try mastering the hand job (use lots of lube).
When you’re ready to give oral sex another go, try a few things: (1) Open your mouth REALLY WIDE. I know that’s blunt. However, if he is big, you are scraping your teeth, etc., you need to practice opening up like you’re at the dentist. You can always tighten the hold later if needed. (2) Get some edible lube. There are such products online, including through faith-based retailers like Pure Bed and Covenant Spice (there are others). (3) As for teeth, try to tuck your lips around your teeth or keep the opening wide enough there that the teeth are not involved. (4) Take it SLOW. Yeah, he probably doesn’t want to wait, but you two need to take your time exploring and seeing what feels good. If it doesn’t feel good, try something else. You may want to do more licking in sensitive areas than actually taking him all the way in. Most husbands would be thrilled with that too.
You don’t have to have oral sex to have a wonderful intimate life in marriage. Press the reset button here and see where to go from there. Best wishes & blessings! You may learn to love it; you may not.
For any woman who read this far on the comments and still can hardly stand the thought of actually taking into her mouth his penis, let me suggest that if you really learn how to make love with your hands to your husbands penis he will adore you anyway. It is very difficult to do a loving act like this to someone you love with out becoming aroused yourself. If my wife takes her fingers and with plenty of coconut oil tries to screw off the head of my penis then screw it back on this feels awesome. Try it he might like it, but if not there will be something he likes! If you truly want to show him acceptance of his maleness and even appreciate it you will have him worshiping the ground you walk on. BTW making love to his penis as was said before is always a two handed operation! Go for it!
Goodness gracious! I’m not sure every hubby would be quite as excited as this, but a hand job is definitely a good option–as an addition to, or substitution for, oral sex. Excellent point about the coconut oil because plenty of lubricant is needed for a hand job. Thanks.
After reading these many helpful comments, the best suggestion for wives that are having any hesitancy or discomfort with the idea of performing oral sex for your husband would be to at least try it.
If, after trying it a few times with an open mind, oral sex really is a bad experience for you, then simply stop and do other things (such as a “handjob”). But, many wives after giving it a fair try, with a neutral attitude, find they begin to enjoy oral sex and realize that it is no big deal to perform.
Please do not let previous (years past?) bad experience(s) with oral sex deter you from giving it a fair try with your loving husband. It can add so much to your marital lovemaking. As per the title of J’s blog, intimacy and sex in a Christian marriage can be hot and should be playful.
As well, do not psyche yourself out at the finish. Not many young wives attempt swallowing the first few or even several times. Give yourself time and do what you are comfortable with. In time, after gaining some experience with oral sex and being thereby more comfortable and relaxed, you can try to do more.
God Bless You for what you’re doing. I just found your site for the first time, and understand that it is intended mainly for women, but your take on sex from a Christian perspective is very refreshing. I think it’s super cool that you would write about this kinda stuff and be so matter of fact about it all.
I’ve read that men like it when you hum during oral sex. I haven’t tried this yet, however.
My wife did not want me to cum in her mouth and never did. When I felt like cumming I remove my penis and entered her for complete satisfaction of both parties.
This is over a year old but I just stumbled across it so I thought I would add my 2 cents. I never enjoyed the thought of having neither penis nor semen in my mouth. My husband on the other hand really enjoys this activity. Since I vowed to be with him forever I decided to do it 3 times a week for 6 months with the understanding from my husband that if at the end of the 6 months if I still didn’t like it it would be back to birthdays and special occasions. I added in doing it every day while it was my time of the month. By the end of the 2nd month I actually started to enjoy doing it, more for how it made my husband feel. Without being too graphic I handled the semen issue by taking him in as far as I could and swallowing immediately. This avoids the sensitive taste buds near the front of the tongue. This went from a turn off to a turn on for me before the 6 months were up. I threw my schedule out and now have no problem giving him this gift several times a week. I love how it makes him feel and it has done wonders for our marriage. My way may not be for everyone but it worked for me
Wow! I love your attitude of trying this out and seeing how it goes. I also agree that if you still didn’t like it at the end of that time, your husband should have let it go. Thankfully, for both of you, it worked out quite nicely! Thanks so much for sharing your story. Enjoy!
Excellent and helpful description of how you worked it out with your husband, and found that you enjoyed the oral sex as well. Couples should work for win-win situations and that sometimes requires compromises.
Many women, when they try performing oral sex with at least a neutral attitude, find that they end up enjoying it. They like to give pleasure to their husband in such an intimate way, and they enjoy the playfulness of the act and the exciting sensations.
The one thing I learned that made the difference (going from Ugh he wants that again this month… to yay! let’s do this thing! multiple times a week) was realizing I dont have to bob my head back and forth. I had no idea what to do. But I had seen stupid boys in high school who would make gestures and stuff. So when I got married I thought- You hold still and move your head back and forth. My jaw and neck would get tired, and I would be totally bored. He was just as inexperienced as me so he couldnt think of any other ways to do it either.
One time I was being a brat and I was like… Im just going to lay here. I’m not moving! I basically just “made out” with him and he finished so much quicker than any of the previous times! I love making out with my husband 🙂 and I dont wait anymore for him to ask for it.
*I have to sign this as anonymous but I would “die” if any one we knew saw this! 😀
I didn’t know that my husband likes it up until I started doing it then our sex life has changed and he can even do it every day we can have more time to enjoy sex now. He even appreciates it and after oral sex make sure there is more fire
My husband and I talked about the spit vs. swallow issue shortly before we got married (because I knew I wanted to try giving him a bj eventually) and I figured I’d be fine with swallowing because it would be less messy. But I didn’t know what it tasted like. The first time we tried it, I was so surprised by the taste that I physically could not make myself swallow it and all I knew was that I wanted it out of my mouth ASAP. So I spit it into his belly button. We still giggle about that. 🙂
My husband is not one to really open up about things. I finally got him to tell me that he’s sexually bored. Thank you for writing this yet being classy about it. This may save my marriage.
Trying different positions and changing positions during the oral sex can help with jaw discomfort. Also, taking only the head (of the penis) in to your mouth may lessen the strain on your jaw. A wife does not have to take in so much of the shaft. The most pleasing sensations occur near the top.
Yes, swallowing reduces any clean-up. It is not absolutely necessary, but it does enhance the intimacy and becomes easier with some practice.
I find myself amazed that a christian girl is asking God to help her swallow her husband’s cum. That feels so wrong. My husband and I have a good sex life (we’ve both lost weight and have increased our exercising–that really helps) and enjoy oral stimulation. I just haven’t been able to let him cum. I have this unexplained mental issue with it (I have had no trauma or abuse to explain my hang-up). Reading almost every word of this blog that is like 2 years old has given my some confidence and encouragement. I’m going to try to “open” and “neutral” in the shower tomorrow evening. He wants it so bad,…. I so wish I wanted to give it to him. He is very generous with me. I am going to be generous with him.
I totally understand the reluctance. But I so appreciate your attitude of being generous. Regardless, I expect that your husband will appreciate your willingness to try.
And you might end up liking the experience. 🙂
I am patiently waiting(20 years now, your doing pretty good at a few times in 5 months) for my lovely wife to give me an oral wake up call. I think that would be awesome, she sure has enjoyed being on the receiving end! Maybe even as much as I enjoyed giving. I am confident that some day I will be blessed by a great morning or midnight surprise . She is a gem, and I am always ravished by her love.
Hmmm – add a new meaning to the chorus of Rupert Holmes’ track “Escape”? Al-fresco blowjob in inclement weather?
Giving it is a SUPER turn on to me but, I had a bad experience as a teen and I just can’t let him cum in my mouth so, it’s foreplay for us and he’s ok with that. What to do with your hands: was a little vague, here are some helpful thoughts: Giving attention to the head with your mouth letting your hand glide up and down the shaft in tandem with your mouth on his head. Added delight if that hand moves in a twisting motion as it glides up and down. Also, the other hand can apply pressure to the space behind his testicles and before his anus. kind of a moving pressure back and forth. It took us a while to get this last hand motion down so that it was comfortable for my husband but, once we did it ummm, errr, rocks socks 😉 It stimulates his prostate from the external and results in a harder erection and more intense cum.
As J has recently posted an essay about Making the Most of his Manhood that addresses “the overlooked area” and the prostate gland, I feel that it is appropriate now for me to concur with Ren Blogger’s comment of 9/6/13. If the wife caresses, strokes or even applies some pressure with her finger tips to this area and thus stimulates the prostrate from the exterior, it can help her husband to gain and maintain an even firmer erection, and if done just prior to and during his orgasm can help to produce a more forceful and complete ejaculation. For the husband, this is obviously more enjoyable and more gratifying as he experiences more forceful and pleasurable internal contractions during his orgasm. This is something for wives to consider for both hand jobs and when giving oral sex. Stimulating this area can help (older) men that have difficulty maintaining erections to maintain them. And, to be blunt in a cautionary way, if this stimulation of the prostate gland is done during oral and continues during the husband’s orgasm, the wife ought to be aware that she may be receiving more semen during his ejaculation. (For those wives who are comfortable with semen, this is not a problem.)
How should I encourage my wife to give oral if she’s never tried. She has hesitations about it, but not sure why.
It would be an amazing experience for me, but don’t want to force it.
I agree: Don’t force it. But there’s nothing wrong with asking!
Take your time talking it out with her. What causes her hesitation? Does she have some sense that it’s wrong or gross? Does she worry that she won’t know what to do? Is she unnerved by how big IT is and how that will feel in her mouth? Is she concerned that you’ll like it so much, you’ll want it again and again…even if she didn’t like it? If she really has no idea why, you can ask her these questions. She may have an entirely different reason than the ones I listed here, but perhaps they can get the conversation going.
Assure your wife that this is something you want to try together, not something you are demanding from her. Explain as best you can why the thought of oral sex is such a big turn-on, what that experience would do to make you feel closer to her. Let her know that you two can take it slow, that she can take a break at any time if she wants (yes, I know that promise might be hard for you), that you want the experience to be good for her as well.
If she is still opposed, let it go and find something else to do. You never know what will happen, though. Some wives refused for years, and suddenly they read or listened to someone who convinced them to give it a shot. And then discovered they liked it.
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I appreciate this safe place to glean ideas and techniques for sex. My hubby and I have been married for 21 years and I have used oral sex on him as foreplay almost since the beginning. Only recently have I initiated oral sex for the sole purpose of pleasing him not expecting anything in return. I sought out your site for ideas to enhance what I’ve begun; I appreciate the “69” tip and explanation of deep throat.
Recently he went down on me for the first time and I WAS BLOWN AWAY!!! I was a little hesitant at first because I thought it would be gross for him, but as long as I’ve had a bath and shave, he is great with it. I want it more often!!!
Arousal and orgasm have always come easily to me until this past year. Sex has been a lot more work on my part; as much as I want his touch and mentally prep myself so arousal will be easier, orgasm is very difficult to reach. But when he goes down on me, I can feel it again. I share this in hopes of encouraging someone else whose body betrays them for whatever reason, to relax and keep trying until together you find what works for you. For the times when orgasm eludes me, I am also learning to soak up his love for me and be satisfied in his touch and whatever we have shared. I don’t ever want him to feel like he is at fault because my body isn’t working like it use to.
Thanks again for a safe place to glean ideas and share.
Thanks for sharing this! Also, I hope you’ve read my orgasm post, and I hope to be covering perimenopause and menopause issues related to sex VERY SOON. (In fact, I need to research that one for myself.)
I know this is old but maybe someone is still reading this or newly finds it like I have. I have never actually orally pleased my husband. Not because I don’t want to but he has just never shown interest. He’s a very simple kind of missionary only kind of guy. I respected this for almost 2 decades but now I think it’s my turn to do what I want. I’ve always wanted him in my mouth. I’ve always wanted to swallow him and drink him up. Call me strange but I love everything about semen, the taste, smell, texture. I do have a gag reflex issue but I’m trying the toothbrush method thing and it is helping some. Also I have teeth that most definitely have a mind of their own, especially when aroused. I found something online called Gummerz. A teeth guard for oral. I’m gonna give that a try. Anyone ever try something like that? Before I started my search I felt wrong about my hunger for this. I also had no idea what I was doing. Then in my search I found all these Christian blogs that totally took all the wrongness I was feeling away and I have so many ideas on what to do now I’m excited and maybe have too many ideas that I want to try them all at once. Thank you for helping me out here even though you don’t even know me. I can’t wait to get started. I’ve opened up to my husband about my wishes and he’s on board with letting me do what I want even though he’s been completely embarrassed by my sudden descriptive openness. Any tips on how to get him to relax and be comfortable with this because I know he’s just gonna laugh and tense up when I try?
Good for you! I’d suggest setting the mood to put you both at ease and create the intimate atmosphere you desire. Then take it slow, focusing on the pleasure of the experience. If it’s awkward the first time, you could position yourself so that eye contact is a less likely — until you’re more comfortable. Also, if he laughs, fine, let him laugh. Just smile back and keep going. If it feels really good to him, I doubt he’ll be chuckling for too long; he’ll get caught up in the sensations you’re giving his body and the laughter will likely fade away, replaced by whatever expressions or sounds of pleasure he makes. Best wishes!
To help him relax, I suggest a full body massage. Just start out rubbing out all of his tense places and gradually make it more sensual leading up to oral. My man loves this.
Thanks for the tips. I’ve actually asked before to massage him, thinking I could get him relaxed and aroused enough so that I could just kind of seduce him into letting me please him orally but he has refused because he hates oils. I’ve seen coconut oil in some comments and I’m going to see if he would let me try that. I’ll probably tell him to let me try it and if after a few minutes he still doesn’t like it I will stop. We’ll see. Thanks again.
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Some of the suggestions in the post and follow up comments have been great. As a husband interested in expanding our relationship, I’ve been on a mission lately to expand our sex life. Mid-life crisis? Maybe – we’ve been married 25 years.
Brief background… First 20 years were horrific in the bedroom. She hated sex and could never get interested in it. It was always a hurry-up-and-finish. We came within an inch of separating 5 years ago when all of a sudden she became enlightened, and actually had her first o during sex. OS was also added, though she could never let me finish without withdrawing. Now lately she’s become disinterested again, though not quite as bad as the first 20 years. So I thought a more complete OS-life would fulfill me more without having to make her get excited. So I have been forwarding her these how-to posts, which I don’t know if she’s read or not.
Anyhow, last night she let me finish, pretty much the first time ever. However, she acted a little mad before and after. The next morning, she seemed normal. Anyhow, for those women who have chosen to go the extra mile and change for your man, is there some resentment at first? I guess I don’t know what my next step is now. It was awesome, but is it worth the pissy attitude every time? I did that for 20 years about straight sex before she came to (pun intended).
Thanks ladies (and gents).
Have you asked your wife about her attitude? Does she enjoy OS? You might want to have a gentle, safe conversation away from the bedroom to come to some mutual understanding about what you each like and what you want to do together. Maybe there’s someone you could do to make the experience more pleasurable for her as well. Just querying.
I hear you. With some people, it is difficult for them to talk about these subjects. I have asked 100’s of times what I can do, what does she enjoy, even how I’m supposed to touch her. “I dunno” is the typical answer. I’ve read so many books, columns, etc. about communication, but both parties have to be willing to communicate in order for that to work. Thanks for your time and comments!
I have a question about OS on my wife. About one year ago, I did OS on her over the course of several months. She really enjoyed it and orgasmed more strongly than with intercourse. But she sometimes said that she did not feel good afterwards. We stopped for a while, and we recently started again. She seems to avoid it though. I have asked her the reason she avoids it if she climaxes with it, but she cannot tell me. Do you have any ideas? Also, the last time I did OS on her, we quickly went to it without much other foreplay. She said it felt good for a short time but then she felt sore and raw. Well, that was the end of the night for her. What do you think went wrong? Do you think that she needed more foreplay before OS? I hope I am not being too graphic. I really would appreciate ideas. Thank you so much.
It sounds like a sensitivity issue, although I can’t say for sure. For most women, going straight for the “lady bits” can feel too harsh at first. Starting slow with kissing on the lips and elsewhere and caressing and fondling the body warms everything up, so that genital contact feels better. Also, sufficient lubrication is key. You can try a lube (even flavored) or stroke her gently until she secretes some herself and then spread it over the area. Then there’s friction and pressure — as in how much is the right amount? Maybe she could signal somehow if she wants something harder or softer? And on top of all that, sometimes we wives are just not mentally there — like maybe this time we’d be game for another activity, but not the suggested one. I recognize that can feel a bit like playing the shell game for a hubby, but I’d feel remiss if I didn’t simply tell you the truth that it can happen. Finally, hormonal shifts in our body can simply make that area more sensitive at some times than others. (Ah, the complex female! *sigh*)
One other possibility that occurred to me is whether your wife’s still comfortable with oral sex itself. Does she see it as a good thing? Or maybe something less than good? That can cause some wives to backtrack.
Hope something here helps!
Thank you so much for sharing…and for all the comments! Wow! I really enjoy reading your posts!!! And my husband does too! We’ve tried oral sex many times as foreplay but just recently tried it with the intention of him having an orgasm. I swallowed it and could totally relate to the gag reflux posts at that point! I wasn’t even sure what it tasted like to me…guess it was kinda bitter, but I was more surprised that it was WARM. I know that sounds silly because obviously it would be warm since it was inside his body, but it just wasn’t something I thought about. It surprised me a little. Like a few people mentioned earlier, we may try having him drink pineapple juice so the taste isn’t as bitter, but for now we both loved it. I LOVE giving him oral. It’s pleasurable for me too!
I stumbled on your website and am thrilled that others feel the same way, that what happens in the bedroom within a marriage stays in the bedroom! And Victtoria has a secret and we need to discover the secrets to keeping our mates happy! My spouse and I have been married 42 years. He is 63 and I am 61. Don’t even think about us not enjoying sex cause we happen to be “seniors”. Due to mobility issues (arthritis), we had to modify our sex life and one way for him to still have a pleasurable time is the stimulation orally on his member. At first I was a bit hesitant, but after a few years of practice it has become fun for both of us. One way to keep the gagging reflex at bay is to grip his shaft firmly and use an up and down motion while concentrating on the head of the penis. Use your tongue to circle around the head and upper shaft, sucking gently. If you areba bit turned off by the taste, use honey, fruit (rub with pineapple chunks or juice). Cover your bed with blankets or sheets that you don’t worry about getting stained. Ensure that the substance isn’t cold, you may want to warm it up. Whipped cream is fun as well as chocolate fudge sauce. Keep a large mirror nearby for further fun so he can see you work him over! As far as swallowing, try it once-it ain’t poison. But if it bothers you, keep a towel handy. Don’t forget about the scrotum area, those boys like attention too, but be very gentle down there. Sometimes before I am off and flying on my airline job I give him a surprise quickie just to keep him smiling till I get back. Trust me your man will love you even more for being spicy in the bedroom! You will make him verrrrry happy! Blessings to all us Christian women who want to have the best marriage and sex life possible!
To add some tingle to giving your sweet husband oral sex. Put a strong ming like Altoids in your mouth just before beginning. Lots of new sensations. Might even help with numbing gag reflex. Surprise him!
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This is an awesome topic, and great comments from sex-positive Christian wives. So much encouragement for others, thanks ! Has anyone presented the topic of oral sex at a marriage seminar sponsored by your church ? Was it well received, or were you shot down instantly for even mentioning such an activity in a marriage ?
I am a husband, married 25 years. I have never had oral sex, I look forward to at least one experience of oral sex in my life with my wife, both giving and receiving. I asked her about OS several months ago, and she said both giving and receiving are too disgusting to imagine doing. So I wish you wives could say a few words of wisdom to her.
Thanks to these Christian Marriage Blogs I now understand many sexual activities are so good for husbands and wives to share, but years ago I lived under the false influence preached at many churches “all pleasure is sinful.”
My wife maintains oral sex and other sex practices are bad (even tongue interaction during kissing), as she says “whores do those things and I am not a whore.” About a year ago she said even this “Sex is not a part of marriage.” (but if not in marriage, then where is is permissible?) And she still says “I hate orgasms, and I do not want or need them.” How could she forget the pleasure?
She used to enjoy orgasms years ago.
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