Welcome to another monthly roundup of recent posts, podcast episodes, recommended resources, and much more. Scroll through to find what you might have missed or your next great resource for marriage.
Disclosure of Material Connection: This post includes one or more affiliate links, meaning if you click on the link and purchase an item, I receive an affiliate commission at no additional cost to you.
This Month on the Blog
I’m trying to be more consistently with blogging … and mostly failing, but I want an A for effort! ~wink~ Still, some great content for your marriage!
From Sex Chat for Christian Wives Podcast
- Episode 119: 10 Best Things About Sex
- Episode 120: Our Holiday Gift Guide – Sexy and Romantic Gifts for Couples
From Knowing Her Sexually Podcast
- Episode 42: Foreplay In and Out of the Bedroom, with Dave Barringer
- Episode 43: Rebuilding Her Trust, with Jessica McCleese
My Post at KHS Ministry
I didn’t blog on KHS this month, but Chris had a great post!
A Few Great Reads Elsewhere
- I love this goal from Lori Byerly: I Want to Be a Radical – The Generous Wife. “I want to live so radically different in my marriage that people do a double-take and say, ‘Whoa, what’s going on here?'”
- Chris Taylor addresses a question a lot of wives want the answer to: Are You Normal? – Honeycomb & Spice. She also asks whether that’s the best question and proposes a different one. A good read for wives of all levels of sexual desire.
- Brad Wilcox is the Director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia. He wrote this researched-based article: Evangelicals and Domestic Violence: Are Christian Men More Abusive? | Christianity Today. In discussing it with a friend, I wrote: “Our faith regards marriage highly, so that creates greater expectations and dedication. For most marriages that’s great—resulting in stronger, kinder relationships. For a few marriages (statistically speaking), that dedication is their destruction. They don’t know how to reach out for help, or when they do, it’s met with ‘try harder’ or ‘pray’ without advisors understanding that trauma has taken place and needs a different response.” C’mon, Church, let’s keep what we do well but diligently pursue better in all those places where we’ve have failed. Each and every one of those lives matters. (See also Enough is Enough – Gary Thomas.)
- I’m a fan of men. Not all men, of course. But I genuinely appreciate what the masculine brings to marriage and to society, which I’ve addressed here, here, and here. Shaunti Feldhahn shared her own thoughts about good husbands in Men Making a Difference.
Recommended Resources & Products
May I highlight the low-price, high-value webinars available from Sex Chat for Christian Wives and Knowing Her Sexually? You could easily gift your marriage, your spouse, or yourself one or more of our offerings!
What I’m Reading
Many years ago, I read a novel that stuck with me. It was Christian, but not. That is, it wasn’t the typical Christian fiction I’d read. That novel was Wrapped in Rain by Charles Martin.
Since then, I’ve read several of Martin’s novels. But his 2013 novel, Unwritten, had sat on my shelf for a while unread. I finally picked it up and read through this past month.
I recommend Unwritten. The characters are rich, the author’s prose is compelling, and the story unfolds in interesting and authentic ways. By authentic, I especially mean that life isn’t made out to be easier than it is. Like Martin’s other books, Unwritten shows characters encountering Christianity not as a cure-all but a calling.
Even so, my favorite novel of Martin’s remains When Crickets Cry. That’s the one that really stuck with me. The Mountain Between Us is also good. (And for anyone who saw the film based on that novel, let me assure you that there is no sex scene in the book. That wasn’t at all who the characters were in the book. Anyway…)
I’m re-reading a novel titled Mark of the Gods, which is book 1 in the Muse Island Series. It’s supernatural suspense; that is, it combines mythology and mystery. Being a fan of both of those, this series is right in my wheelhouse. There are four books in the series so far, and a couple of shorts, but more should be coming in 2022.
And I have started listening to Married Sex by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta. So far, it’s been nice having the juxtaposition of a male with a theology degree and a female who’s a licensed counselor. Together, they cover more ground than one could alone. But I’m not done yet, so I’ll come back next time and say whether I would recommend the book.
What J’s Up to These Days
Years 2020 and 2021 were something of a disappointment. I certainly didn’t have it as difficult as a lot of people did, but several plans fell through and I didn’t feel physically good for a full 9 months. So we’re recovering some lost time now!
For example, Spock and I hopped on a last-minute cruise and had a lovely time! I even got some work done with a gorgeous ocean view.
Then we had Thanksgiving with our two grown sons here (and one girlfriend). My heart is always full when my whole family is here!
Work-wise, I’m booking speaking gigs in 2022, working on my higher drive wife book, and getting ahead on blogging. I’m also putting together the Hot, Holy & Humorous Business Plan for next year, since my oh-so logical husband asked if I had one. ~grin~
Biblical Inspiration for the Coming Month
In a few days, I will hit my 11th anniversary of blogging. Who has been consistently blogging about sex in marriage longer than I have? Several people, but not many. Among them are Paul and Lori Byerly, who offer the Generous Husband and Generous Wife blogs with daily encouragement to be better spouses.
I love that framing of being generous to your mate. I’ve also written about generosity here on my site—for instance, 3 G-Words to Improve Your Marriage. Generosity is an attitude that surpasses meeting requirements, expectations, or even emotional needs. It’s a lavishing of love on the other.
Resource Roundup: November 2021: "Generosity is an attitude that surpasses meeting requirements, expectations, or even emotional needs. It's a lavishing of love on the other." @hotholyhumorous #marriage Click To TweetWhen both spouses treat one another this way, a marriage can thrive in new and wonderful ways. But even one spouse can make a real difference, changing the dynamic of a relationship, by living and loving generously. After a while, the other spouse may respond with fresh generosity as well.
Proverbs 11:25 summarizes it beautifully.
I love listening to the pod casts, when there is time. I imagine you all sitting around turning beet red while talking about such intimate topics. I know I would be so red faced. I find it interesting, or maybe even more accurately amazing, that you, Gaye, Chris, and Bonnie all talk so openly about intimacy in marriage. While it is focused on speaking to women, it is good for clueless guys like me to learn more about how women think.
One thing I always find interesting is the idea of variety. My wife and I don’t have a huge amount of variety and I feel sorry for younger couples who seem to think their intimate lives need to look like the movies, or if they have dabbled or even dived into pornography, they feel like they are not meeting that false expectation. Sure, there is some variety, but there is only so many positions and activities one can enjoy. While we are now in our fifties, we were never gymnasts and we didn’t miss out on anything at all. Just having intimate time together has always been enough.
I also appreciate the emphasis on the idea of having private phrases that we use with each other that is not shared outside our relationship. I can say things to my wife that I would never want anyone else to hear, that convey things that are incredibly personal, and gives us that “just you and me, babe” moments. And we can definitely hit all ten before 2022, but for those newly married, don’t expect it to happen in year one and realize it is a curve that has highs and lows. When the kids are teens, it is harder than when the kids are newborns, even though I would never have thought that when we had infants or toddlers.
A really awesome pod cast and a great round up. Thank you for taking the time to invest in marriages by writing your articles. I know it takes plenty of time that you could be investing elsewhere. I pray that you and the rest of the speakers will have a wonderful Christmas season and enjoy the time with family. I also pray that all who find your website will be blessed by what you write and will experience the amazing love that comes from a relationship with Jesus. A great marriage starts with two people committed to Jesus, understanding that His death and resurrection is what allows us to have access to God, and that it is two imperfect people committed to make a life together despite those imperfections. Merry Christmas.
Some lovely wisdom here! Thanks for sharing it and for your encouraging words.