4 Sex Research Findings I Keep Coming Back To

Way back in the 1950s and 1960s, the duo of William Masters and Virginia Johnson began conducting research experiments about sexual arousal and climax. They were groundbreakers for sure, but their participant pool and methods skewed the results a bit. Thankfully, scientists have improved their approach since then, and we now have some fairly good studies that tell us a lot about how our bodies function and our relationships flourish.

Of course, not all studies can be trusted and/or widely applied. For instance, finding out how single college students approach sex won’t tell you that much about how middle-aged couples married for decades approach sex. And certainly, some researchers go in with a biased viewpoint and use methods—often unintentionally but still—which influence the results.

Today, I thought I’d share some of my favorite findings from sex research. But first, I need to ask for your help with an important study that I’m involved in. Please, wives, consider participating! Just click the button or scan the QR code below to get to the survey.

Regent University’s Cherish research team invites married adult women to take part in an important study on women’s thoughts and feelings around their sexual experience. Participation involves completing a confidential 20-minute online survey. Your privacy will be fully respected and you may choose to opt out at any point; if you choose to participate, more information will be given with regard to informed consent. Your responses will help shed light on an area of women’s health that is often underrepresented in research. By joining, you will be contributing to meaningful insights that can improve awareness, resources, and future care for women. Your voice matters, and your voluntary participation can make a real difference. Please contact abigwi3@regent.edu if you have any questions.

Please remember to take that survey! In the meantime, here are four favorite research findings I’ve come back to again and again.

Sexual Desire Isn’t About Being “In the Mood”

Those sex research pioneers, Masters and Johnson, proposed a sexual response cycle that included excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Everyone they studied showed up to have sex or masturbate, so they weren’t really looking much into what sparks desire. Rather, for a very long time, the notion was that you felt in the mood, then you headed into those four stages of sexual interaction. But a lot of spouses reported not feeling in the mood, like maybe ever.

Hats off to Dr. Rosemary Basson who dug deeper and realized that we were missing a huge chunk by focusing on those who independently, or “spontaneously” experienced sexual desire. Many people’s sexual interest is more responsive. That is, they might start in on excitement—engaging in actions that stir arousal—and thus awaken their sexual desire.

This shift is understanding can be HUGE for some spouses and couples! Did you think you were broken because you didn’t want sex like your husband or wife did? Maybe it’s just that you get into it after it starts. Did you feel rejected because your spouse never seemed to be in the mood? That doesn’t mean they don’t desire you or sex; they just need some other stuff to happen first. Have you been at odds with each other because your sexual interest works differently? What if you learned to appreciate your differences and figured out how to get both of you fully engaged?

Intercourse Isn’t the Best Way for Her to Climax

Speaking of researchers, Sigmund Freud had problems. Including his insistence that clitoral orgasms were inferior and immature, while vaginal ones were superior and mature. We now know that all orgasms emanate from the clitoris—some from direct stimulation of the bulb (the part at the top of her vulva you’re likely most aware of) and some from indirect stimulation of the wishbone-shaped clitoris (which can produce what feels deeper, or “vaginal”). And one climax isn’t better than another. You might prefer one more than another, but they all count.

Indeed, research has shown that many women don’t regularly climax from intercourse. Some simply can’t. And that’s okay. As Song of Songs says, “at [your] door is every delicacy” (7:13). That is, you have options.

One wonderful study shared about the “Golden Trio.” These are the three actions most likely to lead a wife to reach climax, and they are genital stimulation, oral sex, and/or deep kissing. So if you want the wife to reach that peak of pleasure, aim for one or more of those actions. If you want the orgasm to arrive during intercourse, add genital stimulation or deep kissing during that part. Or simply go for a second one for her with intercourse after she’s reached her climax in a different way.

Wear Your Socks to Bed!

Have you heard of serendipitous discoveries? It’s when someone is studying one thing and discovers something different. For instance, Alexander Fleming was studying staphylococcal bacteria when mold contaminated a Petri dish and the bacteria around died. “Wait a minute,” Fleming said (more or less) and discovered penicillin, the first antibiotic. Percy Spencer was working on radar magnetrons when a chocolate bar in his pocket melted. “Wonder what would happen if I tried popcorn,” he thought . . . and the microwave oven was born. Then there’s sildenafil, a drug originally tested as a treatment for angina. It didn’t work well for the heart, but travel 18 or so inches down and it was quite effective! Don’t know what sildenafil is? It’s the generic name for Viagra.

Likewise, some researchers in The Netherlands were looking at brain scans during orgasm to see which parts light up and which turn off. They published the scan findings but noticed something else worth reporting: Both men and women reached orgasm more easily while wearing socks. And it wasn’t a small effect. Couples who kept their feet cozy had a 30% increase in climax.

It’s no guarantee, but why not try wearing your socks to your next lovemaking session? Not having cold feet could make other places heat up more easily.

Sexual Growth Really Can Happen

One of the most damaging beliefs one can have about sex in marriage is that you’re either compatible or not. Having this attitude can lead one to try out various lovers before marriage, looking for The One that they enjoy sexually the most—when that isn’t the best way to choose a partner and adds sexual baggage you both may need to deal with later. It also allows people to excuse their stubbornness and unwillingness to change. After all, if that’s just who you are, then there’s no point in even trying. And it soaks us in a sense of helplessness and hopelessness. If you’re married to someone you’re simply not sexually compatible with, then it’s never going to change and you have to live with the tension and despair for the rest of your life. Or divorce and find someone you are sexually compatible with—at least until you hit a speedbump in that relationship.

Sexual compatibility has been talked about a lot, but it’s not evidence-based. Marriages have seasons. Sexual problems can be resolved. Plenty of people change. But they have to ditch that fixed mindset and adopt a malleable perspective regarding sexual desire and satisfaction.

Across multiple studies from 2017–2021, researchers consistently found that believing sexual intimacy can grow and develop is linked to better outcomes. Growth beliefs were associated with higher relationship and sexual satisfaction, greater sexual desire for both partners, healthier coping with sexual problems, lower rejection sensitivity, and even lower problematic pornography use. Meanwhile, fixed or “destiny” beliefs were tied to lower satisfaction, more conflict, more anxiety and depression, and more negative coping responses. One study also found that, without reinforcement, the benefits of a growth mindset fade over time, suggesting that we have to intentionally nurture this perspective.

One way to do that is to stay close to God—His Word, prayer, worship—because one core message of our faith is that He brings restoration and transformation. Also look for marriage resources that promote nurturing your relationship, including your sexual intimacy.

Quality research reveals God’s design for sex. Sex was God’s idea, and He made it to be an intimate experience between husband and wife. But of course, we live in a fallen world, so not everyone is experiencing that right now. It’s important to remain in His Word to understand His plan, but we can also get at God’s truth through well-conducted research. Which is why I want to remind all wives again to please complete the 20-minute survey described above. Here are that link and QR code again. Thanks!

Related Posts: Fun Findings about Sex, What Research Says You Need for Better Sex, The “Golden Trio” That Could Bring Her to Orgasm, 4 Research-Based Tips for Better Sex, 4 Curious Findings from Sex Research, The Perks and Pitfalls of Sex Research, Embrace a Sexual Growth Mindset, Volunteer for Marital Intimacy Research Today